Almost adults are difficult to parent

[Scarlett]

I do wonder why early November is considered “late“ for deciding what to do for next September. But at any rate apparently it is. He did get his first correspondence from my school counselor in June . I repeatedly suggested he respond to her and get started on that process. When I said repeatedly I probably mentioned it to him half a dozen times since June. Yesterday he finally responded to her. She has not responded back. She probably no longer works there or something. LOL

 

I would like for someone at the school to talk to us about possible schedules for this degree and how we could make commuting situation work .

 

It makes me nervous that Murphy thinks he will not be successful doing that. But honestly for our family, our situation, this kid, this feels like the best option

[Ann.without.an.e]

I do wonder why early November is considered “late“ for deciding what to do for next September. But at any rate apparently it is. He did get his first correspondence from my school counselor in June . I repeatedly suggested he respond to her and get started on that process. When I said repeatedly I probably mentioned it to him half a dozen times since June. Yesterday he finally responded to her. She has not responded back. She probably no longer works there or something. LOL

 

I would like for someone at the school to talk to us about possible schedules for this degree and how we could make commuting situation work .

 

It makes me nervous that Murphy thinks he will not be successful doing that. But honestly for our family, our situation, this kid, this feels like the best option

 

 

 

For the competitive schools, it is definitely late.  Early Decision or Early Actions application are due Nov 1 or Dec 1.  Many other competitive schools have fairly early regular decision deadlines.  

Edited November 7, 2017 by Attolia

[Bootsie]

For some schools November would be "late" for deciding, but for the majority of students going to the majority of schools it is not too late.  There are a number of schools that will accept applicants through next summer.  

 

I, too, think a two hour daily commute will be hard.  Much will depend upon how much he wants to do this.  If he really wants to be enrolled in school and take these classes, an eighteen year old can have an amazing amount of energy to put toward a goal.  But that will take a great deal of personal motivation.  My concern would be if he is just doing it because he thinks he is supposed to be taking classes and it is the only option that is open to him, that he is going to find the commute drudgery and he will not do well.  

[ashfern]

This post from Mike Rowe is really good. https://www.facebook.com/TheRealMikeRowe/posts/1707425085934294 "As I type this, 6.2 million jobs are currently vacant, the majority of which require training - not an expensive, four-year degree. And yet, we’re still telling our kids that college is the best path for the most people. The result? $1.4 trillion dollars of outstanding student loans, a 50% college dropout rate, a legion of debt-ridden graduates who can’t find work in their chosen field, and millions of empty positions in dozens of technical industries, including the construction trades"

[Murphy101]

I do wonder why early November is considered “late“ for deciding what to do for next September. But at any rate apparently it is. He did get his first correspondence from my school counselor in June . I repeatedly suggested he respond to her and get started on that process. When I said repeatedly I probably mentioned it to him half a dozen times since June. Yesterday he finally responded to her. She has not responded back. She probably no longer works there or something. LOL

 

I would like for someone at the school to talk to us about possible schedules for this degree and how we could make commuting situation work .

 

It makes me nervous that Murphy thinks he will not be successful doing that. But honestly for our family, our situation, this kid, this feels like the best option

If you give more details (via pm?) I could walk you through that and maybe some other options for you to give him for consideration. I'd be happy to do it.

[catz]

I think for CC's programs you are totally fine.  But even the rolling admit state schools as the year goes on your odds of both admission and financial aid/merit dwindles as the year goes on where I am.  So sorry, don't panic.  But for many regular schools the regular admissions process applications are due early January and in some cases sooner, especially if you are interested in special scholarships,etc.  So if that is not a concern for the programs you are looking at, no worries.  I'm definitely viewing from programs we are looking at.  A year from now we're going to need to be almost done with applications.

Edited November 7, 2017 by WoolySocks

[Scarlett]

If you give more details (via pm?) I could walk you through that and maybe some other options for you to give him for consideration. I'd be happy to do it.

 

 

You know the town I live in right?

 

As far as what we need.....

 

He needs to commute.  

He is interested in Engineering field.  He wants a 4 year degree.  The area of engineering he is less sure of.  He thinks  Civil but he could  be swayed to something else with more info maybe.  I don't know.  His ACT is 25 (haven't got the results of the the second attempt) and his GPA is around 3.8 or 3.9.  

 

XH is paying for tuition and I believe (but ds is going to have a conversation about this with his dad tomorrow at dinner) he will also help him so that he doesn't have to work since he will be commuting.

