Teens, Texting and Email

[fairfarmhand]

Does anyone else regulate their child's texting/email stuff? My dd would sit on the couch and text all day if I would let her. Before she got her IPhone, she was good at finding things to occupy herself with, like art, sewing, reading, outdoor projects, etc.

Now if I'd let her, she would do nothing but send goofy notes to her friends the whole day. Nothing can happen in the house without her sending a message to her friends about it.

 

Currently, I limit texting/email to 4 hours per day ,from 2-6.

 

Does anyone have any tips on how to regulate this? In the real world, people are not in non-stop contact with all of their friends.

 

This child really struggles with self-regulation, so I know if I left it up to her she would not be able to come up with an appropriate plan.

[speedmom4]

Does anyone else regulate their child's texting/email stuff? My dd would sit on the couch and text all day if I would let her. Before she got her IPhone, she was good at finding things to occupy herself with, like art, sewing, reading, outdoor projects, etc.

Now if I'd let her, she would do nothing but send goofy notes to her friends the whole day. Nothing can happen in the house without her sending a message to her friends about it.

 

Currently, I limit texting/email to 4 hours per day ,from 2-6.

 

Does anyone have any tips on how to regulate this? In the real world, people are not in non-stop contact with all of their friends.

 

This child really struggles with self-regulation, so I know if I left it up to her she would not be able to come up with an appropriate plan.

 

I have two teen girls with iPhones and I can SO relate to this. One of my dds is particularly bad at just putting the phone down after school hours. I hope you get some good ideas here. I'm all ears!!!!

 

Elise in NC

[fairfarmhand]

I have two teen girls with iPhones and I can SO relate to this. One of my dds is particularly bad at just putting the phone down after school hours. I hope you get some good ideas here. I'm all ears!!!!

 

Elise in NC

 

when we first started regulating things, we said, "No texting in these hours."

 

Then she was using her phone to send emails at the other times of day when texts were not permitted.

 

sigh.

[Jenny in Florida]

My son is a big-time texter. He rarely talks on his phone and uses Facebook and e-mail only lightly. Texting is his primary mode of keeping in touch with friends. He sends literally hundreds of texts per month. (Which is why we have the unlimited plan. Well, that and the fact that my daughter and I text each other a lot, too.)

 

He is not allowed to send or check texts until he is done with school for the day. And he is not allowed to send or check texts after 10:00 p.m. We have experimented with having him hand over his phone to us at bedtime, but we keep forgetting either to take it or to give it back. So, nowadays, it's mostly on the honor system.

 

And there are all of the obvious, polite things like not using the phone in movie theatres or during live shows. The phone stays in his backpack in the lobby of the dance school while he is in class and/or rehearsal.

 

Every now and then, when it seems like he's been texting a lot, I might ask him to stop for a while, because the constant buzzing is annoying to other people or because I'd like his attention on something specific. Other than that, though, I don't put in place any artificial restrictions.

[speedmom4]

 

when we first started regulating things, we said, "No texting in these hours."

 

Then she was using her phone to send emails at the other times of day when texts were not permitted.

 

sigh.

 

 

Yep. Been there, done that too. I know some people would just take the phones away but I think they need to learn to live with technology. Dd is heading to college in the fall and I won't be there to tell her when to get off the phone. We just keep having conversations about the time waster it is. Of course here I am on my phone!!!!

 

Elise in NC

 

[somo_chickenlady]

I would just remove the phone except for the hours you allow free access, or say "the phone stays in this spot during these hours."

[J-rap]

As far as emailing, (so computer time), we would allow 20 minutes "fun" time on the computer in a 4-hour period. They could use that for emailing or games. As far as texting... gosh, we were lucky because when my three older kids were home and in high school, not everyone their age had a cell phone, and they didn't either. My youngest always had a TracFone, and though we do put the minutes on it, we only put on the smallest amount per month. When she uses them up, she uses them up. I'm not sure how I would regulate an unlimited texting phone...

