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If you consider your spouse/s.o. your "soul mate"...


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#1 eaglei

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 10:45 PM

how do you define "soul mate"?

I rarely hear this expression anymore, but when I do (as I did just recently), my ears perk up, and I begin wondering just how people define the term.

So, what makes you call your spouse/s.o. your soul mate?

#2 Tap

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 11:04 PM

I don't.


I think that we all have many people we can be compatable with. I don't think there is just one person for each of us.


Dh and I have been together since we were 18. We have been together over 20 years, so something is working...but I don't think it has to do with being soul mates.

#3 LibraryLover

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 11:09 PM

I would never use such a phrase. It sounds like something a 15 year old with a summer camp crush would say.

#4 eaglei

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 09:03 PM

I decided to bump this . . .

Wondering if others feel the way the previous two posters do?

The person whom I heard use this term is someone that, in my wildest thoughts, I would NOT pick to use this term - yet she did so and, in context, it was quite evident that she is passionately in-love with her dh, after all these years and the *trials and tribulations* of life together. She is not typically a gushy kind of person - the exact opposite, in fact. So, my curiosity remains peaked . . .

#5 DawnM

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 09:08 PM

Well, this would imply that if DH or I were to die neither of us could ever find anyone else because half of our soul would be missing.

I don't buy it. I love my husband more than life itself, but I don't believe there is only one person out there for you and that is it and if you don't find him/her then you are doomed. Likewise, if you find him/her and lose that love you are forever to be alone.

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#6 BamaTanya

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 09:28 PM

No. I had that "soul mate" experience with a previous boyfriend who broke my heart. The whole "we're so perfect for each other" thing. And I don't mean that sarcastically. That's how it felt.

Dh and I, on the other hand, have many areas of incompatibility. Areas that often flare up. But we're too stubborn to change and too stubborn to give up. :D I think we're the illustration for the iron sharpens iron saying.

Soul mates?

Maybe there are people who have that kind of connection. Dh and I don't.

Madly (and sometimes maddeningly) in love and totally committed to one another? Yep. That's what we've got.
:D

#7 Rosie_0801

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 09:37 PM

"Soul mate" sounds kind of corny to me, so it's not a term I would use. Dh and I don't even get along well these days (we'll figure it out eventually) but I guess we are "soul mates" because we feel inevitable. Maybe I could feel inevitable with someone else, but I wouldn't know because it's never happened.

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#8 QueenieReighn

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 09:51 PM

Soul mate is when it's as if you were made for each other. Your strengths and weaknesses, your happiness/pain, personalities and ways of thinking just fit together perfectly. This doesn't mean you never fight, but even the fighting makes it seem like you were meant for each other in the way that you react together. My husband is my soul mate. I do not think I could have such a perfect connection with anyone else in the world. Do I think I could be married and stay married to another person? Yes...I'm that type of person that would love and not give up. But it wouldn't be my soul mate that just gets me so perfectly and does/is just the right thing (even when I don't like it). :-) I feel wonderful to me married to my perfect match through the good and bad over the years of our marriage. Most people don't get that though because they don't know what it means, have never experiened it, and because it has been used carelessly by some (like those made for teens movies) so it is more of a joke to them...but it can happen.

#9 Aubrey

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 09:58 PM

When I see the way we complement ea other, need ea other, make ea other better, I SEE Plato's "circle" that was split in two by jealous gods. (Disclaimer: I don't believe in Greek gods.) ;) That's my definition of soul mates.

ETA: Just read the rest of the thread. Fwiw, I don't use the term--it *does* sound pretty corny--but the way I feel about dh is pretty corny. And I figure in the long run...that's a good thing. :D

#10 JennifersLost

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:00 PM

I'm going to disagree with the others. I'm not sure I can explain this, but I'll try.

I didn't know what love could be until I met my dh, even though I previously had three children with another man. I had no idea the difference between love and LOVE. I'd wanted a soul-mate when I was young, but my experiences with men prior to dh made me pretty cynical and resigned that such a thing didn't exist.

The difference to me, and the reason I consider my dh my soul mate is the way we interact with each other.