[Scarlett]

For some schools November would be "late" for deciding, but for the majority of students going to the majority of schools it is not too late.  There are a number of schools that will accept applicants through next summer.  

 

I, too, think a two hour daily commute will be hard.  Much will depend upon how much he wants to do this.  If he really wants to be enrolled in school and take these classes, an eighteen year old can have an amazing amount of energy to put toward a goal.  But that will take a great deal of personal motivation.  My concern would be if he is just doing it because he thinks he is supposed to be taking classes and it is the only option that is open to him, that he is going to find the commute drudgery and he will not do well.  

 

 

I do believe he will be motivated. 

 

I am hopeful they will have a plan that allows him to go 2 or three days a week instead of daily.  Surely he won't be the only kid to commute.

[rjand6more]

I was there 4 years ago with a senior with no path.  He wanted to "move out" and definitely wanted a university degree.  Those were his goals.  We have a couple CCs near us.  I steered *this* child away from that path.  I know him and I knew that CC would be an extension of his current path of indecision and poor self confidence.  He is an introvert and has very high anxiety. 

 

So, I held his hand and nudged him along his entire senior year.  I would tell him when deadlines were, remind him the week before, day before, etc.  Until it was all done.  He would not declare "undecided"although his school has a very well respected "undecided" program so he chose CIT.  He ended up changing his major to Anthropology with a CIT/Management minor.  He added a semester to his 4 year degree.  And he really loves Anth.  He took one random class to fill a requirement.  And here he is.  He did the research to find out how to make his major marketable.  He is taking classes to have a focus on applied anth.

 

He NEEDED to have his life completely changed.  He needed to be on his own and do it all by himself.  But, he NEEDED me to push just a little bit.  He is very grateful I did that.  Now, I am not that kind of person. I wanted him to make all the moves and fill out all the paperwork, etc.  That did not happen for us.  Since he left for school, his successes and his failures are HIS.  He knows we will love him just the same whether he graduates or doesn't.    He has a home here as long as he needs/wants it.

[Murphy101]

You know the town I live in right?

 

As far as what we need.....

 

He needs to commute.

He is interested in Engineering field. He wants a 4 year degree. The area of engineering he is less sure of. He thinks Civil but he could be swayed to something else with more info maybe. I don't know. His ACT is 25 (haven't got the results of the the second attempt) and his GPA is around 3.8 or 3.9.

 

XH is paying for tuition and I believe (but ds is going to have a conversation about this with his dad tomorrow at dinner) he will also help him so that he doesn't have to work since he will be commuting.

Can I ask why he needs to commute? If dad is willing to help that much, and I bet son gets more financial aid than you think he will, why can't he live either on campus, or right off of campus?

 

I understand if you just think he isn't ready to leave home yet. Btdt too.

[Scarlett]

Can I ask why he needs to commute? If dad is willing to help that much, and I bet son gets more financial aid than you think he will, why can't he live either on campus, or right off of campus?

 

I understand if you just think he isn't ready to leave home yet. Btdt too.

 

 

He isn't ready to leave home yet.  Especially on someone else's dime.  

[Scarlett]

I was there 4 years ago with a senior with no path.  He wanted to "move out" and definitely wanted a university degree.  Those were his goals.  We have a couple CCs near us.  I steered *this* child away from that path.  I know him and I knew that CC would be an extension of his current path of indecision and poor self confidence.  He is an introvert and has very high anxiety. 

 

So, I held his hand and nudged him along his entire senior year.  I would tell him when deadlines were, remind him the week before, day before, etc.  Until it was all done.  He would not declare "undecided"although his school has a very well respected "undecided" program so he chose CIT.  He ended up changing his major to Anthropology with a CIT/Management minor.  He added a semester to his 4 year degree.  And he really loves Anth.  He took one random class to fill a requirement.  And here he is.  He did the research to find out how to make his major marketable.  He is taking classes to have a focus on applied anth.

 

He NEEDED to have his life completely changed.  He needed to be on his own and do it all by himself.  But, he NEEDED me to push just a little bit.  He is very grateful I did that.  Now, I am not that kind of person. I wanted him to make all the moves and fill out all the paperwork, etc.  That did not happen for us.  Since he left for school, his successes and his failures are HIS.  He knows we will love him just the same whether he graduates or doesn't.    He has a home here as long as he needs/wants it.

