imeverywoman Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 This morning, dd woke up telling me that her foot hurt. When the time came for ballet, I told her she should go to observe, at the very least, as we are at recital time. However, if she decided to dance and her feet hurt, she should tell the teacher so that she could sit out and observe the class, so as not to lose the choreography. She has a male teacher who is just too complicated. I told her not to be afraid of him and to speak up, but to do it respectfully. Before class began, she walked up to him, said, "Hi, Mr. So-and-So. How are you?" and advised him of her foot situation. He acknowledged her, but cut her off mid-sentence. As the class progressed, two girls told him that they had their "cycle" and were struggling with certain barre exercises. One of the two also forgot her ballet slippers. Two others had forgotten their slippers, as well. Four girls were complaining of foot pain, including my dd and another girl who just had a cast removed for a fallen arch. Okay. It was a bad day. The guy gets so hot and bothered that he calls the director in to ask what is going on with these girls. They are supposed to be the best, yada, yada, yada. The director asks one of the girls where her shoes are and proceeds to tell her that they're not babies anymore. They need to come prepared for class. She tells the girls with their cycles to toughen up; life is going to get worse...they're going to have to have babies one day. To the other girl, whose mother works for her, she says nothing. To my dd, she says, "Your shoes are tied too tight. Don't be stupid, now, Honey." I am furious and afraid that I'm going to go wacko on this lady. She seriously thinks she poops cake and peeps Pepsi cola. I've had enough of her. She tries to insult me by saying," You're a housewife. Of course you have time to cut coupons and cook. Don't talk about that stuff to a working woman. She can't even stand up from being so tired." Yeah, lady, I'm a housewife who pays your working butt $200 month and it ain't to insult my kid. My daughter worked hard and earned another solo this year. The woman's response? "The teacher offered it to Susie and Janie, and as smart as they are, neither wanted it. Then, along comes your dd and she takes it. Kids are funny, aren't they? Who would ever imagine that your dd would do it?" Does this mean that my kid is stupid? Susie and Janie are smart and said no, but my dumb kid took the part? I know you can't judge b/c you cannot hear the tone of the voice, but she is very condescending and I'm ready to kick her condescending, skinny, dancing, a*s. This woman works for ME. I pay HER. She needs me to volunteer in two weeks when we go to Disney and expects me to forego seeing my dd dance on stage at Downtown Disney in order to help her backstage, and this is the way she speaks to her customers??? Needless to say, she can kiss my big, fat, overly muscular, weight-lifting, boxing, non-dancing, butt-ola. Oh. My. Stinkin'. Goodness. I am mad. Hoppin' mad. Somebody slap me. Please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 You need to find a different ballet studio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillary in KS Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Wow. It sounds like you've been storing this up for quite a while! You may want to consider finding another studio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura K (NC) Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 These girls are just children. And these girls are being trained hard as professionals. It's difficult to deal with both of these realities at the same time. The girls, as girls, are tempted to complain, to indulge in bad days, to be less able to suck it up as an older, more mature woman might. The instructors, trained as professionals, are likely to train the girls as they themselves had been trained. I see this on my son's high school basketball team. The instructors want the best for them, they want them to be professionals. Your daughter's instructors want them to overcome the pain that (I've heard) necessarily comes hand-in-hand with ballet. The world of ballet is not a kind one. Competitive arts of any kind are really harsh, and they seem even more harsh on young artists. You, as mom, are in the middle. You see both sides better than the instructors and the girls can. Ultimately you are the one who has to make the sacrifice one way or another: to give up the professional dance, or to give up innocence and girlhood. I've had to suck up some anger at political garbage involving my oldest son's sports because it was very important for him to play. I don't know if I'd be able to suck up personal insults, though. You might have a talk with the woman, man-to-man, so to speak, and let her know you don't take your vocation being insulted lightly, and she needs to remember who is the employer and who is the employee. What would be difficult about that, though, is framing the confrontation outside the dance realm, so your daughter doesn't suffer because of it. Artists have fragile egos, and I can't imagine a skinny dance instructor taking any crap from any mom without sticking it to her daughter in retaliation. Sorry I'm not much consolation! I've been there, though. Time heals some of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Is the goal to be a professional ballerina? If so, then this is "the real world" of ballet. If not, then I'd find another studio.:grouphug: Sorry! Blessings! Dorinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Oh! I have a book recommendation for you! It's called Marie, Dancing by Carolyn Meyer. I'm not recommending it as any kind of advice for this situation. Just enrichment material! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