1. We talk for hours. All the time. We never run out of things to discuss and think about. Even when we fight, we talk it out and talk it out and talk it out until we've come to an agreement. We are each other's consultants about life, relationships with families and friends, and each other's businesses. We brainstorm together, give each other advice and on and on. We watch movies together, read the same magazines, listen to audio books together and discuss all of them. I have female "best friends" as well, but dh is a "best friend" with lots and lots and lots of benefits. :)

2. We have grown together. I would not be the woman I am today without my husband and he wouldn't be the man he is today without me. We have changed each other - not just little things - life-changing things.

3. I honestly have never, ever met another man who attracted me both physically and intellectually since I met my husband, and if my dh was to pass away ahead of me, I would remain single for the rest of my life. It's not that I wouldn't be lonely or want physical affection or companionship. I do know enough about the world that I understand how lonely it might be to be an elderly woman alone, and if years and years passed, maybe I would settle for some kind of companionship. It wouldn't be the same, however, and I can't fathom how I would stay in a lesser relationship after what I've had. I would feel like I was lying to the other person, unless it was the same for them.

It's hard to describe the difference I mean when I distinguish a soul mate from a husband. I think it comes down to the fact that when I was with the father of my boys, there were many men I knew that would have done just as well as partners as him, and I believed what another poster said - that I could have married any number of men and had a good life (I don't mean at the same time). :lol:

Since I've been with dh, however, I have never once met a man who I could picture being married to and have anything like the relationship I have with dh. I think if I tried to be with anyone else in the future (if my husband passed away first, for example), I would be lonelier than I would be if I spent the remainder of my life single.

I hope that makes sense.

#11 Impish

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:01 PM

I dislike the term. To me, it implies that a person is 'lesser' when they're not with the mate. So, I dislike it intensely.

Wolf and I compliment each other wonderfully. Where I'm weak, he's strong, and vice versa. But I'd never call him my soul mate.

#12 UnsinkableKristen

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:14 PM

if my dh was to pass away ahead of me, I would remain single for the rest of my life. It's not that I wouldn't be lonely or want physical affection or companionship. I do know enough about the world that I understand how lonely it might be to be an elderly woman alone, and if years and years passed, maybe I would settle for some kind of companionship. It wouldn't be the same, however, and I can't fathom how I would stay in a lesser relationship after what I've had. I would feel like I was lying to the other person, unless it was the same for them.

It's hard to describe the difference I mean when I distinguish a soul mate from a husband. I think it comes down to the fact that when I was with the father of my boys, there were many men I knew that would have done just as well as partners as him, and I believed what another poster said - that I could have married any number of men and had a good life (I don't mean at the same time). :lol:

Since I've been with dh, however, I have never once met a man who I could picture being married to and have anything like the relationship I have with dh. I think if I tried to be with anyone else in the future (if my husband passed away first, for example), I would be lonelier than I would be if I spent the remainder of my life single.



Oh I so completely agree with this!!! You stated it perfectly and I am so happy that someone else has this kind of relationship.

DH is it for me. End of story. If he dies first, I'll be single until I die. You just can't replace this, it would feel wrong on every level.


DH and I both agree (I just asked him) that while we would never use the term because it feels silly, yes, we are soul mates :D.

#13 *~Tina~*

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:17 PM

Lol, my dh called me this last week...I thought it was sweet :)

#14 BeautifulLife

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:22 PM

I'm going to disagree with the others. I'm not sure I can explain this, but I'll try.

I didn't know what love could be until I met my dh, even though I previously had three children with another man. I had no idea the difference between love and LOVE. I'd wanted a soul-mate when I was young, but my experiences with men prior to dh made me pretty cynical and resigned that such a thing didn't exist.

The difference to me, and the reason I consider my dh my soul mate is the way we interact with each other.

1. We talk for hours. All the time. We never run out of things to discuss and think about. Even when we fight, we talk it out and talk it out and talk it out until we've come to an agreement. We are each other's consultants about life, relationships with families and friends, and each other's businesses. We brainstorm together, give each other advice and on and on. We watch movies together, read the same magazines, listen to audio books together and discuss all of them. I have female "best friends" as well, but dh is a "best friend" with lots and lots and lots of benefits. :)

2. We have grown together. I would not be the woman I am today without my husband and he wouldn't be the man he is today without me. We have changed each other - not just little things - life-changing things.

