Getting Them Ready to Leave Home

[kroe1]

I am about to vomit. I am so unprepared for this last child to leave home for college. I need help getting a list of last minute things she needs to know and have. I can think of things like bedding, a winter coat, etc. But, I also need lists of safety issues like not leaving a drink around, and sensible issues like how to live with another person in a small bedroom. I do not think she has ever used a coin laundromat.

[bettyandbob]

Some schools don't have washer/dryers set up on coins. No one taught me to do coin laundry and I figured it out.

 

When is your DD expected to go to college. Is she going this year? I thought she was younger.

[kroe1]

Yes, she graduated at 15 and is going away to college this fall. She will be barely 17 when she leaves home. She is ready from a mature aspect. I just need to make sure I have covered all the things she may not have learned yet.

[regentrude]

She will be fine. You can never prepare a young adult for all things in advance, because you can never think of all situations they may encounter. 

It is more important that she has confidence and basic problem solving skills, and knows that is OK to ask for help. 

How to live with a room mate depends very much on the room mate, and how to run a washing machine is something anybody can figure out without having been taught in advance. Also, you are not out of the world, and she can always ask for advice. And if she finds that she needs an item you have not thought of in advance, she can buy it when she needs it. Relax and trust in the 17 years of parenting she had.

[klmama]

This article has a list of things to discuss with her:  http://www.foxbusiness.com/features/2011/08/25/parents-check-list-for-sending-their-kid-off-to-college.html

[kroe1]

This article has a list of things to discuss with her: http://www.foxbusiness.com/features/2011/08/25/parents-check-list-for-sending-their-kid-off-to-college.html

Very helpful

[Bootsie]

I am about to vomit. I am so unprepared for this last child to leave home for college. I need help getting a list of last minute things she needs to know and have. I can think of things like bedding, a winter coat, etc. But, I also need lists of safety issues like not leaving a drink around, and sensible issues like how to live with another person in a small bedroom. I do not think she has ever used a coin laundromat.

DD is an RA in a freshman dorm.  One of the most common questions she had at the beginning of the fall semester was "how do I do laundry?"  

[gingersmom]

DD is an RA in a freshman dorm. One of the most common questions she had at the beginning of the fall semester was "how do I do laundry?"

I washed a 100% wool sweater in machine and put in dryer. I was shocked when it came out the size of Barbie clothing. :)

[Pawz4me]

DS21 knew how to do laundry before he left home, but all he'd ever used were our machines. So he texted me a few pictures the first time he did laundry at his dorm -- a picture of a loaded washing machine and the question "Is this too many clothes for this washer?" When I responded it was fine he sent a picture of some detergent in the bottle cap with "Is this about the right amount of detergent?" I guess he just really wanted to make sure he didn't mess up the dorm washer on his first load. :lol:

[Mom22ns]

This article has a list of things to discuss with her:  http://www.foxbusiness.com/features/2011/08/25/parents-check-list-for-sending-their-kid-off-to-college.html

 

"Students generally like to prop doors open so that they dont need to use their keys to get back in, but that provides the perfect opportunity for someone to slip in and grab the iPod, computer, or jewelry that is lying in plain sight on the desk, Chadbourne says."

 

I just wondered if any kids actually do this? My kids both agree that doors are open when you are in and close when you leave. Their dorms require their student ID's to get in the building an into their own wing. They do have a key for the door, but they both carry it on the same key ring/lanyard with their ID, so they never leave without it or they can't even get back in the building. (sorry that was just an aside)

 

​Both of my kids new how to do laundry when the left and if either of them had a hard time figuring out the machines in the dorm, they never admitted to it. Dd prefers to do her laundry at school than bring it home because they have nicer machines!

 

The only issue my dd did have was that because she was 17 she couldn't easily get medical care outside of the college clinic. She was still doing PT recovering from hip surgery when she went and we had to go to the hospital with her the day before she moved in to setup the PT. There can be some issues with being under age, but otherwise, there isn't anything a quick text question hasn't been able to cover.

[lmrich]

Teach her to ask questions when she needs help. 

[cbollin]

"Students generally like to prop doors open so that they dont need to use their keys to get back in, but that provides the perfect opportunity for someone to slip in and grab the iPod, computer, or jewelry that is lying in plain sight on the desk, Chadbourne says."

 

I just wondered if any kids actually do this? My kids both agree that doors are open when you are in and close when you leave. Their dorms require their student ID's to get in the building an into their own wing. They do have a key for the door, but they both carry it on the same key ring/lanyard with their ID, so they never leave without it or they can't even get back in the building. (sorry that was just an aside)

 

I like asides  :)

 

uh, yes.

If the campus police reports are true it happens frequently at our state school campus. Granted it is a high crime city. but... theft of property in dorms and classrooms is big thing.

 

I know doors are propped open on the private campus where my dd attends.  I've had access to my kid's dorm and shouldn't have. walked right in..  and she and her suitemates had the door to common room prop open 24/7. what?

