Driving practice anxiety (mine)

[Garga]

1 minute ago, Pen said:

 

For the 4 without the severe anxiety, what roughly was the time you spent in lots, time on quiet roads, time on more busy roads, etc?  

That’s a really good question. I’ve been wondering how long it normally takes to learn to drive.  My second son who is 14 doesn’t have anxiety, and I’m looking forward to when he learns to drive because he has a normal, healthy excitement about it and would like a realistic picture of how long it’ll take him.

[Pen]

Here’s a North Dakota (?) Vermont (?) version of the Oregon official driver training book that the class option in lieu of drive test uses:  http://www.montpelier.k12.nd.us/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Playbook.pdf

I couldn’t find the Oregon version online.  And I guess it’s regularly updated as needed. Paper and ink versions will be given to the teens on first day of class afaik. 

It looks quite good to me.  Some parts may be expressed in ways that seem overly complex (?) — but probably that’s cleared up by live instructor.   And given how hard things are to express maybe it’s as simple as they could manage, with a whole team working on it.

So just as well I didn’t try to get the AAA program. 

[prairiewindmomma]

I am living this right now. Ds is still parking lot driving.  He is working on gentle accelerations and stops and controlling speed through turns. I suspect we are headed out onto quiet country roads soon as the neighborhood roads don't have long stretches to drive in.

My tips:

1. l-theanine

2. carry a large water bottle, take sips and breathe when you want to scream

3. have an hour of quiet silence afterwards

[Arcadia]

9 hours ago, Pen said:

For the 4 without the severe anxiety, what roughly was the time you spent in lots, time on quiet roads, time on more busy roads, etc?  

 

SF driving can be anxiety inducing for people without anxiety issues. My brother had no problem with circuit driving and parking (large suburban driving school). He had problems with busy roads and drivers who are daredevils (drive like playing arcade) and break the laws.

What has been an issue for my brother was

- motorcyclist and cyclist weaving in and out

- drunk drivers or distracted drivers

- jaywalkers 

- drivers who suddenly cut in or cut four lanes without signaling 

- roads with steep slopes (I forgot to pull up the handbrake once on a traffic stop that was on a down slope while learning to drive)

- black ice (not for my brother as he never encountered that but for my husband)

- flooded roads (rain water at least halfway up the tire)

[Pen]

3 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I am living this right now. Ds is still parking lot driving.  He is working on gentle accelerations and stops and controlling speed through turns. I suspect we are headed out onto quiet country roads

Country roads ... 

We had our first venture out onto real roads today... first a broad straight empty one, then our own narrow country windy road and Ds managed to not have accident with a UPS truck going opposite direction...  

There was another smaller vehicle that went past as well, but UPS truck and our pick up together pretty well filled roadway as they passed each other. Thank goodness it wasn’t a log truck. 

3 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

soon as the neighborhood roads don't have long stretches to drive in.

My tips:

1. l-theanine

 

For me?

3 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

2. carry a large water bottle, take sips and breathe when you want to scream

 

That helps? 

3 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

3. have an hour of quiet silence afterwards

 

Yes. Good idea. 

 

[tuesdayschild]

Starting from basics upto intermediate https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPGevUmqpEaeYoXhkN4OL9g 

NZ-centric  (still some practical helps for mum/mom as the coach)  https://www.youtube.com/user/PracticeNZ/videos

World Driving on youtube also has some handy video  (can't link the channel)

 

 

[prairiewindmomma]

On 7/16/2019 at 9:10 PM, Pen said:

Country roads ... 

We had our first venture out onto real roads today... first a broad straight empty one, then our own narrow country windy road and Ds managed to not have accident with a UPS truck going opposite direction...  

There was another smaller vehicle that went past as well, but UPS truck and our pick up together pretty well filled roadway as they passed each other. Thank goodness it wasn’t a log truck. 

 

For me?

 

That helps? 

 

Yes. Good idea. 

 

I can already feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about meeting a log truck. I am picking the roads he will be driving on carefully.

