I need to do a hard reset on my bad mood. Any tips on how to do this?

[prairiewindmomma]

2 hours ago, Seasider too said:

Oh! Y’all have reminded me of something. We do not have curbside glass recycling where we live. So every now and then we take it to the receptacle. It is extremely satisfying to crash bottles and jars into it, one at a time!

This is exactly what I do.  Our town used to have metal dumpsters for glass recycling.  I really loved just throwing it in there hard and hearing stuff shatter.

Driving nails into a board is another physical release thing I've done.  

It took me a while to realize that I carry grief in my body.  I really need to work out that grief and adrenaline.  It's a way that I sit with my feelings and work through them rather than shoving them aside and letting them build.

Youngest kick boxes.

[Drama Llama]

I think I need to try this smashing thing, but we’re not going into stores and we have curbside recycling.  Is there a covid safe version.  

[freesia]

We got a heavy bag. Dh says he is amazed at how much better he feels after practicing punches on it. 

[Junie]

21 hours ago, MissLemon said:

Without trivializing the grief aspect of this, it's just been an "...and ANOTHER THING...!" kind of week.  I'm upset that my friend died. I'm upset that another (immunocompromised) friend of mine now has covid.  Another friend of mine recently had emergency surgery, and while the emergent situation has now been resolved, I'm vaguely worried about the potential covid exposure for them and their family.  Those feel like really big things to be worried or upset about. 

Layered on top of that is frustration because there is drama from my in-laws and dad. There's always, ALWAYS holiday drama. I wish we could have normal holiday drama about pies or inappropriate serving spoons. 

 

 

If the drama involves anything in person, I would skip it.  Tell them that you've possibly been exposed* to covid and just skip.  (*and it's true.  Pretty much everyone in the world has "possibly been exposed to covid".  I would just skip any/all relatives this year, especially if there's drama involved.

[Junie]

2 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I think I need to try this smashing thing, but we’re not going into stores and we have curbside recycling.  Is there a covid safe version.  

I have done this with eggs.  We had some eggs that had possibly gone bad (probably from a power outage).  I turned on the water in the sink and turned on the garbage disposal and chucked the eggs one by one down the drain.  It was actually strangely satisfying, and I wasn't even really upset about anything. :)

[prairiewindmomma]

2 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I think I need to try this smashing thing, but we’re not going into stores and we have curbside recycling.  Is there a covid safe version.  

Bag of frozen ice cubes + hammer

[prairiewindmomma]

You can pelt ice at a fence

[Lecka]

Breaking sticks can be very satisfying.  

[Shoeless]

24 minutes ago, Junie said:

If the drama involves anything in person, I would skip it.  Tell them that you've possibly been exposed* to covid and just skip.  (*and it's true.  Pretty much everyone in the world has "possibly been exposed to covid".  I would just skip any/all relatives this year, especially if there's drama involved.

No in person drama. There is some side-drama because DH and I have told all family we will not see them until we are vaccinated for covid. Now one of them isn't speaking to me and blames me for "keeping the family apart". 

The "final straw" for my bad mood was my dad calling me to announce he was getting engaged to his latest girlfriend. This is "wife" #5. They don't plan to legally marry, just "live in sin", as he says. My father considers himself to be Uber-Catholic and likes to lecture me on my life choices, while ignoring the raging hypocrisy of his own decisions. 

I am simply exhausted by it all. 

I am sorry for the rant. 

[Junie]

(((MissLemon)))

No need to apologize for ranting.

[popmom]

9 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

No in person drama. There is some side-drama because DH and I have told all family we will not see them until we are vaccinated for covid. Now one of them isn't speaking to me and blames me for "keeping the family apart". 

The "final straw" for my bad mood was my dad calling me to announce he was getting engaged to his latest girlfriend. This is "wife" #5. They don't plan to legally marry, just "live in sin", as he says. My father considers himself to be Uber-Catholic and likes to lecture me on my life choices, while ignoring the raging hypocrisy of his own decisions. 

I am simply exhausted by it all. 

I am sorry for the rant. 

Agree--no apology needed. What would happen if you called him out for his hypocrisy? 

Edited December 22, 2020 by popmom

[Scarlett]

10 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

No in person drama. There is some side-drama because DH and I have told all family we will not see them until we are vaccinated for covid. Now one of them isn't speaking to me and blames me for "keeping the family apart". 

The "final straw" for my bad mood was my dad calling me to announce he was getting engaged to his latest girlfriend. This is "wife" #5. They don't plan to legally marry, just "live in sin", as he says. My father considers himself to be Uber-Catholic and likes to lecture me on my life choices, while ignoring the raging hypocrisy of his own decisions. 

I am simply exhausted by it all. 

I am sorry for the rant. 

My sister is pretty upset for me for not coming to her daughter's wedding.  Thankfully not to the extent of refusing to speak to me.  I do think she will get over it.

I am really curious how an Uber-Catholic justifies living with a girlfriend.  Also, why not just get married.  Sorry, people just fascinate me.  Especially when it isn't my own people affecting me.  😉

[Shoeless]

Just now, popmom said:

What would happen if you called him out for his hypocrisy? 

