Homeschooling and autism

[PeterPan]

I just wanna talk this out, and really I'm not interested in any pro-school thoughts right now.  I already KNOW there are reasons to be pro school.  I've been in some other (not in our district of residence) schools this summer, and they are SO lovely and charming and congenial and person-centered in a way I hadn't really seen in any of the schools I had ever attended.  For the first time they have really made me question WHY I homeschool.

 

So specifically what I'm wanting to discuss or have you explain or remind me, and I'm not meaning to be blunt here, but WHY are we schooling at home, in isolation, kids who are, by nature of their diagnosis (autism), already bent toward pulling inward???  I mean, just tell me straight here, because at the moment I'm not feeling it.

 

I know I'm making him a room to do work in with me, with an ABA tutor and the behaviorist.  I know it's as charming as I can make it.  I know it's nothing like the charm of regular homeschooling with a non-SN (complex SN) dc who is ready to engage, own the process, drive things.  He engages some yes, but a LOT of his reality is sorta off in some other direction.  And he can be exceptionally hard to work with.  And he has lots of SLDs, which means it's easier to avoid than engage.

 

And I see good things, like he *on his own* came to me and asked to do puzzles together after I backed off.  He didn't need an ABA puzzle program, though that would have been fine.  In his case he really just needs life +2 extra years and then things start to be a little more within reach, on their own, without extreme frustration.  And that's fine, I'm cool with that!

 

But what I'm not providing him is that herd effect, group sense, etc.  I'm working my doggonedest to get him into things this summer, but it's really not the same.  And I know I can't put him in a school that is not district of residence and I know that they wouldn't give a rip about nurturing his social skills anyways the way I do.  I do lots of custom stuff, putting him in a class to stretch him, getting him the instruction from the behaviorist to back it up, sort of back and forth, never overmuch, just gentle stretching.  It has worked really well!  

 

But come fall I lose all that.  Then it's just us.  No peers, no happy classes, no fun things to go to.  Well we'll have zoo days.  It won't be as fun.  It's going to be all alone again.  And I'm just trying to figure out why a boy who is internally alone also has to be externally alone, why homeschooling is so smart with this, why it's better to be locked in a room with a tutor than to be in a jolly little class of kids, if your real issue is social disability, if you really do well with structure.

 

I know it's not realistic.  I know he's so far behind socially that he would stress out, the honeymoon would pass, the GLARING problems would come out, and the expectations in a typically-developing class would be unrealistic.  They would develop a sense of failure in him and CRUSH him.

 

But why does he have to be alone?  Because at the moment I'm looking at what it's going to be like for him, and I think it sucks.

 

Adding: I guess I'm supposed to take that as my sign to figure out what it's going to take to make it not suck?  But still, it just doesn't make sense to me how this is good.  It's like the convergence of all worst case scenarios (essentially an only with autism with an aging mom with...).

Edited August 9, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[maize]

I can't answer your question, but...to me the aloneness of being ALONE in a crowd is much more painful than being actually alone. I experienced that kind of aloneness for many years while I was in school. There was no warmth or comfort in it.

Edited August 9, 2016 by maize

[Terabith]

Well, at home you can do more targeted interventions of social skills/ behavior/ academics/ etc.  There is less pressure and more options for escape/ sensory needs/ flexibility/ taking advantage of interests to bring him into your world. 

 

That said, I'm all for TRYING school and seeing how it works out.  But it would be tough to give up that scholarship!

[desertflower]

:grouphug:

[PeterPan]

Yeah, yeah, the scholarship...  You had to remind me.  That alone jolts me back to earth, mercy.  That's the #1 reason I'm homeschooling, in reality, because I'm committed to his speech and language development in a way that a school setting can't be.  Thanks.

 

Maize, you're right.  I was walking the halls of the charming school today, thinking that see, if he grew up in this, he'd feel so attached, so part of it.  But you're right, he might still feel alone and disconnected, even with all that. It also hit me, in a sort of ugly way, that they might not actually mainstream kids with differences.  That's sort of an ugly thing to think about.

 

And yes, Terabith, you're right, we're getting some seriously good social intervention going on right now.  He's on rocket fuel with this!  