Taking a sip of water makes me break the cycle where I want to scream, and with that break, I have enough mental wherewithal to breathe and relax my jaw and shoulders.

Frankly, both ds and I are taking l-theanine right now. 

Ds was complaining he couldn't read road signs (when I was driving and he was on observation duty), so we were at the ophthalmologist yesterday. The ophthalmologist slightly tweaked his prescription but thinks either ds is not blinking enough or has anxiety about driving himself. 

Ds responds best to a really calm person who is not judgmental about constructive criticism.  Dh refuses to ride with him, teach him, or work with him in any way on learning how to drive.  Ds will actually end up being a very cautious, careful driver, I think, but right now he is flipping out about everything.  We aren't leaving an empty parking lot until I am 100% sure he isn't going to have a teen-trum (teenage tantrum) out on the road.  He is still in the very early stages of learning to drive--I suspect by hour 10 or so things will be much better.

[prairiewindmomma]

Pen--my friends say they just drive out to the coast with their teens to get hours in and I just cannot even imagine.  Windy mountain roads that are not evenly paved with steep drop-offs, log trucks, crazy tourists, and a lot of blind curves? WTH?!! I think driving the 101 may be the graduation capstone when he can finally drive independently (after a year), but I wouldn't want to toss a new driver out onto that...

[Pen]

16 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Pen--my friends say they just drive out to the coast with their teens to get hours in and I just cannot even imagine.  Windy mountain roads that are not evenly paved with steep drop-offs, log trucks, crazy tourists, and a lot of blind curves? WTH?!! I think driving the 101 may be the graduation capstone when he can finally drive independently (after a year), but I wouldn't want to toss a new driver out onto that...

 

Me neither!!!!

Are they having fresh to driving teens driving on 101? Or finding less used side roads?

I would not want to be going along 101 at all and especially not near something like Cape Perpetua with a fresh driver.  But places like Seal Rock, Waldport, maybe Newport away from touristy areas and inland of 101 have fairly quiet roads that might not be bad.  Better in winter though with fewer tourists at all. 

 

 I forgot to factor possible log trucks until we came to the UPS truck.  I had thought through not a school bus season, not a garbage truck day...  I think I will call forestry department and find out if there is any logging that would affect us right now.  After clearcutting the H out of the area beyond us last year maybe there isn’t. 

Apparently (according to an online search) the parking lot area around Lane Community College in Eugene is a good place to practice driving in summer Friday to Sunday when it is closed.   I plan to try that next weekend.

 

 

Edited July 18, 2019 by Pen

[Pen]

Books I’m liking:

Driving with a Teenage Brain.   Neuro development (or lack there of in teens) meets driving.   And it’s even more relevant with kids with LD and EF issues  than NT I think, though meant for all.  

Driving With A Teenage Brain: A... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1978219253?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

 

Crash Proof Your Kids   (Ideas that fit the title)  I found a used copy .  

 

And maybe especially appealing to teen boys?: 

How to Drive: Real World... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1452145296?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

 

driving book written by a driver for Hollywood and NASCAR ...

 

still reviewing:

Not So Fast: Parenting Your Teen... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1613738994?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

 

(title certainly fits what a lot of us end up saying)

Edited July 19, 2019 by Pen

[Pen]

On 7/18/2019 at 10:27 AM, prairiewindmomma said:

I can already feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about meeting a log truck. I am picking the roads he will be driving on carefully.

Taking a sip of water makes me break the cycle where I want to scream, and with that break, I have enough mental wherewithal to breathe and relax my jaw and shoulders.

Frankly, both ds and I are taking l-theanine right now. 

Ds was complaining he couldn't read road signs (when I was driving and he was on observation duty), so we were at the ophthalmologist yesterday. The ophthalmologist slightly tweaked his prescription but thinks either ds is not blinking enough or has anxiety about driving himself. 