partyof5 Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 As the mom of 3 dancers who are treated kindly at every class session every week of the whole long year, I say it's time for a new studio. I'm not saying this is an easy thing to consider, but clearly you are not posting about a one-time offense. Nothing will change unless you do. Vote with your checkbook on this. Our instructor/director is firm in her expectation for behavior but never speaks condescendingly to kids...never. They all adore her and perform well for her. There are other ways to get results than by the methods used in your studio. The trade off for us? We are not in a competitive studio, so no Disney trips for us, just excellent dance instruction with a year-end recital. Wishing you the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 You're paying $200 a month and that woman has zero respect for YOU. Aside from the harshness to the girls talking to a client in that manner is unacceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 (1) Does your daughter want to be serious about dance? If she's there for the social time and a little exercise, I would move her to a studio with teachers who are less intense and kinder. (2) If she is ambitious about this, is there another studio where she could transfer? If there is no where else to go and she's quite ambitious about dance, I would help her cope with demanding instructors. Many times coaches of kids are a bit more aggressive than the Moms would like. I have my lines that can't be crossed, but this teacher didn't cross my own lines with the kids. Much as I might prefer a different tone, girls who really want to dance DO need to learn to work through discomfort, remember their sports bags, etc. As for insulting you, I would let it go once. I would make a mental note that next time, I will reply honestly, "I find that comment very insulting. I do have a job, and your job is to dependent on people like me." But this time, it's too late. Move on if it's in your daughter's best interests to stay at this studio. I wouldn't want my hurt feelings to affect a decision about what is best for my daughter. Of course, if you have other great studio options and moving is best for your daughter, that's different - feel free to give her a piece of your mind:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 My 11yo dd is in company ballet. She is at the ballet studio 9 hours per week plus extra practice time when performance times are nearing. I don't think I could leave her there for that amount of time if I felt her instructors were verbally abusive. Her teachers are very strict, but respectful. I think you should schedule an appointment with the director so that you can make sure you have her full attention. I would then calmly tell her what your complaints are. Maybe that would resolve the issues. Is there another serious ballet studio in your area? If she is still condescending and just doesn't "get it," I would find another studio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Please explain why you are still there? I would have taken my dd and money somewhere else a long time ago. This woman is too rude and self absorbed....seriously find somewhere else. I would have went crazy on her the moment she said all that crap to me....lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country Mouse Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I know nothing about ballet but there is no way I would allow someone I was paying for lessons treat me or my dc that way. There is not anything worth that sort of attitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imeverywoman Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 Please explain why you are still there? I would have taken my dd and money somewhere else a long time ago. This woman is too rude and self absorbed....seriously find somewhere else. I would have went crazy on her the moment she said all that crap to me....lol! This is the only serious studio in the area. The others amount to nothing more than play time, and while my dd has made it clear that she's not aiming to be a professional, she doesn't want to waste her time while training. I have looked into other studios, but honestly, there's nothing for 30 miles or so, and with the hours she dances, as well as my son's activities, it's not possible. Thanks for listening.. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BryRon Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 (edited) I have to agree with the moms who said that if she is going to be in the professional world of ballet, it is not a nice place to be nor is it an easy row to how, as they say. However, that does not allow for that kind of insult at this age. I am also in agreement with the moms that you need, if possible, to find another studio. It's not worth this kind of anger and resentment - artists DO have very fragile egos and don't always act like adults. And I would be afraid that the lady would take it out on my kiddo - the protective she-wolf in me would come out and tear her to shreds, I think.... Please spare your dd this - life is hard enough without having to add someone else's attitude to it, especially since you are forking over hard-earned money for it! EDIT: Hopefully since another studio isn't an option, you can approach the head mistress (or whatever) with your concerns. Obviously it needs to be addressed - and this may sound really, really silly, but do you think maybe inviting her out for coffee or something and having the conversation in a neutral location would help? It may be that she was just having a crappy day...and though that doesn't excuse it entirely, she may just need a reality check, KWIM? Edited March 14, 2009 by BryRon Just read OP's comment... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imeverywoman Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 The instructors, trained as professionals, are likely to train the girls as they themselves had been trained. I see this on my son's high school basketball team. The instructors want the best for them, they want them to be professionals. Your daughter's instructors want them to overcome the pain that (I've heard) necessarily comes hand-in-hand with ballet. The world of ballet is not a kind one. Competitive arts of any kind are really harsh, and they seem even more harsh on young artists. I've had to suck up some anger at political garbage involving my oldest son's sports because it was very important for him to play. . When my ds was playing baseball, he (we) had to deal with some serious stuff with his coach. They guy was a lunatic, but he was GOOD! Dh mentioned that I need to inform the teacher that while instilling discipline in our dd is acceptable, insulting her while doing it, is not. Thank you for taking the time to understand :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imeverywoman Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 artists DO have very fragile egos and don't always act like adults. the protective she-wolf in me would come out and tear her to shreds, I think.... especially since you are forking over hard-earned money for it! Thank you! I appreciate the listening and understanding. We think alike. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imeverywoman Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 Wow. It sounds like you've been storing this up for quite a while! . It does seem as though I've been holding this in. I'll take any garbage thrown at me, but don't mess with my family. That's when it reared its ugly head! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imeverywoman Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 . Vote with your checkbook on this. The trade off for us? We are not in a competitive studio, so no Disney trips for us, just excellent dance instruction with a year-end recital. Wishing you the best! Vote with my checkbook.... I am SO going to remember this saying. If only there were somewhere else to go. :( Our studio is not competitive, either. She just takes the girls to Disney to perform for their own enjoyment. It's a pain in my patoot, honestly, as we (the families) are usually the only ones there are 10am to see them dance. It's quite an expense, as you can imagine. The girls also perform at other city functions, but there is no competition involved. We do have a great recital at the end of the year, though. :) Thanks for the sympathy. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmkclscroggins Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I feel your pain. I can't believe she would have the nerve to say those types of things to her PAYING customers. My daughter is in a ballet company and she's at that studio 30 hours every week. The teachers expect a lot - they expect to be respected, for their girls to work hard in each and every class but they also expect them to love their art form. There has never been an incident where any of the teachers are disrepectful to their students or their parents. They are definitely tought but in a good way. I wish you had somewhere else to go. Have you been to the recitals of the other studios in your area? That would tell you a lot. Hopes this works out for the best, melissa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 One thing I want to point out from the original post is that the studio owner and teachers DO NOT work for you. You pay them money. That gives you the right to have your dd take lessons from them the way they want to give those lessons. It gives you no right to direct how they do it. Many studios that have a reputation for sending students to professional programs also have a reputation for being less than positive environments. A young woman from my dds school went to dance for the Miriinski (formerly Kirov) ballet 2 years ago. She has returned from Russia to visit a few times. She has reported they hit students there. I know we aren't in Russia, but there is a culture among dance programs that is not always positive. These negative approaches are part of the culture and there are many extremely talented and technically skilled teachers who were trained this way. As a result, many of the studios which are producing students who have the skill to go on professionally also have instructors who are quite negative. That said I am thankful the place where my dd trains is not one of them. Dds school produces dancers who go on professionally, but also dancers who use the discipline they learned in their training and applied it in Medical School, Engineering programs and other Academic pursuits. One thing I noticed at my dds school is that older students transfer the discipline of ballet studies across all fields and pursuits. I don't believe that would happen if the school did not use a positive approach to training. One recent graduate I know personally is pursuing a premed program at a highly regarded university. She continues to do ballet, while attending university, because she feels it is a good way for her to control the stress of her studies. Another observation I have about the OP is the "bad class" described. Her dd had an injured foot. 4 girls had no shoes. 2 other girls were saying they couldn't do much due to "time of the month". This is an incredibly undisciplined group and the ops dd got grouped in. Due to her injury she became another student who wasn't trying. Occassionally, there are students at my dds school sit out and observe, but rarely. I've never heard of a class where a large number of girls were doing this. The instructor must have thought they were all whiners. Not being prepared for class (shoes) is really inappropriate. "time of the month" -- I grew up in sports, if you wanted to succeed you had to deal with it. Sports/movement tend to reduce cramping. So, I guess I suspect in addition to being negative the studio the OPs dd attends also is not producing very serious or disciplined students. I think you need to 1. think about what you want out of this program 2. think about what your dd wants out of this program. If she isn't interesting in a professional program, then why is she interesting in ballet. What is it about ballet that attracts and would another activity fill this need. 3. think about options that will meet your goals, whether at your current studio, other studios, or another extracurricular pursuit altogether. 