What Would You Say to Non-HS Moms ...

[Ummto4]

who think that I'm a superwoman because of homeschooling and are convinced that they cannot homeschool because:

1. Don't have TONS of patience.

2. The kids won't listen to them (only listen to teachers) - sad, isn't it ?

3. Their kids won't learn without competition.

4. Don't have time. IT's hard enough to keep up with homework + extra religious study. How come they are sure they can keep up with homeschooling ?

5. Can't be consistent.

 

I can't believe how many moms made such remark when they know I'm homeschooling a first grader and a pre-K-er. I won't say homeschooling is easy peasy, but it's doable, and is,most importantly, tremendously rewarding.

 

I'm v. grateful that although I don't have TONS of patience and don't wear halo over my head, my kids listen to me and still can learn without competition.

 

I secretly think though, that their problem (point. 2, 3 and 4) is largely the result of schooling. IF those problems are fixed, really, you don't need to have tons of patience because the kids won't drive you nuts. As for consistency, I actually admire those moms who can wake up early, pack up lunch, get the kids to school, to all extracurricular activities, deal with moody kids for homework and send off the kids for Sunday school for religious instruction. That's harder than my work (well, at the moment, at least). I won't say this to them but that has been dancing in my mind for several days.

 

Any thought ?

Edited October 7, 2008 by mom2moon2

[Ria]

who think that I'm a superwoman because of homeschooling and are convinced that they cannot homeschool because:

1. Don't have TONS of patience.

2. The kids won't listen to them (only listen to teachers) - sad, isn't it ?

3. Their kids won't learn without competition.

 

 

I secretly think though, that their problem (point. 2 and 3) is largely the result of schooling. IF those problems are fixed, really, you don't need to have tons of patience because the kids won't drive you nuts. I won't say this to them but that has been dancing in my mind for several days.

 

Any thought ?

 

I think problems 2 and 3 are caused by a lack of parenting skills. If you parent you kids properly, they'll be fun to be around, will respect adults, and will work with, not against, their peers and siblings. Such children will be great students at home or at school! Honestly, the problems with a lot of kids are already present before they step foot into the school buildings.

 

Ria

[mazakaal]

I think that the vast majority of these people just really don't want to homeschool. If they wanted to do it, they would make it work. I know there are some who do want to, but can't, but those aren't the ones giving the excuses you list.

 

When presented with such a person, I usually just give a generic response, "Oh, it's a lot of hard work, and I don't have as much patience as I'd like, but it's worth it."

[Ummto4]

Ria, as with problem #2, yes, there are some kids who are so disrespectful that it might be caused by parenting skills or the lack of. However, some are not disrespectful (as of rebellious), but won't listen to mom in school matters. Some only listen to daddy. I've heard kids saying, "No, mom. My teacher says this bla bla bla." The other says,"Mom, you don't know anything." :001_huh:

 

I've also had several moms confided that they're worried their children think they're not smart. At least not as smart as the teacher.

 

That's why I say that schooling or early schooling contributes to problem #2.

 

Dian

[ChristusG]

Like one of the other posters mentioned, I think that a lot of people just dont want to do it. Honestly, I've found that most people do not want to be around their children that much. On another message board that I'm on, we were telling what we loved about fall.....more than one person mentioned that one of the reasons they liked fall is that their kids go back to school. :confused:

 

I'm not saying that I don't want a break from my kids every now and then....cause I love "me time" just as much as the next person....but I wanted to have kids because I love them, which means I want to spend time with them.

[RoughCollie]

I don't say anything to moms who say those sorts of things to me. I figure they don't want to homeschool and are communicating to me that they don't want to be persuaded to do so. Usually, they try to persuade me NOT to homeschool.

[CookieMonster]

who think that I'm a superwoman because of homeschooling and are convinced that they cannot homeschool because:

1. Don't have TONS of patience.

2. The kids won't listen to them (only listen to teachers) - sad, isn't it ?

3. Their kids won't learn without competition.

4. Don't have time. IT's hard enough to keep up with homework + extra religious study. How come they are sure they can keep up with homeschooling ?

5. Can't be consistent.

 

 

For me, because it's true, I would say something along the lines of:

 

I am not a very patient person, I struggle with consistency, and finding time for everything is definitely difficult. But, I've decided homeschooling is what I want to do, so I'm working on my patience, consistency, and time-management.

 

Like other posters have stated, people usually come up with quick, easy, self-depreciating excuses like this to pass off anything they really don't care to do. And it's ok that they don't care to homeschool. I wouldn't try to convince them that they could do it.

 

However, I wouldn't like anyone to think that I thought I was superwoman, so my response would be a way of identifying with them as fellow parents.

Edited October 9, 2008 by CookieMonster

[PariSarah]

. . . that homeschooling isn't the measure of a good parent, and that if they don't think homeschooling is a good choice for them, that's fine! It works for us, for now, but it's not for everybody, for all time.

