Help Planning Party

[Amy in NH]

DH's 50th birthday is next month.  I'm planning an evening/nighttime party which I know will involve drinking.  We live kinda far from some people (1-2 hours) I'd want to invite, but we have room for people to stay over.  I'm thinking dips, drinks, and desserts - and to ask people not to bring a gift, but a dip or dessert to share instead.  What do you think would be a good start time?  I was thinking 6pm, and people who want to go home could leave by 8 or 9, but now I'm thinking maybe 4 would be better?  But then people might want more food than dips and desserts?   Help.

[regentrude]

I agree with pp. For any party that starts before 8pm I would expect there to be enough food to count as dinner (even more so if people have to drive 1-2 hours to get there! If you think of starting at 6, your guests would need to leave home at 4 or 5, so they would definitely not get to eat dinner before). Which means you need more food than just dips and dessert. Food can be informal, and you can call potluck.

If you want this to be a drinks&nibbles only party, a good start time would be 8pm which signals to guests not to expect substantial food.

Edited December 11, 2018 by regentrude

[Amy in NH]

Thanks guys!  That's what I was afraid of. 

A baked potato bar sounds like a great idea!  I could make a big pot of chili to go with it.

Edited December 11, 2018 by Amy in NH

[Bambam]

I'd probably do 5-9 (I like to set time limits so people know when to leave. It doesn't always work, because I have had to tell people that you need to leave now, but it helps!) I'd let people know it was a come-and-go event - come when you can, stay as long as you can (until 9, then go home). 

I'd probably do a taco/burrito bar (so easy, works for GF people and those with allergies), and announce it will be available 5:30-7:30. I'd ask people if they wanted to bring something (no present) to bring a snack that would go with that theme or their favorite unusual taco toppings (pecans aren't bad, but they are unusual). 

I'm not a drinker, so I'd not do drinks. What if someone is not in any condition to drive home but wants to anyway? 

[regentrude]

24 minutes ago, Bambam said:

I'd probably do 5-9 (I like to set time limits so people know when to leave.

For a big event like a 50th birthday, and with people anticipated to be staying over, setting a time limit like this would seem strange. Especially one that early. You'd seriously kick people out at 9pm at a 50th birthday celebration??? People who drive two hours to get there?

Edited December 11, 2018 by regentrude

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Another option is to ask for hors d'ouvres instead of dips and desserts.  Those generally imply a more substantial food item, but still finger food that people can eat while standing.  You yourself can provide some of the big hitters- a deli/salami/cheese selection with breads and rolls and mustards, plus maybe some meatballs or mini-pizzas or something similarly substantial.  You can single out a few guests to assign desserts if you don't want the full burden on yourself.  

[Ellie]

1 hour ago, Amy in NH said:

DH's 50th birthday is next month.  I'm planning an evening/nighttime party which I know will involve drinking.  We live kinda far from some people (1-2 hours) I'd want to invite, but we have room for people to stay over.  I'm thinking dips, drinks, and desserts - and to ask people not to bring a gift, but a dip or dessert to share instead.  What do you think would be a good start time?  I was thinking 6pm, and people who want to go home could leave by 8 or 9, but now I'm thinking maybe 4 would be better?  But then people might want more food than dips and desserts?   Help.

You cannot tell people not to bring gifts. It's a tricky etiquette thing: You cannot be perceived to be expecting gifts, even though you know that people bring gifts to birthday parties, so you cannot tell them not to bring gifts because then you're obviously expecting them to, so... 🙂 People want to bring gifts for birthdays. You must let them. 🙂  Also, why is asking them to bring food better in some way than bringing a gift? Now you're inviting them to a party but also expecting them to help feed everyone.

And so it's a party that you are giving for Mr. Amy in NH. You must prepare the food. If you have a close friend or two that you could ask to help you with food and stuff, that would be fine, but otherwise, it's your party, you provide the food. 

Also, you say that only "some" people live kinda far, and that they can stay over. From that I infer that others live close enough that setting the time as 5-9 (which is four hours and includes a meal) would not be inappropriate. Your houseguests could help with clean-up. 🙂

Also, happy birthday to Mr. Amy in NH. ❤️

[Storygirl]

I agree that having some kind of entree is needed. Chili sounds good, but think about how people will eat it. Do you have enough tables for people to sit at? Will they need to balance their bowls on their knees while siting on the couch or try to eat one handed while standing and chatting? If so, soup may not be the best idea. Baked potatoes might also be best when sitting at a table, because knife and fork may be needed.