It makes it feel more welcoming for "visits" and study breaks was their excuse.  LOL.

now,  granted each bedroom has key entry. but still.  better make sure nothing is in the common room that you don't want to lose. wow. thankfully, nothing happened that I learned about.  (edit:  and my scattered but smart oldest had to learn to keep her keys and id on her at all times. That was new to her, and meant a shopping trip to find the right tool for that.)

 

It also happened when I was in college in the 80s. Doors were propped open.  People would let strangers into locked dorms without id. (and there was even a phone to be able to call the room.  these days couldn't a parent just use cell phone and say get your butt down here. If you could dress like a pizza delivery guy anyone would let you in.)   I still remember the incident with the "peeping tom" in the showers.  shake my head.  (well, how did he get if we all need our keys to open doors....  hey dude, oh man, I left my key in my room)  no one asked and he wasn't even a student at our school!.  As students we had this false sense of security and that we were somehow separated from bad things. nope.   I don't know if that was because we were young or what.  But I think the lesson quoted above is important to teach to understand about the false sense of security.

 

Friends who live on other wings or in other dorms/off campus can walk in with the person who lives in the dorm.  You may know your floor mates, but do you know for certain their friends will not steal? nope.

 

People are being "nice" to get the door for you. Or they guess you're someone's mom and just let you in for the asking (well, ok. maybe I wasn't lying when I said I was bringing some meds to my child on third floor and maybe that person knew my child and realized how much we look alike.) 

 

Even when I lived in buzzer door apartments, people would just buzz anyone in.

 

 

A book resource:  The Naked Roommate. Harlan Cohen author.

Edited April 13, 2017 by cbollin

[J-rap]

Amongst all the other advice you'll get, encourage her set up a Lyft or Uber account on her phone.  There are probably promo codes she can get so the first rides are free. We told our dd she could link her account to our credit card.  She only uses it if she is coming back from somewhere after dark alone (the light rail drops her off about half mile from campus, and her neighborhood isn't so safe at night).  She doesn't need to use it very often -- just a few times/year, but I'm really glad she can.

 

Get her some good ear plugs.  :)  

[Bootsie]

Amongst all the other advice you'll get, encourage her set up a Lyft or Uber account on her phone.  There are probably promo codes she can get so the first rides are free. We told our dd she could link her account to our credit card.  She only uses it if she is coming back from somewhere after dark alone (the light rail drops her off about half mile from campus, and her neighborhood isn't so safe at night).  She doesn't need to use it very often -- just a few times/year, but I'm really glad she can.

 

Much depends on the where your children are going to school.  I have asked DD not to take uber or lyft if she is by herself--I would prefer to pay more for her to be in a licensed taxi.  There have been several incidents locally where young women have arranged for uber, a "driver" shows up who is not affiliated with uber, the person just knows that college females are in the location often contacting uber, the young woman gets in and is assaulted.  I think this is less likely to occur if a group is traveling together or if you are traveling through an area where there are more people out and about on the streets.

[J-rap]

Much depends on the where your children are going to school.  I have asked DD not to take uber or lyft if she is by herself--I would prefer to pay more for her to be in a licensed taxi.  There have been several incidents locally where young women have arranged for uber, a "driver" shows up who is not affiliated with uber, the person just knows that college females are in the location often contacting uber, the young woman gets in and is assaulted.  I think this is less likely to occur if a group is traveling together or if you are traveling through an area where there are more people out and about on the streets.

 

That's horrible!  We always check to make sure the license plate of the car matches what was sent us on the app before getting in the car.  It seems like as long as you do that, the incidents you speak of would not happen.

[Nan in Mass]

You can do most of it when you arrive. Go a bit early. When you drop her off, walk her around campus, eat at commons, show her how to do laundry, locate the health center, locate the counseling center and figure out how that works with her, help her read the map and figure out where her classes are. Locate the library and find a nice study nook. Take her to the local grocery store and work out how she might get there on her own (campus bus? Public transportation? Cab?). Make sure she has phone signal in her room and her internet is set and that she knows how to print papers. Make sure she knows how to buy her textbooks. Get banking figured out. Make her bed with her and unpack her. Exchange phone numbers with her roommate's parents.

 

Make sure she knows how to keep herself and her stuff safe. It is a nuisance to take your stuff with you to the bathroom in the middle of studying but you probably have to. Make sure she knows about drugs, alcohol, and birth control, even if she has no intention of having anything to do with any of them. Make sure she knows to watch her drink so nobody adds anything to it. Most of that will be covered in orientation, hopefully.

 

If she has been homeschooled all along, make sure she knows to raise her hand in class. Make sure she can read a class schedule, a syllabus, and knows about office hours and tutoring. Make sure she backs up her work frequently and knows how to back up her computer. Make sure she knows how to LOOK like she is not cheating in exams, not just not cheating.

 

Mine didn't know the hundred,s digit in a room number corresponded to building floor or how to work the "cow" in commons or the toaster and other things like that. I showed them when they got there, but if I hadn't, I am sure they would have figured it out. Most of what they needed to know could have been dealt with when we dropped them off and during orientation. Try not to worry.

 

Nan