How to find a counselor?

[BlsdMama]

I have a DD who has had social anxiety for a while... she is likely on the spectrum.  We did an eval around age 15, but the dr felt nothing was needed because she makes herself function well.  She's still functioning successfully, dean's list, in the classroom as an observer this semester, volunteering as a conversation partner within her TESOL program, participating with a small group.  However, this weekend, she shared that she's struggling with things and would it be possible to find a counselor? Oh my gosh, yes.   She's incredibly hard on herself, minimizes her successes and focusing on what she perceives as shortcominngs.  Specifically, she thinks she should have better social skills and "feel" more.  She also thinks she should respond to social interactions more intuitively.  I don't want to minimize her perceptions, but this is all very normal for women on the spectrum.  I think counseling would increase her confidence that she isn't the only human that is wired a little differently. How do I find a *good* counselor for her? 

[Ann.without.an.e]

It will be trial and error but the best thing you can do is ask around. DD saw two others before her current one. First was sweet but basically just listened and agreed with DD about everything (aka no help or tools). Second was a guy and he was ok but not a good fit. I mentioned that she really wanted a woman and he put us into contact with her current therapist who is amazing. ETA: the biggest thing I did for DD was explained to her that the right fit would likely not happen the first try. She was prepared to need to try out a few. If they go into it without that mindset then they may give up on therapy as a whole. 

ETA 2: Also is world view important? if it is then stick to that. DD wanted a therapist who was more than a counselor and had real tools to help her but she also preferred someone with a christian worldview. 

Edited March 12, 2023 by Ann.without.an.e

[Bootsie]

Is she currently a college student?  If so, I would start with any counseling services on her campus.  Depending on the situation and her university, the may provide counseling for free or a nominal charge.  Or, they may refer her to local counselors that they know, referring her to someone who seems to be a good match for her particular needs. 

[AmandaVT]

psychologytoday.com can be a good resource too. 

[J-rap]

If you're part of a church whose teachings/philosophy you greatly respect, you can see if they recommend some.  Our church recommends quite a few and I trust their recommendations.  They're not all Christian, and in fact I don't know if any they recommend even advertise themselves as "Christian counselors," but I know that the staff is thorough and would only recommend agencies that meet certain standards.  

[MEmama]

2 hours ago, Bootsie said:

Is she currently a college student?  If so, I would start with any counseling services on her campus.  Depending on the situation and her university, the may provide counseling for free or a nominal charge.  Or, they may refer her to local counselors that they know, referring her to someone who seems to be a good match for her particular needs. 

I second working with her university if she's a student.

We couldn't find any available private counselors in DS's city but he's completed the paperwork to see one on campus. They offer free services including working with ADHD and autistic students--a must for anyone trying to understand his struggles.

[BlsdMama]

21 hours ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

It will be trial and error but the best thing you can do it ask around. DD saw two others before her current one. First was sweet but basically just listened and agreed with DD about everything (aka no help or tools). Second was a guy and he was ok but not a good fit. I mentioned that she really wanted a woman and he put us into contact with her current therapist who is amazing. ETA: the biggest thing I did for DD was explained to her that the right fit would likely not happen the first try. She was prepared to need to try out a few. If they go into it without that mindset then they may give up on therapy as a whole. 

ETA 2: Also is world view important? if it is then stick to that. DD wanted a therapist who was more than a counselor and had real tools to help her but she also preferred someone with a christian worldview. 

Thanks for this. I hadn’t prepared her to expect some trial and error. That’s such great advice because she’s the one who would attempt to put up with discomfort then just stop going. 
 

Worldview is definitely important. 

21 hours ago, Bootsie said:

Is she currently a college student?  If so, I would start with any counseling services on her campus.  Depending on the situation and her university, the may provide counseling for free or a nominal charge.  Or, they may refer her to local counselors that they know, referring her to someone who seems to be a good match for her particular needs. 

She specifically requested it not be on campus. She’s uncomfortable with the idea of grad students being in counseling which I’m fairly certain wouldn’t happen. Our medical insurance should cover someone in network and there were over three pages of female counselors in the BCBS network. 