Ds responds best to a really calm person who is not judgmental about constructive criticism.  Dh refuses to ride with him, teach him, or work with him in any way on learning how to drive.  Ds will actually end up being a very cautious, careful driver, I think, but right now he is flipping out about everything.  We aren't leaving an empty parking lot until I am 100% sure he isn't going to have a teen-trum (teenage tantrum) out on the road.  He is still in the very early stages of learning to drive--I suspect by hour 10 or so things will be much better.

 

I am reading one of the driving books.  It says 50% of fatal crashes are on rural roads.  

 

Then he makes a joke (though probably also true) that there are a ton of fender benders but close to zero fatal crashes in NYC and Washington DC because it’s nearly impossible to go fast enough to have anything fatal happen.

[Mbelle]

I'm on my 4th year, second child, of teaching driving.  I really hate it.  

We started in parking lots, then drove around subdivisions.  Then we have an established route we do over and over again. Right now ds is almost ready to get the real liscense and I'm just having him load up on hours.  He is my personal driver everywhere.  

For our last kid I hope to have enough money to have all outsourced lessons! LOL   

 

[prairiewindmomma]

Something clicked in driving for ds, and we made it out onto open roads! He did very well! 

Pen--I'd much rather do a rural road with me in the car than multi-lane city driving with a new driver.  People are really aggressive here with lane changes and managing stop lights.  Of our teen friends who have wrecked in their first year after licensure, nearly all of them wrecked at stoplights.... People will lane change right before a stoplight and then slam on the brakes. Super annoying....it seems to be a regional thing as we haven't seen a lot of this when we've lived in other parts of the US.

[Pen]

3 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Something clicked in driving for ds, and we made it out onto open roads! He did very well! 

 

That’s great! Congrats! To you both!

Quote

Pen--I'd much rather do a rural road with me in the car than multi-lane city driving with a new driver.  

 

I agree.  And we will have a what to do in case of log truck or other big vehicle before next road venture.  Plus I’ll put the student driver magnets on beforehand so the big vehicle driver gets warned.  With one on front hood too.    

Quote

People are really aggressive here with lane changes and managing stop lights.  Of our teen friends who have wrecked in their first year after licensure, nearly all of them wrecked at stoplights.... People will lane change right before a stoplight and then slam on the brakes. Super annoying....it seems to be a regional thing as we haven't seen a lot of this when we've lived in other parts of the US.

 

Where is it so aggressive?

I’m looking for residential neighborhoods 

where there would be quiet streets with one lane each direction.  And good visibility. Where we could maybe start with all right turns going around a block.  

Edited July 25, 2019 by Pen

[prairiewindmomma]

It is aggressive in our neck of the woods. I live in a highly multi-ethnic part of town. My Indian and born south of the border neighbors all have a different driving culture, iykwim. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Even when I lived next to our border with Mexico it wasn’t this bad.

[Pen]

Might also be “the times we live in” to some degree.  Eugene used to be very much, “you go first” “no you go first”. Now it has a lot of cutting people off, more rushing, speeding, jumping gun at lights...  not letting people merge in...

[Storygirl]

DD17 did have an accident within a few months of getting her license, and it was at an intersection. In her case, though, it was not a rear-ending situation. There were two lanes turning right. She was in the one nearest the curb, but when she turned, she drifted into the other lane that was turning right, and she hit the car there. This kind of thing can be tricky for new drivers, too, because around here, they see drivers switching lanes on the turn all of the time; instead of keeping in their own lane, they move to the lane that they want, as they turn. While technically an illegal move, it's very common and is not only something to watch for in other drivers, but to avoid doing oneself.

I admit that I do this lane-switching when turning thing myself, when traffic is not an issue, and DH does too, and I think everyone around here does. So DD, I'm sure, saw that we do it and did it herself, at a poor time, unfortunately. I think DH and I need to be aware that our younger teens may be watching what we do when we drive, and that we need to set good examples.

[Storygirl]

Also, DD says she didn't know quite what to do once the cars hit. She felt they should pull over, but there was traffic behind them. And the other guy kept driving. At the next light, they pulled into a parking lot.