[fairfarmhand]

anyone else want to chime in?

[DianeW88]

Not really. My kids have always had unlimited texting, and they've always been responsible with it. They were not allowed to have their phones during school, but other than that, I didn't care. My dd spent 6 hours a day in ballet during her teen years, so she couldn't text then either. It's the way kids communicate today. My kids NEVER talk on the phone. I would spend literally hours on the phone as a teen (my pink princess phone...oh, how I miss it) in my bedroom. HOURS at a time. Plus, we had three-way calling, so my girlfriends and I would watch General Hospital together after school and stay on the phone discussing it in real time. Dr. Noah Drake, anyone? :001_wub: So, I figure my kids are probably spending less time on theirs with the texting than I did talking. It's a rite of passage. My older kids are both responsible college students, on the Dean's list at their respective schools, and gainfully employed in their spare time. Texting didn't hurt them in teens, and it doesn't now either.

[Joker]

My 13 yr dd has become quite the texter. Our rules are:

 

no texting until homework is done

no phone allowed at table for meals

no phone after 8pm on school days and 9pm on weekends (phone not allowed in her bedroom at night while supposed to be sleeping), no phone allowed when we're out and about as a family on the weekends (of course, she can answer if someone calls, but no texting)

 

So, she's basically allowed between 4-6pm after homework is done and then again around 7-8pm after dinner is done and cleaned up. She does text a bit more on the weekend but it doesn't bother me too much yet. If she has an involved conversation going on and it seems to be too consuming, I just tell her she needs to wrap it up and do something else. She's been ok with that so far.

[fairfarmhand]

Not really. My kids have always had unlimited texting, and they've always been responsible with it. They were not allowed to have their phones during school, but other than that, I didn't care. My dd spent 6 hours a day in ballet during her teen years, so she couldn't text then either. It's the way kids communicate today. My kids NEVER talk on the phone. I would spend literally hours on the phone as a teen (my pink princess phone...oh, how I miss it) in my bedroom. HOURS at a time. Plus, we had three-way calling, so my girlfriends and I would watch General Hospital together after school and stay on the phone discussing it in real time. Dr. Noah Drake, anyone? :001_wub: So, I figure my kids are probably spending less time on theirs with the texting than I did talking. It's a rite of passage. My older kids are both responsible college students, on the Dean's list at their respective schools, and gainfully employed in their spare time. Texting didn't hurt them in teens, and it doesn't now either.

I am so jealous that you have the kind of kids that can self-regulate. My dd gets rather fixated on things, and she's always been like that. She'd be all sewing for awhile, then she'd be all 4H for awhile, etc. This phone texting thing is not going away though.

[DianeW88]

I am so jealous that you have the kind of kids that can self-regulate. My dd gets rather fixated on things, and she's always been like that. She'd be all sewing for awhile, then she'd be all 4H for awhile, etc. This phone texting thing is not going away though.

LMHO...Well, my dd's been fixated on ballet since she was 8. It is still "all ballet, all the time". Although she got a scholarship and a job because of it, so I guess it's okay. Her obsession is legitimized now. ;)

[TranquilMind]

Does anyone else regulate their child's texting/email stuff? My dd would sit on the couch and text all day if I would let her. Before she got her IPhone, she was good at finding things to occupy herself with, like art, sewing, reading, outdoor projects, etc.

Now if I'd let her, she would do nothing but send goofy notes to her friends the whole day. Nothing can happen in the house without her sending a message to her friends about it.

 

Currently, I limit texting/email to 4 hours per day ,from 2-6.

 

Does anyone have any tips on how to regulate this? In the real world, people are not in non-stop contact with all of their friends.

 

This child really struggles with self-regulation, so I know if I left it up to her she would not be able to come up with an appropriate plan.

 

If she has a problem, you've got to regulate it until she can do so.

 

I have to regulate one of mine with gaming, but neither is particularly interested in their phones.

