Help me manage my life too!

[maize]

This was inspired by Fairfarmhand's post; I could really use some extra brains here :)

 

As you can see from my signature, I have 6 children ages 1-13, plus one on the way. I'm trying to plan for the upcoming months and could use some brainstorming help.

 

Pretty much everything at home falls on my shoulders--childcare, homeschooling, driving, shopping, cooking, cleaning, managing finances, home maintenance--all of it. Dh is a good man and does what he can, but has ongoing health issues that basically mean keeping up with his job as breadwinner is about the best he can do. My 13 year old is great about helping with the younger kids and doing household tasks as I ask her, but she's a kid and I'm not going to try to turn her into Cinderella. The next four kids , while great kids, are all ADHD and cause way more chaos than they have the capacity to manage.

 

I have a cleaning service that comes in for an hour a week; it was twice a week during the nausea phase of this pregnancy but that's not financially sustainable. We've cut way back in outside activities, currently just basketball twice a week for one child, scouts once a week, church youth group once a week, and private dance lessons a couple of times a month. The hardest bit for me right now is that my 6 year old is in school and my 4 year old in preschool and I have to drive both of them--that's four round trips each day and it is extremely disruptive. No carpooling available as there are no other families near us attending these schools. I feel like school has been good for both--ds6 is in a Chinese immersion program at a public elementary and ds4 in a Montessori preschool. I'm seriously considering pulling him out but do think for his sake it would be better to leave him in--it's been a really good setting for this particular high needs child.

 

The older three really need more of my attention for their schooling, the toddler of course is a toddler and into everything. I'm growing a baby and have limited energy.

 

I need: simplified plans and structure for school.

 

An easy meal plan.

 

Better chore/housework management.

 

And about ten extra arms and eight more hours in each day.

Edited December 28, 2016 by maize

[kbutton]

I mostly have alternate suggestions that may or may not work for you. I will offer them, and you can decide if it's helpful.

 

Is there a library or other semi-organized public building near the preschool where you could choose a couple of low-maintenance subjects/group subjects, whatever is portable, and use that building as a home away from home during the hours your child is in preschool? I am assuming it's probably a half day program, which is why it's so disruptive. If you like this idea, I can offer additional suggestions for how to make it more likely to work, but it's a lot to type out if it's an automatically poor fit. I know some little ones are easy to take places and some are difficult to take places, and some are random, so you have to shake it up a bit. :-) 

 

If your 13 y.o. works really independently, likes a little time to herself, and can stay home alone for a bit, even one or two days to the library could be a time that she gets "alone" time at home to recharge and to get her stuff done. I know you don't want to make her into Cinderella, but if she has a finite list of chores that she would do independently, maybe this is a time you could ask her to do something specific while you are out, like prep lunch or supper stuff, clean something, whatever is mutually motivating. I am trying to think of "work smarter, not harder" things that might make her feel like her family chore time is a Really Big Contribution, but it's also cordoned off so that she sees the end of it and doesn't feel like she's always on call for you or her sibs. None of that may be at all applicable to her or your family, but it's how I would've rolled at that age. I would've wanted something specific I could do at a predictable time and then go be myself. 

 

On the meals--we keep things pretty simple. Sandwich, veggie, fruit. Or quick protein, rice, veggie. Things like that as well as leftovers. My kids periodically turn 2-3 loaves of bread into PB and J sandwiches, and we toss them back into the bread bags and into the freezer for days when we need something we can grab. We splurge sometimes on things that a pre-prepped to make life easier. My rice cooker has a steamer tray, and I like to throw some meat in there with the rice for a quick dinner (I'm not very crockpot-friendly). 

[Carol in Cal.]

My sister has 7 kids.

Her tips:

1.  Make bread in a bread machine overnight every day.

2.  Do what you can together.  Evening devotions, for instance.

3.  If you're mixing school and homeschool, try to arrange it so that the working parent does at least some of the driving--drop offs if not pick ups.

4.  Clear rules with no downside risks.  She has decided that there are too many slip ups if anyone else uses the washer and dryer--moldy clothes, shrunken items, mixups in who owns what, scheduling conflicts--so she just takes care of that herself.

5.  Be flexible about the nonessentials.  For the longest time their family had a big veggie garden every year, and did a fair amount of preserving.  Once the older kids started to need more rides, that went by the wayside.  One of these years they will probably resurrect it.

6.  Shop twice a month for staples, and do quick pick ups for produce only occasionally.  Freeze meat, buy grains and beans and sugars and TVP in bulk, keep lots of cereals and other staples in the basement on hand, use canned or boxed ingredients from time to time and keep them around.

