Home'scool Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 (edited) So we went to court (again) yesterday for a combined contempt hearing and status hearing. We were supposed to do a 4-way meeting for about an hour and then go before the judge. My STBX showed up with his newest (4th) lawyer. She was actually very nice and brought a nice energy to the proceedings. Finally he hired a lawyer who seems down to earth and not apt to play a lot of ridiculous power games. We start off the 4-way, and then the attorneys had to leave to room to confer. So, for the first time in 3 years I was alone with my STBX. I knew that if anything was going to be accomplished I would have to talk him down from Stubborn Mountain. Slowly but surely I got him to talk a bit, got him to back down from his arrogance (although it probably won't last.) We were in conference for over 2 hours. His position is that he has been covering all the expenses and cannot afford the alimony payments (he is 28 weeks behind). He actually wanted me to pay for half the utilities cost for the time he was living in our home by himself. I told him only if he paid half of my utilities during that time when I was living elsewhere. Stupid stuff like that. Most of the reason he is so far in debt is because he owes $70,000 to various prior lawyers. However, over the past year he has received almost $100K in bonuses on top of his salary going up by 25%. So it was a lot of round and round stupid stuff. But at least we were able to talk to each other. The interesting part was after it was over my lawyer complimented me on how I handled him. She asked if it was a special approach I had developed. Her comment surprised me because I never realized how much I had to "handle" him when having a conversation, it was just something I learned to do to try and keep the peace. When I told her that she said that it must have been exhausting to live that way. I guess I never realized it because it just happened but, yes, I had learned how to circle around and around him and it was exhausting! Hence the tattoo on my arm that says "She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom" from the Scarlet Letter. I always make sure that tattoo is visible to him when we go to court haha. My offer to him is the same as it has always been - straight alimony only. No percentage of his bonuses, etc. I don't want to have to chase him. He seemed ok with the idea so now it may just be a case of coming up with a good alimony number and figuring out the split of some marital debt we have. I just want to be free from him but I am not about to give in and short change myself. So I am asking for a good alimony amount. When we then went before the judge he did indicate that my STBX's bonuses would be considered part of the settlement. I hope that motivates my STBX. I am actually offering him a better deal but he is just too stupid to realize it. Now we are supposed to exchange a bunch more paperwork over the next two weeks and then see where we stand. I see maybe a tiny glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel -- let's hope it's not just the shine off my STBX's bald head! Edited February 28, 2019 by Home'scool 37 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Sounds like he's trying to cut off his nose to spite his face. Your attorney sounds awesome and very astute about the interpersonal stuff! I hope he doesn't fire his current attorney and she can manage him into a reasonable settlement soon. You definitely deserve to be shut of this mess without shortchanging yourself! 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Sounds like good news for a change! Let’s hope your reasonableness sinks in and your STBX stops all his game playing. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 these things are so hard. Glad you made some good progress......and sounds like he has a good lawyer....at least for your side. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 This is the best update you've ever had. Hope that everything falls into place and you can be done with him soon! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 Does anyone else thing they were left alone intentionally? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 I can’t figure out why he’s not being required to at least make some effort to pay the alimony he is already obligated to pay. Perhaps I’m misunderstanding and he isn’t actually required to. But sure seems like his lawyer would encourage him to make some kind of good faith payment. But glad it seems there is progress- though it’s curious that YOU are the one facilitating that. Lawyers, judges, mediators...and YOU are getting it done. Good job keeping your cool! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 So glad to hear a good update! Fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly for you now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted March 2, 2019 Share Posted March 2, 2019 (edited) On 2/28/2019 at 10:42 AM, Home'scool said: So we went to court (again) yesterday for a combined contempt hearing and status hearing. We were supposed to do a 4-way meeting for about an hour and then go before the judge. My STBX showed up with his newest (4th) lawyer. She was actually very nice and brought a nice energy to the proceedings. Finally he hired a lawyer who seems down to earth and not apt to play a lot of ridiculous power games. We start off the 4-way, and then the attorneys had to leave to room to confer. So, for the first time in 3 years I was alone with my STBX. I knew that if anything was going to be accomplished I would have to talk him down from Stubborn Mountain. Slowly but surely I got him to talk a bit, got him to back down from his arrogance (although it probably won't last.) We were in conference for over 2 hours. His position is that he has been covering all the expenses and cannot afford the alimony payments (he is 28 weeks behind). He actually wanted me to pay for half the utilities cost for the time he was living in our home by himself. I told him only if he paid half of my utilities during that time when I was living elsewhere. Stupid stuff like that. Most of the reason he is so far in debt is because he owes $70,000 to various prior lawyers. However, over the past year he has received almost $100K in bonuses on top of his salary going up by 25%. So it was a lot of round and round stupid stuff. But at least we were able to talk to each other. The interesting part was after it was over my lawyer complimented me on how I handled him. She asked if it was a special approach I had developed. Her comment surprised me because I never realized how much I had to "handle" him when having a conversation, it was just something I learned to do to try and keep the peace. When I told her that she said that it must have been exhausting to live that way. I guess I never realized it because it just happened but, yes, I had learned how to circle around and around him and it was exhausting! Hence the tattoo on my arm that says "She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom" from the Scarlet Letter. I always make sure that tattoo is visible to him when we go to court haha. My offer to him is the same as it has always been - straight alimony only. No percentage of his bonuses, etc. I don't want to have to chase him. He seemed ok with the idea so now it may just be a case of coming up with a good alimony number and figuring out the split of some marital debt we have. I just want to be free from him but I am not about to give in and short change myself. So I am asking for a good alimony amount. When we then went before the judge he did indicate that my STBX's bonuses would be considered part of the settlement. I hope that motivates my STBX. I am actually offering him a better deal but he is just too stupid to realize it. Now we are supposed to exchange a bunch more paperwork over the next two weeks and then see where we stand. I see maybe a tiny glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel -- let's hope it's not just the shine off my STBX's bald head! I really hope it works out for you! I have that quote on my refrigerator. It jumped out at me when I was reading the re-reading The Scarlett Letter a couple of years ago, so I wrote it on an index card so I could see it all the time. Never thought of getting a tattoo though!🙂 Edited March 2, 2019 by Mom0012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted March 2, 2019 Share Posted March 2, 2019 This sounds hopeful! Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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