20 min yoga, but I went hard. Hoping to fit in a walk later.

I don't usually do physical play, but my young nephew invited me to have a pillow fight with him last week, and boy, it was fun! And a wee bit of exercise. I used to play with my kids when they were little ( chasing, cartwheeling etc) but I was a lot younger then! Generally, I don't think about yoga and nature walking as work, more as leisure/interest/hobby.

Yes. Meds helpful for the anxiety. Psychotherapy (long term), yoga and Vit D for the chronic depression.

50 min yoga.

30 min yoga.

40 min yoga. I can't believe how helpful it is to me to mentally switch from 'exercise' to a 'habit of daily movement'. Exercise feels punitive to me; movement feels good. Brains are strange!

90 min walk, not in the rain this time.

45 min walk in the rain, lol

Yes, I felt sad, for a number of disparate reasons - forced into staying home, family stuff, childhood stuff, Covid stuff, grief stuff. Read a book in the afternoon to get a break from my own self - oops - don't read My Dark Vanessa for a break. Some days you just endure. I'm sorry you also had a sad NY day. I hope better days are coming.

It's a problem with an easy solution!

Idk but one reason I love my best friend is that she didn't offload on me about her renovations at all, which I very much appreciated. (I did admire the house the first time I went over after it was finished. Ignoring it seems weird.)

Less of the oldies tunes, thanks!! 🙂

Just thinking more about this, we probably all need a good dose of humility. On the one hand, an appreciation of those who genuinely know/do more than we do, an appreciation of expertise. On the other, remembering that there but for the grace of God, an acknowledgement of the role of luck in our own success.

Fear and defensiveness. Honestly, I find it more emotionally comprehensible than straight up elitism/snobbery. Although that probably has a component of defensiveness too. One group defends against feelings of 'less than'. The other group defends against discomfort around their own socio-economic/cultural privilege. The mottoes of each might be: "You're no better than me!" and "I deserve my privilege!" Personally, I straddle both groups, and probably exhibit both behaviours at times. I think there aren't many people entirely aware of/in control of their own projections. Most of us probably have at least some defensive biases.

I do a LOT better when my kids don't live with me. One of them is living with me. Oof! Yes, it's a reorientation for sure. I find it very hard. None of these thoughts arise from being an accomplished parent of young adults.

Parents and children should apologise when they get things wrong. Parents need to model this capacity from the time their children are small, with children gradually developing the insight and character to do so themselves. But...an apology should be an internally directed behaviour, not an externally solicited one. Our children don't need us to respond to their every claim with an apology. That's what I mean about looking at your own ground. Do I really need to apologise for requiring the dishes be done? Or is that reasonable? Does the request really reflect an ongoing pattern of never acknowledging the good in my child? Apologies are only worthwhile, imo, if they arise from a genuine examination of conscience. Sometimes we are wrong; sometimes our young adults are wrong. We apologise when we get it wrong, but we don't get it wrong in every instance 🙂 Neither mothers nor young adults are required to be emotional punching bags for others in service of their developmental tasks. IMO. In some ways, I think the answer to differentiation struggles in young adults is for their parents to focus on their own differentiation. To break out of the role of Mom (which is often also, in these tangled situations, 'scapegoat'.) Model the task in your own life.

I have two young adult children. It's definitely easier when we don't live together, but as you say, it's 2020. My sense is that it's ok to have mild and reasonably handled conflict with them aka boundaries of your own you don't allow to become jelly just because they don't serve the young adult narrative. For example, with the hiking, it's ok to say ' You feel your interests weren't supported. From my perspective, we did support your interests in tangible ways, but it's ok for us to see things differently.' and then leave it there. Pass the dip. Young adults need to differentiate, and we can be empathetic, but we don't need to rewrite reality to do it. And we don't need to engage defensively or extensively in their process. You can model what it is to be a peacefully differentiated adult by focusing on your own ground. Re practical details like who comes home when, there has to be some give and take when living with other adults. Imposing curfew on an adult is infantilizing. Sitting down to discuss ways to make it work for all of you is likely to be more productive. On these type of issues, I often have to remind myself 'they are my children, but they are no longer children'. Good luck!

Win: DIL embroidered me a gift. Incredibly thoughtful, and healed a experience I had with my own MIL when I first knew her, where she threw away a gift I handcrafted for her. My gift will have pride of place!! Band t-shirts for teen. Good quality, perfect fit, arrived in a timely manner from the UK. Fail: I waited till Christmas morning to make shortbread for my Dad's present and it totally failed and turned into cookies. Luckily I had another part to his present already wrapped, so just told him he will need to wait till New Year's for the rest!

I received two identical bunches of flowers (same florist) from two different people on the same day this week. That's way less surprising, though, than the photo story!

Nice people don't have a compulsive need to control the way loved ones see things. They also tend to read the room, and back off when they are given verbal or non-verbal indications that they are about to cross a boundary. Imo, it's an unreasonable expectation of your dh that you chat to your not-nice-to-you-or-about-you in-laws. They are his parents; if he wants to remain connected to them for reasons, he can. Your chat input doesn't affect that. This is your life energy. Minutes/hours/days of life spent on people who disrespect you. Life is short. You're allowed to spend just enough on them as YOU want, and no more.

I'm sorry, I accidentally 'rated' this thread while reading on mobile but did not mean to! Can't seem to edit the rating.

Low/no contact is very freeing.

Sometimes if I make myself fall asleep it can act as a day time reset. I sort of just will myself into a short period of unconsciousness. Otherwise, nature is a pretty good reset. Self compassion - just the act of resting my hand over my heart is very soothing and settling.

I know how difficult it is, being tied by employment to a HCOL area but being priced out of the housing market. It's really tough. In retrospect, it's a situation that requires two incomes. At least 1.5. But of course, childcare can eat up the .5 until children go to school, and that brings its own issues, especially if you have kids with any kind of extra needs. Keep your hand in at something. Study while at home if you wish to retrain. Keep your employment gap as small as you can realistically make it. That would be my advice. But also, sometimes a situation is what it is. Do your best, make the best decisions you can, knowing no-one has a crystal ball to see the future, and don't waste the time you have with fretting over choices. There will likely be no perfect decision, and all paths come with pros and cons. Best of luck.

Yes, I recognise this. (50, working, but not secure in a way I may have been had I not taken a two decade break to raise children/homeschool. No noticeable difference in outcomes between my intensively mothered children, and the children of peers who used high quality childcare/school.)