Blueridge Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Good morning. I have been wanting a simple thing lately...it seems simple anyway. I want to go to town (we live in the sticks) and just have girl fun. You know, pondering the shampoo, smelling perfumes, looking at make-up, finding something for the skirt I have no matching top for, trying on new bras. I just want to go and have some alone time being me. The problem is that I feel guilty leaving the girls at home to babysit a puppy and stare at the walls while I am out having fun. We don't go many places, and I know they would all enjoy going to town to goof off with me...but it would be easier to go alone. They would be fine to stay home, but I still feel so self-serving to leave them. Thoughts? Ginger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I'm the type that needs some alone time, and there was almost none then because DH worked very long hours, and we don't live near any family. Now that they're older and content to read/play in their rooms, I find that the desire isn't there any more. I'm fine at home. And I have virtually no funds for "just shopping" anyway! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Oh yes, I am familiar with mommy guilt. I have learned to take that time for myself because otherwise I start feeling resentment toward dh, or ridiculous self-pity...it's just better for everyone if I go ahead and get away for a little while. I try and think of something special for the dc to do while I'm gone. That's usually a rented movie, game time for my oldest, play doh or some similar craft for my younger ones that my older girls are willing to supervise, etc. It's ended up being a win-win for everyone. Hope you can find a happy solution! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 You need a day/afternoon out BY YOURSELF. I know that feeling. Don't feel guilty, just do it! You will be recharged and come back happy to be with your family again. Here's an analogy: Last night, I went to the library. I drove my husband's car. My husband eats a LOT of garlic, and the car, um, stunk. I put all the windows down, and by the time I reached the library, the car smelled better. Now, I'm not saying you smell! But it sounds like the Mama could use some "fresh air," so to speak. Get out and be alone, talk to God, be something and someone other than "Mommy" all day, every day. Sometimes, a little breeze airs us out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I experience lots of mommy guilt, but not for wanting to be away from my kids! I love them, but I need time away to maintain my sanity. I get it occasionally. I would like more. There is NO reason for you to feel guilty about that. Being home with kids 24/7 and homeschooling means time away is REQUIRED. If they're old enough to stay home alone, they are old enough to entertain themselves for a few hours! I went back and re-read your post. I would feel bad, too, leaving my girls at home, knowing they would have fun with me if I took them. I would get over it though. :D My kids are still little so they get to stay home with their dad when I go out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 Thanks, y'all. I do need some fresh air...school/housework/ all the time gets sorta old. But, the last time I went to town alone (maybe a month ago) I ran into 3, yes, 3 friends...all of whom were transporting their children around so they could shop/have fun in town/be with Mom for a nice outing. All 3 said, "Where are the girls?". Gulp. Made me feel like a real heel to say they were at home while I did some quick grocery shopping. I just don't want the guilt, but I seem to be unable to shake it. Ginger (who is so glad it's Friday) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Never feel guilty wanting time for yourself. You will be a better mom and wife when you get a break by yourself. I do this weekly usually Sunday afternoon I go to the mall, bookstore or where ever, get a Starbucks and just be by myself for a couple of hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsdash Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I totally understand and I call it "a mental health day" when I go out alone.You are a mom, a wife(I'm assuming) and a woman. You wear a lot of hats so sometimes you need to put on the "me" hat. There are times I want to window shop or try things on and I don't want to TALK and ANSWER anyone. I don't want to keep track of anyone other than myself. It doesn't mean I don't want to be a mom or that I don't want to be with my kids. I'm with my kids ( and 6 others because I keep kids during the day) all -the- time and so every few weeks, I leave. I "run out" on a Saturday and I get it out of my system. I come back feeling balanced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 There is not reason on God's green earth that you need to feel guilty about that. Children need time, too, time to explore and practice (within safe boundaries) responsibility and solitude. You would be doing everyone a favor to get time alone. Do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsdash Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 There is not reason on God's green earth that you need to feel guilty about that. Children need time, too, time to explore and practice (within safe boundaries) responsibility and solitude. You would be doing everyone a favor to get time alone. Do it! Thank you for that point. I agree.My dd told me that she likes when I go out alone because it gives her time alone, too. Now, I have 5 dc here but when I go out alone, they like the alone time. They lounge, go to their rooms, etc...and it's a win-win for everyone. We ALL need that time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in Toronto Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 When my children were younger, I had an elaborate fantasy about having my own apartment. I had mentally furnished it, decided what I would eat, what books I would read, and who I would invite over. Since my lads have grown and can be on their own (even overnight!!) I no longer go there (in my mind). Please, you will be a better mom if you keep yourself physically AND emotionally stable and that often