Anyone deal w/teen dd cutting?

[OhM]

So today I get a call from school (13yo dd returned to ps this year) asking if I could come over right away. A friend forced her to go to the guidance counselor, who was obligated by law or school policy, not sure which, to call me. The school now requires that she be "cleared" by a "mental health professional", which is ok by me - now if she balks at talking to a counselor, it's the school making her do it. So she has an appt. next week.

 

So I was wondering if anyone has BTDT, and could give me pointers on how to become more accessible to her. (Thought I was; apparently was not!)

 

And if you're so inclined, please pray.

 

THX. (sigh)

[Jean in Newcastle]

No advice. Praying. :grouphug:

[vettechmomof2]

I did as a child.

It was a release of feelings and the only way I could get those feelings released.

I developed depression around the age of 12 years and the cutting started around 13, lasted until 15 after I spoke with a physiciatrist for a few years who helped me learn to speak about my feelings. At the age of 14 my parents did allow me to start medications and that also helped me.

One day I just did not have to cut anymore.

Unfortunately i cannot give you any how to help tips, just experience from the act itself.

Still to this day I can remember the euphoric feeling of release after cutting.

Does she do any activites, sports, work,etc.

I started working at a young age and any time that i was at work or sports I would/could not do cutting.

Another thing that I "think" would have helped me at the time was martial arts or yoga. I find such release when my family is practicing martial arts now that I believe it would have been very helpful for me at that time.

Good luck,

Allene

[BamaTanya]

My best friend in college did this. I don't have any advice. I'd actually be relieved to be seeking outside counsel. Praying you find a terrific counselor!

 

Do not carry the weight of this. Some things are just bigger and more unexpected than parents can prepare for . . . :grouphug: to you and your dd

[Tree House Academy]

I dated a guy who did this. He was pretty bad about it too. For him, it was a way to release his emotions. He would hurt himself rather than cry or get angry. I do have to tell you that he tried twice to commit suicide as well and I really feel the emotions in the two were linked (the cutting and the suicide attempt). IO am so glad you are going to get her some help...and I am glad her school has forced the issue. Thank God. By the time I met the guy I dated, he was 19 and there was nothing anyone could "force" him to do - until it was almost too late.

[teamturner]

Praying for your dd and family. :grouphug:

[sassenach]

As a youth pastor, my dh has seen this many times. This is a long term issue, there is no quick fix. I'm glad you are seeking counseling. My only advice is to cover her in prayer and get as much outside help as you can. A good resource is http://www.twloha.com . Saying a prayer for you,

[tibbyl]

Keep in mind that there is also the possibility that the self-cutting is copycat behavior:

 

http://www.bpkids.org/site/PageServer?pagename=dt_ft_selffinjuryawarenessforparents

 

It is important to distinguish between true self-injury and what is considered copycat injury. Particularly in the teen years there is a degree of social peer pressure and desire for inclusion that can lead adolescents (particularly girls) to mimic the behaviors of others. The main distinction is that a copycat injurer will do so for attention and will be less likely to try to hide her injuries. A person truly suffering from self injury will generally go to great lengths to hide his/her behavior.

[AnnetteB]

Praying for you all :grouphug:

[hsmamainva]

Keep in mind that there is also the possibility that the self-cutting is copycat behavior:

 

http://www.bpkids.org/site/PageServer?pagename=dt_ft_selffinjuryawarenessforparents

 

It is important to distinguish between true self-injury and what is considered copycat injury. Particularly in the teen years there is a degree of social peer pressure and desire for inclusion that can lead adolescents (particularly girls) to mimic the behaviors of others. The main distinction is that a copycat injurer will do so for attention and will be less likely to try to hide her injuries. A person truly suffering from self injury will generally go to great lengths to hide his/her behavior.

 

This is a definite possibility!!!

 

My oldest did this once, when she was 14. We weren't aware of it, but one of her girlfriends was a cutter and my daughter tried it, to see 'what it was like'. We were absolutely terrified, and my daughter was horrified afterward. We did take her to a psychiatrist, just to make sure there wasn't anything more to it than that. She met with him weekly for a couple of months, and he reassured us that she was fine and that, sometimes, such experimentation is a part of growing up (just as some kids experiment with drugs or alcohol or smoking, etc.).

 

We did feel that she needed a positive outlet for her energy and that's when she started taking Tae Kwon Do. That gave her confidence and an increased respect for herself and others. We never had another cutting incident and it's been over three years since it happened...and my daughter is 3 months away from receiving her Black belt!

 

But I do strongly recommend taking her to talk to someone about it.

 

:grouphug:

 

Please keep us updated.

[dymphna57]

When someone I love did this to herself, I found it hard to communicate my love to her. She was trying to express her emotion and get release from her pain in a way that was so painful to me because it seemed so self destructive.

I would notice the cuts and try to give her more but I tried not to see that I noticed as that made her withdraw again.

She was actually able to accept help from a lesser friend as it was easier for her to talk in a less emotional relationship. I just want to say it might not be because you weren't available but because acknowledging it to you would hurt too much.