 

I have something I *could* do with him, if there's room, if his behavior is on track, that would give him some more social.  But just thinking about adding ONE MORE THING makes me feel a little nuts right now!  LOL  But in the fall it wouldn't be so much, as we'd have lost all our summer stuff.  Ok, I'll look into it.  I think that's the thing.  I need him to be connected to SOMETHING.  I don't want him to go down to nothing but sports.  

Edited August 9, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[Terabith]

Yeah, school has been a REALLY good thing for Catherine, but if we had access to that scholarship, we would either be homeschooling or looking for a specialized school. The opportunity for personalized education is just too good to pass up.

 

And, I'm guessing it would be harder to mainstream him if he has behavior issues at school. He's not just twice exceptional: he is like septa-special!

[PeterPan]

And if you want a shock, I'm able to use the scholarship (once I no longer need to pay for so much speech therapy, ugh) to pay for tutors all I want.  Like literally I can just fund it.  I mean, talk about custom!  

 

So to you personalized and custom is worth it?  That's my hope.  I think we've just been going in such a different direction this summer, I'm realizing it's going to be a SHIFT to go this other direction in the fall.  That may be why I'm freaking out a little, because it's just a big shift and seeming like it will be hard.  We've had an amazingly fun summer.  I could handle living like this all year long, lol.

[Terabith]

Well, it's all pluses and minuses. How good are the custom tutors versus how good is the school/ peer situation? You know? I have this fantasy of spending a year with experts really working on the LD issues, really re mediating. Honestly, socially she's at a point where I think she does get more benefit socially from the group situation than working on that in isolation. But she's really high functioning in that regard. And a girl! She's really thriving in nerd groups: has gotten super into D&D. It's been great for her. Lot of kids a lot like her there.

 

But, academically, school isn't really a massive win. She's not regressing, and she has made progress in some areas, especially executive functioning and writing stamina. But, her spelling level hasn't budged in two years, including twice a week individual tutoring from an OG certified tutor. Zero progress.

[PeterPan]

Hmm, that's a really interesting point.  You're right that in reality, if he has the social skills to take advantage of a group, he can take advantage of that in multiple of the settings I can make available.  The real sadness is that he's not ready to do that (and wishing something could just POOF and make that happen) vs. lack of opportunity.  So no, his skills are fledgling.  

 

I can hire an expert reading tutor, but he did, in a year of Barton, so much that they were blown away.  Even with a school year largely off they were blown away.  He's just totally a-typical.  No, there is no qualified math tutor for his disabilites.  I'm the best tutor there.  The ABA tutors are college interns and they're fine.  You get ABA plus a little basic, obvious school work done.  It gives me a break and lets him work on ABA stuff.  Win, win, but not the really deep, profound SLD intervention you want.  But it's what he can do in the circumstances and worth enough that we do it.

 

Yeah, that's what I think would happen.  He'd have zero progress in academics in school.  In my soul I know that.  And that's sorta how it is with the ABA tutors too.  He makes progress on other skills, not just the ugliest of the SLD stuff.

 

So you're right, it's about those tradeoffs and what is most important right now.  I think I need to make out some lists.  I'm realizing I haven't done that.  Or I sorta started and need to find them and expand/refine.

 

I agree with you that if he were in a position to take advantage of what school is, it would be markedly different.

[Kat w]

OhE, it's the romantisizing of the good experience you've had this summer.

I've been there. I get it.

 

HOWEVER, that is not the norm I promise. The fun summer programs thy provide is polar opposite what the regular school year looks lie.

 

You answered your own question in that, you provide him with tailireded custom learning.

 

THATS....why you homeschool. Ti nurture him. Meet him where he is.

I know it's hard.

 

Believe you me, I've been there Nd dine both. He WOULD NOT have that cime regular school year.

 

Your his mama, you love him. Thst gies 200% in makin him more confident, feeling loved and encouraged in a way they cannot.

 

This summer program is wonderful. It it by no means, what goes on in the school year.

 

He is at the age that he will become lost in the school, socially and academically .

There will be critics if this part BUT, I was there. In the school with boys like yours,

Common core does not allow for mny of the things our kids would have gotten before. Even ASD kids , they are trying to entegrrate into reg. Classrooms as much as possible.

 

That environment IS NOT condusive to learning.