20 hours ago, J-rap said:

If you're part of a church whose teachings/philosophy you greatly respect, you can see if they recommend some.  Our church recommends quite a few and I trust their recommendations.  They're not all Christian, and in fact I don't know if any they recommend even advertise themselves as "Christian counselors," but I know that the staff is thorough and would only recommend agencies that meet certain standards.  

The only problem I can think of is that we’re about thirty five miles from her school? Do counselors network? We have a counselor who works with our homeschool student council to create a podcast. He’s very familiar with two of my girls so I’d feel comfortable asking him. Maybe he’d be a good person to ask?

[J-rap]

1 minute ago, BlsdMama said:

 

The only problem I can think of is that we’re about thirty five miles from her school? Do counselors network? We have a counselor who works with our homeschool student council to create a podcast. He’s very familiar with two of my girls so I’d feel comfortable asking him. Maybe he’d be a good person to ask?

Some counselors might be part of an agency that has a broader range.  Or, they might be part of a larger network and can recommend counselors with similar standards but closer to where your dd is.

[Bootsie]

39 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Thanks for this. I hadn’t prepared her to expect some trial and error. That’s such great advice because she’s the one who would attempt to put up with discomfort then just stop going. 
 

Worldview is definitely important. 

She specifically requested it not be on campus. She’s uncomfortable with the idea of grad students being in counseling which I’m fairly certain wouldn’t happen. Our medical insurance should cover someone in network and there were over three pages of female counselors in the BCBS network. 

The only problem I can think of is that we’re about thirty five miles from her school? Do counselors network? We have a counselor who works with our homeschool student council to create a podcast. He’s very familiar with two of my girls so I’d feel comfortable asking him. Maybe he’d be a good person to ask?

Counseling on a college campus will not necessarily include graduate students.  There may be some services that are offered that are teaching opportunities to graduate students if the campus offers graduate programs in counseling.  However, most colleges have a separate counseling program through the dean of students office.  

Is she taking online classes or commuting to the campus?  Yes, counselors network,  Some will be part of an official network and could recommend someone within that group.  They will know other counselors through continuing education programs and other activities.  If you know a counselor you are comfortable with asking that sounds like a great place to start. 

[Melissa Louise]

Does she have a diagnosis?

I'd be inclined to start there, if she doesn't, and then look for someone used to working with female ASD clients.  I'd do this through any groups you can find that are local(ish) and are for women with ASD.

General campus counseling is OK for problems like 'I am stressed about mid terms' or 'I broke up with my girlfriend and I'm sad' or 'what do I want to do at the end of this year' or 'I think I'm gay - now what?'

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

If she felt more, she may not be able to function as well as she does.

[Melissa Louise]

10 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

If she felt more, she may not be able to function as well as she does.

QFT

 

[cintinative]

A friend who had a kid in college sought out counseling with Lifeway. This allowed her to "see" a counselor remotely and then when she was home, to see her in person.

Your church is a possible place to start. Our church has a relationship with several different groups. However, I will say that rapport is very important. She needs to feel comfortable with the person. So if she starts out and it isn't a good fit, it is totally okay to keep looking.  

Also, unfortunately, so many young people (and others) are struggling right now. She might have to wait a bit for her first appointment. Get on waiting lists if you can.

Prayers for her. My youngest has had similar issues with anxiety and sharing his feelings. Fortunately he is still home with me so arranging for counseling is less logistics.  

Please commend her for me for seeking this and making her need known. That she is recognizing that she needs this is so very healthy.  Seeing our needs more clearly is one step in the movement toward healing.  

Edited March 12, 2023 by cintinative

[BlsdMama]

On 3/12/2023 at 4:09 PM, Rosie_0801 said:

If she felt more, she may not be able to function as well as she does.

I think this is potentially true, she does the next thing. She’s taking a class on neurodivergence that is perhaps giving her the necessary language to lead a discussion with me vs. participating in a conversation. 
I am hopeful that counseling would help her feel comfortable in her own skin…

[MEmama]

2 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

I think this is potentially true, she does the next thing. She’s taking a class on neurodivergence that is perhaps giving her the necessary language to lead a discussion with me vs. participating in a conversation. 
I am hopeful that counseling would help her feel comfortable in her own skin…

We've found the language piece to be hugely helpful here, too.

It helps that this generation is comfortable and open talking about mental health. There's not the stigma and silence that enveloped previous generations. I learn so much from them.