[fairfarmhand]

LMHO...Well, my dd's been fixated on ballet since she was 8. It is still "all ballet, all the time". Although she got a scholarship and a job because of it, so I guess it's okay. Her obsession is legitimized now. ;)

 

any scholarship or job opportunities for super texters??? :)

[Lawana]

any scholarship or job opportunities for super texters??? :)

 

I've got one that texts all the time. We're talking hundreds of texts a day. Every day. He feels obligated to answer every text sent his way. On the plus side, he's really fast, and I'm sure would be highly competitive in a text-off. :tongue_smilie:

[Joker]

I put limits on my dd when she once responded to me by saying, "OMG!". :tongue_smilie: That was it. I told her to please not talk in text speak again. We laugh about it, but I knew then she was spending too much time with her phone.

[StephanieZ]

Oh, my 16yo has developed this problem. Worse yet, is the GoogleChat, GoogleHangout, GoogleMania (I made that one up), that she uses at the computer. She uses it legitimately to work on math with her friends in her online AoPS math class, so it is hard to curtail . . .

 

My yelling, "GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER AND STOP DOING MATH RIGHT NOW!" just seems wrong on so many levels . . . But, the "doing math" is often more "chatting" in text-speak than doing math.

 

Now, she uses her phone to text when she is away from the computer.

[Unicorn.]

Ds, dd, and I totaled over 22, 000 txts last month. Just over 12,000 (yes you read that right) were dd's. Ds had close to 9000, and I came in at a whopping 708 or something. So, yes, i have a text-aholic or 2 (or 3). Our rules are: no txting during school, movies, restaurants, when you are having a face to face convo w/ someone, and if it gets annoying, or we are having family time, it goes away or gets turned off. I've asked them not to txt after 9 or 10 depending on certain friends family rules, and have had to take them away at night a few times. Ds refuses to turn his off, because his friends have had middle of the night crisis at times, and needed someone to talk to. Whatever- then don't complain to me about it waking you up the next day.

[DianeW88]

any scholarship or job opportunities for super texters??? :)

 

Not that I know of, but a couple of teens were being treated at the PT my dd sees for "texting thumbs". :lol: Seriously. You can hurt yourself.

[TammyS]

Does anyone else regulate their child's texting/email stuff? My dd would sit on the couch and text all day if I would let her. Before she got her IPhone, she was good at finding things to occupy herself with, like art, sewing, reading, outdoor projects, etc.

Now if I'd let her, she would do nothing but send goofy notes to her friends the whole day. Nothing can happen in the house without her sending a message to her friends about it.

 

Currently, I limit texting/email to 4 hours per day ,from 2-6.

 

Does anyone have any tips on how to regulate this? In the real world, people are not in non-stop contact with all of their friends.

 

This child really struggles with self-regulation, so I know if I left it up to her she would not be able to come up with an appropriate plan.

 

 

My 14 year old doesn't have any of those things. If one of the friends wants to talk, they can call our house, and I answer the phone. If they are polite and decent, they get to talk (and they are).

[fairfarmhand]

BTW, You did know that it is considered bad form to check your email on your Iphone while Mom is in mid-lecture? Right?

 

(fairfarmhand, who almost threw an Iphone out the window once.)

[Woodland Mist Academy]

We just keep having conversations about the time waster it is. Of course here I am on my phone!!!!

 

Elise in NC

 

 

It makes it difficult to argue your point, doesn't it? Ask me how I know. ;)

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Phones off during school. Period. You can turn them on when you are done with school and chores.

[Halcyon]

My 15 yo cousin is a major texter, fber, etc. it has gotten really nad. He texts all the time-at dinner, in mid conversation, all the time. I dont know what i would do if it were my kid but hugs, because i know it can be a real drag.

[Tita Gidge]

This is actually something I make a big deal about, but it's not the texting per se that bothers me ... it's the dependency upon something (and really, ANYTHING) that is bothers me. It's the difference between choosing to use a phone as a tool of convenience and being chained to the phone as a tool of convenience. It's ridiculous that even adults ... every alarm, text, call, vm, ... anytime their phones beep they automatically go to check it. It controls them in a freakishly Pavlovian way.

