My husband never sits and it's irritating

[poppy]

I realized recently my husband stands all the time when we see each other. He does drive, but that's the only time (and he complains about it).  He has chronic pain in his hip. 

When he's home, he is usually working on something, working out, or cooking. When he talks, he is standing, so I usually stand too. He doesn't watch tv. He has a standing desk. He eats standing up. We don't eat together or go out much because he's on a special diet (medical not weight loss). He also towers over the kids and that's not awesome either. He lies down to read bedtimes stories to my youngest, but that's it.

I know it's because of pain. He had surgery on it last year, which didn't do much. He'll need a replacement before too long but he is only 40.

I can't do anything about any of this.   But I don't like it! I wish we could just enjoy each others company like normal people.

Just wanted to be able to say that somewhere.

[SparklyUnicorn]

hugs

 

 

[Bluegoat]

Would he find a different sort of posture better, compared to something like a dining chair?  Something more like reclining?

You could get a stool too so you would be able to sit at a higher level when chatting.

[poppy]

Just now, Bluegoat said:

Would he find a different sort of posture better, compared to something like a dining chair?  Something more like reclining?

You could get a stool too so you would be able to sit at a higher level when chatting.

 

I like that idea, I'll bring it up- thanks.

[gardenmom5]

24 minutes ago, poppy said:

  He has chronic pain in his hip. 

I know it's because of pain. He had surgery on it last year, which didn't do much. He'll need a replacement before too long but he is only 40.

I have an acquaintance who had both hips replaced in her 40's.  she's much happier and doing very well.

though she can no longer use the "i have big bones" excuse.  they had to use the smallest size they had for her.

[marbel]

Aw, that would be irritating and frustrating.

The couch in our family room (where the tv is) makes my back and legs hurt, so I can't sit on it. When we watch tv together, I sit in a folding chair. No snuggling on the couch for me!

(A new couch is out of the budget, financially, right now.)

[Lanny]

Sorry your DH is suffering with this. IMO he needs to make an appointment with a Board Certified Orthopedic Specialist.  If they cannot fix his current hip(s), possibly time for him to contemplate the replacement hip(s) and end the suffering. I suspect there are Orthopedic M.D.s who only do Hip Replacements and if I needed one, I'd go to one of those, because they have lots of experience. 

[poppy]

1 hour ago, Lanny said:

Sorry your DH is suffering with this. IMO he needs to make an appointment with a Board Certified Orthopedic Specialist.  If they cannot fix his current hip(s), possibly time for him to contemplate the replacement hip(s) and end the suffering. I suspect there are Orthopedic M.D.s who only do Hip Replacements and if I needed one, I'd go to one of those, because they have lots of experience. 

 

Thanks.  We had arthroscopy surgery this year and were so hopeful, but, it didn't help.

 

[wintermom]

3 hours ago, poppy said:

I realized recently my husband stands all the time when we see each other. He does drive, but that's the only time (and he complains about it).  He has chronic pain in his hip. 

When he's home, he is usually working on something, working out, or cooking. When he talks, he is standing, so I usually stand too. He doesn't watch tv. He has a standing desk. He eats standing up. We don't eat together or go out much because he's on a special diet (medical not weight loss). He also towers over the kids and that's not awesome either. He lies down to read bedtimes stories to my youngest, but that's it.

I know it's because of pain. He had surgery on it last year, which didn't do much. He'll need a replacement before too long but he is only 40.

I can't do anything about any of this.   But I don't like it! I wish we could just enjoy each others company like normal people.

Just wanted to be able to say that somewhere.

Sounds like he is doing the best he can to cope. I know EXACTLY how he feels because I have a hip injury myself. I can sit for long either. He sounds like he's doing very well getting on with things - work, helping at home, staying fit. He's probably not put on much weight by keeping moving, and that's going to help a huge amount with recovery. 

Instead of being irritated, applaud all his efforts. It takes a motivated and determined person to be creative and figure out how to do as much as possible when there are injuries and pain limiting "normal" behaviour. This is the new normal for now. 

[ktgrok]

My dad was like this, from back pain. My mom called him "Lurch" from the show. A tall stool so you can sit but be eye level is a great idea. 

[ktgrok]

Also, what about a chaise lounge, or laying in bed to watch TV together?

