I was going to suggest getting a photo of boyfriend and dd with the bride and groom. It includes him, there is a photo from the day, but nothing is ruined and you avoid an awkward “welcome to the family” moment with someone you just met. And it won’t take forever to set up because it is just the four of them vs. a big family shot doing with and without.

I don’t know how long you have the photographer and if you have enough time for it to make sense but with my kids when we get together we do some of everything but we always make sure to do some with just family. Different combinations (siblings/siblings with dad/couples/all the girls/etc) etc have people jumping in and out of pictures when we do this in a casual way when we all get together. I understand formal photography is going to be different but some variation on it. Another thought- even though the other relationships are longer and more stable you still might wish someday you had one without any significant others because relationships end, even long term ones. I think the magnitude of the event trumps offending new boyfriend. Even if 20 years from now he is still saying “I’m not in that picture because Kassia didn’t think I’d be around that long.” Anyone with any life experience at all gets it. It would be great to be wrong and the worst thing is you need to update a picture!

I had three boys in just under 5 years and then a 5 year gap and my dd. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with her I just knew I was done even though I was 33 and always wanted a large family and could have had another. I was just DONE and never looked back. She was always the odd one out. My little sidekick. There have been complaints over the years about being alone or the youngest/left out. But her brothers did not live a complaint free life with their siblings. She has had advantages financially and in terms of attention that her brothers didn’t have. Not when she was little and they were all still at home but as a teen with her brothers launched and her dad further in his career- yeah she has some advantages akin to an only child while still having siblings. She occasionally complains about missing her brothers because they all did literally leave town and she is sometimes lonely but when pushed she will say she loves having both parents to herself and her own room and full use of the bonus room and a ride anywhere she wants etc etc. Selfishly, as the mom, I love it. These last years parenting just one child in a less intense way have been so sweet and enjoyable and just so much easier than juggling multiple teens and all that comes with that. I’m older and more tired and I love having a single child at home. I loved having a houseful too and I feel like I got to live both experiences. They are both awesome and fulfilling and beautiful in their own ways. I would not have another child just to have a close sibling unless I really wanted to have another child (or surprise!). I have zero guilt about my dd’s experience. She has an amazing life!

Over the years I have many times kept something that wasn’t quite right because returning was too big of a pain and it always irked me. I am always advising my kids to take the time and pain to get it right the first time so as not to have to deal with the regret for years if it is an expensive item or one you will be using frequently or for a long time. Now, I’m lazy and don’t always follow my own advice so I might not return the rug because that’s a pain and you like the one you got. But my advice would be for you to return it even if in reality I would keep it and be annoyed as long as I had it thinking I should have just sucked it up and returned it.

I think a consult is pretty standard but I see some people skipped that and I can see how if it is uncomplicated on x-rays that it is unnecessary. It’s a simple procedure. I know someone who was told at the dentist that they needed it done and there was an oral surgeon who came into the office once a week or something to do them so the patient was just scheduled in the dentist office for the next time the surgeon was in and that was that. As far as skipping the consult- I will mention having just done this two weeks ago with my 15 yo that the consult made her feel much more comfortable with the whole thing. She was very apprehensive and everyone was so nice at the consult and she had so many questions that they answered and it was so reassuring that it saved her a lot of anxiety leading up to the appointment.

All of mine had two visits to the oral surgeon- an initial consult where they either used x-rays sent over or took their own and surgeon did a quick exam and told us about the surgery/costs/scheduled the surgery. Then the visit for the surgery. None of mine had an office visit for a follow up.

Three of my four kids have had this done (one didn’t have wisdom teeth) and my dh had it done as an adult all at an oral surgeon. I had only top wisdom teeth and they had already come in and weren’t impacted- they were in just causing some pain and they were extracted at the dentist no big deal. My dh and oldest ds were about ten years ago and seems their surgeries were much more difficult with much more painful recoveries than my last two kids that did it the past two years. So I don’t know if that was just improved technology and practices or ??? But definitely get recommendations from locals that have had it recently with smooth experiences. My 15 yo dd did it 2 weeks ago at an oral and facial surgery center. It’s a large practice and they do it all day every day. Great experience. Really easy process and recovery. My two most recent experiences were able to manage their pain with ibuprofen and were given a prescription for oxycodone if necessary but it wasn’t needed. Ten years ago the two that did it were prescribed the oxy as regular course of treatment so I think it is an improvement to only go that route if necessary. It depends on insurance and details of the surgery/practice but ours were always between $1100-$1500 I think after insurance. After the first two experiences I was really dreading it with the last two we did but the last two were really no biggie. An inconvenience but not nearly as painful and difficult as it was when dh and oldest ds did it.