7.  Plan meals in advance.  She has a calendar and writes what's for dinner on it about a month in advance.  That helps them shop sales and also avoid many 'quick trips' to the grocery store. 

8.  Buy presents through the kids' fundraisers.  Since most have to buy this stuff anyway, why not double down and use it as Christmas or birthday presents?

[maize]

I mostly have alternate suggestions that may or may not work for you. I will offer them, and you can decide if it's helpful.

 

Is there a library or other semi-organized public building near the preschool where you could choose a couple of low-maintenance subjects/group subjects, whatever is portable, and use that building as a home away from home during the hours your child is in preschool? I am assuming it's probably a half day program, which is why it's so disruptive. If you like this idea, I can offer additional suggestions for how to make it more likely to work, but it's a lot to type out if it's an automatically poor fit. I know some little ones are easy to take places and some are difficult to take places, and some are random, so you have to shake it up a bit. :-)

 

If your 13 y.o. works really independently, likes a little time to herself, and can stay home alone for a bit, even one or two days to the library could be a time that she gets "alone" time at home to recharge and to get her stuff done. I know you don't want to make her into Cinderella, but if she has a finite list of chores that she would do independently, maybe this is a time you could ask her to do something specific while you are out, like prep lunch or supper stuff, clean something, whatever is mutually motivating. I am trying to think of "work smarter, not harder" things that might make her feel like her family chore time is a Really Big Contribution, but it's also cordoned off so that she sees the end of it and doesn't feel like she's always on call for you or her sibs. None of that may be at all applicable to her or your family, but it's how I would've rolled at that age. I would've wanted something specific I could do at a predictable time and then go be myself.

 

On the meals--we keep things pretty simple. Sandwich, veggie, fruit. Or quick protein, rice, veggie. Things like that as well as leftovers. My kids periodically turn 2-3 loaves of bread into PB and J sandwiches, and we toss them back into the bread bags and into the freezer for days when we need something we can grab. We splurge sometimes on things that a pre-prepped to make life easier. My rice cooker has a steamer tray, and I like to throw some meat in there with the rice for a quick dinner (I'm not very crockpot-friendly).

The library idea is a good one, there isn't a branch near the preschool but there is one just up the street from the elementary school. It's a small branch, but I think there may be a study room that would likely not be in demand in the morning; it might work to take the kids there after dropping ds6 off.

[Carol in Cal.]

ALSO!

When people ask you to let them know if you need help after the baby is born, take them up on it.  They mean it!

Say something like, Wow, thank you so much.  Hmmm.  Could you maybe drop us off a meal next Tuesday or Thursday?

Or, That is so nice of you.  Do you think you could pick up *** from school once or twice next week and bring her home?

[J-rap]

About the kids needing a ride to school...  We have a service in our town called "Dial-a-ride."  It's mostly for senior citizens, but they are open to helping others too.  For $5.00/day they'd bring our dd to nursery school and back.  Super helpful for me, especially because we had only one car at the time and usually my dh needed it.  I wonder if you have something like that in your area?

[Scarlett]

Ok I got nothing except curiosity. Are you Chinese?

[kbutton]

The library idea is a good one, there isn't a branch near the preschool but there is one just up the street from the elementary school. It's a small branch, but I think there may be a study room that would likely not be in demand in the morning; it might work to take the kids there after dropping ds6 off.

 

Let me know if you need to think through how to make it work. The things I would be suggesting are things like having a specific box you keep supplied with the subjects you'll study, pencils, etc., and stuff for the littles. Maybe snacks. Something that can be grab and go (mostly), and then keep it near the door or in the car. If you've got that line of thought covered, then I will just pass along best wishes if you opt to try out the idea. :-) 

[Gentlemommy]

ALSO!

When people ask you to let them know if you need help after the baby is born, take them up on it. They mean it!

Say something like, Wow, thank you so much. Hmmm. Could you maybe drop us off a meal next Tuesday or Thursday?

Or, That is so nice of you. Do you think you could pick up *** from school once or twice next week and bring her home?

 

This! Don't be shy about asking for specific help. I always offer to help my mom friends, but I never know what they need...and I feel like I'm intruding if I try too much, so it feels like an empty offer because they don't take me up on it. Heck, I'd be willing to come over, cook you a meal and fold laundry while you nap with the baby, or mop floors, or whatever! Definitely speak up and give specific ways people can help if they offer.

[eternalsummer]

Can/does the 13 yo stay home with the others while you do transportation?

[maize]

Can/does the 13 yo stay home with the others while you do transportation?