 

 

My son is not an introvert.  He does have a little anxiety, but his time at VoTec has really helped him with that.  He has a lot of friends and he spends a lot of time with them.  

[Bootsie]

I do believe he will be motivated. 

 

I am hopeful they will have a plan that allows him to go 2 or three days a week instead of daily.  Surely he won't be the only kid to commute.

Depending on the school and its scheduling, it may be possible to have a plan that allows for class 3 days per week, although summer classes are likely to meet daily.  (I think 2 days a week for a full-time student--especially a freshman would be almost impossible).  But, this is also where some of the difficulty comes in.  The three days would be full of classes and commuting.  To meet with professors, to work in a lab, or to meet with a study group would need to occur on the days without classes.  Access to those types of activities can be crucial to the success of many students.   

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is the two hours commute - two hours one way?  Or is it one hour there and one hour back?  The one hour one way commute is very common here.  Ds drives that long once he drives to school and then to work.  It doesn't seem that excessive to us but then again, it is normal for around here esp. with traffic being heavy.  Ds uses that time to listen to music and relax.  I suppose he could listen to audiobooks if he were particularly motivated that way. 

[Scarlett]

Is the two hours commute - two hours one way?  Or is it one hour there and one hour back?  The one hour one way commute is very common here.  Ds drives that long once he drives to school and then to work.  It doesn't seem that excessive to us but then again, it is normal for around here esp. with traffic being heavy.  Ds uses that time to listen to music and relax.  I suppose he could listen to audiobooks if he were particularly motivated that way. 

 

 

One hour each way.  And not high traffic.  

[Scarlett]

Depending on the school and its scheduling, it may be possible to have a plan that allows for class 3 days per week, although summer classes are likely to meet daily.  (I think 2 days a week for a full-time student--especially a freshman would be almost impossible).  But, this is also where some of the difficulty comes in.  The three days would be full of classes and commuting.  To meet with professors, to work in a lab, or to meet with a study group would need to occur on the days without classes.  Access to those types of activities can be crucial to the success of many students.   

 

 

And he will just have to figure that out.  I would prefer he not have to work so that he can have those two days to study and or go back to the school for support...

[Bootsie]

You sound as if you are fairly certain that this is the best route for him at this point.  It sounds as if this may be the only reasonable route you see for him at the time being.  What is the difficulty?  That he is considering some other route that you don't think is feasible?  That he is not convinced this is the best option and is second guessing it?  That he is someone on autopilot letting you take care of all of the arrangements for this path rather than taking charge of it himself?  

[Scarlett]

You sound as if you are fairly certain that this is the best route for him at this point. It sounds as if this may be the only reasonable route you see for him at the time being. What is the difficulty? That he is considering some other route that you don't think is feasible? That he is not convinced this is the best option and is second guessing it? That he is someone on autopilot letting you take care of all of the arrangements for this path rather than taking charge of it himself?

A lot of it I just talk out on this board. But mostly he says he wants it but he doesn't really do the work required. I don't want to feel like I am doing all the work required.

[Murphy101]

Depending on the school and its scheduling, it may be possible to have a plan that allows for class 3 days per week, although summer classes are likely to meet daily. (I think 2 days a week for a full-time student--especially a freshman would be almost impossible). But, this is also where some of the difficulty comes in. The three days would be full of classes and commuting. To meet with professors, to work in a lab, or to meet with a study group would need to occur on the days without classes. Access to those types of activities can be crucial to the success of many students.

This is why I say a short commute is required for success. My boys don’t live on campus, but they can’t avoid being at the campus 5 days a week. Labs, study groups, teacher sessions and so forth are all around classes. If he has a full schedule 3 days a week, he is going to need to use the other two for all the outside class requirements.

 

For example, my kids outside of class this week have

 

Lab

A mandatory event to attend for art, for sign language and for botany in the evening of a weekday.

 

A teacher meeting is scheduled for a non class day. (The teacher is scheduling everyone’s for that day bc he has classes the other days.)

 

And the sign language kid has a silent lunch to attend on Saturday. This isn’t mandatory, but helpful. And he is required to attend 3(iirc?) silent events outside of class per semester.

 

This is all normal and to be expected.

 

Engineers will have study groups, labs, and projects to work on outside of class.

[Murphy101]

A lot of it I just talk out on this board. But mostly he says he wants it but he doesn't really do the work required. I don't want to feel like I am doing all the work required.