 

Try to find a group to get him a part of. An autism group, any sort of spec needs group, hey....even a regualr homeschool group. When my big kids were young in our homeschool group, there was an autistic bout here. He loved being with the kids. He made friends too :) I tried that with my boys ( reg homeschool group) and it was good for us.

There were surprisingly other kids with needs in there. They made friends.

 

How many friends do you want him to have?

More importantly ...WHAT KIND...of friends do you want him to have.

 

He's not gonna come home all lovely and cheerful. He will meltdown once home, have trouble dealing with the stress of an entire day in school. Iys hard work for our guys and kids can be mean. Even other kids with needs. We experienced that too.

 

Your his mom, you love him and do great things with him.

You know yourself , he would not get the degree of depth of services he's getting from you.

 

You my sweets, answered your own question. :)

I know it's hard. I didn't want to get goin for school year either. It's hard for moms.

 

But I promise you, this romantic summer program is in no way what he will experience during the school year. :)

Take a little time off mama. Maybe go on a date with hubby or better yet...away overnite and maybe by yourself.

You got this! :) and his life will be forever different BC of what your doing for him :)

[Kat w]

I just read your comment about making lists. Your right.

Make some lists, make some goals for him AND you.

 

We mamas forget about us and get bogged down.

Go to a place you love, by yourself, with a friend, with hubby, whatever, but take a day and nite to yourself. You deserve a break today mama! ;)

 

No way he'd be where he is under the schools.

 

And remember , you spoke of acedemics, ABA, therapy, that IS his acedemics right now. You'll add I in when you can and feel like hea ready and able.

 

My ds12 did *seemingly* well at school, came home? And that's where the fun started . oh my major meltdown.. Major. It was the release of the stress of being at school all day.

Now? Your can control and mediate during the day.

School makes this worse. I've always said it's much harder having them in school than home.

 

Find a group. Either SN or reg homeschool group. You just might be surprised how well he'd do in a reg homeschool group even.

 

Make a list of realistic goals. You've have done amazing things with him. No school could ever do that.

We moms just have to remember , take Tim for us too and pass the buck to dad ir another family member or whoever.

 

With your daughter duall enrolling this year, that will take some internal pressure off you. Shell be taken care of at college .

 

You'll have more time and 'mindspace' freed up from her being under the guidance of her professors.

That's going to help a ton :)

I know deep down your thinking. Omg...I'm not doing what I need to with her. Professors gotthat now :)

[MyLittleBears]

Well I can tell you the reasons we do it. Ds has autism as well as SPD. He tell me he has issues with too much transition, too much noise, and a social meter that is set to low. He can only take a certain amount of socializing before the meter is full and he becomes exhausted. Competing voices are a problem for him. He will sometimes cover his ears because the noise overwhelms him. It feels like an assault to his brain. I can tailor his learning to meet him where he is. He says he needs to do math first thing because if we do grammar, for instance, he has a hard time no thinking mathematically about grammar. This being part of his transition problem. This year he will be going to school for a social skills class. It is necessary for him to be able to read social cues and the homeschool is not an ideal place for this. Socializing with brothers is a completely different dynamic. So off he goes at least part time.

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I think perhaps it is harder when they are little. I agree with pp. You need to take time to yourself and relax. Read some books for fun that are not related to homeschool, or autism, or learning disabilities, etc...

Edited August 9, 2016 by MyLittleBears

[Kanin]

I work in a school for students with learning differences. A lot of them have autism on top of dyslexia or dysgraphia, or something else entirely. It's a wonderful place with classes of maybe 3-8 kids.

 

That being said, like others have mentioned, it's possible to STILL be alone in a class that size! Picture one teacher with 5 kids. When she's specifically engaging with ONE student, the other four are on their own. MAYBE they are engaging with the lesson, but maybe they are thinking about Pokemon Go. Each student gets MAYBE 1/5 of the teacher's attention, but probably less to be honest, because she is doing other things like writing on the board, reading aloud, etc. Would less than 1/5 of the teacher's attention be enough to draw your boy out? From what I've experienced, kids with autism (or any kids, really!) can sink into their own happy daydreams/ doodling/ falling asleep perfectly well, even in a small class.

 

I think you're right on with your approach. Your son is getting the academic help he needs, and the various therapies you're working on. You can find some social things to do after school and on weekends. You got this!

