Danestress Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Every year my friend rents a beach house with her sister and sometimes other family. This year it's just her and her sister and my friend's son. The child is my twins' best friend. They are together a lot - sometimes at his house, sometimes at ours. They have spent the night there many times and I love and trust her and her husband - no concerns at all. Actually, I think these are the only friends my kids have spent the night with. Anyway, since the child is an only child, my friend is very welcoming of my children - plus the three of them get along very well and rarely have any spats. She's always telling me how much she loves them, and I feel the same way about her son. So this year she asked if the twins could go to the beach with them for a week. I automatically thought "yes." My kids have spent the better part of their summers at the beach (a different beach) are good swimmers and I don't really have any worries about the family or the situation. They would have SO much fun. I would miss them so so so much. And I know I would worry. But honestly, they would absolutely love it. And it would give me a chance to spend a few days with my parents alone, which I would really like to do as my father is advancing pretty quickly with his dementia, and I would just really like the opportunity to go to their beach house and spend time without the distraction of kids. DH immediately thought "no way." And his concerns are mostly about "I would worry that someone else is driving my kids around." The beach they are going to is actually along way away - like 8 hours. That's the specific worry he mentioned, but think honestly it's more of a generalized love and worry. Nothing about the family or the situation. Actually, sometimes he just misses them when they spend a night away:) Anyway, DH and I are both pretty flexible. I will just say "no" to the friend if he continues to feel that way. I could also easily talk him into it, but probably won't try. He may just spontaneously change his mind anyway, which sometimes he does. But anyway, am I off my rocker? Incidentally, I know the sister too. I really like her - she's very calm and thoughtful. Her children are grown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I doubt we would allow our kids at age 10 to go that far away for that long. I don't have any great reasons, I just don't think we would do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 At 10 yr old. nope! We are in this situation right now. My oldest is invited to stay his friends house (twin brothers ) for a weekend but my 10 yr old is also friends with them too. It is a maybe for the olddest but NO WAY for the 10 yr old. :eek: That is for our family. Of course the 10 yr old is hurt a bit by our stance. It is 3 hours away but still far enough for us to be concerned. Do what works for your family!! For me and my family, 10 yr old far away from me in the distance of 8 hours will be NOPE! Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in Central TX Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Same here. No reason needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenschooler Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I would, in the situation you describe, but only if dh were on board. It sounds like you're as close to these friends as a lot of people are to family, and it's not very uncommon for 10 yr. olds to visit family on their own. But then again, they're not family, so I would only do it if dh was comfortable with the idea (of course). I wouldn't necessarily try to talk him into it, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in Orlando Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I would most likely say "yes." You know, like and trust this family. Your kids are comfortable with them. You could use the time with your parents. Is there a specific reason dh is concerned about them being in the car with this family? If not, would it maybe help them if the boys had a prepaid cell phone where they could give him a call a couple of times a day (you too). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Lynx Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Mind you, I had to be convinced to let my two oldest, at ages 10 and 8, I think, spend a week with their grandparents without me. That was a tough decision. But we did it, and it was good for all concerned. I have a couple of sets of friend who I know would guard my children's lives as they would their own children. I would be very inclined to let my 10 year old go with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenschooler Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I was also wondering - aren't they in the car with this family sometimes already? I understand the difference being the 8 hour trip. Does dh know them as well as you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in Orlando Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I was also wondering - aren't they in the car with this family sometimes already? I understand the difference being the 8 hour trip. Does dh know them as well as you do? I'm too lazy to google it, but statiscally speaking, aren't they safer on a long car trip than just driving around town, no matter who is driving? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GothicGyrl Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 A resounding yes. Nothing you've said sends up any red flags for me, not even the driving part. If this family has given you zero cause for any kind of worry and you already trust her enough to be the only one your kids have ever spent the night with, and presumably she's driven them around already--there is absolutley zero reason for you to say no. The 8 hours would not affect me in the least. I would not take the chance in ruining a possibly lasting friendship (on all sides) over the 8 hours, especially with zero concerns other than the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2boys Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I have a ten year old, and my only concern would be that he would be homesick. If he wanted to leave before the week was up, I would not be able to go pick him up because of the distance. So, if your dh decides he is okay with it, and you don't think your kids will be homesick, I would let them go, especially because it would give you time with your father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I have let my kids stay for a week at a time at grandparents' houses since they were quite small. I felt honored that the grandparents wanted to have them, and felt it was a great experience all the way around. I realize it's a little different with friends vs. family. But, if the child is mature enough to not be horribly homesick by night #2, I'd certainly do it. Of course, if my husband felt strongly otherwise, I'd listen and maybe reconsider. Doran Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in SC Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 At the risk of shocking everyone, I would allow this. Dh & I *did* allow our oldest to accompany a good friend and her family to California the summer that she was 10. Her very best friend was this friend's dd. We lived in the Midwest at the time, so it was about a 5 hour plane trip. It was extremely difficult for me to "let go" enough to allow her to accompany them. :eek: However, she called each evening for our special goodnight (long, involved saying that she invented at age 2), and she filled me in on the events of the day. They did a lot of sight-seeing, visiting, went to many exciting locations, etc. As I said, this was much harder on me than her. :) In the end, I truly feel that we made the right decision. She came home much more confident and excited that she was able to do this. Of course, it all hinged on my absolute assurance that my friend would do everything humanly possible to keep my dd safe. We had many conversations prior to the trip to be sure that our beliefs and what would be allowed lined up. It's not a decision to make lightly, but I do think that when it's with the right family and basic comfort-levels are met, it can be a great experience -- even at age 10. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 It might kill me to do it, but I'd feel strongly that it was the right thing to do! We have to let them go sometimes and this is a very gentle wonderful chance to test the waters. Lots of kids (me included) go to sleep away camp (and live to tell, scar free) for 1 week or longer, sometimes long flights away (me! yikles!), as young as 7 (me! Yikes!). Now, I won't on-purpose send my kids to sleep away camp b/c I hated it as a kid and I'm WAY too paranoid. . .But, even now, as dd is 11, if she really really wanted to go to a sleepaway camp, I'd let her (kicking and screaming inside and after due diligence!). A week at the beach with loved, loving, family friends and a sister along as well: No brainer, yes. Good for kids, good for mom. Take dh away for a night or two or three of couple time while they're gone! FWIW, my dc have each gone (one at a time) for 1 week trips (starting at about age 6, shorter trips when they're younger) in the summers with my own mom. She takes them on these amazing adventures. . . Vermont, Arkansas, Montana, Canada, etc. . . Last year she took our then 10yodd to ICELAND for 10 amazing days. She took the same dd to Canada canoeing for a week when she was 6. These trips are very bittersweet for me b/c I miss the kids, but they have such wonderful times building tight, independent relationships with my mom and having such cool adventures. . . canoeing, doing art & music, horsebackriding, climbing glaciers!, hiking, fishing. . . I know they'll cherish those memories and that relationship for a lifetime, so I know it is the right thing to do to facilitate it. (And, of course, I trust my mom implicitly, so this is like super-cool summer camp w/o the creepy strangers I worry about.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabelen Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I have let my then 10 yo dd go on a weekend to the beach with friends such as you describe, a 5 hour drive away. My dd had a great time even though she did feel a little homesick. I would not do it if my dh was not on board though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarleneW Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Yes, I would let them go. My 10 1/2 yo and my 7 1/2 yo are both going to Tampa (7 1/2 hours away) to stay with our best friends for a week this summer. We totally trust this family and have no douts at all. They are of our same thought process and our families have been best friends for years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 If you truly really know and really trust these people, AND if you are confident your kids will not get homesick, I probably would do it. It sounds better than camp, where you do NOT know the people caring for your children. (For the record I have no objections to camp either.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volty Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 No hesitation ... see you in a week, have fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I have two 10yos, and yes, I would worry. It's what I do. :o BUT, I'd let them go. It sounds like you have a very close and wonderful relationship with these friends, and the trip will be beneficial for all of you (well, maybe not your dh!). For my part, as a homeschooler I think it's good for my kids to get away from me a bit and interact with other people without me around monitoring their behavior and speech and all that. Not that I'm a nagging or harping person--not at all. That's my dh's job. :p P.S. I worry enough that whenever I leave the kids a few days with my parents, I always tell my mom, "I don't care if the kids have fun--just keep them alive until I get back!" And I mean it! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 In the circumstances you describe, I'd say "okay." The fact that it's an eight hour drive wouldn't concern me unless the friend wasn't a good driver -- in which case I wouldn't let the kids ride with her to the grocery store. What if something happens? They're so far away? If your friend is capable -- and it sounds like you think she is -- I wouldn't worry about that, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 If anything, you're in the majority, so I doubt you need to worry about shocking anyone.