Incompetent cervix & bedrest??

[Aubrey]

A friend of mine is pg w/ baby #2 & was recently taken to the hosp. Her cervix was sewn shut, & she's supposed to be on bedrest indefinitely. Baby's due in Aug.

 

Tonight she was taken back to the hosp (3 days since the last time she was taken in) because one of her stitches came out.

 

I have no idea how big a deal this is or how to help (other than the obvious helping w/ her older child, bringing meals, etc.). I guess it's so foreign to me that I'm really worried, kwim?

 

Besides that, I'm wondering how to help someone cope w/ bedrest. I think I'm in the minority for how I feel about stuff like that, so I'm afraid my kind of help might come across as rude.

 

I'd be bored out of my mind, & I'd want to work on/take up new hobbies, be productive somehow, etc. I'm a bear when I'm sick enough to stay in bed because it makes me so mad.

 

So I packed some of my favorite movies, the 1st season of LOST (lol), a novel, & a book of sudoku puzzles. Is that nice? Should I add, change, or remove?

 

As far as meals go, the church is working on a rotation, & of course I'll help w/ that. What else do I need to know?

[Caroline]

I was on bedrest for my first pregnancy for preterm (18 weeks) labor. I think your ideas as to what to take her are great. Does she have childcare for her older child? An incompetent cervix means strict bedrest, so she will need help with her child.

 

What I really needed was company. I was in grad school at the time, and I had friends in around lunchtime three days a week. Since I was not allowed to get up to make lunch, these wonderful people saved me from ham sandwiches every day.

 

As for a new hobby, the medication I was on took away my ability to concentrate and also made my hands shake. I don't know if your friend is on any meds with side effects like that. Reading was even hard because I really had to work to hold the book still.

 

My older sister called every morning, and my parents called every evening. My mom's friends too turns calling me. My Ph.D. dissertation is dedicated to these women who kept me going.

 

Hope something in here helps.

[mamaof2andtwins]

Aubrey,

 

I was on bedrest for about 7 weeks with my twins. I can tell you what I would have loved.

 

I would have loved someone to come and do house work: clean bathrooms, mop floors, run the vacuum, etc. Also, having a woman do the grocery shopping would have been great. My husband did my job and his job for several weeks, and it was a lot for him. He was quite drained most of the time.

 

The first two weeks of bedrest are kind of nice. It is like a vacation. After that it is not much fun. I was on a modified bedrest, so I could get up and shower, etc. I bet your friend can't even do that. This will be very challenging for the family. It was nice when people would come to visit. My big day out each week was my doctor's appointment.

 

Just be loving to your friend and treat her as you would want to be treated if you were in her shoes.

 

Jennie

[swellmomma]

I have spent at least part of all my pregnancies on bedrest due to preterm labour. Things that helped me in addition to what you listed, were games, puzzles, not messy crafts etc to do with the children. Watching the older kids while on bedrest is very tough so having activities to do with them helped. Frozen meals to keep me from standing in front of the stove, help with routine cleaning is also a blessing. If I had maintained my bedrest I am sure I would not have had 3 preemies, but I didn't have much help with things around here, so was still out mowing my lawn, taking the kids to lessons/camps, doing the cleaning and chasing down crazy kids. SO all that to say the best help you can do it run errands, drop the oldest off if needed at camps/lessons etc, clean the house, provide her with activities to keep her busy with her first born while still in bed, and items to stimulate her mind while she is stranded in the bed.

[joannqn]

Bedrest stinks! I was on bedrest for 5 weeks...not long by some standards...but I was a wreck within days. I'm not a sit in bed kind of person. Plus I had a two year old, virtually no help or visitors, and dh neglected most of the chores.

 

I would have loved someone who could do real housework. My house was a complete wreck by the time I was able to get out of bed again. No one had mopped, vaccuumed, cleaned the bathroom, dusted, etc. for five weeks. Then when I was finally released from bedrest, at 37 weeks pregnant, I wasn't in any shape to catch up.

 

I also needed someone to get/prepare us lunch since I wasn't allowed out of bed to do it.

