I need to do a hard reset on my bad mood. Any tips on how to do this?

[Shoeless]

I am in one HECK of a bad mood. I'd like to try to shake some of this off before Christmas. Any suggestions for how to do a hard reset on my mood? I'm WAAAAAAY past the "bubble bath/candles/chocolate to make it better" stage.  

Edited December 21, 2020 by MissLemon

[Laura Corin]

Do you exercise? Hard exercise helps me. 

Yesterday I forced myself to stand still and watch a skein of geese as they flew overhead and disappeared into the setting sun. I  felt better.

Edited December 21, 2020 by Laura Corin

[Drama Llama]

Sometimes, I just need to cry.  

Edited December 21, 2020 by BaseballandHockey
Didn't mean to be quite so drama llama

[Carol in Cal.]

I find that singing often lifts my mood.

[popmom]

I also respond to music. 

 

Are you depressed? How long have you been in this bad mood? I had to "up" my zoloft a couple of weeks ago. It definitely helped. 

Edited December 21, 2020 by popmom

[Jean in Newcastle]

News, social media, people fast.  Ie. become a hermit for awhile! 

[popmom]

8 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

News, social media, people fast.  Ie. become a hermit for awhile! 

This. Absolutely this.

[Shoeless]

3 minutes ago, popmom said:

I also respond to music. 

 

Are you depressed? How long have you been in this bad mood? I had to "up" my zoloft a couple of weeks ago. It definitely helped. 

No, not depressed. I don't think so, at least? I mean, I've got your basic 2020 dread going on, but nothing noteworthy.  It's been a few days and I'm ruminating on a bunch of things that are frustrating/angering me.  It's the usual drama from the extended family, combined with the pandemic stress.  I'd like to stop ruminating on it before Christmas, because I'll be mad at myself if I ruin the day by fuming about it all. 

 

  

[Shoeless]

1 hour ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Sometimes, I just need to cry.  

It's ok. ❤️ You can be a drama llama if you want to/need to. ❤️ I don't always know what to say, but I am a good listener. 

[Drama Llama]

8 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

It's ok. ❤️ You can be a drama llama if you want to/need to. ❤️ I don't always know what to say, but I am a good listener. 

I meant it as a suggestion.  Sometimes just stopping, stepping back, and letting the tears come is the only thing that helps.  I'd love some new ideas though.

[Melissa Louise]

Sometimes if I make myself fall asleep it can act as a day time reset. I sort of just will myself into a short period of unconsciousness. 

Otherwise, nature is a pretty good reset. 

Self compassion - just the act of resting my hand over my heart is very soothing and settling. 

[Ottakee]

Outdoor walks or hikes or venting to a friend often helps me.

this is the time of year though that I need to get my SAD light out and start using it daily.  Lack of sunlight is a big thing in very cloudy West Michigan.

[Pippen]

A drive out in the country helps me. A walk in a peaceful place. 

[Ottakee]

22 minutes ago, Choirfarm3 said:

Well, your friend just died and people's behavior you are seeing caused it. So...

I'm not sure grief can be rushed, no matter how much we want to  sometimes. I think this may jus be a season of being sad and mad and making peace with that somehow.  I'm just afraid any suggestions won't get to the root of the problem. I mean exercise, sleep, diet will help mitigate some. But grief is grief. And even when you think you are passed it, it can sneak up on you when you least expect it. 

I'm sorry you are feeling crappy. Life just stinks sometimes. 

Ok.  I missed this.  Grief is a whole nother ballgame from just a bad mood.   @Choirfarm3 is right.  Grief cannot be rushed.   

[Ausmumof3]

If it’s minor a really good can’t put down book to lose yourself in - preferably something with a neat resolution.  But I’m not sure if that works for deeper stuff 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I will third the hard exercise- this means different things for different people, but if you aren't sweating, it probably isn't hard enough.  Outdoors is best, that way you're also getting fresh air, weather permitting.  The great thing about hard exercise is that after a while, those racing thoughts and endless loops of thought have to shut down for a bit.  A 30 minute break from the inner voice doesn't seem like a long break, but it is very refreshing.  An hour is even better.  

Like @BaseballandHockey, crying.   What works for me is a movie that I know makes me cry- Little Women (1994 version) works well for me, but frankly I cry at the drop of a hat during movies, so it's not hard to find one that will work.  Heck my most recent cry was yesterday watching Star Trek Discovery.  😂

Books don't work for me as I'm one of those people who comes out of bookland in a bad mood because I have to say goodbye to my book friends.  

 

[regentrude]

A day of hard outdoor exercise in nature. No media. Go for a hike, if possible overnight, away from it all. 