But she felt that the other guy wasn't stopping, and she didn't know what to do. I pointed out that she was in the curbside lane, so that she had to pull over before he would be able to. That had not occurred to her.

Figuring out what to do in an accident and how to pull over when there is traffic behind you can be tricky. It's something to discuss during the long hours of driving practice, once the teen is able to drive and listen at the same time.

[Storygirl]

We went to an amusement park this week and drove in the old fashioned cars. We had six people, so we took three cars and let the three non-drivers do the driving.

DS14 drove DD17. DD says he did fine.

DD14 drove the car that I rode in. She giggled a lot and had some trouble figuring out when to start turning when coming up to a curve but basically did okay. I think if she had driven the course a second time, she would have been fine.

DS15 drove the car that DH rode in. DH says that DS15 did not do well with steering on the curves, and DS kept looking around him at the other cars and the scenery going past, instead of keeping his eyes on the path, so the car wandered. DH would redirect his attention. At the end of the course, there is a stop sign, and you are supposed to wait there for the attendant to come and help drive the car the rest of the way back to the station. I don't know if DH thought to warn DS about the stop sign ahead of time. DS asked if he was supposed to stop. But then he didn't stop soon enough and went way past the sign. Those cars have no brake; they just slow down when you lift your foot off of the pedal, and I think DS could not judge when to lift his foot and start slowing.

DS15 is going to need so much practice!!! We have a riding mower, and I keep telling DH to teach DS15 to mow. There are reasons that DH has not done that yet so far this summer, but I think he needs to make it a priority. Practicing the steering, stopping, and paying attention to where you are going are all things DS can do with the riding mower first, before getting behind the wheel of a car (yikes!).

[Pen]

4 hours ago, Storygirl said:

DD17 did have an accident within a few months of getting her license, and it was at an intersection. In her case, though, it was not a rear-ending situation. There were two lanes turning right. She was in the one nearest the curb, but when she turned, she drifted into the other lane that was turning right, and she hit the car there. This kind of thing can be tricky for new drivers, too, because around here, they see drivers switching lanes on the turn all of the time; instead of keeping in their own lane, they move to the lane that they want, as they turn. While technically an illegal move, it's very common and is not only something to watch for in other drivers, but to avoid doing oneself.

I admit that I do this lane-switching when turning thing myself, when traffic is not an issue, and DH does too, and I think everyone around here does. So DD, I'm sure, saw that we do it and did it herself, at a poor time, unfortunately. I think DH and I need to be aware that our younger teens may be watching what we do when we drive, and that we need to set good examples.

 

I was being really conscious about what I was doing—and trying to demo correct driving including things that have changed since I learned (hand position, push pull steering instead of hand over hand). then I decided that I need to just drive. If I start thinking or changing to current hand positions to where I lose automaticity I think it could be dangerous.  Not in a parking lot if I am practicing the new way, but yes if in traffic.

next week though when Ds starts his professional class, maybe he can share with me the new ways.

 

[Pen]

On 7/26/2019 at 1:35 PM, kand said:

I just took my second oldest out to drive for the first time. Oh boy, I would feel much better if I had a brake on my side. We were in an empty parking lot and I only let her use the brake—I had her let the car idle forward and then slow down for curves with the brake. Even that was pretty hairy scary. She had trouble dissociating the braking from the steering, and kept heading way too fast for the parking islands and when I told her to slow down and straighten the wheel, she would break hard and stop turning rather than break a little while turning the wheel back more quickly. She wanted to try the gas pedal, but I honestly didn’t feel it was safe. She kept trying to look down to see her feet and the pedals and said it was hard to figure out where each was and how to not get her feet stuck between.  I feared she would accelerate too fast and then if I said “stop!” She would jam down the accelerator 😳. I need to remember how I worked on that with oldest dd so she would get the muscle memory down. 

Is there anything about being dyslexic that makes this process more difficult?

 

Is she able to keep her heel planted and rotate the toe part of foot from gas to brake pedal and back?  Are seats adjusted right?

would flat place be easier than incline?