In 2017 our small city that sits on the I-75 was the closest point of totality for some large percentage of the country that I don’t remember now but for millions of people if they were going to drive to totality my town was the closest destination. My then high school senior was a server at Cracker Barrel and that will forever be the biggest tip day and busiest work day ever for him. I honestly don’t remember it being a huge problem for our town to welcome the tourists. Schools closed and people either went home or stayed out at their place of employment until they could travel. Only the interstates were backed up. By the time the crowds cleared from Cracker Barrel my ds was able to get home. It was a fun day as I remember it. Fun for the locals to experience from their backyards and fun to welcome visitors. Now, this time people having parties and canceling school for 88% and all the hoopla is annoying but everything is overhyped these days. But if you happen to live in the path of totality yeah that is cool and take the day and let it be special. I do think the rest of us could live our lives with just the passing knowledge that hey this is happening today if y’all are interested.

My (by objective standards) bright 10th grader is doing a psychology lesson on IQ. After giving me a hard time for costing her an IQ point by not breastfeeding she goes on to complain that I did not read to her as a baby. Incredulously, I tell her I read her thousands of books, both to her specifically and as she was on my lap while I homeschooled brothers who were 5,8, and 10 years older ala Well Trained Mind and Sonlight book lists. She looks at me skeptically and says well you say that but I do not remember you reading to me as a baby. 🤦‍♀️ “Well, buckle up, buttercup because I didn’t give up my morning coffee when I was pregnant with you either and I’m sure you are about to come across prenatal factors.” My poor dd…she could have been a genius but she was stuck with me as a mom! (for the record, we are not really fighting but she is just ridiculous enough to suggest I didn’t read to her because she doesn’t remember). Oh and apparently she never heard the “10 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed” song until she was like 12 years old. She always cites that as lack of my singing her baby songs. She lies.

We had totality last time and while I wasn’t really into it, it was very cool and I’m glad we experienced it. I definitely underestimated it. Still wouldn’t spend time and money and deal with crowds but I understand. This time we had 88% and schools dismissed early and cancelled after school activities and people had parties and everyplace was selling the glasses. It’s over now and we did walk outside and see it but I’m scratching my head. We wouldn’t have known it was happening if it hadn’t been publicized and I really don’t think schools needed to cancel. Maybe everyone was just remembering how crazy it was last time when we did have totality.

It never would have occurred to me to drive for it but last time we had 100% right in our backyard and it was amazing. I said then that I understood and would travel for it next time. By the time it got here I didn’t have any interest in driving for it but I do remember how cool it was so if it is something you think you would be interested in (I really wasn’t) then I think it would be worth it for you. However, don’t underestimate the traffic. Last time the interstate through our town was an absolute stand still for several hours. Like a parking lot, something you would see in a disaster movie. So, while i do think a trip to see it is rational, I think the crowds and traffic you will experience are no joke and definitely need to be accounted for.

Very picky. Just this week my 15 yo dd was teased in school by a friend of hers who realized she had never had cotton candy or a rice krispy treat. Not that she wasn’t offered them ever, just she could tell by looking at them she wouldn’t like them.

My dd is in 10th grade at a private high school. She took AP Human Geography in 9th and is in AP Modern World now. Lots of quizzes and projects. Her human geography teacher was not great and assigned a lot of PowerPoints and quizzes because that is what the regular history classes are and he wasn’t used to AP. Her current teacher is one of the most engaging in the school and gets amazing AP results. My dd has lots of homework for that class. Quizzes/test/projects. The writing assignments are practice for the AP questions. So she does write in there but not essays or papers exactly. Always tailored toward AP exam question practice. Even my dd’s honors English classes don’t have many papers or essays in 9th/10th grade. The creative projects/ PowerPoints /presentations are the evaluations of choice it seems. I would not be surprised for a 9th grade history course to not require any papers but I would expect projects and some kind of tests/quizzes. At my dd’s school it is fairly common for non-honors track course to have open book/open note tests and quizzes.

Your main issue is your relationship with your do in regard to your in-laws. But as an aside, there are some people I come in contact with that are extremely pushy about the trades and are as pushy about the trades as people accuse the college for everyone crowd of being and they are every bit as wrong and as annoying as the college for all people are.

We are in a stage of quiet holidays and it is weird. I have three young adults and one high schooler. We aren’t getting together with extended family this year. It’s just too quiet. Somehow our family has just kind of drifted and gotten small. I don’t like it.

I can’t help you but I absolutely agree that the way this is reported by the colleges is ridiculously confusing. The years we had three different colleges we were dealing with were very difficult. And all the instructions say something to the effect of “what the colleges report on the form may not be accurate.”