requires some time alone. Don't feel guilty! I am an introvert and I NEED time to myself to recharge my batteries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I absolutely do not feel guilty when I need alone time! It helps me to be a better wife and mom when I can get some perspective on my own. I will often run to the market alone or spend time with a friend without my dc or dh. I belong to a women's Bible study that meets weekly. Any time I can get on my own is a blessing to me and my family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H.S. Burrow Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Do I feel guilty? Nope. I can't function day after day after day if I never get any time just for me. I learned this along time ago and simply tell DH that I need some time on Saturday or Sunday just for me. He will take the kids and go somewhere. Or I will take off and go somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camibami Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I don't feel the least little bit guilty. I do feel a *smidge* guilty sending them to the inlaws and staying home alone, but not so guilty I don't do it once a year.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I do not feel guilty in the least. Sunday afternoon is sometimes my day to just fly the coop. I enjoy dawdling around a few places. I even asked my dh for a night in a hotel by myself to work on my writing in silence. So far I haven't taken it yet, but it would be nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H.S. Burrow Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I do not feel guilty in the least. Sunday afternoon is sometimes my day to just fly the coop. I enjoy dawdling around a few places. I even asked my dh for a night in a hotel by myself to work on my writing in silence. So far I haven't taken it yet, but it would be nice. My DH offered me a weekend in a hotel alone. I haven't taken it yet either! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 My DH offered me a weekend in a hotel alone. I haven't taken it yet either! Do take him up on it. My DH is giving me a couple nights at a Westin here in town. It's at one of my favorite shopping places. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 My DH offered me a weekend in a hotel alone. I haven't taken it yet either! Do take him up on it. My DH is giving me a couple nights at a Westin here in town. It's at one of my favorite shopping places. Oh, y'all are so tempting me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I need a week at the beach! That's where I go in my mind! We definitely need a few hours every now and then just to be able to hear our own voice inside our heads, without a good train of thoughts being constantly interrupted! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 You know that it really isn't a dichotomy between you going out and having fun and the girls sitting at home staring at the walls, right?! Depending on the age of the girls (and how well they get along) - give them something fun to do: have a tea party with a friend while you go out shopping, make a surprise dessert for the family while you're gone, have a game marathon for a couple of hours, a new video of something they've wanted to see. . . Make it a treat to be left alone! Or if they aren't old enough to do some of those things you could ask a good adult friend to come and play with them while you're gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LNC Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I know what you mean, bc my children are old enough to have fun out and not be extra "trouble". Yet, they know I like to poke around a bookstore alone once every couple of months. They love bookstores too though! I got home the other evening in time for tuck ins. My 9yo daughter asked with shining eyes, "Did you get a yummy coffee drink? Was it good?". Then clapped her hands in delight and gave me a big hug when I said yes. My children know I work hard for our family, and they want me to have perks!! I'm a blessed mommy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Wisc Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 There came a point in my life where my kids knew when I needed time away. I'd comment that I had a meeting at the astronomy club, and that I wasn't sure I'd go. Then they'd gather around and tell me, "Mom, you need to go!" That was always an indication that I was overstressed and they had noticed it! Don't think that your kids don't see that you need time alone--unless they are too small to notice. Even if they are too small, you need to get out for your family as well as for yourself. Go and don't feel guilty. You are doing it for all of you! Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 Thank you SO much, ladies...I felt as though I had permission (yes, it helped!) from tender voices to go have some *me* time, and I took it! I told the girls (9, 10 and 15) that I had a skirt that really needed a matching top, and they all said without hesitation, "Go, Mom, please go to town." I told them we really needed to do our school instead, and my 15dd replied, "Don't worry, Mom, I did most of today's work yesterday. I can do my algebra (2) while you're gone." :glare:My 10dd said, "Oh Mommy, you deserve a fun trip! But what about our art program? We always do our art program on Fridays! (smile...eyelash batting). To which my 9 dd replied, "Come on, we can play Nintendo instead!". They squealed. So I grabbed my shoes and hugged them all, promising to be back by lunch time. I had a wonderful time browsing...found that shirt and 2 sweaters, too, but still found myself watching the store front for *friends* shopping with their kiddos. :D When I got back, all 3 came running out to see what I had found. They were, of course, fine and dandy. The kicker was, "I hope you're not hungry, Mom, we've already eaten!" . Then they dashed upstairs to finish the movie they had started. So everybody is very happy. Hurray for Friday! Hurray for voices of reason! Thanks so much. Happy *time away* for you all! Ginger (who should have stopped for a hamburger on the way home! I'll be more brave next time. ;)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.