4. talk to the studio director as part of evaluating whether to stay in this program. 5. why did you pick the program in the first place and do the reasons you originally chose the program still hold. 6. are there extraneous factors: friends at the studio, distance to other studios, one teacher there who is well liked (if so, could you change your dds class schedule to match this teacher's) 7. off shoot of above, if there is one teacher who is prefered, does she teach elsewhere and could you follow her. I've learned some of the teachers at my dds studio teach somewhere else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaKel Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 You need to find a different ballet studio. :iagree: Amen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 Ok, I'm gonna say this because of MY experience with my daughter. First...before you kill the woman and man....ask your daughter... calmly....how she feels about it. Look at the studio...see if you think the end product is good... see the friends that your daughter has made/not made. I love our studio. The teacher does get exasperated...the students do respond with a clap and hug at the end... It's a Royal Academy of Dance. For us...I wouldn't go to any studio that's not RAD. We did go to "just a dance studio" the first year. It's the same price...and so totally worth it. For us...it's only just over 5 minutes away...but if it ever closes...I'll be driving 45 minutes each way to the other one... There is another ballet known that has studios...it started from a Russian guy, I think.....his last name might start with a "T". Carrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 I'd have said, "Don't be a ........, honey." Fill in the blank however you want. I'd find a better school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mila Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) Ok. First of all , the teacher is a jerk. Now if your dd or any body else's has pain anywhere or "circle" she should NOT take her class, because it would hirt her even worse, she might have really bad injury, at that age that will be really dangerous, she does not have to go to class at all to avoid any contact with teacher, one time or two times won't make any difference , she is not a professional dancer yet, and is not to be going tomorrow to perform at the Metropolitan Opera, even then. Her frame of mind and her health shoud be the most important thing for her and you. She will catch up better when she is Ok not in the pain or circle, because she will have strength and condition to dance. By the way you are a woman , don't you feel for your dd when she has period, it is as painful to her as for you, did you try to dance and especially ballet when you have period? I know how does it feels, because I am a former professional dancer and ballet teacher now. When dancer takes class or dance on stage in worst conditions it's because she usually has no choice. And dancers know that if you injured that will make it even worst, so they go easy on training for that period, when a woman has period her whole body aches, especially back, and from the stomac down everything swelling especailly legs and feet. and she has a huge chance to get really bad injury, now imaging your dd in her 10y old fragile body. You can ask your doctor, they supposed to know what exactly is going on with your body for the time of the period. Don't push your dd too much now if you want her to dance, she will be strrong with the right teacher and at the right time. One more, it's better if your dd would take class with female teacher, but good of course, because male may be know about girl's problems , but they don't really understand and feel how it is, and therefore can not handle this, besides a woman can teach her better to dance gracefully than a man, you know what I mean, even if he was a great dancer, man dancers have different grace than women. I hope my advice will help you somehow. thank you Edited July 7, 2011 by mila Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I just saw a promo for a new reality show called Dance Moms- I think your studio owner must be the star. The show depicts not only moms of young dancers but dance studio owners/teachers who treat the kids like dirt. I was wondering if there are really many places like the one shown in the promo. I guess there is at least one. So sorry for your daughter- they work for you but are not treating your daughter with respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 This thread is more than 2 years old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 This thread is more than 2 years old. I just noticed that the tags for this thread are braiinnnss and resurrected! Hahaha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I am furious and afraid that I'm going to go wacko on this lady. She seriously thinks she poops cake and peeps Pepsi cola. I've had enough of her. She tries to insult me by saying," You're a housewife. Of course you have time to cut coupons and cook. Don't talk about that stuff to a working woman. She can't even stand up from being so tired." Yeah, lady, I'm a housewife who pays your working butt $200 month and it ain't to insult my kid. Can I just say I think you're awesome? I know I shouldn't have, but I really enjoyed reading this post! Not what you're going through, but just the pleasure of imagining saying this to that woman's face! Sorry that she said that and hopefully someone will have some advice for you. I think I'd enjoy hanging out with you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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