 

To me, that's the issue.

 

And to a lesser extent, the fragmented conversations that have pushed forth into vocal dialogue as well. People seem to be developing a hard time focusing on and holding a conversation anymore. And maybe that's the way our society is going, short bursts of talking AT or TO people rather than WITH them ... be it online or inperson. But not me, and not mine so long as I can help it LOL.

 

So I do regulate texting and email. For all of us.

 

I don't check my email or texts throughout the day, and I ignore any noisy notifications that alert me that some await me. It's not always easy, and it's certainly not the most convenient. But I feel in control of my device, rather than controlled BY it. I expect the same of my kids. When I see that they've started to allow it to control them, we rein it in. This can mean turning in the device during certain hours or for some period of time, or it could mean just helping them literally work through the urge to constantly check their phones and immediately answer each alert! Just depends on the kid. In one case we got rid of the smartphone entirely because it's just not as convenient to text and you can't email from a flip phone LOL.

 

The goal isn't to keep them from texting or emailing, or even to keep them from their friends. The goal is to teach them to be masters, rather than slaves. And to avoid carpal tunnel or whatever they call it for kids ... RSS, I think, repetitive stress syndrome. We know a few kids who have been treated, between their phones and computer use (be it games or school or work). Shouldn't be happening at their age, IMO.

[BakersDozen]

Currently, I limit texting/email to 4 hours per day ,from 2-6.

That's a very long stretch of time during what could be used more productively, perhaps? Honestly, I cannot imagine my dc being "plugged in" for 4 hours every day. Not when there is school, chores, family time, extracurricular activities, or just getting outside.

 

I agree with PP: all devices off during school hours. I also don't allow anything on until chores are done, they've gone for their run (after school hours), showered, helped with dinner, helped clean up, spent time with family, etc. Oh yes, and then there is homework. So by then it's 9:00 or later and bedtime is 9:30...goodness me, no time for texts/emails! How disappointing. ;)

 

My dc do not have their own phones and like PP, if a friend needs to get hold of them, our house phone is available. We do not give email addresses out for the most part and never our cell phone #. It's worked great so far for us, and their friends got the idea right quick to not expect emails from my dc.

 

Lol, we've sent exactly 4 texts since 2007 when we got our first phone. All 4 were emergency situations. Maybe because we didn't start that habit, our dc didn't get drawn in? I'm afraid to start texting for fear I will get hooked!

[Joker]

 

My dc do not have their own phones and like PP, if a friend needs to get hold of them, our house phone is available. We do not give email addresses out for the most part and never our cell phone #. It's worked great so far for us, and their friends got the idea right quick to not expect emails from my dc.

 

 

 

See, we don't have a home phone. Three of the four of us have our own phone and youngest will be getting her own this summer. I don't think it has to hook you unless you let it. I have unlimited texting and rarely use it. Dh and I text a bit during the day and sometimes my mom or a sibling will send me something. Mostly we still all talk over the phone though. Dd's group never talk on the phone. It is all by text. I have no problem with her connecting that way but I monitor and limit it just like my parents did with the phone. Today she rushed through homework so she could read a new book. She never even picked up her phone. It doesn't have to be difficult.

[Jenny in Florida]

See, we don't have a home phone. Three of the four of us have our own phone and youngest will be getting her own this summer. I don't think it has to hook you unless you let it. I have unlimited texting and rarely use it. Dh and I text a bit during the day and sometimes my mom or a sibling will send me something. Mostly we still all talk over the phone though. Dd's group never talk on the phone. It is all by text. I have no problem with her connecting that way but I monitor and limit it just like my parents did with the phone. Today she rushed through homework so she could read a new book. She never even picked up her phone. It doesn't have to be difficult.