What about sandwiches? You could order some trays of them pre-made. And an additional deli tray for those who avoid carbs and don't want a sandwich.  People can eat a sandwich one handed (usually). And it would go with your dip idea.

If you don't want to order a tray of sandwiches, you could have something like pulled pork, which you can keep in a slow cooker. People can eat it with or without a bun.

[Carol in Cal.]

My fallback to make an appetizer meal substantial is marinated broiled chicken drummettes in large quantities, along with the normal crudités and dips.  Or a cheese fondue pot that is continuously replenished.  Or both.  I agree that 6PM means dinner and so does 4.  But dinner can be finger food if it’s substantial.

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Me personally? I cannot imagine I'd be real eager to have guests in my home past 9 when I turn 50. I don't even really want that now and I'm in my 30s. When people leave = pajama time. 

It depends on the party. For my annual summer party, the first guests came at 5pm and the last guests left at 11:30pm. Time flew, everybody had a blast, great conversation, great food, 50 people - and a Friday night.

If I host a reception on a Thursday night (which is typical since that is the day we have guest speakers), people come at 8 and leave at 10 sharp. It's not a special big celebration, and everybody has to get up early the next morning. 

Edited December 11, 2018 by regentrude

[Bambam]

6 hours ago, regentrude said:

For a big event like a 50th birthday, and with people anticipated to be staying over, setting a time limit like this would seem strange. Especially one that early. You'd seriously kick people out at 9pm at a 50th birthday celebration??? People who drive two hours to get there?

Yes, I would. That may seem weird to some, but basically yes. Most of my family will have had their fill of people after that amount of time, and we need to decompress before going to bed. And this way, they would know they should go home to their own bed. I wouldn't consider two hours that long of a commute for a special occasion party, but then I live in Texas and we deal regularly with long commutes. YMMV

[katilac]

In my neck of the woods, food (and plenty of it) is expected at anything labeled a party, it doesn't matter when it starts. This definitely varies by region, but I don't know too many people who are finished with dinner by six o'clock, no matter where they live! It's a 50th birthday party, have some great food. There are lots of things you can cook ahead and freeze to make life simple. 

If any of the people who live farther away are older than dh, an early start might be nice for those who want to get back home. But if some people are staying over, I would not anticipate an early end to the party, lol. 

[SereneHome]

Unless it's a kiddie party I would never ever tell people when they should leave.  I would consider that beyond rude.  Also, I don't know if it's just me or my background, but I could never ask people to bring food to anything *I* am hosting. 

I think 6pm is a good start time.  Leaves people time to do things before the party even if they have to drive for 2 hrs and allows people leave early enough if they need to get home.

 

[PeterPan]

On December 11, 2018 at 12:14 PM, Ellie said:

You cannot tell people not to bring gifts.

Well I did for a party for my dh, but I asked them to bring PIES, hehe. We had a pie contest and were shooting for 40 pies to go with his 40th b-day. I agree with you though that dips will not quite cut it and people will still end up bringing cards and gifts. Now if you drink (I don't), you could tell them to bring booze. Like is drinking a thing for him and so everyone showing up with small bottles would be really fun? Then what they're bringing IS the gift. That really works. 

My dh's 50th is in a year and a half, so I need to hit the stick planning too! With the op's party being in January, will weather be an issue? And will it be a Saturday? If it's a Saturday, I would start earlier, like 3pm. If it's a Friday night, well are people working? 

On December 11, 2018 at 2:21 PM, Storygirl said:

you could have something like pulled pork, which you can keep in a slow cooker.

Yup, that would be really good! I may steal that! It would work really well with a football theme...

1 hour ago, katilac said:

It's a 50th birthday party, have some great food.

Agreed! Is chili kind of a thing for him? Like if you want to do chili, can you kick it up with 3 kinds and have a fun element to it, like the super hot and seeing who can eat it? Not necessarily expensive, but not the normal either. Or maybe the normal, if it suits you. It's your party.