[Kanin]

Also, I think you are so informed and educated about best practices for dyslexia, reading comprehension, etc. that you would be BEYOND frustrated with how academics go in school. I mean, really... even if a school has a certified OG tutor, unless that person is SUPER experienced, you're probably better at teaching reading than that person. And like you said, you're the best math tutor in your area! LOL. I love that. 

 

I think you just need some confidence in your own skills, like we all do. Maybe you'll feel better if you sit down with a calendar and make a schedule, marking down all the social things he's got planned, like sports. You could see the days where there's a need, and then go find something to fill it. Doesn't have to be crazy involved :)

[Terabith]

I think the social skills are a bigger priority than the academics, in general. And for Catherine, at 11, school works better for that than home. So that makes sense. And school is better at this point than me cobbling a bunch of stuff together, because it is consistent, daily group of the same kids and teachers, structured but with unstructured times, etc. We just didn't get that homeschooling, despite my best efforts.

 

But, I'm guessing you guys aren't there yet. And I'm not sure Catherine was either at 7 and 8. We didn't do school then, and I don't really regret that.

 

Academics, well, school isn't a huge win, but I had her reading fluently before we started. I'm not sure she would have learned in school. And home isn't a big benefit, either, at this point, because we have major compliance issues. She doesn't have those at school (except occasionally, mostly around long division, which offends her because there is an element of guessing involved), so it's better to deal with significantly less than perfect because she gets more from those than better program at home, with less compliance and more drama.

 

But I don't have that scholarship. If I did, and was able to outsource some of that, well, I would be tempted to try to boost the academics. But the social is more important long term, so probably not homeschool at this point. I don't think ABA would be the answer. But your son responds SO WELL to therapies that diluting them at age 8 seems dumb. But when he's 10, it might be a different story, you know?

[PeterPan]

Mainer, that's a really good point about the amount of actual on time and instruction he'd receive.  You're correct about how it would divvy up.  And that fits what Terabith is saying about diluting vs. going strong on what we're doing.  

 

MLB, yes he has limits, which is why we've been doing the out some, teach some, back out some approach.  

 

Terabith, I think in reality the compliance is the hardest thing.  It's getting better, and compliance is considered the foundation of getting in "ready to learn."  Even though we've made a lot of progress there, that's probably actually what I'm scared of most.  

 

That's actually what made me decide I didn't want to enroll him somewhere like the autism charter, because they told me they could get him compliant at school but that it wouldn't help me at home.  They were just being straight.  And our issues at home have been significant enough, I felt like if we were going to fix it anywhere for money, it was going to be here first!  But you get progress and then you're like see, he should be able to go to school and do this!  

 

Fwiw, he's having a rough day today (for whatever reason, still sorting it out, the behaviorist is with him), and then you're not confused why he's home.  But on GOOD days, like yesterday, you think it could work.  Oh well, guess that's the ups and downs of it.  Just when you think you've got it nailed, there's more.

[PeterPan]

Kat, that was SUCH a good point that the school year is not like the summer, sigh.  You asked a lot of good questions there that I need to work through, making some lists.  And yes, I'm hoping the DE will help. Yes, I tend to want to jump the gun on things, lol.  I've got conservative ideas that are within reach (reading science books together to prepare for Zoo Days classes, that kind of thing) that would be low key and in reach and actually work.  He doesn't need swanky curriculum for things, just the interaction.

[PeterPan]

Score.  I think I've found a lego robotics class for him. 

[PeterPan]

Do you have a good co-op near you? We belong to a co-op that has a fair number of kids on the spectrum, of all varying degrees. Most aren't, but a lot are. Seems like that could be a way to meet some of your social concerns while continuing to homeschool.

 

Yup, that's what I'm working on.  We did one years ago that didn't work out really well for a variety of reasons.  Now there's one closer that I think could work.  At the beginning of the summer his behavior wasn't good enough.  I'll talk it through with the behaviorist and see what she thinks.  It would definitely address some of the issues.

[Kat w]

Awesome. A co-op will help.

 

I need to sign up for our too.

You mentioned the legos...funny thing. Last year when I was talking to the coop leader on the phone about the boys, their needs etc ( the one we did had challenged learners too)

But I was deciding what classes to put him in ( that ones once a week)

I said, ...Lego...whats a Lego class.she goes....aww. You must have girls! Baha!