Where we used to live a Costco opened up about 30 minutes away and people kind of went nuts about it but I never even tried it. I now live about ten minutes from one and will probably give it a try but there are only 3 of us living here and we are pretty low consumption on most things so maybe not. But that isn’t helpful. My 25 yo ds shops Costco for clothes. He is a young professional and runs with a crowd that spend a lot of money on clothes (like mostly lululemon for guys pants etc) but he is pretty cheap and he finds Costco has lots of knock offs of nice brands that he really likes that look nice and are comfortable but are much cheaper. Over Christmas he took my 21 yo ds shopping there for clothes. I think he also buys things like outdoors stuff (cooler/camp chairs) and gas and pops in for quick food sometimes but he uses his membership a lot and not at all for actual groceries.

Definitely worth looking at what is really worth taking. We had quite a bit of lead time during which I was decluttering and preparing to move. Our previous move had been company paid and under duress so we had taken pretty much everything. This time we would be paying for the moving ourselves. We also didn’t know if we would be storing our items or for how long. So as I went through the house I asked myself “is this worth what it will cost to pack, move, store, and move again?” An awful lot of things don’t make that cut and can be replaced later and make the move easier. And we were only going 30 miles so our move was even less expensive. A lot of things are not worth what they will cost to pack and load and unload and then maybe you find you don’t even need them at the new place or something new or different would work better. It is hard but really key to do your downsizing before the move. You don’t want to be going through a box of junk asking “why did I pay to move this 700 miles?” and “now where am I going to put it?” Getting rid of useful things goes against how frugal many of us pride ourselves on being but there is a cost to packing and moving all that stuff. Not everything is worth it.

When we recently moved we had a car and a minivan and only one child so we were able to pack all the essentials not going with the movers with us. So there are some things as listed above that you don’t want the movers to take but I wouldn’t get into so much as packing heavy things just to save money. Just the essentials really is plenty. There is enough to worry about.

We just did a move only like 30 miles and we had already downsized a lot of stuff. We are both almost 50. We let the movers do everything (including packing) except things we would absolutely need to access in the short term we would be between houses. We were still absolutely exhausted. Moving is awful and we definitely felt our age. We had decided to pay the movers to do it all and zero regrets.

We use iExit along major interstates. Really helpful for knowing what restaurants, gas stations etc are at each exit and how far off the exit they are as well as when the next rest stop is coming up.

Funny about the partners. I have mentioned, and only half kidding, when people have said it was pointless for their dancers to go to college that one reason is to meet partners that are pursuing something other than dance 🙂 Not that I am suggesting women go to college for their MRS but I know women who have danced and taught dance all their adult lives and they are married to doctors and lawyers. Just real considerations. lol. I’m not really suggesting anyone go to college to find a partner to support them.

As far as visiting the school to shadow for a day- know your child. I have a kid who would have come home and said it was terrible and too crowded/noisy/kids were rude and stupid. But my dd would have come home from a day of shadowing at school and been convinced it was wonderful and keeping her home would have been that much more difficult. So as a plan to sell homeschooling that would have failed miserably. This kid is in school now and loves it and would never go return to homeschooling short of some major crisis.

My husband has a physics degree and has had an interesting career and done a variety of things. He is currently in business analytics which is a what my current college student is studying but was not even a major when dh was is college. If a current kid of mine wanted to study physics I’m sure I’d have lots of discussions with him or her about what the career plans and potential were and what possible paths he could go. I would probably suggest engineering or something more applied several times. But at the end of the day I’d probably just figure he could teach or go to grad school for engineering or something else. And I’d remind him to keep that in mind financially. And I wouldn’t be any worse off than if I pressured him to some engineering specialty that tanked when he was graduating. I guess life is long and unpredictable and people change. (And expensive so that has to be considered but also risky to expect some specific degree is going to be a magic ticket to prosperity. Because life has twists and turns…)

Life has twists and turns. You prepare for it the best you can with the info you have at the time. Reasoned financial decisions, back up plans, all cards on the table. Then sometimes you just jump and go with your gut. You can’t predict all the things. Especially at 18 years old. Parents are here to advise and support. The level of financial support varies and that is okay. As long as all the cards are on the table. Changing majors , going to grad school, making a career change later in life. None of those are the worst things. Of course those all are part of the reasoned financial decisions and back up plan discussions. Please note I have said reasoned financial decisions. I feel like someone is going to quote me and say it is hard to change careers when you are drowning in debt from an arts degree. I am not suggesting it is a good idea to take on big debt with the idea you can always go to grad school later.