Im thinking dyslexia can affect ability to distinguish right and left.   That could affect the foot pedals.  Also instructions like “turn right”.  

I know my dyslexic son has trouble with directions and sides so that we have used “driver side” and “passenger side” for clarity.

[Pen]

We have survived week one of Driver Training.  

And Ds has had 2.5 hours Behind the Wheel.  After which, Ds drove in the suburban part of city, and the final part of rural roads home (I did a crowded, narrow winding, hilly part in between).

 I am starting to learn to let go of the door handle grip.  

I forgot the water bottle approach. 

[Pen]

Still surviving.  

He’s doing great.

 But my anxiety is still large and white knuckled.  

His next private class is supposed to be country roads.  Which should help, but it’s 2 weeks off. His next group class is residential streets which he’s already gotten good at. 

 

[mumto2]

14 hours ago, Pen said:

Still surviving.  

He’s doing great.

 But my anxiety is still large and white knuckled.  

His next private class is supposed to be country roads.  Which should help, but it’s 2 weeks off. His next group class is residential streets which he’s already gotten good at. 

 

Sounds like it’s going well.  

I was staying away from this thread because I thought I was going to have to be the licensed passenger so one of the kid's friends could practice and you guys were making me anxious! 

[Pen]

29 minutes ago, mumto2 said:

Sounds like it’s going well.  

I was staying away from this thread because I thought I was going to have to be the licensed passenger so one of the kid's friends could practice and you guys were making me anxious! 

 

Sorry!  I wish I could be less anxious about this! I hope  you guys can help me be less so — not to make you more so!

[mumto2]

12 hours ago, Pen said:

 

Sorry!  I wish I could be less anxious about this! I hope  you guys can help me be less so — not to make you more so!

I think I may have phased things poorly in an effort not to share too much.......the poor kid is the child of one of my best friend’s who died recently.  The kid needs a license like yesterday because of unforeseen circumstances.  I am relieved the professional has been willing to be hired because I am afraid of not being good enough to get her to test standard which is pretty high in the UK.  Many fail first time and I don’t know the routes where she is testing because they have added to the practical,  now 40 minutes long.

[Pen]

5 hours ago, mumto2 said:

I think I may have phased things poorly in an effort not to share too much.......the poor kid is the child of one of my best friend’s who died recently.  The kid needs a license like yesterday because of unforeseen circumstances.  I am relieved the professional has been willing to be hired because I am afraid of not being good enough to get her to test standard which is pretty high in the UK.  Many fail first time and I don’t know the routes where she is testing because they have added to the practical,  now 40 minutes long.

 

Oh! I hope she’ll get a first time pass!

[Pen]

Now I’m asking myself if I shouldn’t get a new vehicle with driver assistance sooner rather than later.  

Mightn’t I feel more relaxed if the vehicle will say “beep beep” or vibrate its steering wheel or whatever it does — instead of me saying, “you’re getting kinda close to the right road edge”  ??? 

Or maybe even have automatic emergency braking— that almost might be like me getting brakes like the professional teacher has. 

 

[Pen]

@kand what in first post says I’d worry about new vehicle?

 I mean, probably yes, but I can’t find specifically was I previously thinking that?  

I think I might worry less about the vehicle itself if there wasn’t only one functioning vehicle in our household.  Rather than more because it’s a brand new vehicle.  But I am more worried about safety than about the vehicle.  

Maybe a month of white knuckled has changed my thinking.  ???

I think I had been thinking that learning without the assists would be better so as not to become dependent on relying on them to work. But now as I’ve been reading about them I think it might be that it would increase experience with driving, perhaps with a little extra safety.

Unfortunately some of our trickiest current spots in the learning process would not be helped much. For example our own rural road has no edge or center lines which is very hard as a new driver and the lane warning systems won’t work without lines either.  But more experience on the roads that do have lines might help transfer to  ones without. 

 

 

[mumto2]

FYI,  We just got a car with lane assist and it seems to function where there is only a center line most of the time.  Also I had a long talk with my “student” who I haven’t had to ride with but she has using lane assist in her car with the professional and likes it.