Oh if she only knew. And I had no clue they had Lego 'classes' but it's brilliant and my boys love it. They learn to build, what and how. My boys have always loved legos. This class is Sooo good for them.

Micah took calligraphy, it has been a good experience for us. The kids are sweet to them. No mention of anything LC.

He's gonna love that Lego robotics ! :)

Coops are good, and fun and gives we moms interaction with other homeschool moms.

 

We have park day at least once a month. We all take a sack lunch and the kids play and moms talk.

It's awesome. :)

 

Glad you found a co-op :)

Big hugs

Edited August 9, 2016 by Kat w

[Innisfree]

For us the autism is maybe less of a problem in the school setting than the anxiety is. But trying to tease anxiety out as a separate condition actually seems almost dubious to me, but that's how it's labeled.

 

In general the day was just so overwhelming. And for dd, sensory overload isn't actually much of a problem, but social overload certainly is.

 

And then there are IQ/learning issues on top of that. So, do I want to stress her out at school, while clearly proving to her that she's not so hot at academics, in pursuit of social goals? So far the answer is no.

 

We are looking at a social skills group which gets started next week, and I'm hoping she ends up liking that. Right now she's stuck in refusal mode, so I have some work to do there. As she gets older the social issues are becoming much more obvious to me. :-(

 

And then there's the difficulty of being a girl with a condition largely diagnosed in boys. You'd have better luck with social skills classes around here than we have so far, OhE, because most are 100% boys and focused on Legos. Dd hates Legos. This class we're trying is focused on acting, and she's not crazy about that idea either, but at least I know of one girl taking part.

 

So anyway, that's why we aren't doing school right now, and what we're trying instead.

[Terabith]

You know, I've often wondered if acting classes would be a useful way to address social skills and autism. Catherine's anxiety sort of prevents it, but I think it would be so GOOD for her. I remember her being three and standing in front of a mirror and going, "If I raise my eyebrows like this, I look surprised. And if I do, this, I look angry." And I'm like, seriously? This is a kid with nonverbal learning disability?

[Lecka]

They are supposed to be good. There are acting programs for autism, too.

 

My son has been in a drama therapy program and I think it helped with his pretend play.

 

I get e-mail forwards about studies or newspaper articles saying how it is good.

[Lecka]

I think a co-op sounds great, too.

 

You have that mix of working on social skills more intensively, and then practicing them in a natural setting. You see what you need to work on, and have time to work on it.

[Innisfree]

Yes, this class is supposed to be acting and improvisation exercises, but the whole thing is geared to kids on the spectrum, and the real point is to use those exercises to address social skills. I've talked to someone who said it was really good for her dd.

 

Anxiety is the big barrier to participating for dd. She has absolutely no wish to be on stage, lol. But when she relaxes she is a natural ham, so I'm hoping these people have the skill to help her relax and draw that out. And as I said, I've got to get her there first.

[Terabith]

Innis, my daughter is 11. I might consider, not lying, but omitting key facts. Like say it's a class, not drama, lol. For us, it's anticipation that kills her.

[Kat w]

We tried drama through a friend at church that is state certified to do...they used to call it the discovery program, I think the name changed tho, anyway. My boys know her, like her, there were only a few kids and they knew them all, knew the helpers...and..ugh. Would not/could not participate . I don't know if it was anxiety or what. The teacher told me well just keep working on it until he's comfortable. He still isn't and it got too far down the road to the end of the school year. It was over and he never did participate . I KNOW it was partly, a huge part in fact, his speech, he's getting better since we started lips at home , but at the time most of the gen pop couldn't understand him.

 

The thing was tho, the few kids that were there, all had a SN of some sort, and knew the instructor , they could pretty much make out what he would say BC we go to church there. So, I dont really get why he didn't want to participate or even go for that matter.

 

I'm sure his anxiety played a big part, but,...just confused. When Sunday school is over ( same room) he goes on stage with his brother and tries to act out the Bible lesson they learned.

Really makes me shake my head lol :/ I wish we could get over that hump. I think it would be good for him.

Edited August 9, 2016 by Kat w

[Innisfree]

Terabith, yes, you are absolutely right. I've been referring to it as a social skills class, and she has actually acknowledged in theory that such a class could be helpful. We'll see. Negotiating works pretty well with her, and she's just decided she wants the new Harry Potter book. ;-) For us, negotiating is a good skill.