Yes, I could never pull this schedule off if I had to load all the children into the car every time I have to run out.

[eternalsummer]

durn, I was hoping to save you some trouble by suggesting you not take everyone everywhere!  bah

 

I wish I had some sort of great advice; to be honest I could use 10 extra arms and 8 hours too.  Some of the more successful things we do are:

 

1. making the older children experts in one or another chore, so they can do it fast and well.  DD can clean a whole kitchen, dishes/counters/mopping/trash/etc., in 20 minutes or so.  She is not a great vacuumer but DS is developing good vacuuming and picking up little bits of things skills.

2. giving up on homemaking ideals for the moment in favor of doing it later when fewer of the kids are tiny (or giving them up forever, alas).  Included in this list: owning markers or oil pastels.  Cloth diapering.  making pastries from scratch (hahahahahhaha).  learning Latin along with my kids.  etc.

3.  taking each kid out once a week or so for personal mom time.  Often this just means taking them along with me to wherever I'm going (grocery store, errands, transporting someone to some activity that I have to wait at anyway, etc.)  I find that if I satisfy their mommy-need in this deliberate way on a regular basis I get a lot less of "look at me look at me look at me look at me!" all day.

4. extensive baby-proofing (like, super extensive)

5. a fenced backyard

6. available healthy snacks, so I don't have to cook much.  I cook one meal a day at most, sometimes not even that (leftovers).  everything else can be scavenged healthfully.  This also saves on dishes.  It is not cheap, though.

[gaillardia]

Even though meal variety is nice, I know how picky kids can be.

I have 7 kids, most are adults now and they are gone.

What I wish I would have done: Have a 2 week meal plan, repeat. Switch it up when you can.

Right now we are in a hard place financially, oh, wait, we always are, but I've been buying more than one same food item since I know we use it.

Using the crockpot at least once a week really cuts meal preparation time down.

Have your older one teach another younger one how to prepare vegetables, fruit and cheese for snacking for everyone.

Ask the kids for meal ideas too. 

good luck!

[displace]

I would suggest using DH on the weekends. Can he help then or is he unable? If so, doing cleaning, house chores, bulk cooking, shopping, etc.

 

I assume you have tried freezer meal cooking before?

 

Other ideas: I'd look into DIY homeschool curriculum (or virtual schools), consider if meds are necessary for functioning for ADHD, consider if moving to a much cheaper place could help. If you can save $200 a month on living expenses and use that for household help, you could probably function easier.

[DawnM]

Is there a bus option for your child in school?

 

I would do simple meals, meat/carb/veggie.  Do you have a deep freeze for freezer meals in advance?

[kbutton]

Even though meal variety is nice, I know how picky kids can be.

I have 7 kids, most are adults now and they are gone.

What I wish I would have done: Have a 2 week meal plan, repeat. Switch it up when you can.

Right now we are in a hard place financially, oh, wait, we always are, but I've been buying more than one same food item since I know we use it.

Using the crockpot at least once a week really cuts meal preparation time down.

Have your older one teach another younger one how to prepare vegetables, fruit and cheese for snacking for everyone.

Ask the kids for meal ideas too. 

good luck!

 

Piggybacking--a friend of mine does themes per day of the week, and then mixes things up inside those themes. (This doesn't work very well for us with our weird and ever-shifting schedule.) So, maybe Taco Tuesday, but some weeks it's a nacho bar, some weeks maybe backed enchilada, etc. Italian night (lots of variety, but always some kind of pasta or pizza dish). Baked potato bar (some weeks could be sweet potatoes). Grill night. Soup night. Breakfast for dinner night. You get the idea. It's like meal planning lite because you can keep double duty items on hand like sauces, cheese, etc., and if you don't want to plan to the details, you can pull the theme ingredients off the shelf on the anticipated night and just toss something together, but you don't have to completely reinvent the wheel either each night--you have the general gist decided. You can do some things ahead, like lasagna and freeze (or get no-cook noodles from Trader Joe's, or buy pre-frozen lasagna). Most of these ideas scale well for leftovers the next day (baked potatoes make the BEST fried potatoes the next day). 

 

Most of these ideas also go well with salads, and they can take advantage of fresh or low cost items as well. You can kind of shop on auto-pilot if you take note of a few specific items needed. Over time, you might be able to shop sales in greater quantities because you know you need x or y at least every other week. (I try to buy all I need of an item to get me to the next sale cycle, but it took time to get far enough "ahead" that my grocery budget would allow--I started by putting aside five dollars of the grocery money for stocking up ahead, and then I could soon do ten dollars, and so on.)