Colleen Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 I don't have time to go through all the replies, but I did read what anj said: You know I love you. But you have got to send Bekah back there and she has got to fix this herself...She is legally an adult, she wants to be an adult, doesn't want to be treated like a child, yet she wants to run home and have her parents and family accommodate her wishes. But she's been on her own for awhile now, and she has to deal with this. I don't think you should call the school, I think she needs to do that for herself. If she cannot get the college to step in, then she needs to humbly go back to her room and find a way to get along with her room mate for the next three months. And that's all it is, really. Not forever. Yes. Exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Ummm, are you the one paying the bill for this dorm room? If so, I would absolutely call and demand value for my dollars. Now, if she's adamantly against this, then she needs to march herself into that dorm room and take control of her life and lay down the law to her roommate. Surely college campuses in this country still have an Ombudsman's Office, don't they? And surely the dorms still do have an adult who is in charge of ALL the ra's, don't they? I would get adults involved...... Regena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who advised that as contributors to the college expenses we would not be out of line in speaking to the school. My husband took a couple of hours off work this afternoon and got everything taken care of. They are moving my daughter to a private room as I sit here, at no additional cost to us or to her. The housing director was wonderful to work with, very understanding, very kind. Her roommate actually asked if she could keep the fridge.:rolleyes: Um, that would be the fridge that WE bought when my son went to college. Hmm, I am thinking....how about NO!!:p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PariSarah Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 That's great, Kelli! So, is she mad at you for interfering, grateful that your interference reaped such wonderful rewards, or reserving the right to do both at the same time? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 That's great, Kelli! So, is she mad at you for interfering, grateful that your interference reaped such wonderful rewards, or reserving the right to do both at the same time? ;) Well, she is an odd one. I think she is incredibly relieved. She was angry because she had to take time out of her busy schedule :confused: to actually meet her father, who had taken leave from work when the office is shorthanded thereby earning the wrath of a supervisor. She yelled at him and said "I don't have time for this, can't you just take care of it?" as he sat in the parking lot waiting for her to show up. She finally showed up, and it was taken care of quickly. So, I think she is relieved to have her own space. I think she is neutral on the idea that her dad got in trouble at work to help her, I believe she really believes she somehow deserves people making those types of sacrifices for her. I asked my husband if she said thanks and he laughed so hard I was afraid he would run his Explorer off the road. Or wet his pants. Or rupture his appendix. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I'm glad it got all worked out. That roommate sounds like she's got a screw loose or something. Keep your fridge, indeed! :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Oh Kelli... I commiserate, but these things do happen. Then I had a long post here but I hadn't read your update.... so forget that. I'm glad it worked out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 Oh Kelli... I commiserate, but these things do happen. Either way, you need her out of your house and she needs to have a safe place to sleep in that dorm for which you're doling out good money. The longer the situation drags on, the worse it will get. Oh thanks! I know the psycho roomie is not new to her, though she is convinced that nothing like this has EVER happened to anyone else but her! She is moving into her private room now, her daddy went down there and took care of it!! She'd have continued dragging her feet until summer break if we did not step in! The housing director was actually very sweet and easy to work with. Whew! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who advised that as contributors to the college expenses we would not be out of line in speaking to the school. My husband took a couple of hours off work this afternoon and got everything taken care of. They are moving my daughter to a private room as I sit here, at no additional cost to us or to her. The housing director was wonderful to work with, very understanding, very kind. Her roommate actually asked if she could keep the fridge.:rolleyes: Um, that would be the fridge that WE bought when my son went to college. Hmm, I am thinking....how about NO!!:p Yes!!! I do think it helps to get a father/husband involved. I'm so glad you handled it this way. Sometimes our children need help even though they don't want it. And college *is* a huge financial investment for most of us these days. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.griff Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I am so glad that this worked out for ALL of you. And I am thrilled that you won't be dealing with her feeling the "need" to sleep at your house again. Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Hey, in the first apartment I had at college, my roommate (who turned out to be simply impossible to live with in every way, LOL) decided that we should get a puppy. So my family arranged for us to have a poodle. Within three weeks after getting him, she wanted to get rid of him. She couldn't wait for us to house break him, etc., even though we were keeping him in our very large bathroom during the day while we were out, so no mess on carpet, etc. She *insisted* that we get rid of him immediately. Oh, and by the way, SHE wanted us to give HER family the expensive dog, LOL! Ummmmm, no is correct..... Glad you exercised your right to righteous indignation. I think it always feels SO good...... Regena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who advised that as contributors to the college expenses we would not be out of line in speaking to the school. .... <snip> Good for you, Kelli, for going with your gut (and some good advisors here). I'm glad it worked out so well. I keep hoping, for your sakes, that your dd will someday wake up and realize that she has near saints for parents! ;) Doran Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in AR Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who advised that as contributors to the college expenses we would not be out of line in speaking to the school. My husband took a couple of hours off work this afternoon and got everything taken care of. They are moving my daughter to a private room as I sit here, at no additional cost to us or to her. The housing director was wonderful to work with, very understanding, very kind. Her roommate actually asked if she could keep the fridge.:rolleyes: Um, that would be the fridge that WE bought when my son went to college. Hmm, I am thinking....how about NO!!:p So glad it worked out, Kelli. The customer is always right, you know. :D Keep the fridge, indeed. :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenschooler Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who advised that as contributors to the college expenses we would not be out of line in speaking to the school. My husband took a couple of hours off work this afternoon and got everything taken care of. They are moving my daughter to a private room as I sit here, at no additional cost to us or to her. The housing director was wonderful to work with, very understanding, very kind. Her roommate actually asked if she could keep the fridge.:rolleyes: Um, that would be the fridge that WE bought when my son went to college. Hmm, I am thinking....how about NO!!:p Oh, thank goodness. What a horrible situation. Even though some saw it as rescuing her, there was the fact that this was making you suffer. After paying for it! I'm glad it's taken care of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I used to work with someone whose college roommate threatened to kill her. The college would not do anything about it. No new room, no new roommate, no counseling for the roommate, nothing. So I doubt the college will do anything about this situation. I think your dd and the roommate are going to have to work this out themselves. I'm sorry you're having to deal with the fallout. Edited to add: I guess I should have read the other responses first. I'm glad it's been resolved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I would agree with tap tap, as far as gathering some more information. But that's how I handle anxiety, anyway--by information-gathering. While I do agree with the majority of posters that your child should be practicing dealing with people during college, I feel this is a different situation, in which your child is actually being bullied. She needs a helping hand. If it's true that her RA won't help her, go above that RA's head. You are paying for a room, your child needs a quiet place to study, and she can't live at home. Perhaps if you explain that you want to advise your child and give her the reigns, but you yourself want advice on what to tell her, you will get some help from the administration. They will probably admire you for encouraging your daughter's independence, but share your concern, and help you "train" her to deal with these hard things. I just think parents can sometimes say, "ok, you're 18, and you are an adult. Handle it." Even adults need help sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I had a crazy roommate in college. Really. Like undiagnosed schizophrenic. I went to the person in charge of assigning dorm rooms, told my tale of woe, and I was out of there the next day. If your dd's roommate's mess is affecting your dd's ability to do her school work - including getting sufficient rest - then the school should do something about it. And as long as you're paying the housing bills, you have a say. I'd be on the horn tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShelliR Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 . I wonder if UU has all these lax "rules". quote] NO, this does not sound like Union at all. Not that the kids are perfect over there. Things do happen, but the rules are against it and enforcement is attempted. Of course there really isn't dorm life right now, so who knows what the kids are up to now....... Kelli, I don't have advice here, although for ME.... I would have to personally do something...... I'd be calling or requesting a different roommate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 26, 2008 Author Share Posted February 26, 2008 . I wonder if UU has all these lax "rules". quote] NO, this does not sound like Union at all. Not that the kids are perfect over there. Things do happen, but the rules are against it and enforcement is attempted. Of course there really isn't dorm life right now, so who knows what the kids are up to now....... Kelli, I don't have advice here, although for ME.... I would have to personally do something...... I'd be calling or requesting a different roommate. Bobby did! She now has a private room in a suite with some of her friends. She is having an easier time studying without her old roomie's weird fits and temper tantrums. She is a much happier camper!! I figured Union's rules were tighter. I imagine the partiers at Union have to work a little harder and get a little further away from campus to have their version of a "good time". I would really rather Sarah go to Union. Gotta get that ACT up a bit first though!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShelliR Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 OOps. didn't get through the whole thread to see that things have been solved. !!!!! Yea.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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