Balancing contentment and desire to improve

[Kidlit]

How do you mentally and emotionally balance being content while also making improvements?  I'm thinking about this particularly in terms of my home.  In so many ways we are so fortunate/blessed--we want for nothing, really, and we have a lot more than most of the world, etc.  I get all that, recognize it, and am thankful for it.  However, I also have a very idealistic personality who tends to see what needs improving, and there is a lot:  our house is aging and needs a laundry list of updates and repairs, etc. My question is how to maintain the equilibrium of contentment and the peace it brings while ALSO recognizing the needs and working toward improvement.  It's like I know how to be content and I know how to change, but I don't know how to practice both simultaneously. Is this possible? (I hope so!) I don't want contentment to be so comfortable that we don't work to make things better, but I don't want the desire to improve to make me bitter or angry about slow progress, etc. 

[regentrude]

For me, these two are really unrelated. I am happy with my home and can simultaneously recognize that there are several areas where updates are needed. We just do them one at a time, as we get around to it and priorities permit. A project every few years.

This fall we will hopefully rip out 30 year old carpet in the bedrooms and replace it with hardwood. But I feel no bitterness about the carpet- it is okay.

Now I would feel impatient and discontent if the house was not safe or sanitary.

[HomeAgain]

I started reading your post with one idea in mind, but finished it with another.  I'll share both. 😄

1. When it comes to myself, I find satisfaction in doing things.  The doing is what motivates, not the end result, so some things in my life I am perfectly content with:

I'm happy with my slow progress on the violin

I'm happy with slowly getting stronger/more flexible/healthier with exercise.

I'm happy to make a meal, but happy to dissect it and talk about how it could be better the next time.

 

BUT

2. When it comes to my home, I am content to have it in good shape.  That means that while I'm fine not redoing the screens just yet (and they need it), dh and I are pushing through to get the bulkhead doors replaced since that will cause many more issues down the road than an old screen.  It extends to the rest:

I'm happy to have food, but I'm going to put in the work to make sure we're using up leftovers, clearing out the fridge occasionally, etc.

I'm happy to have a washer and dryer, but put in the work to redo the vent pipe and we need to replace the water valve in the wall (not imminent, but on the list)

 

We've lived in homes that have stressed me out because I didn't feel safe/secure/okay long term.  It was "fine", but I felt robbed of that feeling of peace.  We are in a position to triage things now and I appreciate that so much.  They don't always get taken care of right away, but we can work down from the things that need the most attention to what can wait longer.

[Lecka]

Can you make a multi-year plan of intended projects, then you have a plan to actually do things but it’s not meant to all be done at once.  Estimate costs and set aside savings.

 

Look for some cheaper things to do more quickly, or balance cheap/obvious things with more expensive things.

 

Then you know the plan for things that aren’t updated yet.

 

Or, maybe some things won’t seem important when seeing how much they will cost. 
 

Or maybe some things will just stay a lower priority and that’s okay.  
 

I think a plan goes a long way.  And then thinking “we decided such-and-such” instead of just — well, who knows.  

[Kidlit]

Good ideas, all.  Thank you.  Our home is completely safe--just worn, but also with a few structural things that need shoring.  I think that's part of it, too--the behind-the-scenes stuff is the most important but also has the least aesthetic payoff, yet still must be prioritized. 

[PeterPan]

Have you thought about having a trusted handyman, contractor, or realtor out to help you determine what is essential/priority? As you say, you might need some structural things that could have high priority just to protect your house. Then I would do any upgrades that improve resale value. (Why make the changes right before you sell? LOL) And then if there are small personal interest changes, I would make them in between the bigger things as you have some money. Like if installing cute hooks doesn't cost much and improves quality of life, you should get it done. If dreaming of a new kitchen isn't realistic, then you don't want to do that. 🙂

Some older homes have sagging beams, windows that are leaking, etc., so that's why you have to start there. If there are structural things that need to be done, you want to know. If it's just fashion, mercy you don't care. 

[Lecka]

I think it sounds like it would be nice to do some cosmetic stuff while also doing the boring stuff.  
 

The first time we owned a home, we lived there for 6 years, and we never did anything cosmetic.  Okay, we also had young kids.

 

But then when we moved and had some cosmetic things done to get my ready, we were so surprised at things not being so hard, and being so much better even if we didn’t know the perfect thing.  
 

So I think maybe go ahead and do something that’s something you notice, or that would make a big impact, or just be a nice and easier change.

 

The boring stuff is going to have to be done anyway, but if something gets pushed back a few months to do something noticeable, maybe that’s okay.  
 