 

 

Ditto, on a few points, at least. We no longer have a house phone. Each of my kids has had his/her own phone since about the age of 10, primarily because that was when each of them started spending a lot of time out of the house away from us. At that point, neither used the cell phone for anything other than calling me to tell me choir rehearsal or dance class ended early. It wasn't until each was 13 or 14 that texting or talking to friends kicked in.

 

Actually, all of us text. I find it a very convenient way to keep in touch with my kids when they are busy running from activity to activity. I don't run the risk of interrupting a dance class just to ask if tacos or pizza sounds better for dinner or to let my teenager know I'll be running five minutes late to collect him. My husband sends me a quick text before hopping in the car to start home from work. I text him to let him know our daughter has been kept longer at the audition she's attending. None of those communications are things that require phone conversations. None are worthy of interrupting whatever the recipient is doing. Texting handles those things perfectly.

 

We spend a lot of time together, but I do want my kids to have a chance to make and foster friendships with people outside our family. For my son, texting is the primary mode of keeping in touch in his circle of friends. (My daughter spends more of her "keeping in touch" time on Skype.) And my daughter and I enjoy texting each other silly things when she is out of the house. It started when she was away at school, but we still do it now that she's living at home again. Today, she went to an audition and was texting me updates and silly comments while I waited in the car. In our case, texting helps us maintain our connection, rather than getting in the way of it.

 

My son, the champion texter in our family, is a busy dude. He carries a pretty standard academic load, although he is accelerated by a grade. He sings with a fairly rigorous choir. (They sang, by invitation, at the White House last Christmas and then travelled to England over the summer to serve as the resident choir for a week at each of two cathedrals. In summer 2014, they have been inivited to participate in a music festival that will have them premiering a new work at Carengie Hall.) He dances for about eight hours a week and assistant teaches two classes at his dance studio. He has just kicked off his first season of competitive dance and has competitions, conventions or performances five weekends between now and the first week of May. He volunteers three times a month at our local science museum. He reads a book or more per week for fun. He has his own season ticket for the local Shakespeare theatre and attends as many performances by our local professional ballet company as he can talk us into in a given year. He participates in a church youth group and has done two major service projects with them so far this year. In his spare time, he's learning card tricks.

 

I don't think texting is doing him any harm.

 

Edit: I meant to say, too, that it's not practical to require him to turn off his cell phone during school. He does all of his classes online. When he needs to contact an instructor, he uses his cell phone. His teachers also text or e-mail him multiple times per week.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Ditto, on a few points, at least. We no longer have a house phone. Each of my kids has had his/her own phone since about the age of 10, primarily because that was when each of them started spending a lot of time out of the house away from us. At that point, neither used the cell phone for anything other than calling me to tell me choir rehearsal or dance class ended early. It wasn't until each was 13 or 14 that texting or talking to friends kicked in.

 

Actually, all of us text. I find it a very convenient way to keep in touch with my kids when they are busy running from activity to activity. I don't run the risk of interrupting a dance class just to ask if tacos or pizza sounds better for dinner or to let my teenager know I'll be running five minutes late to collect him. My husband sends me a quick text before hopping in the car to start home from work. I text him to let him know our daughter has been kept longer at the audition she's attending. None of those communications are things that require phone conversations. None are worthy of interrupting whatever the recipient is doing. Texting handles those things perfectly.

 

We spend a lot of time together, but I do want my kids to have a chance to make and foster friendships with people outside our family. For my son, texting is the primary mode of keeping in touch in his circle of friends. (My daughter spends more of her "keeping in touch" time on Skype.) And my daughter and I enjoy texting each other silly things when she is out of the house. It started when she was away at school, but we still do it now that she's living at home again. Today, she went to an audition and was texting me updates and silly comments while I waited in the car. In our case, texting helps us maintain our connection, rather than getting in the way of it.

 

 

 

 

This is similar to our experience. I actually keep in closer contact with the friends I can text than with friends I can only call. The benefits of dd having her own phone and texting have far outweighed the downsides.