mamapjama Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 My children are 6 and 2. I really would have liked to have had them closer together in age but it just didn't work like that. I just find that they are so totally and completely at opposite ends of every spectrum! The oldest loves to work on detailed projects like marble runs and lego creations. The youngest loves to destroy them. Everything seems to be this way :( Even outside they are just at such different levels developmentally that they don't end up playing well together for long. I really, really don't want to wish my youngest child grows up quickly, but *&*&!! I'm so frustrated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Four years is a huge difference at that age. My boys are 4 years apart and even though there is a big gap they really enjoy each other right now at 10 & 14 (I'm really hoping this doesn't change). So at some point it may get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Four years is a huge difference at that age. My boys are 4 years apart and even though there is a big gap they really enjoy each other right now at 10 & 14 (I'm really hoping this doesn't change). So at some point it may get better. I am in exactly the same boat. I wish they had been closer, but you get what it didn't work out. I am hoping things will get better with age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zelda Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 My children are 6 and 2. I really would have liked to have had them closer together in age but it just didn't work like that. I just find that they are so totally and completely at opposite ends of every spectrum! The oldest loves to work on detailed projects like marble runs and lego creations. The youngest loves to destroy them. Everything seems to be this way :( Even outside they are just at such different levels developmentally that they don't end up playing well together for long. I really, really don't want to wish my youngest child grows up quickly, but *&*&!! I'm so frustrated. Is it the age spacing or is the 2-ness of the younger one? My guess is that the spacing will be less of an issue as the 2-ness wears off. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 It does get easier. I can't promise at 4 she doesn't intentionally wreck her sisters stuff ;), but overall it's LOTS easier now than it was when #3 came along. And the last year has been wayyyyyy easier as it goes on month by month. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Is it the age spacing or is the 2-ness of the younger one? My guess is that the spacing will be less of an issue as the 2-ness wears off. :001_smile: :iagree: And 3, i used to chant - "it's fun to be two".... which turned to "it's fun to be three" :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Is it the age spacing or is the 2-ness of the younger one? My guess is that the spacing will be less of an issue as the 2-ness wears off. :001_smile: I agree. I actually appreciate the 5 year difference between my older children. But living with a two year old is tough no matter what. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 One thing I did for my oldest when he was 6 is give him a lockable footlocker. Anything precious and breakable he would put into it. His sibs were 3,2,&1. He cherished that chest. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 I like the locker idea, but the everyday toys are a trial around here. I keep reminding myself and dh that a just turned five year old can only handle so many new rules all at once when a baby becomes mobile. The five year old has to be quite at nap time, not leave toys that are chocking hazards lying around, remember to close the bathroom door behind her, close the gate, on and on. I know five year olds can pick up after themselves, and can close door behind themselves, but to have to watch everything you put down is quite a bit. The baby, on the other hand, has all this great stuff to get into that the five year old leaves behind. I don't think it's good for babies to hear no all day. I have to constantly watch, remind, pick-up and distract. :001_smile: I know you do that with kids anyway, but when a child has been an only for four years or more, it's quite an adjustment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Our oldest had his own room and I made him keep anything too small in there. I can't imagine having to adjust to being baby proofed again. It was just a way of life then I guess. You had a bigger spread and so it's probably a harder adjustment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 my dd's are 9 and 7, and they don't play together because they have a different ideas of what fun is. I wouldn't waste my energy on the age separation as it's not something you can change:) Even if they were closer there's no guarantees they'd get along either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 I have a similar spread. Things got a lot better when younger got to about age 4. He then started to idolise his big brother, which solved a lot of problems. Good luck for the next two years! Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 (edited) Weeeelllll....I would love to say it gets better.....but, for my two sons, it has only gotten worse. They are 5 and 9 right now and OMG the fighting these two do is INSANE. I mean, I am constantly having to break up brawls and calm down screaming matches. My oldest is getting this snotty "I am a pre-pre-teen" attitude and my little one is trying to half-heartedly follow in his footsteps and makes sure not to ever take any "crap" off big brother. ~whew~ It is something to behold, I tell ya. But, if it helps any at all, I feel ya! Edited November 2, 2008 by Tree House Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamapjama Posted November 2, 2008 Author Share Posted November 2, 2008 Yes, I think to be honest a lot of it is the two - ness factor. Things have improved a lot since last winter, but still they are challenging to say the least. But when they are not together they are both mellow and wonderful. When they are together they are crazy hyper and bouncing off the walls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetfeet Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Mine are 6 and 2 as well. I find it to be really rough because his attention span is just so short and she is really ready for more 'in depth' work. He also likes to try to destroy whatever she is working on. Then she becomes frustrated and things decline rapidly. My mantra is, "it can only get better." I may still be chanting that in 10 years.