 

I would also probably say something like, the more I'm around my kids, the easier it is to be around them. If you (my hypothetical non-hsing friend) were to decide to homeschool, you'd probably go through the same transition I did. It would be hard at first, and then it would get easier.

[cin]

I'd just smile and say it's a matter of priorities :D. Maybe not quite as blunt, but if it's important, you'll make it work. And my kids know better than to not listen or be disrespectful to me :D.

 

I have no tolerance for these things. I listen to it all the time with our foreign adoptions. And I'm tired of people thinking I'm a saint for the way I live my life. I'm about as saintly as Alice Cooper. I just do what I have to do, and I make it work. Sorry so short, my battery's dying. See ya'll later.

[imeverywoman]

they're usually right. Plain and simple their heart is not open to it and creates a defeat-ist attitude. I've stopped trying to convince them that they could. They have to do that for themselves.

[Danestress]

People do what they believe is best for themselves and their families. Yes. They COULD homeschool. So what. They don't want to and don't think that their children would benefit. They don't want to say to you, "I don't think homeschooling is a good choice" so they sort of talk their way around it.

 

Once a neighbor asked me why we homeschool and I sort of mumbled through an answer that included not liking the schools and not being able to afford the private school she uses. Of course she called me on the "afford" thing as a matter of family priorities. "If we felt we couldn't afford the best school for our children we would drive on car and move into a trailer." Fair enough. She was right. She probably would. And my reasons not to use the private school are more that I just don't think it's the best option for my family, considering all things including cost.

 

Maybe these women really don't think homeschooling would be best for them or for their children. Just because it's best for you doesn't mean it's right for them.

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

who think that I'm a superwoman because of homeschooling and are convinced that they cannot homeschool because:

1. Don't have TONS of patience.

2. The kids won't listen to them (only listen to teachers) - sad, isn't it ?

3. Their kids won't learn without competition.

4. Don't have time. IT's hard enough to keep up with homework + extra religious study. How come they are sure they can keep up with homeschooling ?

5. Can't be consistent.

 

There are moms who can not do these 5 things, and they should not be homeschooling. I firmly believe the best environment for a child is in a school with other children and teachers other than Mommy. However, some schools can not meet the needs of some children or are not satisfactory, and in those cases homeschooling can become a necessity. Homeschooling parents have to do a lot of extras to make sure their kids are able to have the same growth opportunities as kids who attend b&m schools.

 

1. I know homeschooling moms who blow up at their kids. I know homeschooling moms who can not sit for an hour with their child and work on things. I know moms who do 3 hours of school a day with kids 8+ because that's all THEY can handle.

 

2. I have seen right here on this board many instances of parents talking about kids who won't listen. I have seen firsthand parents put kids back in school because they wouldn't work for mom, but they do great once they get to school. I think most people I know (me included) would say their child behaves differently for other teachers.

 

3. Competition is a very integral part of learning. People are lucky if they live in a school district where it still exists.

 

4. Many parents don't have time. Homeschooling takes a lot of time in addition to the time spent with the child. Lesson planning, grading, research, buying supplies, the list goes on and on.

 

5. I have seen inconsistency with many local homeschoolers. They don't have a regular schedule, talk about how they haven't done math in a week, they write off park days as "school". The kids are WAY behind, yet the parents believe the kids are magically ahead of grade level just because they homeschool. Some have never had their kids evaluated other than a CAT test they gave themselves at home without following protocol.

 

We certainly would not say that every mom out there could become a schoolteacher. There are certain qualities one needs to be a good schoolteacher. Every parent certainly does not need to be homeschooling either.

 

Now as for the assuming you are superwoman thing, I hate it. I usually just let it go, but if it is someone I know fairly well, I'll simply say that homeschooling is like my job. It's like if I were teaching at a regular school- I have to do a lot of that same stuff except I don't get paid. I'm not Holly Homemaker, I'm not Mother of the Year, etc etc etc.

[Chris in VA]

Academy, you've said some things I completely didn't expect. I always read your posts because you give me things to think about, and I admire that.

[Stacy in NJ]

These aren't so much reasons as they are rationalizations. These moms don't want to homeschool and that's okay. When they say you're an angel for homeschooling, just shrug your shoulders and say, "It works for us."

[WTMindy]

I honestly wouldn't say anything. I'd just say, "Well, it is working for us." and leave it at that. Sometimes when people say, "I could never do that...." what they really mean is, "You are crazy to do that....." but that isn't socially acceptable to say. :-)

[TXMomof4]

I'd just smile and say it's a matter of priorities :D. Maybe not quite as blunt, but if it's important, you'll make it work. And my kids know better than to not listen or be disrespectful to me :D.

 

I have no tolerance for these things. I listen to it all the time with our foreign adoptions. And I'm tired of people thinking I'm a saint for the way I live my life. I'm about as saintly as Alice Cooper. I just do what I have to do, and I make it work. Sorry so short, my battery's dying. See ya'll later.