[J-rap]

What helps me most is spending time with someone away from my typical environment:  a good friend, my sister, etc.  I know that's harder now, but is there someone you can take a walk with or Zoom with?  I don't even necessarily need to talk about everything.  It just puts my brain energy into a different place, kind of like a re-set.

[Tree Frog]

I spend time in my garden and with my plants. I can ignore everything else around me and seeing what's needed now and it gives me an opportunity to look ahead at needing to do something in the future.

I'm sorry about your friend.

[rocassie]

When I am frustrated and a ball of stress especially with things that I can't control, I find a good long hike and unplugging helps shift my mood.  Knitting or crafting can help too, but I find the physical outlet to be the best for me.

[PeterPan]

I was getting foul the last couple days too. I think we all have extra emotions with this unusual christmas and the disruption and changed expectations. Losing your friend would make it harder also. If you're religious, you might sit down and read the Bible. Sometimes God is a lot more imprecatory than the people around us and whatever it is that's bugging you makes more sense by the time you're done. Might take an hour or more, lol. And you know, if not, at least you got some time by yourself.

Is it possible you're TIRED? I would prescribe watching REALLY DUMB MOVIES for a day or two and see if it helps. They showed Ghostbusters last night, and I still haven't figured out why as it has zilcho to do with Christmas. Talk about dumb, 80s, oh my! 

[SKL]

• Finishing a work or home project.
• Calling my mom.  (I don't call her very often, but I feel better when I do.)
• Music music music!
• A long walk or meditation in nature.
• A drive works too.
• Reading something spiritual.
• A nap.

[Beth S]

Gratitude Journal . . . or prayer, if you do.

Agreeing with all the previous suggestions!
It's just hard to have the energy . . . esp. if this indeed is grieving.
Mixed up in the Christmas season, it all can just get tangly.

Glad you came to the Hive for some suggestions!  😉

 

 

[MercyA]

10 hours ago, Ottakee said:

this is the time of year though that I need to get my SAD light out and start using it daily.  Lack of sunlight is a big thing in very cloudy West Michigan.

Yes. I just bought a HappyLight on the recommendation of @ktgrok and others here, and it's made a big difference. 

[Drama Llama]

10 hours ago, Ottakee said:

Outdoor walks or hikes or venting to a friend often helps me.

this is the time of year though that I need to get my SAD light out and start using it daily.  Lack of sunlight is a big thing in very cloudy West Michigan.

Do SAD lights help if the underlying issue isn’t seasonal?  

[Ottakee]

4 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Do SAD lights help if the underlying issue isn’t seasonal?  

I honestly don't know.  I don't think it would hurt anything but if it is grief and loss or a chemical based depression, I don't know if it would help.

[Acadie]

12 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Do SAD lights help if the underlying issue isn’t seasonal?  

I'm not sure either, but I do think that oftentimes several things contribute to shifting emotions or processing grief. So if a Happy Light is one of the 3 or 4 things that make a little difference, that can add up.

OP, grounding in my body with yoga, meditation, dancing or hard exercise often helps me. With a good guided meditation I can often feel a biochemical shift in my brain. That doesn't mean everything magically feels better, but it's not just a bubble bath, if you know what I mean. A meditation app can lower the bar to finding a guided meditation and make it easier to do it more often, when everything feels hard. 

Edited December 21, 2020 by Acadie

[cintinative]

I agree that sometimes you just need a good cry. I have watched a couple of movie versions of Little Women that had me sobbing the past week.  

Exercise.

Journaling.

Talking about it  (somehow when we unleash those hard thoughts sometimes they lose their staying power).

IIRC, you are grieving the recent loss of a friend.  In normal circumstances, losing a good friend is terrible. Losing a friend right now in the midst of a pandemic is even harder. So many of our normal supports are just not available.  And there is plenty to provoke us.  Remember to show yourself grace as you grieve. It is good to note when you are "stuck" in an emotion like you have done. Just remember grief is a process, and the timing of it is not linear at all, and when it seems you have backtracked, just know that it is part of the healing too. 

[katilac]

If you're not a mean drunk, getting too tipsy to stay angry can work a reset. 

tiptoes quietly away from all of the exercise and meditation and gratitude . . . 

[Jean in Newcastle]

4 minutes ago, katilac said:

If you're not a mean drunk, getting too tipsy to stay angry can work a reset. 

tiptoes quietly away from all of the exercise and meditation and gratitude . . . 

Only if you don’t have a tendency towards addiction issues. Or even depression. Alcohol is a depressant. 

[Shoeless]

Without trivializing the grief aspect of this, it's just been an "...and ANOTHER THING...!" kind of week.  I'm upset that my friend died. I'm upset that another (immunocompromised) friend of mine now has covid.  Another friend of mine recently had emergency surgery, and while the emergent situation has now been resolved, I'm vaguely worried about the potential covid exposure for them and their family.  Those feel like really big things to be worried or upset about. 