He deflects, says he doesn't recall things the way I do, says he has good reasons for why he acts the way he does, says it's different, because blah blah blah. Lately he has taken to claiming he "can't remember" because he is "too old". He absolutely can remember. He just doesn't want to acknowledge his part in a problem behavior. 

[Shoeless]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

My sister is pretty upset for me for not coming to her daughter's wedding.  Thankfully not to the extent of refusing to speak to me.  I do think she will get over it.

I am really curious how an Uber-Catholic justifies living with a girlfriend.  Also, why not just get married.  Sorry, people just fascinate me.  Especially when it isn't my own people affecting me.  😉

They won't get married because of money. She has more money than him, and he is still paying alimony from the last divorce! 

[Scarlett]

Just now, MissLemon said:

They won't get married because of money. She has more money than him, and he is still paying alimony from the last divorce! 

Oh boy.  

[Shoeless]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

Oh boy.  

Indeed. Merry Christmas, eh? 

The man is an idiot. I feel embarrassed for him. And then I feel like a jerk for feeling that way. It probably feels terrible for him to know I think he's an idiot. 

[popmom]

31 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

He deflects, says he doesn't recall things the way I do, says he has good reasons for why he acts the way he does, says it's different, because blah blah blah. Lately he has taken to claiming he "can't remember" because he is "too old". He absolutely can remember. He just doesn't want to acknowledge his part in a problem behavior. 

I'm sorry. 

Edited December 22, 2020 by popmom

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, MissLemon said:

Indeed. Merry Christmas, eh? 

The man is an idiot. I feel embarrassed for him. And then I feel like a jerk for feeling that way. It probably feels terrible for him to know I think he's an idiot. 

It is probably a similar feeling I have for and relationship with my brother.  He is 4 times divorced and just announced a new girlfriend to us.  I am pretty sure he has moved her in with him and his 9 year old son, but I won't ask.  She is the 2nd one in a year since his XW left (she later died) that he has moved in to his home.  I feel so so sorry for my nephew.

[Shoeless]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

It is probably a similar feeling I have for and relationship with my brother.  He is 4 times divorced and just announced a new girlfriend to us.  I am pretty sure he has moved her in with him and his 9 year old son, but I won't ask.  She is the 2nd one in a year since his XW left (she later died) that he has moved in to his home.  I feel so so sorry for my nephew.

Yeah, your nephew is the one getting the short end of the stick with that situation. 😞

 

[Shoeless]

On 12/22/2020 at 12:11 PM, Patty Joanna said:

Chiming in late, and in some ways, a co-sufferer.  

My priest told me that I had to stop and figure out WHY I am in this mood.  WHAT is bringing me down?  And then I have to take it from there in our faith-practice (which I won't go into because I don't think we have a match here...). :0)

The thing that I had to change, though, was to figure out WHY ... it's not about a bandaid, it's surgery.  

Thank you for this advice! I went for a drive and thought on what was REALLY bothering me. The issue is feeling like I have no control, that other people are calling the shots and I am stuck with the result of their bad decisions. 

 

[Not_a_Number]

1 hour ago, MissLemon said:

Thank you for this advice! I went for a drive and thought on what was REALLY bothering me. The issue is feeling like I have no control, that other people are calling the shots and I am stuck with the result of their bad decisions. 

And the problem, of course, is that you're not wrong. 

Can you take some pride in making good decisions for your family? Does that help you balance the feeling of impotence and the anger? 

[Shoeless]

8 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

And the problem, of course, is that you're not wrong. 

Can you take some pride in making good decisions for your family? Does that help you balance the feeling of impotence and the anger? 

Yes, definitely. I've made some new "Rules of Engagement" for dealing with the tricky people in the family. Like being even more hands-off with MIL. She's 100% DH's responsibility now. I will initiate and offer nothing regarding her, and only respond to specific requests that come from DH.  I can still be kind and polite to her this way, without interactions going side ways. 

Rules of Engagement with dad:  No staying overnight at his house while he is romantically involved with anyone.  Too many fights and power struggles originate from staying at his house.  I'll either stay with one of my sisters or get a hotel. It's a bummer, because I like staying with my dad and hanging out with him, but this will hopefully lead to more pleasant visits and less opportunities for his partners to feel insecure and angry. Or at least, I can leave if they start shouting at each other or me!

        

Edited December 24, 2020 by MissLemon

[elegantlion]

On 12/22/2020 at 3:05 PM, freesia said:

We got a heavy bag. Dh says he is amazed at how much better he feels after practicing punches on it. 

I got one of these after my divorce. It was very cathartic. Turn up some music, it was great. It's not up right now, but I'm hoping to put it up in the next month or so.

16 hours ago, MissLemon said:

Thank you for this advice! I went for a drive and thought on what was REALLY bothering me. The issue is feeling like I have no control, that other people are calling the shots and I am stuck with the result of their bad decisions. 

 

I'm glad to hear you were able to focus on the source.