Shelydon Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 For the last 21 years, I have been the sole vacation planner for our family. Most vacations involved staying at a VRBO and always included me cooking all meals, cleaning up, doing laundry etc. When kids were little, I did toddler duty, got up in the night as per usual. I think this is pretty common in many families, moms do the same duties, just in a different place. The last few vacations included big fights with spouse because things weren't planned to his liking or exactness. So-- I am done. I haven't gone on a vacation since 2020 and I refuse to plan one. My spouse frequently says "You don't like vacation." This is not a true statement at all. I want an actual vacation. My idea of a true vacation is going someplace pretty and quiet and reading a book. I don't want to plan activities and events. I don't want to go on 4-mile hikes. I don't want to cook dinner and clean up. I don't want to figure out a restaurant that everyone will like and not complain about and still fits in the budget. My spouse is planning a vacation and I have not been invited. I have a big birthday coming up and won't get to celebrate because I won't plan the event. So..... shrug. Life sucks sometimes. That is all. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 That stinks. Two ideas - all inclusive or cruise. and go with friends😀 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 1 minute ago, lmrich said: That stinks. Two ideas - all inclusive or cruise. and go with friends😀 Hell yeah. I'd be on holidays myself when they got home from theirs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 Just now, Rosie_0801 said: Hell yeah. I'd be on holidays myself when they got home from theirs. This right here. Even if it's a hidey hole hotel and you have to eat ramen. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 15 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said: This right here. Even if it's a hidey hole hotel and you have to eat ramen. Pffft, if he's not eating ramen on vacation, I'm damn sure not. @Shelydon, what part of the country are you in? Maybe some of us can celebrate with you! 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarita Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 22 minutes ago, Shelydon said: For the last 21 years, I have been the sole vacation planner for our family. Most vacations involved staying at a VRBO and always included me cooking all meals, cleaning up, doing laundry etc. When kids were little, I did toddler duty, got up in the night as per usual. I think this is pretty common in many families, moms do the same duties, just in a different place. The last few vacations included big fights with spouse because things weren't planned to his liking or exactness. FWIW I'm not sure that this is common. Sure as #%$#^ my spouse would not dare to complain if he didn't help plan that vacation plans weren't fully to his liking. The only time he might complain is if I substituted one of his activities for one of mine and mine turned out to be miserable then he might tease me. If he made me cook all the meals on vacation, do all my mom duties without help, didn't help plan and complained about the whole thing; he would no longer have a stay-at-home-spouse. 30 minutes ago, Shelydon said: My spouse is planning a vacation and I have not been invited. I have a big birthday coming up and won't get to celebrate because I won't plan the event. So..... shrug. Life sucks sometimes. That is all. I'd be pampering myself on his dime. All the SPA treatments, all the eating out, ALL THE THINGS. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 Then send the kids with him and you have a vacation alone. With the books and whatever restaurant you want. He’ll get a taste of taking care of everybody. He may apologize, he may not, but at least you’ll actually be able to rest. Honestly my DH forgot we had kids the first time we went on vacation with his family after having kids. He left me in a lakeside cabin while he went boating with a cousin without inviting us. It was definitely in the top 3 “have you lost your mind?” conversations we’ve ever had. The idea that it was fun to be in a not baby-proofed place with little kids, no internet access, and none of their favorite things while he acted like he was back in college was on the verge of a marriage breaker. Ever since (except for covid) I make sure to have a girl’s day out at least every few months. Just spending time with other adults without kids is so important. 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 I have come to believe that if I plan my own birthday celebrations, I get the celebrations that I really want. DH is welcome to join me if he wants to, but I plan them in such a way so that I will have an absolute blast whether he is there or not. I think that this might secretly drive him a little crazy, and I think it is good for him to realize that I can have a great time without him. Or with him. As the case may be. For my last major birthday I went on a gorgeous drive through amazing scenery, about 2 1/2 hours, to a Gold Rush town that was having a local craft fair that day, featuring, among others, a handweaver whose work I had long admired online. I went to the fair, bought myself a stunning handwoven wrap that I absolutely love, which was pricier than I would have normally partaken of if it wasn't for this occasion, and had dinner at an excellent farm to table restaurant there in town. For the one before that I spent two night in a Victorian B and B, had nice food and visited a unique holiday light park, and commissioned a painting by my favorite artist of my favorite view and a local bird. Can you tell from this description which one DH joined me on? Nope. 🙂 Self contained fun either way. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelydon Posted May 31, 2023 Author Share Posted May 31, 2023 Thanks all. I think I have lost myself enough that I am not sure what I want, but I'll plan something. 🙃 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eos Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 5 hours ago, Shelydon said: Thanks all. I think I have lost myself enough that I am not sure what I want, but I'll plan something. 🙃 Bring books... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 5 hours ago, Shelydon said: Thanks all. I think I have lost myself enough that I am not sure what I want, but I'll plan something. 🙃 Planning something will be the start of discovering yourself again - If you don't like it you'll know that too!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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