It is completely normal for a teen to feel overwhelmed and not know where to start or to feel intimidated about how to go about things. That doesn’t mean they aren’t willing to do it. They might not be. But usually it’s normal for them to need some direction and walking through.

 

There’s nothing about wanting it or being a hard worker that means they will just know what to do and not feel jittery about it.

 

I’d sit him down and work through the options.

 

Option A - go to colleges x y or z. You can input act score and gpa and most have decent cost calculators.

 

Option B - trade school and work

 

Option C - commute from home to schools 1 or 2

 

I’m not sure what you mean by leave home on someone else’s dime. Education is an investment in his future. It’s not mooching to accept financial aid for that.

[Murphy101]

He should be visiting multiple campuses, whether he plans to commute or not, to get a feel for which ones will best suit him. This can also make all the difference in his motivation too.

[Scarlett]

It is completely normal for a teen to feel overwhelmed and not know where to start or to feel intimidated about how to go about things. That doesn’t mean they aren’t willing to do it. They might not be. But usually it’s normal for them to need some direction and walking through.

 

There’s nothing about wanting it or being a hard worker that means they will just know what to do and not feel jittery about it.

 

I’d sit him down and work through the options.

 

Option A - go to colleges x y or z. You can input act score and gpa and most have decent cost calculators.

 

Option B - trade school and work

 

Option C - commute from home to schools 1 or 2

 

I’m not sure what you mean by leave home on someone else’s dime. Education is an investment in his future. It’s not mooching to accept financial aid for that.

 

 

Oh no I don't think he is mooching.  I just think 18 year olds who are being supported by someone else need the accountability of living at home.

[Scarlett]

It is completely normal for a teen to feel overwhelmed and not know where to start or to feel intimidated about how to go about things. That doesn’t mean they aren’t willing to do it. They might not be. But usually it’s normal for them to need some direction and walking through.

 

There’s nothing about wanting it or being a hard worker that means they will just know what to do and not feel jittery about it.

 

I’d sit him down and work through the options.

 

Option A - go to colleges x y or z. You can input act score and gpa and most have decent cost calculators.

 

Option B - trade school and work

 

Option C - commute from home to schools 1 or 2

 

 

 

Well, this is what we are doing.  I guess I just need the reassurance that it is normal.

[Bootsie]

A lot of it I just talk out on this board. But mostly he says he wants it but he doesn't really do the work required. I don't want to feel like I am doing all the work required.

These are the questions I would be asking:

 

Is he not willing to do the work required, or does he not know what is required (or not know how to do what is required)?  In other words, does he need guidance or assistance?  

 

What things are really required?  (For example, a 25 ACT for the program you are looking at is probably more than sufficient.  Does the program that you are looking at require application now, or is it a program that he can apply to much closer to entrance?)  What things are really things for him to do?  (I do not, for example, expect my children to take care of FAFSA or really know much about it because it is more about the parents' information than the student's.)  

 

If he doesn't have the motivation to do what is required, what will be different if he starts the program, has homework, has to study for exams, has to seek out assistance from the professors and from study groups, and has a two hour per day commute?  While it is possible to get through while commuting it does require a large degree of personal motivation and determination.  Saying that he doesn't want to do the work required to get in to the program but assuming that he will be highly motivated to overcome the commuting obstacles next year appears to be a bit inconsistent.

[Scarlett]

These are the questions I would be asking:

 

Is he not willing to do the work required, or does he not know what is required (or not know how to do what is required)?  In other words, does he need guidance or assistance?  

 

What things are really required?  (For example, a 25 ACT for the program you are looking at is probably more than sufficient.  Does the program that you are looking at require application now, or is it a program that he can apply to much closer to entrance?)  What things are really things for him to do?  (I do not, for example, expect my children to take care of FAFSA or really know much about it because it is more about the parents' information than the student's.)  

 

If he doesn't have the motivation to do what is required, what will be different if he starts the program, has homework, has to study for exams, has to seek out assistance from the professors and from study groups, and has a two hour per day commute?  While it is possible to get through while commuting it does require a large degree of personal motivation and determination.  Saying that he doesn't want to do the work required to get in to the program but assuming that he will be highly motivated to overcome the commuting obstacles next year appears to be a bit inconsistent.

 

 

He probably just need continued guidance and assistance in the application and choosing process.  I think once he sets on a course he will be ok.  