 

Finally, I needed company. It gets boring, and depressing, to be stuck with nothing to do but watch daytime TV and wait for something to happen online when no one was online.

 

I think it is great that you are willing to help!

[Melinda in VT]

I was on bedrest of varying strictness levels during my twin pregnancy, although nothing as bad as some women have. I think your basket is great.

 

I agree that company is good. I had neighbor friends come over one night. We had planned to have a girls night out at a restaurant, but when I went on bedrest they got takeout instead and hung out at my house for the evening. Of course, they were very easy-going, low-maintenance, nonjudgemental people, so I was happy to have them. Other people might have been more stress. (I can't imagine you not being delightful company, btw.)

[TxMama]

Meals/cleaning/help with older child all absolutely necessary. I also could not do any crafts or reading due to meds. So lots and lots of movies.

 

My family set me up with a little table next to my "spot" so I could interact with my older child, eat and surf the net. I spent the day on the couch so a child-size table worked really well.

[newbie]

Call , call, call and more calls. I didnt get many calls when I was on bedrest but Kaiser(ins. plan) would call me wkly to see how I was doing.

 

It was the nicest thing.

[Caroline]

Just a little aside... When I was on bedrest, OJ Simpson was on trial. That is all that was on TV. We didn't have a VCR, so I watched OJ all day. I think ds thought Johnny Cochran and Marcia Clark were family members.

 

Also, one of our friends from college was getting a high level security clearance, and I was one of his references. That poor government official had no idea how starved I was for human interaction. That was probably the longest interview ever. Of course, I had been to the USSR with this friend, so what I had to say was of interest.

 

Anyway, company was the best thing. And Sidelines really helped, too. Oh, and my friend Sandy, who just returned from the Space Station, brought me the best vegetarian lasagne ever.

[Tap]

Can you set up a 'date' time and have a regular time that you call her or visit. It can be nice to have something specific to look forward to. Whether once a day or once a week, it can just be nice to know someone is there.

[Pink Fairy]

I spent six months on bedrest during my last pregnancy--three of those in the hospital. :crying: Tips and things that helped pass the time:

 

1. Books. Find out what kind she likes, and maybe lend her some of your favorites.

 

2. Does she have an mp3? If so, you might ask her if she'd like you to load it up with podcasts or recorded books for her to listen to.

 

3. Visits and phone calls are nice, but sometimes I wasn't up for it. Some people (like me) hate surprise visits. Also, you might ask if there are good/bad times to call. When I was in the hospital I felt like the phone was always ringing (no answering machine or caller ID).

 

4. A dear friend of mine bought me a book on embroidery, and a cross stitch kit. I spent many hours listening to books on tape and finishing several projects.

 

5. My mom taught me how to crochet, and I made 2 blankets. You could teach her/find someone to teach her, and pick up some cheap supplies.

 

6. The most important thing was knowing that people were praying for us. It was such a comfort, and gave me real strength.

 

I will pray for your friend, that she is able to bring her baby safely to term!

[KatieJ]

My SIL was on bedrest with their first little girl. Since I live 700 miles away, there wasn't much I could do. I was into card making then and I did up some card making kits for her. I put all the stickers into baggies with a precut card and envelope for her to put together. I made many of them all thank you cards, thinking she would be wanting to thank those folks who were helping out. She said it was really a great a gift and used all the cards one way or another.

[Starr]

And there is nothing like indigestion when you are on strict bedrest! I was on strict bedrest at 20 weeks. My husband left my breakfast on the coffee table and came home and gave me lunch. The church provided enough food for an army. I ate lying on my side. I also was on the medicine that gave me the jitters. It pretty much but a damper on reading a novel or anything worthwhile. I did look at magazines and counted down the days. We watched Northern Exposure reruns at night! If you are serious about staying down you need someone to do everything. A friend of mine had a family friend, a young woman, come and live with them and put her little ones in preschool. I think it's really hard if you already have children. Oh, she'll also need someone to go through her clothes and find things that fit as she grows. And someone to help shop for birthday presents. One of the nicest things a friend did for me was bring me a batch of clothes and take back the ones I didn't want and she brought over all kinds of things for me to pick out Christmas presents for my family. Give her a big :grouphug:. It feels like forever but not when comparing it to a lifetime. Also, if she isn't able to stay down at home she'll end up in the hospital, not fun.