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 On the opposite side, my sister and I are 2 1/2 years apart and we never got along. I think we were too close in age, it was very aggravating. I felt very much in her wake during most of my childhood. We never played together well, we had such diverse interests. So closer in age doesn't always mean closer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoriM Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 My daughters are 3.5 years apart, and I think it's a perfect spacing. My older child was "old enough" to learn patience with the baby, and my younger child was close enough to study the same *concepts* as the older child, but with easier materials. Now, my girls are 16 and 19.5, and my older daughter has asked my younger daughter to be her Maid of Honor. I think they are each other's best friend *because* of the space between them, not in spite of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Weeeelllll....I would love to say it gets better.....but, for my two sons, it has only gotten worse. They are 5 and 9 right now and OMG the fighting these two do is INSANE. ... It is something to behold, I tell ya. But, if it helps any at all, I feel ya! *Sigh*... Rebecca, do you walk around at carnivals popping children's balloons? You sure popped mine. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2att Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 For me it's a personality thing more than an age thing. My first two are 4.5 years apart, girl then boy. They are as different as night and day, and even now at 12.5 and 8 aren't the best of friends. It is better now, I'd say it was worst when they were around 8 and 4, but by then there was a third child in the mix as well. Interestingly enough, my oldest and my youngest have 7.5 years between them and are much closer relationship-wise. They are a lot alike in personality, so I attribute it more to that than spacing. Hopefully your two have similar personalities and will become closer as they get older! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 I did not read in detail what others have said, but mine are almost 5 years apart...........and I love it. They fight. Definitely. But, they have their sweet moments. The closer in age the more competitive (quite often). There IS NO PERFECT scenario. You just have to enjoy it the best way you can. And get some earplugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I am sorry to hear how frustrated you feel. Dh and his sister are spaced four years apart. They have always been close. We have a lovely relationship with her and her family. She and dh speak regularly by phone in addition to family get-togethers. My two children are spaced four years apart, and they are close as well. It seems to be working out just fine for us. When ds was a toddler who liked to wreck things, we did have to be creative in managing that. Dd kept some things up high and would gleefully plan with me what she would play with when ds went down for his nap. I also used to occasionally agree to amuse ds for a period of time so that she could work on some elaborate project without his "help." We got through very well that way until he grew and matured and could be trusted to respect her things. I encourage you to work through this phase with a toddler with creativity and patience. It is totally possible for your children to be close friends--the older they get, the less that age difference matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I'm sorry. Mine are 5 1/2 years apart and there have been periods of time when their difference in age has made problems. But there are also periods of time when they get along very well, stick up for each other, play well together (or hang out, etc.) I think with children of any age difference, there will always be positives and negatives. My sister and I were 3 1/2 years apart, and we experienced these sorts of things as well. Hopefully, as your toddler gets more verbal and is able to play more cooperatively, they will have a better time together. Until then, I'd ask the older for patience and understanding, but also give him some time to himself and help protect his projects from the younger by putting them away - up high, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 It does get better. My two boys are 5.5 years apart and we had similar difficulties when the younger one was 2. Just think, with a spacing of 4 years you won't have any problems coordinating the 4 year history rotation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 My kids are about three months shy of being 4 years apart. They are very close and always have been. My older dd is the detailed quiet one and the younger one is a bundle of energy and excitement. It has helped me to make sure that I give the older one space to store her treasures and space to work on things where her sister can't destroy them. She has a shelf in their shared room that is her own and when she works on projects, she must be at a table. I have also been working hard to teach them to respect each other's things. When one of them destroys something the other made, then they must "fix" the problem they made. They must either help repair it or clean the mess or bring fresh supplies, and they are on a time out until the other sibling is "fixed." So as long as the one is wailing from the injustice of the world, the other must sit and wait or try to cheer her up. Two is a great age, and so is three. My kids are delightful, but a lot of how I feel about them is because of my attitude and expectations. I try to not expect the younger to behave like the older, and I work really hard to respect the differences in the people that they are . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Jenny Flint Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Four years is a huge difference at that age. My boys are 4 years apart and even though there is a big gap they really enjoy each other right now at 10 & 14 (I'm really hoping this doesn't change). So at some point it may get better. My kids are 4.5 years apart. Ds turns 14 in one week, dd is 9.5. They have always enjoyed each other most of the time, but now the age difference is not such a handicap to their relationship as when they were younger. When she was 2 and knocking down his blocks and messing with his superheroes, he spent a lot of time being frustrated with her. This, too, shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Definitely! My 7yo ds and 2.5 yo ds are just beginning to play *together* with blocks and cars and army men. It will get better, I'm sure, especially once the 2yo can have more detailed conversations, too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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