She is much better and I know it was my love that was always there that helped her when she needed it even if it had to be through others.

I will pray for you both.

[KidsHappen]

WE dealt with this about a year ago. I had one teen that had a bout of about three incidences in about one month period of time. I took her to the dr and the psychiatrist. This is something that you will want to do as well not only to get your dd the help she needs but also to document what is happening and have proof that you are doing what you can to help. This is a CYB insurance policy should anyone ever accuse you of child abuse. You will also want the school to know what is going on.

 

Anyhow, both dr. & psychiatrist told me this is not uncommon in teens especially in this day and age. And a small percentage of teens who do this don't really have anything wrong with them but are in fact just acting out in a typical teenage rebelious way (much like smoking, drinking or skipping school).

 

For my dd it was a method of processing pain that she could not adequetly handle emotionally. This first thing we did was start medication and working on coping mechanisms. We also discussed how this was actually counter productive to her long term goals. And finally we worked on relieving the situation that was causing her so much pain.

 

It has been a year now and we have not seen anymore incidences. She is still taking her meds and seeing a counselor. However, I am still somewhat guarded about relaxing entirely concerning her. She has never given me any additional reason to worry but I still do and I watch her closely. I don't quite trust her yet. She has never been subjected to any other severe emotional stress so it is hard to know how she would handle it.

 

This is so hard. And I know that it seems like the end of the world when you are experiencing it but most of the time it resolves in a satisfactory way. Both the dr and psychiatrist said that it is rare for the behavior to escalate and that it that it is rarely a very long term problem especially in children who do not otherwise seem troubled.

 

Hugs and prayers for you and your family while you are dealing with this. I wish you peace and resolution. :grouphug:

[jail warden]

My cousin did this. She also said it was a release for her emotions. She went to see a couselor, through God's wonderful love, and the help of the two different counselors she would see, she is free of it. I would definitely reccomend a counselor. I will pray for your family, this has got to be so tough.

[Laura R (FL)]

I did as a child.

It was a release of feelings and the only way I could get those feelings released.

I developed depression around the age of 12 years and the cutting started around 13, lasted until 15 after I spoke with a physiciatrist for a few years who helped me learn to speak about my feelings. At the age of 14 my parents did allow me to start medications and that also helped me.

One day I just did not have to cut anymore.

Unfortunately i cannot give you any how to help tips, just experience from the act itself.

Still to this day I can remember the euphoric feeling of release after cutting.

Does she do any activites, sports, work,etc.

I started working at a young age and any time that i was at work or sports I would/could not do cutting.

Another thing that I "think" would have helped me at the time was martial arts or yoga. I find such release when my family is practicing martial arts now that I believe it would have been very helpful for me at that time.

Good luck,

Allene

 

My story, too. Unfortunately, I still carry the physical scars. After reading this thread and tearing up, I guess I still have the emotional ones, too. :tongue_smilie:

How I wish I had started medication as a teen! I didn't find out until I was a young adult that I had ADHD and depression issues. Even now, if I don't take anti-depressants, I just have no desire to be here. I wish it wasn't that way, but it's true. Many prayers for her and your family. I did talk to a counselor and open up, but it didn't make the pain go away. Perhaps some meds or a physical plan of activity, etc would help her as well.

[OhM]

Thanks, all, for the comments and links.

 

I really don't know what to make of it - she's not trying to hide it at all (well, she's hiding it from us), but practically broadcasting to her friends. I'm thankful for the friend who told her that she doesn't care if it ruins their friendship, she's telling an adult. But whether it's "true" self-mutilation or a copycat issue, I'm thankful that she'll be seeing a counselor who can help her sort through all this.

 

And thanks for the sports recommendations. When she was swimming, this wasn't an issue. We're getting her a rec center membership for Christmas so that she can get back to swimming on a regular basis; couldn't come at a better time.

 

And I'm so thankful for God's timing on this: the call came at a time when I could pick up and rush right over to the school. The counselor's availability lined up perfectly with winter break. We had a surplus on our HSA that will cover the first sessions, so we don't need to wait until Jan 1 to play the deductible game with insurance.

 

Looking back, I realize that I suffered from what was probably a clinical depression from around 15 to probably 23 or so. My parents handled it by punishing me for my "attitude" and telling me other people had it much worse. Surprisingly, that's my instinct in this situation, even though I know it would be the least helpful thing to do. I saw a counselor at 23 and it was the best thing to happen to me. If this is an issue for her, too, I'm glad she'll be addressing it at 13 instead of suffering for years.

 

Thanks again!

[DB in NJ]

As a youth pastor, my dh has seen this many times. This is a long term issue, there is no quick fix. I'm glad you are seeking counseling. My only advice is to cover her in prayer and get as much outside help as you can. A good resource is http://www.twloha.com . Saying a prayer for you,

 

To Write Love on Her Arms was going to be my only contribution to this thread, but Shannon beat me to it. :grouphug: I'll be praying for you all.