[sassenach]

5 hours ago, poppy said:

I realized recently my husband stands all the time when we see each other. He does drive, but that's the only time (and he complains about it).  He has chronic pain in his hip. 

When he's home, he is usually working on something, working out, or cooking. When he talks, he is standing, so I usually stand too. He doesn't watch tv. He has a standing desk. He eats standing up. We don't eat together or go out much because he's on a special diet (medical not weight loss). He also towers over the kids and that's not awesome either. He lies down to read bedtimes stories to my youngest, but that's it.

I know it's because of pain. He had surgery on it last year, which didn't do much. He'll need a replacement before too long but he is only 40.

I can't do anything about any of this.   But I don't like it! I wish we could just enjoy each others company like normal people.

Just wanted to be able to say that somewhere.

I know this isn’t really about the standing. If only it were that simple. I have 2 family members whose medical conditions affect our lives. One is my husband. It’s tough when you suddenly recognize that one more aspect of your lives is being impacted by the pain. It’s unending. I hate the pain. I hate it for him. I try to not allow my annoyance if the pain to bleed into annoyance with him. 

[poppy]

2 hours ago, wintermom said:

Sounds like he is doing the best he can to cope. I know EXACTLY how he feels because I have a hip injury myself. I can sit for long either. He sounds like he's doing very well getting on with things - work, helping at home, staying fit. He's probably not put on much weight by keeping moving, and that's going to help a huge amount with recovery. 

Instead of being irritated, applaud all his efforts. It takes a motivated and determined person to be creative and figure out how to do as much as possible when there are injuries and pain limiting "normal" behaviour. This is the new normal for now. 

 

I understand where you are coming from and appreciate these words. 

 I didn't really understand on a visceral level how truly awful chronic pain is until I wrenched my back. It was not a serious injury, I recovered pretty quickly, but it truly impacted everything.  I was mean and impatient, I didn't do a good job keeping up with stuff, honestly I didn't even really enjoy meals. And that was short term and I knew it would be short term.

I think people who manage to keep up appearances and sometimes good humor through chronic pain  -- like my husband -- are truly admirable.  I wouldn't complain to him, I'm just venting here. It's a little like having my ASD / special needs kid, I admire her courage and I wouldn't change who she is for anything, but there is a  part of me that selfishly mourns for what I thought my life would be like.  It's not central to my psyche or anything, but it's there.

I do know exactly what you mean by the new normal, and I'm sorry if my post triggered thoughts about how your struggles might impact your family.  My appreciation of my husband absolutely outweigh my petty annoyances, truly, and I am sure the same is true for people in your life.  I hope things get better.

[poppy]

2 hours ago, Patty Joanna said:

Poppy, I have had hip pain during (not always) the past 4 years.  I was chair-bound for a few months.  The only place that was comfortable for me to sit was in my car (thankful NOW that dh insisted on getting the snooty car...because seriously, it was the only solution and it lets me take long road trips...). 

Anyway, I hope you find some help for this.  One thing that we did was spring for an Ekornes Stressless recliner.  My dh has arthritis problems and he can feel relief within an hour of sitting down; he gets good support.  I had swiped his chair for awhile, but we kept our eyes out and found one fresh in the box for less than half of the full price.  I wouldn't have chosen the color but I can get over it for $1,200.  :0)  Anyway, it has been a big help to BOTH of us to have these good chairs.  Our former recliners were really not that great (even though they were good quality and very comfortable) as re: support for our backs...they are being babysat for now at the home of a new college grad, until my son gets his own place.  Those two chairs are the only things he wants out of all we have.  :::eye roll:::

 

I looooove this & the other suggestions for helping him find comfortable seating.  It's not something on his radar screen, it'll take probably  years LOL. But it's a hopeful thing we can try.

I'm glad I posted, thanks!

[ashfern]

My mom's first orthopedic surgeon had the attitude that she was too young for hip replacement. I made her get a second opinion. He said that she needed the surgery now. Why be in pain and wait until you were older and less mobile. I saw her x-rays. It was bad! She had bone-on-bone and the ball was completely flat. She had both hips replaced about 6 months apart. She said she didn't realize how much pain she was in until the first one was done. She's doing great almost 20 years post surgery.