 

I disagree the commute will be such a huge obstacle.  He would not do well away on his own especially at first.  He is a very scattered kid and I help him stay focused a lot.  

[Catwoman]

Yeah well, if you wake up every morning wishing you'd get hit by a bus on the way to work so that you wouldn't have to go, the money isn't going to matter too much.

 

Seriously, loathing your job has an incredibly negative impact on quality of life for many people.

 

But is his father really telling him anything like that? Is he suggesting that Scarlett's son should choose a career he hates, just because it pays well, or might he be suggesting that if he has a choice between working in two different fields that interest him, it may be wise to choose the better-paying option because if he is going to be working anyway, he might as well pick the option that will help him afford a more comfortable lifestyle and that will allow him to save for his future? He may be thinking that not making enough money to pay the bills, buy a house, or afford medical care would have an incredibly negative impact on his son's life, so even if his son doesn't jump for joy every morning when he leaves for work, it might be a worthwhile trade-off if he's making good money. And realistically, even if Scarlett's son thinks he will love a certain career path, if he doesn't make enough money at the job to afford the things and activities he cares about, or he can't earn enough to support his future wife and children, won't that be incredibly stressful, too? How long will he continue to love a job that doesn't cover his expenses and allow him to save for a house or a car or his eventual retirement?

 

It seems as though some people have a negative knee jerk reaction whenever someone tells their kid to try to choose the career that will pay them the most money, and they jump to the conclusion that the high-paying careers must all be horrible and that everyone who earns a high salary must secretly loathe their jobs, and that's simply not the case. It doesn't have to be that if you earn a high income, you must also hate your job.

 

I'm trying to give Scarlett's ex-dh a break here (which admittedly I don't usually do, because I remember what a weasel he was to Scarlett when they were married and when they first separated and divorced!) and assume he doesn't want his son to be miserable in his chosen career -- I'm sure he wants him to be happy, but he also figures that his son can be happy and well-paid at the same time. :)

Edited November 8, 2017 by Catwoman

[Scarlett]

But is his father really telling him anything like that? Is he suggesting that Scarlett's son should choose a career he hates, just because it pays well, or might he be suggesting that if he has a choice between working in two different fields that interest him, it may be wise to choose the better-paying option because if he is going to be working anyway, he might as well pick the option that will help him afford a more comfortable lifestyle and that will allow him to save for his future? He may be thinking that not making enough money to pay the bills, buy a house, or afford medical care would have an incredibly negative impact on his son's life, so even if his son doesn't jump for joy every morning when he leaves for work, it might be a worthwhile trade-off if he's making good money. And realistically, even if Scarlett's son thinks he will love a certain career path, if he doesn't make enough money at the job to afford the things and activities he cares about, or he can't earn enough to support his future wife and children, won't that be incredibly stressful, too? How long will he continue to love a job that doesn't cover his expenses and allow him to save for a house or a car or his eventual retirement?

 

It seems as though some people have a negative knee jerk reaction whenever someone tells their kid to try to choose the career that will pay them the most money, and they jump to the conclusion that the high-paying careers must all be horrible and that everyone who earns a high salary must secretly loathe their jobs, and that's simply not the case.

 

I'm trying to give Scarlett's ex-dh a break here (which admittedly I don't usually do, because I remember what a weasel he was to Scarlett when they were married and when they first separated and divorced!) and assume he doesn't want his son to be miserable in his chosen career -- I'm sure he wants him to be happy, but he also figures that his son can be happy and well-paid at the same time. :)

Cat you make good points and xh is no more that radical than I am suggesting ds renounce all wordly goods and work for peanuts. We do both want the best for ds. I truly believe that. And xh has told me many many times that I have done an excellent job with ds. That he is a good, kind, smart and respectful young man to be proud of.

 

The fine point of the difference between us is that xh truly feels ds should focus on money and I truly believe ds should focus on happiness and balance. But we aren't at odds or discounting the others opinions and viewpoints.

Edited November 8, 2017 by Scarlett

[Catwoman]

Cat you make good points and xh is no more that radical than I am suggesting ds renounce all wordly goods and work for peanuts. We do both want the best for ds. I truly believe that. And xh has told me many many times that I have done an excellent job with ds. That he is a good, kind, smart and respectful young man to be proud of.

 

The fine point of the difference between us is that xh truly feels ds should focus on money and I truly believe ds should focus on happiness and balance. Bit we aren't at odds or discounting the others opinions and viewpoints.