[Innisfree]

Kat, it's just weird sometimes, isn't it? But actually I can understand being self-conscious in an organized setting, as opposed to clowning around on their own. I guess that's essentially the issue here. Maybe at some point the time will be right, he'll be ready and things will work out.

[Kat w]

Kat, it's just weird sometimes, isn't it? But actually I can understand being self-conscious in an organized setting, as opposed to clowning around on their own. I guess that's essentially the issue here. Maybe at some point the time will be right, he'll be ready and things will work out.

Ya know? That's a good point, I've been surprised hell do it after church. Being self conscious probably does have alot to do with it.

 

Yes, it is weird sometimes. Ya just never know . thanks for that :) you're right, maybe ...he will :)

Edited August 10, 2016 by Kat w

[Guest]

.

Edited August 12, 2017 by Guest

[Kat w]

What a good article.

 

I forgot that DS 12 spec ed teacher told me...homeschooling him would be the best way to go.

That he needed so much one on one, that would be the way to go.

 

I like that article :)

Edited August 10, 2016 by Kat w

[PeterPan]

Some very good points here:

 

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/features/homeschooling-for-autism

 

Wow, that's an interesting article.  Most of it's ho-hum and stuff we know, but that 70% "concerned" about their child's education compared to a MUCH lower "concerned" rate for typical kids is striking. 

 

Kat's correct that at this point my expectations for what needs to happen are SO HIGH, I would be pretty dissatisfied.  

 

I think I just got lulled by good days.  We were doing so well, I thought gee he would be ready for that and could have all those neat things.  Then yesterday he hit the tennis instructor and had meltdowns.  We've got a lot to work through and it's going to be a long-term thing.

 

Next step, pairing his office with good things.  It's an ant maze with spaces for different kinds of activities (game play, breaks, bucket work, together table, active/open area), storage in each space, blah blah.  I need to keep working on filling it in.  I was just sorta dead yesterday.  Sometimes my soul wanes, and this is sort of an anxious time of year because it's getting really final, the big transition to fall, signing up for new things and making commitments...

[Guest]

.

Edited August 12, 2017 by Guest

[Kat w]

Your right , its that time of year. It makes me anxious too.

 

New people, new things, etc. ...wondering...(for me) whose Aaron gonna hit or ..do something else this year Baha. It's gonna happen. Jus wonder who will be the unlucky soul this year lol.

 

Quick funny story. When the boys were in ps. They were in the playground at the same time. ( they HD SN kids go our all together and limited reg Ed kids)

Anyway...so on day, their on the playground. Aaron was about 6 at the time, Micah would have been 8.

Aaron's playing happily with another child, his best friend in fact. Out if nowhere....the teacher sees Aaron being physical in a not nice way, with his bestie. Teacher breaks them uo, Micah comes over and says to the child...what did you do to my baby brother???? Baha. ( the child had been at my house fir sleepovers several times. Boys went to their house and out in their boat etc. Good friends).

 

Needless to say, both boys wound up in trouble, cuz Micah wasn't havin it lol.

 

I get a call from the vice principal to come to school, she has Aaron in her office.

He was ...completely !....shut diwn. No words, no expression, nada zero zip.

 

He got written up. ( zero tolerance policy).

I told principal he shuts down. She said the teacher had told her that.

 

I brought both boys home early that day. Finally Aaron had words lol....come to find out...his bestie said Aaron was cheating in a game lol. Sent that boy through the roof!

 

After awhile, I took Aaron to the boys house to apologize... The dad said, no worries mama...did you knkw last week my son kicked your son in the stomach ? Baha!

 

It's like, share the hitting kicking stories lol.

Ot just is what it is. Of course, we address it as parents. But.....

I have found, it is not a matter if "if" but when :/

 

Happens. Even with NP kids. But ours...sometimes channel that frustration a wee bit more....emphatic lol ;)

 

OhE, were working on our room too.

I think this will be a good year having thst room. Sensory baskets, centers, the boys already love it.

