Updated post: What I meant to ask was if you wanted one or more children, what kinds of circumstances would cause you to either delay it or completely forego it? Assuming it is a marriage where sexual activity will continue regardless of reproduction decision, birth control is a must. I also assumed that if a couple did NOT want to reproduce, they would use birth control. I specifically omitted NFP because I personally do not consider it to meet criteria of minimal failure rate even though I did not specify a particular failure rate. We had intended to have a larger family but originally stopped because of the demands of a special needs child. Other reasons that I would stop in spite of wanting another: financial constraints that I could not reasonably foresee overcoming in near future; inability to adequately provide food clothing and shelter for existing children; time limitations; physical or mental health issues in either partner that would impede properly caring for child; knowledge of a high likelihood of passing along a significant genetic defect or disease; living in an area where war and/or genocide were occurring; living in an already unhappy unsatisfying marriage. Original post: Obviously opinions will differ from couple to couple, but what do you personally consider valid reasons for postponing or ceasing having babies? Postponing or ceasing reproduction would involve using barrier, double barrier, hormonal, or surgical birth control method or methods that have minimal failure rates.

We do not exchange gifts on designated holidays. However, if you regret your decision, wouldn't it be a simple matter of notifying husband that you have rethought the matter and do indeed wish to exchange gifts?

Probably a misguided effort at proselytizing.

Is it possible that for whatever reason they have decided to cut off or limit contact with you? Are there contentious issues other than the smoking? I ask this because I have read posts here advising members to cut off or limit contact with family for a variety of reasons. Your family seems to be conducting themselves in the manner that members here recommend when cutting someone out of your life: little or no initiation of contact, declining invitations to visit, etc. Of course, the mother canceling day before was lousy. Perhaps they erroneously perceive that you look down on them because they smoke? Could it be that none of them can kick the habit, but they do not want to potentially harm your asthmatic daughter? Maybe they are uncomfortable visiting nonsmoking households? Regarding an informal outdoor bbq wedding, you can safely assume there will be lots of smoking going on. It probably is best not to expose your asthmatic daughter to it. Smoking has grown so controversial that smokers tend to identify and congregate with other smokers. There is not anything you can do about the distance your extended family has chosen to place between you and them, but luckily you have a nice little nuclear family. The wedding decisions are theirs to make. You probably should avoid facebook communication with the fiance for now until things settle down.

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:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Sometimes when people convince themselves that a person was at least partly to blame for their own misfortune, they want to feel that if they continue making what they believe to be wise decisions, the same tragedy will not happen to them. Many people take a network of stable functional family and friends as a given in life. That is not reality for a lot of people; perhaps this woman had spent her lifetime surrounded by a criminal subculture so that an assault conviction would not raise a red flag for her. It is hard to say because no one here knows her circumstances unless they knew her in real life. At any rate, I'd rather live in a world where compassion was the response instead of scrutiny of her lifestyle to determine that she was somehow partially culpable in her child's death.

In our home.

I have been hit on at all my jobs one time or another. Surprisingly the professionals were every bit as crude as the working classes. I have not been hit on the job. However, I did fear that a foster child's BPD maternal grandmother would assault me at dropoff for visitation. The dropoff was supposed to be supervised but there were no caseworkers at Juvenile Hall when we arrived. Fortunately my husband was with me. The grandmother had a criminal history of assault on adults

Frankly I would have found it odd if someone bought a pumpkin for a six week old infant. Doing the rough mental math, your son would have been about 3 1/2 - 4 months old at Christmas last year and about 16 months old this Christmas. Again, it seems odd to me to buy an ornament for a young infant or toddler. Could it be that your bil is just being practical and thinking what is point of getting such a young baby or young tot a gift unless they are in need of baby items? Why not wait until they're a little older and will consciously enjoy receiving gift? I'm guessing that next Christmas the gifts will be roughly even since your son will then be 2 years old. If not, you could either mention it then or even up the situation yourselves. I would not say anything now.

Given the constraints you described and your husband's understanding compassionate attitude, stay home and enjoy your solitude while he and the kids attend the reunion.

:iagree: However, our family's parenting style seems to be more relaxed in general than what the mainstream appears to be for forum members. Thus, what looks harsh to me may be par for course to someone else. Shaky nonparallel analogies are a fact of forum life.

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This was my story too. Unfortunately my mother passed away at a relatively young age when I was a young adult.

:iagree: Both prosper when they ignore one another.

The curriculum we used required memorization of states and their capitals in the 5th grade. I am drawing a blank if/when it required memorizing presidents.

:iagree: I am very concerned for Elizabeth in MN. We privately discussed the long term psychological effects of relentless extreme poverty, particularly when it is coupled with other life stressors. I have no doubt whatsoever that she is authentic and that at least part of the misunderstanding is due to cultural differences that probably very few people here are familiar with. It is difficult to explain succinctly, especially when I lack eloquence and do not want to share certain private information. Her grandmother came up in abject spirit-crushing poverty in the area where I spent my early childhood years. The poster was in a crisis period. Elizabeth, I'll light a candle for you and your family.

"Modesty is a must" is a vague command. The director should have provided a mandatory dress code if she felt she could not trust parents' judgment.

:bigear: My NPD is passive aggressive.

I have an old freestanding convection oven that I adore, especially for roasting and baking.

Exactly. If people sent whiny letters, we would be posting how annoyed we are about those.