Hannah Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 I attended a bridal shower on Saturday, and we were asked to fill out an "Advice for the Bride" leaflet. The answers were both fun and serious. What are your answers to one or more of the following (changing to your partner as it fits for you) Never let your husband ___ Always tell your husband___ Never tell your husband___ Always make your husband___ Never forget your husband’s___ Always remind your husband that he is___ Never give your husband advice about___ Always help your husband in the ___ Never assist your husband in the___ Always try to ___with your husband Never try to ___with your husband Always say your husband is___ Never say your husband is ___ Always give your husband___ Never hide__from your husband Most importantly always___your husband And never____your husband 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 boy, I wouldn't like that I prefer what I did, have a nice bound book with blank pages and get everyone to write their favorite recipes in it 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted February 22, 2021 Author Share Posted February 22, 2021 16 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said: boy, I wouldn't like that I prefer what I did, have a nice bound book with blank pages and get everyone to write their favorite recipes in it It wasn't really forced. Some people chose not to fill it in. I like the idea of a recipe. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 Here’s what I wish I’d known. I quote from Bob Goff. ”None of us really fall in love. We just stop making everything about ourselves and love floods into the space selfishness leaves behind.” 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyacinth Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 I don’t like these games. (Yes, I’m a curmudgeon.) I get that they’re meant to be fun and lighthearted, but since all advice is autobiographical, it’s largely unhelpful as advice unless the bride-to-be and her husband are exactly like the advice giver and her husband. Study your own husband and go from there 🙂. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
egao_gakari Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 I agree with the above that my answers to this would either be super personal and not applicable to other couples, or perfectly obvious to anyone with a modicum of emotional intelligence. The "always" and "never" elements sort of wind up making any answer sound pat. Never belittle your husband is one thing I would say. But I would say never belittle anyone--not just your husband. Always start with the benefit of the doubt. Again, something I'd recommend not just for spouses but for everyone. Agree in advance that if one of you ever asks to do marriage counseling, the other will immediately agree and you will be in that office within 2 weeks. Read (and follow) Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Do pick your battles, and don't assume that if he has a problem with a certain behavior of yours, it means he has a problem with you on a personal level.... And we're back to advice that's not marriage-specific. 😁 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 My practical suggestions would be things like: Establish your own family holiday traditions as soon as you're married. (I remember being a little surprised that my dh's idea was basically that we were just going to fold our family into his family and not have our own things. Apparently, that's not an uncommon thing with men, it doesn't occur to them that they are making a new family which will need new traditions.) Don't be surprised that it will take time and effort to fall into easy routines. And every time you go through a life change, it will take a new adjustment. I remember being so shocked that even good things (like marriage, babies, etc) was hard for a time to get used to. Be sure to discuss how often (in general) you (as a couple) will be visiting extended family. (this could be different if the couple lives close to or far from those family members) Set an upper limit for spending, above which you as a couple need to discuss that expenditure. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in CT Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 RBG wrote in her memoir that her MIL counseled her "sometimes it helps to be a little deaf." Good counsel for life in general -- it's a tactical how-to to the same idea as "learn to discern the difference between stuff that matters, and stuff that doesn't... and then don't sweat the small stuff." But there's a wry self-knowledge to the expression of the idea that appeals to me. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 (edited) I hate shower games. I think they're demeaning. This one is worded particularly badly with always and never and such. "Letting" husband do this or that is also problematic but I'm not going to delve into all that other than to say if it were men talking about not "letting" wives do something it wouldn't go over well. I don't think people should be advising a bride who hasn't herself specifically asked. And I think people should be highly selective who they're asking to advise them-particularly in marriage. So beyond just being irritated by shower games in general, I'm temperamentally inclined to especially dislike this one. This doesn't even touch on the invasion of privacy a previous poster mentioned. There's just no way you can answer such things without revealing private information. My advice to people in general, since the OP is asking about advice on answering the above questions? Don't answer questions about your marriage that aren't anyone else's business because you wouldn't want your spouse gossiping about things that should be between the two of you. I also agree that each marriage is unique and it's difficult to get meaningful advice because relationship dynamics are so complex. Sorry, I can't NOT think about things and just play along for the fun of it when it comes to something serious like marriage. Too bad the person who chose this game doesn't have wide enough experience with different personality types and life circumstances to be aware of how triggering her little game is, especially for people who haven't had particularly easy marriages. Edited February 22, 2021 by Homeschool Mom in AZ 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 Well I get that it’s supposed to be in fun, but the entire list makes me queasy. Seriously, it just smacks of the patriarchy and tradition, the idea that women exist to prop their men up while allowing them to look like the strong ones. Just blech. I'm sorry you aren’t getting the answers you were looking for. But this list—and worse, the expectations and assumptions behind creating such a list or viewing it as fun—truly feel like a smack in the face of modern relationships. 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted February 23, 2021 Author Share Posted February 23, 2021 Thank you for voicing the concerns with this particular game. I wasn't able to articulate why it was making me feel uncomfortable. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 See, I did not take it as seriously as other members responding. I was initially thinking, “Oh, a fun shower game for my dd”. I would have a mix of things that are fun and sweet: Never let your husband cut your hair Always tell your husband he is the love of your life etc. I wouldn't get into personal things. It seemed to me like a good way to get people laughing and talking about “that time when I let my husband cut my hair...” 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momto6inIN Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 I agree with Quill, it sounded fun and light hearted to me! "Never let your husband see all your Amazon purchases." 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
egao_gakari Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 1 hour ago, Quill said: See, I did not take it as seriously as other members responding. I was initially thinking, “Oh, a fun shower game for my dd”. I would have a mix of things that are fun and sweet: Never let your husband cut your hair Always tell your husband he is the love of your life etc. I wouldn't get into personal things. It seemed to me like a good way to get people laughing and talking about “that time when I let my husband cut my hair...” I think as a bride-to-be I would have really enjoyed reading people's stories like that! As a guest, though, having now experienced a married life that is a lot harder than I anticipated (and frankly, I did anticipate that it would be hard), I would struggle to come up with answers for some of them. If you know your guest list well, and you know that most of them have at least a few fun stories that would come out of a game like this, it's probably fine. But if there are people in attendance who are going through rough patches, they won't know what to fill in the blanks and might better appreciate a piece of nice notepaper to write in a more open-response fashion. Maybe in reply to a prompt like, "What are your three do's and don't's of marriage?" or something. I would definitely say never let your husband transfer your laundry to the dryer without your direct supervision. Your nicest bra will be rendered unwearable 😉 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 (edited) Yeah, I'm with Quill, it's just meant to be light-hearted. I don't like shower games in general, but I don't find anything particularly problematic in this one - which is not to say I'd enjoy it; I would probably leave a lot of blank spaces 'cause I couldn't come up with something clever. ETA: Thinking about this some more - someone upthread said it could be "triggering" for some people. Well, I suppose so. But any kind of celebration can be triggering to someone. A wedding shower can be difficult for someone in a bad marriage, or someone recently going through a divorce. A baby shower can be painful for someone suffering infertility. There are so many things that can be upsetting. I don't want to go through life oblivious of others' pain, but I have a hard time seeing a silly party game as something to be avoided because someone may have had a bad experience related in some way. (And I have been divorced, and was in the midst of it right when many of my friends were getting married.) Always let your husband have the last cookie. Never let your husband know where your secret stash of chocolate is. Edited February 23, 2021 by marbel 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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