I think your son is fortunate to hear from both you and your ex, because I truly believe he can have all of those things. I think he can find a well-paying career he enjoys, while still realizing that his personal and spiritual wellbeing are equally important. Having had you as his mom all these years has certainly shown him the importance of family, so he's already ahead of many people in that respect. You've also given him a strong spiritual influence, so that's another point in his favor. Your ex is encouraging him to be successful in business and it sounds like he can offer a voice of experience in that area. Both you and your ex are on the same page about the importance of your son's education. Another big win.

 

I'm not worried about your son. He's obviously a very intelligent young man, even if he's still a bit of a scattered teenager right now. He's a normal 17yo! :) He's going to do just fine. He doesn't need to know what he will be doing when he's 35. He has time to decide. You're giving him every possible opportunity to succeed at whatever he chooses to do, and you're giving him extra help now, when he's still not quite responsible enough to handle all of the details on his own.

 

Really, try not to worry too much, because it's so clear that you have a great kid who is going to have a great future. :)

[Scarlett]

I think your son is fortunate to hear from both you and your ex, because I truly believe he can have all of those things. I think he can find a well-paying career he enjoys, while still realizing that his personal and spiritual wellbeing are equally important. Having had you as his mom all these years has certainly shown him the importance of family, so he's already ahead of many people in that respect. You've also given him a strong spiritual influence, so that's another point in his favor. Your ex is encouraging him to be successful in business and it sounds like he can offer a voice of experience in that area. Both you and your ex are on the same page about the importance of your son's education. Another big win.

 

I'm not worried about your son. He's obviously a very intelligent young man, even if he's still a bit of a scattered teenager right now. He's a normal 17yo! :) He's going to do just fine. He doesn't need to know what he will be doing when he's 35. He has time to decide. You're giving him every possible opportunity to succeed at whatever he chooses to do, and you're giving him extra help now, when he's still not quite responsible enough to handle all of the details on his own.

 

Really, try not to worry too much, because it's so clear that you have a great kid who is going to have a great future. :)

Aww.. Thank you Cat. You have no idea how much that means and how much that helps. I really second guess myself a lot.

[DawnM]

I had zero guidance.  That wasn't pleasant.  Some parents micromanage every detail.  I can't imagine I would have liked that either.  So surely there is some middle ground.

I am struggling with the balance as well.  I love looking into colleges, finding out which ones have what offerings, etc.....I find it fun and exciting and wrought with possibilities.  My almost 18 year old can't be bothered and just thinks things will fall into his lap or I will just pick for him.

[DawnM]

Scarlett, 

 

Your XH is offering to pay for his education?  All of it?  

 

Do you have an engineering program that is commutable?  And your XH doesn't want that?  

 

I am trying to understand the scenario.  

 

I am not a big fan of a gap year, but it seems that if he is wiling to attend the local 4 year school or local CC, that would be a good gap between going away and doing nothing.

 

As far as making money......in some ways I get it.  I think there is a balance between doing what you absolutely love (and may not make $$) vs. doing something you hate but can make a lot of $$.  We are in discussion about this with middle son right now.  He wants to be a sequential art major (aka: comic book designer).  Um, they make $30K per year and the program is $30/year for college.  NO!  That is what we call a hobby son!  I am happy for that to be your minor or even 2nd major if you wish, but you need a career to support your family.

 

 

 

Edited November 8, 2017 by DawnM

[Scarlett]

Scarlett,

 

Your XH is offering to pay for his education? All of it?

 

Do you have an engineering program that is commutable? And your XH doesn't want that?

 

I am trying to understand the scenario.

 

I am not a big fan of a gap year, but it seems that if he is wiling to attend the local 4 year school or local CC, that would be a good gap between going away and doing nothing.

 

As far as making money......in some ways I get it. I think there is a balance between doing what you absolutely love (and may not make $$) vs. doing something you hate but can make a lot of $$. We are in discussion about this with middle son right now. He wants to be a sequential art major (aka: comic book designer). Um, they make $30K per year and the program is $30/year for college. NO! That is what we call a hobby son! I am happy for that to be your minor or even 2nd major if you wish, but you need a career to support your family.

 

Xh isn't opposed to the 4 year school that is commutable. I have done a ton of research on a couple of options and I have it all in a folder for xh to look at.

 

And I agree there has to be a balance with regard to making money.