I don’t know if you are at the part of making cost estimates and seeing what kind of timeline there can be with projects….. but some things are really possible to do.  
 

We got new toilets in this house, when we moved in.  Because I knew from our first house — it’s actually not a big deal.

 

My husband and I got a new faucet for our kitchen sink recently.  It really makes a difference.  He did hire someone to install it.  
 

There are some things that aren’t that big of a hurdle but do make a big difference.   
 

In the house we moved from, replacing a kitchen light fixture made a huge difference, and painting, and cleaning all the light fixtures really well.  But we didn’t realize, before we did it.  Now that we know — we do some things more quickly.

 

And then when some things are done it’s easier to see what other updating we do or don’t care about.  It turns out when some things are done it’s not like “oh the whole thing has got issues.”  
 

There are some things I do idly want to update now but I know it will be years because of the cost.

 

But other things we could go ahead and do if we wanted.  Some things are a lot less costly.  
 

But a lot of things we don’t mind, too.  

[Katy]

There have been times when I either lacked the time or budget to make changes. At those times I waited, because cosmetic stuff isn’t important enough to mess with your life. 

When I do have the time, budget, and emotional capacity to make changes I do. I DIY a lot. But I also check with contractors because sometimes they can do a better job in much less time and for about the same money as I could. I think safety changes need to come first, but cosmetic changes make a bigger difference in my day to day life & attitude. 

DH grew up in a house that was never updated. I remember we disagreed about that when we got married. I couldn’t understand why he wanted and appreciated spending so much money on an aesthetically pleasing wedding but didn’t want to put money into the place we lived and spent time in every day. Then after we painted the first house we owned he got it. He said my motivation to keep it clean and organized went way up. When it could be pretty I spent the time making it pretty every day. Also before that I never realized how much impact aesthetics has on my moods. Ugly mustard paint = anxiety & demotivation. Pretty shades I loved = rest & peace. If you have the time and budget I think it makes a much bigger difference in day to day life than you might think. 

[Faith-manor]

When it comes to home improvements, most of them fall under maintenance, and if the home is going to retain its value or appreciate which is super important, then it is a need not a want. It isn't about contentment but protecting investment. But, also, quality of life is a thing. So it is really good to be willing to be content and happy with what you have while also acknowledging that some improvements would make things more relaxing, less stressful, encourage family life. For me, that meant building the raised beds so I could garden and has resulted in me spending more time outdoors this summer. It has meant a better lawn table and chairs, replacing our fire ring for backyard barbecue, and the storage was getting so tight that Mark was really frustrated with how hard it was to get equipment in and out of the sheds, so a new metal shed was purchased which had made his life a lot easier.

I think these things are in balance when one does not have a "keeping up with the Jones'" mentality, but a "keeping up with our home investment and making things cozy for our family" outlook.

[Kidlit]

5 hours ago, Katy said:

 

DH grew up in a house that was never updated. I remember we disagreed about that when we got married. I couldn’t understand why he wanted and appreciated spending so much money on an aesthetically pleasing wedding but didn’t want to put money into the place we lived and spent time in every day. Then after we painted the first house we owned he got it. He said my motivation to keep it clean and organized went way up. When it could be pretty I spent the time making it pretty every day. Also before that I never realized how much impact aesthetics has on my moods. Ugly mustard paint = anxiety & demotivation. Pretty shades I loved = rest & peace. If you have the time and budget I think it makes a much bigger difference in day to day life than you might think. 

This is all very true for me. My dh is definitely not attuned to it as much as I am!

 

5 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

 

I think these things are in balance when one does not have a "keeping up with the Jones'" mentality, but a "keeping up with our home investment and making things cozy for our family" outlook.

Love this!

[KidsHappen]

My short but simple answer is that I am content to improve slowly. We have a long list of items that need to be done to the house and we are tackling them one at a time as money affords from most important to least. 

[Kassia]

@Kidlit I am struggling with this right now, too. I find that I get overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done and it affects my mental health and then that stresses me because I know I shouldn't let it get to me the way it does.  The house is safe and clean and takes care of all of our needs, but it's cluttered, outdated, and needs lots of repairs/replacements.  

[Momof4sweetkids]

One thing I've noticed is that fixing the little things that just feel annoying has helped a lot. For example, our faucet needed to be tightened and our front door handle stuck. We have much, MUCH bigger problems in this house but having the daily use items be functional has helped me not feel like our house is falling apart. Aesthetics don't really bother me though, it's just the list of projects being so long that feels stressful.