Peri Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 How many of you use this method of child rearing? I do like the method a lot except for the spanking part. I was just wondering how many of you guys use it and what you think and how its working out for you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 There is a Raising Godly Tomatoes Social Group here on the boards. HTH- Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Their website makes me uncomfortable, though I understand having a child who is having behavior issues stick close so you can work with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I use this method. Do not get hung up about the spanking part. It actually is not that bad. We rarely have to spank our kids. They know what it is. We use more logic as they get older. We only spank for outright disobedience that is off the wall. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtb1999 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I use this method. Do not get hung up about the spanking part. It actually is not that bad. We rarely have to spank our kids. They know what it is. We use more logic as they get older. We only spank for outright disobedience that is off the wall. Holly They sure do advocate it quite a bit on their site, though. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think if you used their method you actually wouldn't need to spank very much at all. I found the website useful at one time (I only discovered it when my kids were older), especially "tomato staking" an older child on occasion. Good concept- far better than sending them off to their room to get moody and resentful and further separated from the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 It is VERY possible to do similarly without hitting your kids. I believe in increased supervision, training, coaching, etc. I even have done things such as "blanket training" with infants. I definitely believe in quick, mostly cheerful compliance. And I do all without ever using a time out chair, spanking, or anything of the sort. I like to run a tight ship and think my children have benefited from it. I think most children like knowing where the boundaries are and that they'll be enforced. This is even more true for "tough" kiddos. But running a tight ship, having strict boundaries, following through does not have to include punishment and certainly not hitting, yelling, etc. In fact, I believe that those things take away from good discipline. Generally though, even if you did it as "prescribed," you wouldn't end up hitting your kids all that often. The good discipline and especially consistency would make that just not happen much. Except for a really tough kiddo, it'd work just fine. If you have a really tough kiddo, I would definitely beef it up to the extent that you can drop the punishment altogether. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I find the approach adversarial. There are practical, effective ways to raise children and cultivate a joyful home without the assumption of negative intent, the "at war" or "battle" mentality that is present in RGT approach, Rosemond, Dobson, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheWillFly Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I find the approach adversarial. There are practical, effective ways to raise children and cultivate a joyful home without the assumption of negative intent, the "at war" or "battle" mentality that is present in RGT approach, Rosemond, Dobson, etc. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I use this method. Do not get hung up about the spanking part. It actually is not that bad. We rarely have to spank our kids. They know what it is. We use more logic as they get older. We only spank for outright disobedience that is off the wall. Holly :iagree: I use this method a lot with my kids and it's very effective. I am anti spanking - and the RGT philosophy fits in very effectively with our family. We use other methods of discipline when needed vice spanking, and we have very obedient, respectful kids. I look at it more as a teaching and training program. The point is to mentor and train your kids to the correct behaviors and path, not discipline them onto it. It's about spending time and building relationships and having an atmosphere of 100% consistency from the parents. I think it's like drivers ed - they learn to drive and you sit alongside them coaching and helping. You're with them. You're engaged with them all the time. Too many kids are parented by the guard rails - they only get direction when they behave so badly that they need redirection. They confuse discipline with training. When I read RGT I felt the emphasis was on training not discipline. And, with all things, keep the fish but spit out the bones. You don't have to agree with all of it to learn something useful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtb1999 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I find the approach adversarial. There are practical, effective ways to raise children and cultivate a joyful home without the assumption of negative intent, the "at war" or "battle" mentality that is present in RGT approach, Rosemond, Dobson, etc. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Wisc Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 How many of you use this method of child rearing? I do like the method a lot except for the spanking part. I was just wondering how many of you guys use it and what you think and how its working out for you? My experience: http://shadesofwhite.typepad.com/shades_of_white/2008/03/tomato-staking.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I do "tomato staking" with my kids, which to me, means keeping them with me when we are working on issues so that I can help them make better choices. I'm not exactly anti-spanking, but until I started visiting this board, I had no idea there was another way to parent. Please excuse my naiveté. :) When I read their site, I thought it sounded good, and there is some good information there. However, when I tried their spanking techniques with my oldest, it was just awful. I think it terrified her into behaving, but I don't think it changed her heart at all - in fact I think it put more distance between us. It was not a good thing. Maybe I did it wrong; I don't know. What I do know is that it was not a good fit for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 I find the approach adversarial. There are practical, effective ways to raise children and cultivate a joyful home without the assumption of negative intent, the "at war" or "battle" mentality that is present in RGT approach, Rosemond, Dobson, etc. I did not see the mentality here as "at war" or "battle". Am I overlooking something. What I get from the very little reading that I did was that it is better to keep your children close to you so that you can kee them on a good path instead of letting them stray and then having to work har to get them back on track. There are a couple of things I don't agree with like, as I said before, spanking and the fact that it is not considered important for them to have friends. It is only these two issues that I don't agree with. I was just wondering how well it worked for those that use it. I can definately see how it works though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think that moms have been successfully doing a version of "tomato staking" for years and years (and other aspects of this method), they just didn't have a cutesie name for it. LOL If you find a discipline and child-training method that is based on consistency and as little punishment vs. consequences as possible, it's probably a recipe for success. The hard part is that WE have to provide the consistency. Ugh. LOL ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonAmy Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 thanks! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Indeed Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 thanks!:001_smile: http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com :D BTW, I have used and love the approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Indeed Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 My experience: http://shadesofwhite.typepad.com/shades_of_white/2008/03/tomato-staking.html Thank you for sharing that! It was very touching to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 The point is to mentor and train your kids to the correct behaviors and path, not discipline them onto it. <snip> They confuse discipline with training. When I read RGT I felt the emphasis was on training not discipline. Okay, I am quibbling here and going off topic, but I have a quibble with using the word "discipline" as a substitute for "punishment". I see "discipline" as the entire package that you describe and "punishment" as one tool or approach in the spectrum of ways to raise up our children. And now back to your regular programming:). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtb1999 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 My experience: http://shadesofwhite.typepad.com/shades_of_white/2008/03/tomato-staking.html I really like that. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Okay, I am quibbling here and going off topic, but I have a quibble with using the word "discipline" as a substitute for "punishment". I see "discipline" as the entire package that you describe and "punishment" as one tool or approach in the spectrum of ways to raise up our children. I was thinking the same thing. We discipline our dc by use of training, correction and punishment; those 3 things make up "discipline". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 My experience: http://shadesofwhite.typepad.com/shades_of_white/2008/03/tomato-staking.html Wow, Jean...What a great post! This post reminds me of love in action. Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 My experience: http://shadesofwhite.typepad.com/shades_of_white/2008/03/tomato-staking.html Oh, Jean that was beautiful. Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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