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 nt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 This would be my concern as well. If I only had one 10yo, then I'd probably say no. I'd hate for him to feel so "stuck", so far away with no way of going home. He would be miserable, and would possibly ruin the trip for everyone concerned. OTOH, your sons will have each other, so there will be less potential for homesickness. You know your boys best. How would they fare so far away from home for so long? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 OTOH, your sons will have each other, so there will be less potential for homesickness. You know your boys best. How would they fare so far away from home for so long? I agree. It helps that they'll have each other for support should they start to feel homesick. Btw...I am about as overprotective as they come, and I think this sounds like a great idea. I probably would be willing to send my 10yo because I think he could handle it and would have a blast in similar circumstances. He's my oldest. Now, I would be surprised if my current 8yo would be ready for a trip like that when she's 10. Different temperaments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I do not yet have a 10 year old, but I am very concerned about how well other people supervise my children in a group setting. It would be all too easy to let them go off and do their thing while the grown-ups enjoy some vacation time amongst themselves. Add to that the fact that we have a co-ed group of preteens and the potential for mischief increases. I wonder if your dh "knows" instinctively this isn't an ideal arrangement, but doesn't quite know why - so he decided to pick on the driving. I would take his concerns very seriously and discuss them openly and take time to think about this before making a decision. Sorry to be the party pooper here, I just know from experience how much trouble even good kids can find when nobody is watching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Indeed Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I haven't read all the replies, but sometimes our husbands have God given instincts that they can't explain- but they just KNOW. ;) I would trust your husband in this. I don't think he would make them stay home just because he would miss him, but he may not be able to put an exact finger on what he does not like about it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey in TX Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I would say yes to a dear family friend. It's no different than sending our children away to camp for a week (our youngest was almost 8y/o). However, if DH feels adamently opposed I would capitulate and tell my friend no--with the hopes that DH would change his mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Yep, I'd let ds go. :) Of course I'd miss him, but it sounds like a great week. That said, it's wise to respect your husband's concerns even if they're not rational. I'd try to talk to him about those concerns, and if he could recognize them as not logic-based and was okay with the trip, I'd encourage it. But if it was just too much for him, I'd have to say "no"... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Absolutely. Regarding the hesitation on from my spouse, I'd talk with him with the intention of allowing my kids to enjoy a week at the beach with great family friends. Not manipulatively, but with honesty. In my case, a contributing factor would be that DH is less likely to be close to and familiar with the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieAir Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Of course I would miss my child and feel anxious. Sometimes I do for an overnight close by even though there is no logical reason for me to feel that way. BTW, the feeling I'm talking about is different from God telling me the situation is wrong or my "mommy senses" going off. It's about control. I often feel anxious when I don't have control of the situation. Is it any more likely that my child be hurt while with my friend than with me? No. I just feel safer when I have the illusion of control. And it is really only that most of the time--an illusion. I try to listen to God's voice and to use common sense. If those two things aren't what's making me feel anxious about the situation, then I try to control that fearful tendency and need to control every little thing. If I didn't keep those emotions in check, I might try to forbid my husband to go hunting or go on trips without me. (Those trips are rare, but sometimes necessary.) I could be a real control freak and smother my family if I allowed my natural tendencies to take over:) I'm not saying that's you, but it is definitely me and I have seen it with others as well. So, yeah, I'd feel a bit anxious, but I'd most likely allow them to go. I'd pray about it and make sure dh agrees first, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Another super-protective mom here :-) My 10yos would probably get homesick that long, so i wouldn't send him unless there was a way to get him home if we wanted to come home. I know of maybe ONE family that i would entrust w/ my 10yo-- he is very emotional, and they have responded in a super-caring way w/ him. I do think it is fine to discuss it more w/ your dh --esp since you see so many positives. Arrange to have dh send him a letter or postcard and mail it the day before ds leaves ;) ...have ds send a letter too on his first day there. lotsa calls! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puma Mom Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I would, if dh were in agreement. We have friends like this, and I can see one or the other of us taking the friend on that kind of trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca in GA Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 No, I wouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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