 

In fact, they are in there now, fighting over what they think should go where ;)

 

Mom: *fingers in ears* la la la la la la haha. Sometimes ignorance is bliss!! :)

 

*skips off to read the gen ed board ignorantly happy and 'escape'

...or is it e.s.c.a.p.e.....(nemo lol) :)

Edited August 10, 2016 by Kat w

[texasmama]

My ASD kid thrives at home, where he can have social media interactions with peers he knows from co-op or sports without the pressure of having to look at someone or come up with an immediate response.  Now keep in mind that he has two close in age siblings here all day.  He has done well academically at home because we can tailor his educational experience to meet his needs/abilities.  Interactions playing sports with others (at a rec center or with friends at open gym situations) meet his need to get out and stay active.  

 

His sport has served a huge role in his growth in all ways possible, which has been so surprising to me.  He did not start out any good at all, by the way.  But it turns out if you play for years and years and years and have the desire combined with time put in to get better, you can get pretty darn good at a sport to the point that we are pursuing potential college sports opportunities.  

 

Do what works for your child and your family academically.  Consider an outside activity like sports or scouts or karate that is consistently done over years.  For my kid, it is a way to fit in with a crowd, interact with others, and gain acceptance.  Also, the social media interactions are crucial to his social development.  He is high school age so I know this is advice for the future, but I have recently realized how much my son enjoys and learns from these online interactions (with people he knows IRL).

 

Your guy is young, and right now you are kind of guessing at what will benefit him as far as outside activities.  Homeschooling while engaging in competitive sports has provided the best of both worlds for my son.  I think you will find something that benefits your son as he grows.

Edited August 11, 2016 by texasmama

[Guest]

Not the OP, but your input here is really useful to me as well, Texasmama.

[merry gardens]

I saw this thread referenced on another thread so I came to check it out. :) It definately feels to me like the time of year when doubts about homeschooling creep into the lives of happy homeschoolers as summer wanes and children prepare to head back to school.

 

Oh Elizabeth--based on everything I've read from you here over many years, I think you are providing an amazing education for your son. I can't imagine any teacher caring more or doing more for him than you do. Between your own expertise and the specialists you involve, you have created an incredible environment to foster his growth.

 

Enjoy the rest of your summer. And face the impending school year with the knowledge that you are not alone.

 

 

 

 

[PeterPan]

Aw thank you Merry.  And it's true, now that we're transitioning into our fall plan, I *am* pleased with some of the things.  I think it will be good.  Hairy, but good!  

[Crimson Wife]

I missed this thread earlier, sorry for chiming in late.

 

One thing to really consider is how motivated is the child by peers vs. working 1:1 with an adult (parent, therapist, behavior interventionist, etc.) My daughter is WAAAAAY more interested in what other kids are doing than what adults are trying to get her to do. She does better in small-group settings than 1:1 because she's more motivated. She watches the other kids like a hawk and tries to imitate what they are doing (for good or for ill). At this point, she's doing most of her ABA sessions either at the center or out in the community (we're going to park day soon).

 

That said, I get the impression that most kids with ASD are not remotely as peer-motivated and interested in social interactions as my daughter.

[PeterPan]

That's a good point Crimson.  We went to a one day soccer camp yesterday, and it was very stressful to him to have to listen to the professional team members who came in, wait in line for the meet and greet, etc.  He DID it, but he's all whacked out today, wetting his pants, a mess.  And no, he's not one flip motivated by groups like that.  We did tons of group this summer.  They were very hard for him, and he was just ambivalent about the whole thing.  That's just a really fascinating thing to connect.  He left the classes stressed and overwhelmed, needing lots of down time to recover. Not so stressed that you were like oh don't do that again, but enough that he REALLY had to have time to recover.

 

He does MUCH better with 1:1.  Today, without even trying, and on a BAD day mind you, we did Bible reading aloud, a Bible lesson, 2 pages of Highlights word puzzles, a crossword, made clothespin figures with felt and glue for all the major characters in Twelfth Night (that took probably 1 1/2 hours!), some living math talking about ounces and cups of liquid, and went through some Barton spelling words with the app.  And that was a BAD day!!  In between we did tons of sensory break stuff (tossing balls, etc.).  Oh, and we colored fuzzy posters for quite a while, which is both calming and hits our OT goals for fine motor and finger excursion.  Now he's out listening to more audiobooks.