3. I honestly have never, ever met another man who attracted me both physically and intellectually since I met my husband, and if my dh was to pass away ahead of me, I would remain single for the rest of my life. It's not that I wouldn't be lonely or want physical affection or companionship. I do know enough about the world that I understand how lonely it might be to be an elderly woman alone, and if years and years passed, maybe I would settle for some kind of companionship. It wouldn't be the same, however, and I can't fathom how I would stay in a lesser relationship after what I've had. I would feel like I was lying to the other person, unless it was the same for them.

It's hard to describe the difference I mean when I distinguish a soul mate from a husband. I think it comes down to the fact that when I was with the father of my boys, there were many men I knew that would have done just as well as partners as him, and I believed what another poster said - that I could have married any number of men and had a good life (I don't mean at the same time). :lol:

Since I've been with dh, however, I have never once met a man who I could picture being married to and have anything like the relationship I have with dh. I think if I tried to be with anyone else in the future (if my husband passed away first, for example), I would be lonelier than I would be if I spent the remainder of my life single.

I hope that makes sense.


:iagree:Wow. This makes complete sense... and I could have written every.single.word. (Except that i had 2 children w/ XH instead of 3!) I completely agree with you!

#15 justamouse

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:34 PM

Yes. I used to be cynical and think the idea was ridiculous, but as life has gone on, yes, I believe so.

Even to the point of considering joining a secular order (which would mean I would take a vow of celibacy that if Dh died, I would be celibate-not that I would be celibate in my marriage).

I totally, 100% agree with JennifersLost's post.

Here's something interesting to chew on--30% of Divorced Women say they knew it was wrong from the start.


As Amanda Clark, 33, a caterer from Boston, walked down the aisle toward her fiancé, wearing a $15,000 gown and a 7-carat ring, she felt nothing but dread. I don't want to go through with this, she thought, with each step toward the altar.



Just two hours before the ceremony, Clark had gone for a dip in the ocean with her two sisters. When it was time to get ready, Clark wouldn't budge. "I couldn't get out of the water," she says. "It was like knowing you have a work meeting but you don't want to go."


I should have felt that way-we were a whirlwind, Met in January, engaged in April, married by Sept. And I had seriously bucked up some major life decisions by then so *everyone* expected us to get divorced.

But I never did. I knew walking down that aisle that I was making the best decision I had ever made in my life. I had fear of tripping in the aisle and landing on my face, but no fear of marrying him. There is no other man I could have had 7 kids with. I look back on the other guys that proposed to me, and I know that I never would have been happy with them. I loved them, but I didn't LOVE them, as I know love now. And yes, I understand that you grow into it, but I was like the quote above-I knew at the time that they were proposing that it was wrong. I didn't know why, but I knew it would have been a mistake. I'm glad I listened.

Edited by justamouse, 11 August 2011 - 10:42 PM.
clarification


#16 Tohru

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:35 PM

I don't really care how cheesy or corny the term is, I know my dh is my soulmate :D

We have a very intense, long, dramatic, drawn out love story that's stranger than fiction. I like it this way.

#17 NicAnn

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:39 PM

Well, I don't like the term...but I get what you mean. :)

For me, it means that DH and I are almost one person. We can grow and change together, we can have hard times, or really wonderful times and our love stays the same. It means that I can make a totally inappropriate joke that no one else would get, but him.

I think that there are other men I could have been happy with, maybe even loved. But I do not think there is any other man out there who could complement my personality in the way that he does.

#18 CarenM

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:49 PM

Yes. Without a doubt. Its a long long story but yes, we were brought together by God. Soul mates

#19 NavyWifeandMommy

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Posted 12 August 2011 - 04:43 AM

My husband is my one and only and there is no other person. When goofing around we will say we are each other's soul mates. I know that if either passes there be no other person in our lives.

#20 5wolfcubs

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Posted 12 August 2011 - 06:25 AM

I just love the term, because I grew up reading ElfQuest comics/graphic novels. :D But that doesn't really answer your question...

#21 Carrieann

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Posted 12 August 2011 - 07:03 AM

I definitely see my hubby as my soul-mate. We are so crazy head over heals for each other and it gets better each year (our 10th anniversary is in Feb.). We may be cheesy but that's just fine with us!


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