Whining driving me batty. Suggestions

[shawthorne44]

DD is 6.75 years old.  She whines.  Her voice is a little on the high side, ok a lot on the high side, so she doesn't have far to go.   It is driving me batty!   DH has always been more (too) tolerant about the whining, saying she is tired, etc.    It came to a head recently when I was teaching a co-op gym class and she was the only one I heard whining, ever.   I don't think that she does it deliberately.   Just if she gets a little bit upset, then she whines.  

 

I need suggestions to break this whining habit now.   I had an idle thought of 2 push-ups as punishment every time I hear her whine.   But, then I thought you guys might have a better idea.  

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

TO break this habit in my dd, I called her on it EVERY TIME and had her leave the room, then come back in and phrase her "request" in a normal, polite tone.  If the answer I gave caused yet another whine, it was a 5 minute time out.  

 

Whining is just a bad habit.  She's probably not even aware that it's her knee-jerk response noise.  Call her attention to it.  When we first started "training", I definitely demonstrated what whining sounds like to an adult by being whiny myself.  It was silly, but very helpful.  

[meena]

I agree with Monica on the repeating with a normal tone. Also, especially when you begin having her do this, model what it should sound like and have her copy you in word and tone. You could even make a game of it where you whine and have her correct you, and you have to repeat her saying it the right way. 

[Guest]

I say "try that again". If they need more explicit instruction I explain what part of their tone or words wasn't correct or appropriate, model the right response, and have them repeat it back to me once or twice.

[redsquirrel]

Some kids have a difficult time knowing that they are whining. I also had a high pitched voice as a kid and I often got told I was whining when, in fact, I thought I was just making a statement. I wasn't upset or complaining, I just sounded whiney. Punishing me for that caused a lot of unnecessary angst and arguments, mostly because I would walk into the room and say something to my mom only to have her yell at me for whining. I was genuinely confused about what I had done wrong. It took me a long time to figure out what she meant was that my voice was too high. By adjusting my tone to a lower pitch I stopped getting yelled at. It had nothing to do with what I was asking or saying, just my tone.

 

When my kids were younger and they sounded like they were whining I would just say "Can you please repeat that in a lower tone of voice?" I found that much easier for them to comprehend that 'please don't whine". It is a concrete description of the problem and a concrete solution.

 

 

[shawthorne44]

redsquirrel, that is probably what is happening.   I tried to teach her to stop and take deep breaths, but no matter what I said, she would take a deep breath and then hold it with a panicked look on her face.  She really isn't dim, but the concept of deep breaths are beyond her.  I

[fairfarmhand]

Try this. "Say it with a smile on your face." My ds could not whine while smiling.

 

Or "Can you say it with a happy, cheerful voice?"

[AmandaVT]

I become temporarily deaf when I hear whining. It served me well through teaching pre-k, coaching gymnastics for 8 years and now raising a kid. 

 

"I'm sorry, I don't understand you when you use that voice. Can you say it in your regular voice please?" and then when they do, "Oh, now I know what you're asking....." with a big smile on my face. 

 

After the first couple of times with the same child, they'll usually catch on when I just totally ignore them like they're invisible until they use their regular voice.  :lol:

[UnionJack]

We'd tell our boys when they were each going through a whiny stage to "use a strong voice!" Their stages didn't last for long, thankfully; drove us crazy as well!!

[shawthorne44]

I tried the going deaf thing.   It didn't work.   It comes naturally to me since I think my brain shuts down a bit when I hear it.  

[Suzanne in ABQ]

"I can't hear you when you whine.  My ears just can't hear what you're saying when you use that voice.  Please repeat what you said using your big-girl voice."

 

 

 

"Thank you!  That's better.  I heard every word."

[shawthorne44]

(sigh) I did this last night.  I picked asking her to talk lower.  She did the same thing she did when she was younger.  She wouldn't speak clearly throughout the sentence, so we could understand the first part very clearly and then the end was incomprehensible.  She say, "Mommy!  (long pause)   I would like to kjlhasdfas ijuasdhfasn  lkajdsfh kasdf iugsa,msqeiuyyg aspoihdfsv aog "     We'd respond, "I heard 'Mommy, I would like to' and then the rest was incomprehensible."   She would then say "Mommy!  (long pause)   I would like to kjlhasdfas ijuasdhfasn  lkajdsfh kasdf iugsa,msqeiuyyg aspoihdfsv aog "   (repeat)  We tried to get her to start from the part we didn't understand, but nooooooo, that was beyond her.  I am going to have to give some thought to how we stopped that.  I think we took a guess at what she was asking for and declared the opposite.  

 

So, last night, her voice crossed over into the whiny register.  It was while reading during bedtime.  I asked her to talk in a lower voice so I could understand.   I said that in a super low voice.   She giggled and then started the sentence super low and ended in the super high whiny.   Just the one sentence.  It was short.   It started with a giggle!    I'll keep at it.  

[gardenmom5]

refuse to "hear" the whine.   tell her you can't "hear her", so she needs to repeat her request in a normal voice.  every. time.

[Bambam]

First, teach what whining is. 

Then, "I don't hear whining. Why not say it in a normal voice?" Repeat for days, weeks, months - however long it takes. 

 

Good luck to you!