 

Your basket of goodies sounds perfect!

 

I think I'm having post traumatic stress syndrome 15 years later. :tongue_smilie:

[Quad Shot Academy]

I have spent 14 months of my life lying on my left side!! Thankfully 7 months was the longest consecutive time. I too, was on meds that made me shake and have panic attacks. I could not read, write or watch TV because of this. I read my other children books, did puzzles and workbooks with them, so it was appreciated when I got new stuff. Telephone calls were my only joy and the one or two people that would visit me. It was rough because I laid there for months and had nothing to talk about, so my friends would have to do all the talking and keep me filled in on the real world!

 

If she has kids, you might also ask her if you can come over and entertain her kids while she relaxes. Just make sure to take them out of the room, so she gets a break. It was so hard to be right at my kids height all the time, as they demanded my full attention all the time and there was no escaping them!

 

I really appreciated all the new and different types of foods that our church family brought over. We got real tired of food my hubby could cook and take out. I also liked it when people brought small portions, just enough for me, to help with those pregnancy cravings. I had all sorts of cakes, twice baked potatoes, pastas, salads in small portions, basically one family's left over from one day.

 

Also, I could not walk up or down the stairs or stand longer than 5 minutes, like to cook, for months after the baby was born. So once she is off bed rest, she still may need more than normal help.

[Mommy22alyns]

Is she on hospital bedrest or at home? I love your ideas, Aubrey.

 

It is funny what we remember... I had 4 weeks of hospital bedrest with Sylvia, and I watched the Congressional hearings on steroids in baseball avidly. Thank goodness that was on, because the hospital didn't have a lot of channels.

 

The laptop was really my savior at that time.

[gardenschooler]

Just a little aside... When I was on bedrest, OJ Simpson was on trial. That is all that was on TV. We didn't have a VCR, so I watched OJ all day. I think ds thought Johnny Cochran and Marcia Clark were family members.

 

 

Oh, Caroline, I remember that! I call it 'The summer of OJ' and I was hugely pregnant with my 2nd dd - to the point that I might as well have been on bedrest, all I could do was waddle to the bathroom.

 

The best thing, for me, is having someone to help with the other kids, no matter what the age. When I was restricted somewhat w/#3, having a friend who watch my others at her house on a regular basis was a lifesaver. Even if they're old enough to be okay, the kids get bored, too. Any kind of a diversion for the kids is helpful.

[Danestress]

God only knows what she did all day, but I can remember talking to her once and her saying she was busy and had to go. You would think that a sister on bedrest couldn't be all that busy, but she's always busy!

[Cindy in the NH Woods]

My story is similiar to that of your friend. Apart from the other great ideas already mentioned, here are a couple more:

 

~ A small, bedside frig. stocked with drinks and snacks. I remember crying one time because I had to be left alone once for an entire day, and didn't have enough to eat & drink nearby.

 

~Sensitivity to when I was having contractions, and needed to be left alone for awhile.

 

~Sometime to read the Bible to me. I understood some of the Psalms in a brand new light during this time.

 

~A friend and a sister in law gave my daughter her birthday party. How great is that!

 

~My best friend gave me a tea party in bed. ( No, not that kind of tEa, ladies. :001_huh: )

 

~Assurance that folks were praying for me.

 

~Laughter; a friend leant me some Jesse DuPlantis videos and my dh and I would just crack up. (Jesse's teaching may be really off sometimes, but the man is truly funny.)

 

I never felt God's love for me so strongly as during this time. Our distant family who flew out in shifts, neighbors and church family fed us daily and helped with my seven year old, and toddler.

 

After eight weeks in bed, I gave birth to our son at 28 weeks gestation. Rough days, but he is worth every one. Hugs and prayers to your friend.