AnthemLights Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Ok, I am spending way to much time on the board. My hubby is saying that I am starting to see "special needs" in every child. :001_huh: But seriously, this child has me so confused and honestly, he's wearing me out. So, any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Quick background....we are unofficial "foster" parents to an almost 3 year old child. He has been with us for almost 3 months and the situation is very fluid....he may be with us for another year or more or he may go back to his mother tomorrow. His mom is a drug addict. She says she wasn't doing drugs while pregnant with him but I'm not sure I believe her. So prenatal drug use might factor in. Also definitely neglect. Actually, when we first got him, my go-to justification for any of his behaviours was neglect/poor or no training. I'll try to make a list of his negative behaviours, followed by the positive. Negative or unusual or confusing: 1. Very limited vocab - basically the only words he knows are things like thirsty, water, cereal, nap, shoes, outside. So he can ask for things that he needs. And a few that he wants. Otherwise he just points and makes this grunting sound. He never initiates speech on his own other than asking for things. Also, if he wants to be held he will follow me around with lifted arms and make weird noises. 2. Echolalia - I actually looked the word up. :001_smile: He will repeat the last word or two of every thing you say. At first this was so frustrating because I didn't realize what he was doing. I would ask him to tell me if he was all done with something (food) and he would almost right away say "all done." Or if I would give him a choice between water or milk he would always just repeat the last word I said even if he wanted the other. 3. Doesn't seem to know his own name - When hubby leaves in the morning as he is waking out the door, he will say "bye, Alex" to which Alex replies, "bye, Alex". At first we all thought this was cute/funny, but then I realized that I don't think he knows his name. Or now that I write that, maybe that has more to do with the echolalia. 4. Hitting himself - When he gets frustrated he will start slapping himself in the face. This doesn't happen very often, just when he doesn't get his way about something he really wants. 5. I am not sure what to call this or how exactly to explain, but he seems to get in "ruts" - both verbally and behaviourly. For example if he asks for something and I say no, he will say please, I will say no and then he will say please again. The no/please will go on endlessly unless I either ignore or redirect. And he actually almost seems like he forgot what he was asking for. 6. Limited affection. Sometimes he is in a really affectionate mood and will give tons of hugs and kisses. He likes to push his face up against mine. But if I try to initiate he usually says no, stop, or just pushes me away. I am trying not to take this too personally. :( 7. Lots of sleep issues. Refuses to stay in bed unless someone sits by the bed and makes him stay in. Often doesn't sleep much. Like he won't fall asleep until midnight. He wakes up at 7:00 along with the rest of the family and then generally takes an hour or so nap in the afternoon. That seems like very little sleep to me. Also, he likes to take off his clothes in the middle of the night and often we wake up to a naked little boy. Which is not funny, considering he is not potty trained yet. :D ( I just recently ordered escape free pajamas from amazon. They haven't come yet) On the positive side, he is generally happy, curious, he does imaginative play like toy trains. He knows the proper use of things. He likes to brush my hair, for example. He can put on his own shoes with a velcro closure. He likes to help fold laundry and knows where his drawer is and can put stuff away. He makes good eye contact. He will return a smile if he is in the mood too. Oh, and he can use a spoon/fork and do a pretty decent job of feeding himself. I know this got long. Maybe there is too little information to go on to say anything conclusively. And the little tyke's background confuses things too. So, what do you all think? Neglect, typical 3 year old, or something else? (BTW, Alex is not real name) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Not typical. Glaringly not. Definitely evaluation time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 I think you have reason for concern. Because you are not legal guardians, getting evaluations might be tricky, but I think it would be worthwhile. At age three, the school system takes over from Early Intervention programs, so you are right on the cusp. You might call the school's special education department to find out what the actual age cut off is for evaluations, whether you would go through the school or early intervention. Your other option is to get private evaluations. It can be expensive and not always covered by insurance. And the waiting lists are long, so if you may want to go ahead and get on a waiting list while you decide what option to follow (you can always cancel an appointment). You would be looking for a developmental behavioral pediatrician or an autism clinic (usually through a hospital). Sometimes people use the eye contact thing to say, "well, since s/he looks people in the eye, it can't be autism." But that is not a disqualifying aspect; someone can make eye contact and still have ASD. A clinic will look at the whole spectrum of behaviors, including things you mention in your description. I would start by talking to the regular pediatrician. Don't wait for the annual well visit. Make an appointment to talk over these concerns. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 I don't know anything about what drug use could do, but the behaviors you describe made me think ASD. Do you have legal rights to get testing and therapy? Or will the mom sign any forms you need to start getting help? My heart goes out to you. My mom is also a foster parent to a special needs child and the legal hoops can be overwhelming. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom28GreatKids Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) Every foster parent I know has their kiddos in therapy either through EI or the school. Tell your social worker this list of symptoms, and I would venture a guess he will be evaluated faster than fast. Definite red flags in tat list. Glad he is happy. That helps. Bless you. Edited June 2, 2016 by Mom28GreatKids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom28GreatKids Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Every foster parent I know has their kiddos in therapy either through EI or the school. Tell your social worker this list of symptoms, and I would venture a guess he will be evaluated faster than fast. Definite red flags in that list. Glad he is happy. That helps. Bless you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnthemLights Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 Thanks for the input. I am a bit surprised that you all think that he is that atypical. To me, it seems like most of the issues could easily stem from neglect....for example he didn't learn to talk as early as he maybe should have and then he gets frustrated because he can't communicate like he wants. And if no one has ever told him "no" then maybe he is having a hard time processing that. OR maybe he is just really stubborn. :confused1: We have a six month power of attorney so I think I could at least start the process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnthemLights Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 Oh and thanks for the well wishes. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 You are mentioning things that are major red flags for ASD in a child who has not been neglected. One of my kids was in pre-school speech with a little boy who was a foster child (but he was adopted by the couple i knew) and he had suspected ASD also. He qualified for many services and made excellent progress and he was exiting many services after a year. So I think maybe it is just neglect. But if it is just neglect -- get services. He needs help. He may make really good progress with services like this little boy did. The mom told me this little boy had sores from being strapped in a car seat in front of a television for hours and hours a day. But he was doing excellent the last time I saw them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 On the other hand, if he really needs therapy separately from the neglect, then any progress he can make in his language and communication skills will really be of such a benefit to him, it will help him so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnthemLights Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 So, Lecka, you are saying that it doesn't really matter why he is the way he is, that services will help either way? I hadn't thought about it that way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnthemLights Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 The mom told me this little boy had sores from being strapped in a car seat in front of a television for hours and hours a day. But he was doing excellent the last time I saw them. :crying: I am glad that his story has a happy ending at least, but poor child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Oh, I am an autism parent. No need to convince me of the positives. I know ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Exactly! Whether it is autism or neglect, he needs services. And there is no real down side to services. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 I think he will benefit from services either way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 I would call your local school district and get evals, etc. started. Likely he would qualify for their early intervention program. Not sure if all go through the summer though but you need to get evals, etc. started. As mentioned above, no matter WHY he has these delays, he needs the extra help. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom28GreatKids Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) Oh absolutely no matter the cause, therapy will be a great help to him. Most of my friends with foster kiddos (I have tons) the kids all have attachment and behavior issues that are being addressed by therapies and counselors. Whether he stays with you or not, getting the ball rolling will go a long ways to provide a better foundation for him in the future. Edited June 2, 2016 by Mom28GreatKids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Yes, you need to call and get him eval'd by EI. Right now, before he turns 4, is the easiest time. That list screams autism. Obviously the fetal exposures didn't help. There are, apparently, multiple paths in. Doesn't matter. No matter what he CLEARLY needs intervention, and EI or private evals are how you get it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnthemLights Posted June 3, 2016 Author Share Posted June 3, 2016 I have been talking to other mom's in the area and there doesn't seem to be any EI programs anywhere close to us. (We live in the boonies) I have dealt with the local school and even though they are amazing for such a small school district, I know that they will not be able to do anything until at least fall. He will be 3 years, 3 months at that point. So, I think that leaves me with trying to make a go of this at home...at least for now. I'll research here on the board, but if anyone has a "cliffnotes version" of the type of therapy I could be doing at home that would be great. Or maybe just point me to a good website or whatever. I will also make an appointment with the pediatrician. Thanks everyone for taking the time to share your experience and perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondeviolin Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I know there is the book An Early Start for Your Child with Autism. It is very step-by-step at-home based book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom28GreatKids Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 (edited) You should at least call your school district now. It can take forever to get an eval set up. If you wait til fall, it will likely be October or November before they can get him in. I called mine recently (very small district) and I was surprised how accommodating they were. They are willing to do his evals anytime this summer. Waiting just puts off any help he needs. Also, you might be surprised what insurance may pay for. Does he have a Medicaid card? So if you go to the ped they might refer you to private. Edited June 3, 2016 by Mom28GreatKids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 (edited) I would call and e-mail now even if you don't expect a response and leave a message on an answering machine. You can then say "I called and e-mailed about it in June" later. It can help you get in faster. I agree, go ahead. It doesn't hurt. And maybe they send you to the county (or something) anyway and so there is an office open outside of your immediate area. Edited June 3, 2016 by Lecka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Your county health dept would know what the name is and who to call for EI evals. It might be called something else, but they'll probably have it. Or get your state medicaid or whatever his insurance is to cover a full autism eval. There can be a long wait (3-6 months or more) for autism evals, and you're going to want more than what the school will do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CactusPair Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I have been talking to other mom's in the area and there doesn't seem to be any EI programs anywhere close to us. (We live in the boonies) I have dealt with the local school and even though they are amazing for such a small school district, I know that they will not be able to do anything until at least fall. He will be 3 years, 3 months at that point. So, I think that leaves me with trying to make a go of this at home...at least for now. I'll research here on the board, but if anyone has a "cliffnotes version" of the type of therapy I could be doing at home that would be great. Or maybe just point me to a good website or whatever. I will also make an appointment with the pediatrician. Thanks everyone for taking the time to share your experience and perspective. Look into the concept of FloorTime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Has he been for a well check since coming in to care? I would start there, explain your concerns, and ask for whatever evals he might need, including developmental disabilities, ASAP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnthemLights Posted June 4, 2016 Author Share Posted June 4, 2016 Sorry guys, I have been so crazy busy the last couple of days...family emergencies......Arghhh!!! So, anyway I will look into all the suggestions, websites, books, etc. Thanks again for all your help. I'll keep you all updated if I can. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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