[Pen]

1 hour ago, kand said:

I guess it wasn’t your first post where you referred to worrying about the car. It was something you said in your second post about your anxiety having more to do with the car (lost my thread quote somehow) and then the above that made me wonder if a new car might make you even more nervous. On the other hand, the safety improvements might really help. We have one car with some of those things, but it’s pretty different to drive, and accelerates FAST, so I wouldn’t put my dd behind the wheel yet, even though the auto braking would help me feel better. 

 

Ah. Thanks. I’ll have to check out things like acceleration on test drives.  

I’ll think this through a little as I write. 

My concerns about the Ridgeline aren’t because it is new. By most people’s standards at 11yo it isn’t new.  I haven’t had very many vehicles in my life due to tendency to hold them for 20 or so years, and not having one in my NYC years, but including rentals and family cars, this Ridgeline is my single favorite vehicle I have ever driven (not so favorite in passenger seat), over all, though some had this or that aspect I preferred.  

Also  very important is that I have toxic chemical intolerance and it is wonderful in that regard—partly because it had relatively little new car odor in first place and nearly none now.  And has had as little as possible of fragrance wearing and only non smoker passengers.  

. 

 That said, the more I do research, the new features do make a difference and I think as more people have them the style of driving will change and it will get harder and harder to drive one without those features.   

The old Accord is/was not only at an age where it mattered less in regards to bumps and scratches, but it is/was also much easier to drive from a new learner POV.  In some ways safer, I think,  as it would be really hard to rollover, and was much easier to tell where in lane it was. Has Much bigger windows than newer models. 

So: 

I’m planning to look at a couple newer safety featured Subarus and a couple of newer safety featured Hondas.  

 

 

[Pen]

Progress: 

Ds has now done freeway driving with his professional instructor.  So now we have to practice that, him and me...   gulp...

Yesterday with me, he drove on a bridge over Willamette River with concrete and metal Guide edges similar to on freeway— but with traffic going much slower.  I feel less anxious going more slowly and I was careful not to look down over bridge edge . 

 Then, trying to avoid freeway (that will be today or soon), we got into a difficult area on a route I’d never used —with confusing directions (and our cellphone GPS giving illegal and weird instructions), during which we got slightly lost two or three times...    Finally we saw an over bridge route I recognized and turned off the computer directions which were saying to go the opposite direction.    I think for first time ds got more anxious than I was...

His behind wheel test with class instructor in lieu of test at dmv is in less than 2 weeks.  It has been quite the driving marathon!  

He is ready or almost ready to pass on all skills to be tested except freeway driving and parking (parallel, and perpendicular both front in and back in) and reverse driving straight for some distance along a curb.    Perpendicular front in parking is quite good, but the parallel and back in need practice !  

I am so far much happier practicing parking than freeway! 

 

[Pen]

2 hours ago, kand said:

I’m so impressed with how far your son has come so quickly since the beginning of this thread! My dd has her freeway drive tomorrow and we haven’t ever taken her driving on the freeway yet. I wouldn’t feel at all comfortable yet doing that myself, but I’m just going to let that be up to the driving instructor. She needs a lot more practice changing lanes on lower speed streets first. I had her drive on a very familiar 55mph highway last week and she went about 35 most of the way except when I kept telling her to speed up. I hated every minute of it, lol. 

 

The speed is mainly due to the intense summer driver ed classroom/behind the wheel  class that goes from parking lot to freeway in 6 weeks.  Ds went slightly faster because his instructor has him for extra private sessions and felt he was ready for freeway a week early.  

[Pen]

Thought I’d update.  Maybe you all can relate more than parents of totally NT kids—he passed his Drive Test.    

And I’m still having anxiety.  

I still have to do 4.5 months supervising his driving practice / 20 or so hours minimum left to go  (in various conditions, after dark, winter, more freeway driving) before he can get unrestricted license .  

[Storygirl]

HOORAY!!!!