 

So the ABA and the new office space have been amazing for us, helping him focus, feel safe, feel calm, feel able to work and do cool, interactive things together.  We have multiple whiteboards now in our office, and we have up Shakespeare quotes with hashtags.  On the other we can do living math while sitting on the floor.  

 

So yes, one on one he's HIGHLY productive 1:1.  When he's in a group, his work is terrible.  He really needs that Vygotsky mentoring thing.  And I can compare it like that, because his art at art camp was anemic, not even close to the level of the other kids (ages 4-7), whereas the work he did with his private art therapy sessions was thoughtful.  I know that it was the teacher too, but it was the 1:1 element, that she let him think about concepts he was ready to think about and showed how it could come together.  The regular (camp) teacher just showed them stuff and walked away.

 

So yes, much better with 1:1.  In fact, it kind of makes you feel guilty, because it's such a labor-intensive thing.  I mean, the AMOUNT of what he's getting poured into him for this, with this, is astonishing.  And what's wilder is, the more he gets, the more he CRAVES.  And, you know, come to think of it, HE never asked about school.  He was there and he saw what it was like.  If it was appealing, he would have said. He's very efficient like that.

Edited August 18, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[PeterPan]

Wow, I'll have to think about that more.  People (partners, etc.) are just so extraneous for him except as tools.  You're right that the whole POINT of school would be lost on him, lol. He's very happy with what we're doing (I think?) and thriving. As long as I'm not keeping him *isolated* I don't think it's a problem.  I've got a co-op lego robotics class in the works, plus the zoo days plus all his regular therapy sessions and sports, so he should be in with a variety of people and situations.

Edited August 18, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[PeterPan]

My ASD kid thrives at home, where he can have social media interactions with peers he knows from co-op or sports without the pressure of having to look at someone or come up with an immediate response.  Now keep in mind that he has two close in age siblings here all day.  He has done well academically at home because we can tailor his educational experience to meet his needs/abilities.  Interactions playing sports with others (at a rec center or with friends at open gym situations) meet his need to get out and stay active.  

 

His sport has served a huge role in his growth in all ways possible, which has been so surprising to me.  He did not start out any good at all, by the way.  But it turns out if you play for years and years and years and have the desire combined with time put in to get better, you can get pretty darn good at a sport to the point that we are pursuing potential college sports opportunities.  

 

Do what works for your child and your family academically.  Consider an outside activity like sports or scouts or karate that is consistently done over years.  For my kid, it is a way to fit in with a crowd, interact with others, and gain acceptance.  Also, the social media interactions are crucial to his social development.  He is high school age so I know this is advice for the future, but I have recently realized how much my son enjoys and learns from these online interactions (with people he knows IRL).

 

Your guy is young, and right now you are kind of guessing at what will benefit him as far as outside activities.  Homeschooling while engaging in competitive sports has provided the best of both worlds for my son.  I think you will find something that benefits your son as he grows.

 

Texas, somehow I missed this!  Thanks, that's fascinating to hear!  You're right that I have him a bunch of sports.  It keeps his energy and his body in check, and it's just good for him as a human.  And it feels odd and misprioritized sometimes, considering he isn't Michael Phelps and isn't...  But I like your point that you can see, with hindsight, that it was just GOOD for him, just to keep going at it, just to pick a couple and keep going at it.  So good, thanks for that encouragement.   :)

 

PS.  I'm hearing you on the social media and dreading it, lol.

Edited August 18, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[Crimson Wife]

That's a good point Crimson.  We went to a one day soccer camp yesterday, and it was very stressful to him to have to listen to the professional team members who came in, wait in line for the meet and greet, etc.  He DID it, but he's all whacked out today, wetting his pants, a mess.  And no, he's not one flip motivated by groups like that.  We did tons of group this summer.  They were very hard for him, and he was just ambivalent about the whole thing.  That's just a really fascinating thing to connect.  He left the classes stressed and overwhelmed, needing lots of down time to recover. Not so stressed that you were like oh don't do that again, but enough that he REALLY had to have time to recover.

 

He does MUCH better with 1:1. 

 

I think you just answered your question about HSing vs. school. Especially with the scholarship money that you'd sacrifice by enrolling him.

[PeterPan]

And it's fascinating because it is not a way I had thought through it.  It seemed sort of indulgent, unnecessary.  But when you think in terms of wow, how does he actually LEARN well, that's different.