Layered on top of that is frustration because there is drama from my in-laws and dad. There's always, ALWAYS holiday drama. I wish we could have normal holiday drama about pies or inappropriate serving spoons. 

 

 

[Not_a_Number]

14 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

Without trivializing the grief aspect of this, it's just been an "...and ANOTHER THING...!" kind of week.  I'm upset that my friend died. I'm upset that another (immunocompromised) friend of mine now has covid.  Another friend of mine recently had emergency surgery, and while the emergent situation has now been resolved, I'm vaguely worried about the potential covid exposure for them and their family.  Those feel like really big things to be worried or upset about. 

Layered on top of that is frustration because there is drama from my in-laws and dad. There's always, ALWAYS holiday drama. I wish we could have normal holiday drama about pies or inappropriate serving spoons. 

That's honestly a hard one. Like, sometimes things really DO suck. Even if you don't think about them, they still SUCK. 

I'll be with @katilac on the occasional glass of wine relaxing me in a good way, especially if I'm tense as opposed to sad. (And yes, I don't have addiction issues. Obviously that's a bad solution if there are addiction issues.) 

I also like having absorbing projects. I get absorbed in projects in a way that can help me block out bad stuff. Does that ever work for you? 

[Alicia64]

A phenomenal book always puts me into a better head space.

Hope you're doing better,

Wendy

[cintinative]

You are carrying a lot of grief and concern for others. Of course you feel heavy.  Hugs.

[Annie G]

I get on my bike, earbud w music in one ear (other open so I can hear), and ride and cry or talk to myself. The combo of hard exercise and venting my frustrations is very helpful to me.  Pretty sure people I pass think I’ve lost my mind but actually it’s quite the opposite. 
I hope you find something that works for you. So sorry about all the crumminess that you’re going through.

[Drama Llama]

45 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I also like having absorbing projects. I get absorbed in projects in a way that can help me block out bad stuff. Does that ever work for you? 

I find that doing things for other people, as long as they aren't the people causing me my stress, helps. 

For example, we're planning on making a bunch of extra meals to deliver to people who might be alone on Christmas.  I'm also thinking about how to celebrate my new sister in law. 

These aren't perfect solutions.  Grief just sucks, and my anger at people who contributed to that is intense, but having something concrete to do  can keep me busy and distract me from the intensity of my feelings sometimes.  

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, BaseballandHockey said:

I find that doing things for other people, as long as they aren't the people causing me my stress, helps. 

For example, we're planning on making a bunch of extra meals to deliver to people who might be alone on Christmas.  I'm also thinking about how to celebrate my new sister in law. 

These aren't perfect solutions.  Grief just sucks, and my anger at people who contributed to that is intense, but having something concrete to do  can keep me busy and distract me from the intensity of my feelings sometimes.  

You sound more altruistic than me 🙂 . I do care about whether I'm doing something for other people, but partially I just want to be absorbed. In a state of flow, you know? 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)

For me, work projects can be like that, but mostly work projects I've chosen myself 😉 . Luckily, most of my work is fairly self-motivated. 

[Drama Llama]

Just now, Not_a_Number said:

You sound more altruistic than me 🙂 . I do care about whether I'm doing something for other people, but partially I just want to be absorbed. In a state of flow, you know? 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)

For me, work projects can be like that, but mostly work projects I've chosen myself 😉 . Luckily, most of my work is fairly self-motivated. 

For me, where I am now, I can't concentrate on something unless there's a deliverable and a deadline.  Even when there is a deliverable, I still need help to stay on track.  I'm certainly not cooking those things alone.  

That's different from when I'm not grieving, and raging, and completely overwhelmed, and unfortunately it sounds like OP is feeling some of the same things I am. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Sounds like you need a physical release—breaking plates, throwing axes at a fence, baseball bat and ???? 

[Pen]

21 hours ago, MissLemon said:

I am in one HECK of a bad mood. I'd like to try to shake some of this off before Christmas. Any suggestions for how to do a hard reset on my mood? I'm WAAAAAAY past the "bubble bath/candles/chocolate to make it better" stage.  

I have been doing the non complaining exercise thing

I have found starting day with a positive affirmation and/or prayer helps 

and replacing negatives with “I choose happiness” as quickly as possible — or some other suitable replacer . 

[KungFuPanda]

I came here to see how many people recommended TeA and I'm very disappointed.

[Drama Llama]

1 minute ago, KungFuPanda said:

I came here to see how many people recommended TeA and I'm very disappointed.

I thought that’s what Prairiewind’s question marks stood for.