So during this 4.5 month time, he's allowed to drive by himself, but you are still required to accompany him sometimes? That's interesting. I think it's a good thing for there to be an expectation of ongoing training, because the driving required to pass the test does not represent all possible scenarios a driver may encounter.

We don't have that restriction in our state. We do have laws about new drivers being out past midnight, and about how many people they can have as passengers. I think those restrictions go away after having the license for 12 months. DD17 just passed that year mark, and I need to check the law again.

In October (NEXT MONTH!!! EEEEEEEKKK!) DS15 will be eligible to get his temps and start practicing. He is so not ready. He has sometimes said that he wants to wait. But he's made a comment or two about being close to being able to drive.

The fact that he has two very close in age siblings is a drawback. They are starting to remark about how long until they get their temps themselves -- DS14 will be eligible next July, and DD14 will be eligible December 2020. I try to shush them and remind them that they shouldn't bring it up in front of their brother, because they may not all learn at the earliest legal age.

The fact that he is old for his grade is a plus. Because most of his friends should be a year younger and hopefully won't talk about driving in the near future.

I'm thinking of having DS15 evaluated by an OT who can determine driving readiness (DS15 has a visual spatial disability and also ASD and ADHD, so we are really worried about readiness). That way, it won't just be DH and me saying "not yet." I have some information somewhere about this service, and I need to dig it up and read it.

Edited September 9, 2019 by Storygirl

[Pen]

@Storygirl

All of his driving has to be supervised and he can’t drive by himself until he gets a DL in mid January.  

Our state requires either 100 hours of supervised driving (various conditions) or 50 hours supervised driving (various conditions) plus passing a Certified Driver’s Ed class.  He’s on the latter program.   DMV used to require a driving practice log, but now just parent signature. 

He passed the drive test — our state allows the Driver Ed teacher to give it at end of the class in lieu of taking it at DMV.

 But he hasn’t finished  the 50 extra hours of supervised driving or 6 months required to get a regular drive alone license under age 18 yet. (We are rural and he could have a farm license already, but there’s not much point in that for our circumstances.) So he keeps the Drive Test pass certificate until the date when he can get his Learner Permit turned in and receive a Provisional (still on state graduated driving rules) License. 

He then has ~2 weeks where he can drive by himself, but not with passengers under age 21 nor between midnight and 5 am or thereabouts, after which he turns 18 and the official state graduated driving restrictions end due to being 18.  

A lot of parents with teens that close to age 18 go for minimum supervised driving enough to just pass the DMV test, and no driver ed, since at 18, the hours and so on requirements all end.  My goal was long term  safety, and dealing with LD type issues, however.   So I particularly wanted to get maximum Driver Ed help etc.  

It did help with emotions some that ds was older than most of his classmates, not to have “everyone” else getting license before him.   But even so there did come a time when more and more kids were getting to driving stage and ds still wasn’t.

About one third of his classmates seem to have some form of license now.  I think a couple will reach unrestricted stage by this fall and winter.

There’s one boy with FASD who is the oldest child in ds’s class and still not with even a Learner Permit.  That’s going to be complicated.  The boy is talking about running away.  Not specifically related to driving, but feeling bored and trapped at rural home.  

Though one girl had a couple of crashes and lost hers.    I have wondered if she has some visual problem.  

Ds and a couple other classmates have taken the Driver Ed program, and I think it probably will make for comparatively better drivers. 

I would like him still not to be allowed to have passengers under age 21 etc for at least 3 months or so after turning 18 (or at least until Spring weather). But it would only be a parent - child contract at that point, not a state graduated driving restriction.  

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I am trying to think through how vehicles and insurance and who owns vehicle will fit into what happens after he becomes age 18.  And thinking about how much he needs to be required to contribute — financially and to household.   

Because of rural location there’s a certain amount of catch22 in terms of needing vehicle to be able to get to a job and how to work that out to give safety and ability to start fledgling adulting—but not to be handed too much for doing nothing... 

I probably will start new thread on that as I think through it more