[Kebo]

(sigh) I did this last night.  I picked asking her to talk lower.  She did the same thing she did when she was younger.  She wouldn't speak clearly throughout the sentence, so we could understand the first part very clearly and then the end was incomprehensible.  She say, "Mommy!  (long pause)   I would like to kjlhasdfas ijuasdhfasn  lkajdsfh kasdf iugsa,msqeiuyyg aspoihdfsv aog "     We'd respond, "I heard 'Mommy, I would like to' and then the rest was incomprehensible."   She would then say "Mommy!  (long pause)   I would like to kjlhasdfas ijuasdhfasn  lkajdsfh kasdf iugsa,msqeiuyyg aspoihdfsv aog "   (repeat)  We tried to get her to start from the part we didn't understand, but nooooooo, that was beyond her.  I am going to have to give some thought to how we stopped that.  I think we took a guess at what she was asking for and declared the opposite.  

 

So, last night, her voice crossed over into the whiny register.  It was while reading during bedtime.  I asked her to talk in a lower voice so I could understand.   I said that in a super low voice.   She giggled and then started the sentence super low and ended in the super high whiny.   Just the one sentence.  It was short.   It started with a giggle!    I'll keep at it.  

In that circumstance, I would tell  her I would only entertain written requests, calmly delivered. 

[zoobie]

My older kids rarely whined when they were younger. Telling them to try again because I can't understand that tone of voice worked back then. My 11 year old is now way whinier than he ever was as a little kid. Our family joke is to repeat the line from Star Wars that Luke whines, "But I wanted to go to Tosche Station and pick up some power converters!" 

 

My nearly going on 3 and 5 year olds are going to drive me to the brink. Their whining compounds. The little one has this noise that she makes instead of talking when she can't find the words. I. Am. Going. Crazy. If I could walk around with noise cancelling headphones, I would. I ask them to repeat it. More. Whining. Then their whining drives the 11 year old crazy and he whines about their whining. Y'all, I'm not going to make it.

[AK_Mom4]

DS21 and I both have hearing issues with high tones.  When DD15 was a tiny little thing, she would talk and we literally COULD.NOT.HEAR what she said.  See the mouth move, but couldn't understand the words.  We had to retrain her to speak in a lower tone.

 

DS and I were the ones home with her so we used the opposites thing.  I would take a guess at what she wanted and suggest back to her the opposite.   

 

DD: Please may I <squeak mutter squeak>  (probably wants to play on computer)

Me: You would like to sweep the kitchen floor?  Sure!  Sounds great!

DD: Noooooooo! <Squeak.... mutter...mutter>

Me: Sorry, DD. Try again in your big girl voice (which we had practiced).

 

It took at least a week of her being frustrated before it clicked.  And then frequent reminders from me and DS just plain telling her "I cant hear what you said". Lather-Rinse-Repeat.  Please don't think we were mean - she was home with two people who couldn't understand her and something had to change.

 

So my suggestion is to not give up.  Keep helping her practice and give it a few weeks of solid work.

[shawthorne44]

In that circumstance, I would tell  her I would only entertain written requests, calmly delivered. 

 

Ooooh, and handwriting practice!  Bwahahahaha.

That wouldn't be practical all the time, like last night, but that might be worth a try.  

[redsquirrel]

incomprehensible is different from whining.  Is it because she is speaking to quickly or not putting spaces between words? Or did her voice become too low in pitch? Is she rushing to get to the end of a sentence before she runs out of breath?

 

I am asking these things as the mom of  a kid who needed years and years of speech therapy and OT, just to put it in context.  Has she ever had her hearing checked?  I just have had a lot of experience with describing this annoying thing that I was trying to deal with, only to find out it was a yellow (or sometimes a red) flag and warranted further investigation.  For a long time we had both a speech therapist and an OT to help my son with oral motor issues.  Kids who can't hear well also have trouble being understood.  And some kids have a difficult time coordinating their breathing with their speaking, some kids have trouble coordinating their lips and their tongue..it can be tricky to figure out, but it can result in speaking too loudly or too quickly.

 

So, if she isn't putting enough space between the rest of the words in her sentence, or rushing to get the end of the sentence out, it might be a breathing/coodination thing...which can also cause whining.  If she is holding breath in reserve to get to the end of the sentence she will naturally start at a higher pitch (think of letting the air out of a balloon slowly by pinching the neck as the air comes out).  But it can also just be a 5 year old thing.  So, again, giving specific instructions beyond 'I couldn't understand the end of your sentence' could be for you to just take your own deep breath (modeling, not bc you are being impatient) and say to her in a very relaxed tone "can you please repeat that with more time between the words. Everything you say is so important to me and I want to understand every word". 

 

If her hearing hasn't been checked since birth then it might be a good idea to get a basic check, just in case. And if you have any unease about her speech, consider looking into a speech evaluation. Because she is 5 she is too old for early intervention, so it would most likely have to be done by your school district. This is NOT a 'diagnosis' or anything like that. I am 95% certain that what you are describing comes and goes and is something she will grow out of.  It's just that it's giving me that tiny pause, the whining, possibly hurried speech.. I don't want to not mention that it's something to keep an eye on.  Knowing what I know now, after so many years of therapy with my kid, I see a LOT of homeschool kids who are now tweens and older kids who so clearly could have benefited from some brief speech therapy. But because they aren't in a public school, where they do automatic screening and it's easy to get a few months of therapy without an IEP, at least in my state, they miss out. I'm not trying to talk you into anything. It's most likely nothing. 

[shawthorne44]

oh, she can talk clearly,   When she was younger she would start to mumble and look away sometimes.  But that was only sometimes.   Now she speaks clearly.   But when she whines her voice goes really high and my ears shut down like when someone makes noise with Styrofoam.  

I will keep that in mind though.