[KungFuPanda]

1 minute ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I thought that’s what Prairiewind’s question marks stood for.

I think you're right.  I didn't catch that.  My skimming is getting criminally bad.

[Halftime Hope]

5 hours ago, MissLemon said:

Without trivializing the grief aspect of this, it's just been an "...and ANOTHER THING...!" kind of week.  I'm upset that my friend died. I'm upset that another (immunocompromised) friend of mine now has covid.  Another friend of mine recently had emergency surgery, and while the emergent situation has now been resolved, I'm vaguely worried about the potential covid exposure for them and their family.  Those feel like really big things to be worried or upset about. 

Layered on top of that is frustration because there is drama from my in-laws and dad. There's always, ALWAYS holiday drama. I wish we could have normal holiday drama about pies or inappropriate serving spoons. 

 

 

Shoot, MissLemon, I can't even imagine the anger and sorrow you must feel.

I've lost two dear older men in my church who I barely knew, and I'm so stinkin' mad about it all I could just scream! Both of them were still badly, badly needed, and now their families and communities have to somehow make it without them.  I have cried and cried for the widows -- I will be the liaison to the families and hostess the funerals at some point in time -- this was all so freaking unnecessary.  Good Lord, I want to strangle somebody!  

And the thought of the family drama -- I'd want to scream at everyone to Get. A. Life., and "think about what counts!" but instead, I would probably beg off and tell everyone I was too devastated for a family holiday just yet, and just gather those under my roof for something really different and special.  

I have no idea if any of that is remotely helpful, but I'm so very sorry, and I sure wish you a successful reset!   

[Granny_Weatherwax]

If you want to try something cathartic, this might work. It was suggested to me by a therapist a few years back.

I go to the local Salvation Army or Goodwill and spend about $5 buying the .25 cups and saucers or miscellaneous trinkets that no one wants (chipped, paint peeling off, etc); you know the kind of stuff I'm talking about. Then I take my new purchases and a big card board box out into the backyard. And I break them. Smash 'em to bits. Each piece is named with something I am angry about or frustrated with before it is smashed. The broken pieces are gathered and disposed of in the trash with an "I am in control and am moving forward." attitude.  

I tend to internalize and ruminate negativity and being physical with a safe outlet (esp when I cannot play my sport) helps decrease the strength of the negative emotion so I can at least deal with it appropriately. It doesn't take away the reason for the anger or frustration but it gives me the chance to get control of my emotions.

At first it felt wasteful and I felt guilty but, after I realized no one wanted the stuff anyway, the guilt disappeared. I've done it twice and felt quite good afterward. My sister, who has breast cancer and is struggling with radiation and a possible recurrence, will be doing this when she comes to visit me next week. I'm taking her to an area away from town because I have a feeling she's gonna be loud and I can guarantee there will be tears from both of us.

[Acadie]

8 hours ago, The Accidental Coach said:

Then I take my new purchases and a big card board box out into the backyard. And I break them. Smash 'em to bits. Each piece is named with something I am angry about or frustrated with before it is smashed. The broken pieces are gathered and disposed of in the trash with an "I am in control and am moving forward." attitude.  

This sounds very powerful. But how do you break them? Throw them into the box, and they shatter against each other? 

It must reveal something about my personality that I want to know the safest procedure for dish-shattering before attempting myself.... 

[katilac]

9 hours ago, The Accidental Coach said:

 At first it felt wasteful and I felt guilty but, after I realized no one wanted the stuff anyway, the guilt disappeared. 

I could get over the wasteful aspect, but I'd feel so bad for the cups and saucers that I'd wind up keeping them 😄

[Granny_Weatherwax]

3 hours ago, Acadie said:

This sounds very powerful. But how do you break them? Throw them into the box, and they shatter against each other? 

It must reveal something about my personality that I want to know the safest procedure for dish-shattering before attempting myself.... 

The first time I used a little ball peen hammer and was more methodical and neat. Tap tap - clean away the mess. Tap tap - clean away the mess. Then it was hit hit - clean away the mess. Then it was just throw the stinking thing into the box. As a homeschooler who loves science experiments, I did have a pair of safety glasses to protect from shards. Safety and cleanliness are why I used a big cardboard box; I didn't want pieces going everywhere. Tilted on it side, the box provides protection from all but the forward facing entry point. 

[Katy]

The safest way of breaking ceramic is probably putting them into a sealed freezer bag, put safety glasses on, and hammer away!

I also don’t think grief can be rushed,  but time in nature and deep breathing through the nose have both been clinically proven to help war veterans with grief, ptsd, and survivors guilt so I’d start there. 

[Critterfixer]

If you can get out and exercise some, that always helps me when I'm frustrated and just need to stomp something. Like the ground.