 

Amen to that. People quiz me all the time about hsing because 1) we're one of only 4-5 families that hs at our church 2) with dh gone they don't see that it's possible. I can't tell you how many times I hear that I'm a "beacon of motherhood". I just want to say SHUT UP! If you spent 10 minutes in my home you would have no doubt that I'm not a beacon of anything and rarely does the day pass that I don't screw something up royally. BUT I still am confident that it's best for my kids and for me at this time. Part of it is selfish. I'm lonely without dh. If I sent my kids away all day every day I'd be even more lonely! They are funny and sweet (for the most part) and I enjoy the time I spend with them (most of the time).

[TXMomof4]

3. Competition is a very integral part of learning. People are lucky if they live in a school district where it still exists.

 

 

 

My daughter just started bible bowl at church this last week. I competed in the same thing when I was younger and LOVED it. I remember the feeling of getting every single answer correct - our team won hands down every year we competed.

It is amazing to watch her working so hard without any prompting from me. She is one of the youngest in the group but she is NOT going to do less than any of the others. This is something I can't provide for her at home. I'm thankful she has this opportunity to put herself against others where the challenge isn't good looks or good clothes, but how hard she is willing to work for what she wants.

[phathui5]

If it was a friend, I would give them a real answer about why that didn't make sense. Other people, I just tell them that it's not as hard as it seems.

[tibbyl]

who think that I'm a superwoman because of homeschooling and are convinced that they cannot homeschool because:

1. Don't have TONS of patience.

2. The kids won't listen to them (only listen to teachers) - sad, isn't it ?

3. Their kids won't learn without competition.

4. Don't have time. IT's hard enough to keep up with homework + extra religious study. How come they are sure they can keep up with homeschooling ?

5. Can't be consistent.

 

I can't believe how many moms made such remark when they know I'm homeschooling a first grader and a pre-K-er. I won't say homeschooling is easy peasy, but it's doable, and is,most importantly, tremendously rewarding.

 

I'm v. grateful that although I don't have TONS of patience and don't wear halo over my head, my kids listen to me and still can learn without competition.

 

I secretly think though, that their problem (point. 2, 3 and 4) is largely the result of schooling. IF those problems are fixed, really, you don't need to have tons of patience because the kids won't drive you nuts. As for consistency, I actually admire those moms who can wake up early, pack up lunch, get the kids to school, to all extracurricular activities, deal with moody kids for homework and send off the kids for Sunday school for religious instruction. That's harder than my work (well, at the moment, at least). I won't say this to them but that has been dancing in my mind for several days.

 

Any thought ?

 

I don't attempt to convince people to homeschool. Most I would say to this person is something like, "Homeschoolers are ordinary people."

[Happy]

Honestly?

 

I tell them I used to think/say the same things. Then I shrug and say we figured it out in about six weeks. If they want to know, I'll tell them the epiphany moment we had about six weeks into our adventure. If not, I move along.

 

Most of all, homeschooling is the unknown. The uncharted wilderness. Most people don't have a clue what we do all day. Sadly, I think there are a lot of people out there who haven't 'learned' anything new since they left school.

[Tracey in TX]

who think that I'm a superwoman because of homeschooling and are convinced that they cannot homeschool because:

1. Don't have TONS of patience.

2. The kids won't listen to them (only listen to teachers) - sad, isn't it ?

3. Their kids won't learn without competition.

4. Don't have time. IT's hard enough to keep up with homework + extra religious study. How come they are sure they can keep up with homeschooling ?

5. Can't be consistent.

 

 

:lol:

1. Patience is a choice. Not every moment is peaceful and serene.

2. Kids will listen when forced. They might behave better for a teacher, but when you take away that option it's amazing what the alternative behavior becomes.

3. AGREED! Competition for many kids is imperative. Make learning competitive in some capacity.

4. If a parent isn't working outside home there IS time. It's about priorities.

5. Be consistent. You can't teach your child to overcome his weaknesses if you, the parent, aren't willing to overcome yours. (I am a fly by the seat of my pants, unorganized, crazy social girl who struggles daily to be on top of my life. Guess what, to most people I'm "naturally organized". LOL It was a *priority*. I don't accept the failure battle cry without at least trying.)

 

Not every family should homeschool. Really. But many families who think it's a good idea should jump off easy street and into their own lives. It's best to be a participant in one's life--not just an observer.

[Ummto4]

Agree, Happy.

 

HS is mostly uncharted territory. So if there's a problem with a HS child, whatever minor, people tend to blame on HS. For example, oh ... may be he'll want to learn if he's at school and see other kids learning. Or, oh ... he won't be shy if he' s socialized at school.

 

In the other hand, when a school kid exhibits the same trait, people tend not to blame schools. Most just shrug it off and think, especially during teenage years, that it's the norm.

 

Every educational method has its own advantages/disadvantages. There are some stuff in public school which are better than in HS. There are also some stuff in HS which are better than in PS. We can't have both, can we ? So we have to choose. In our family, we think we can live without stuff a school can offer.

 

Academy ... yes I know HS-er who becomes v. relaxed (too relaxed for my taste) with it. I actually know a family ( a single mom) who HS 3 kids, one of which is at the high school level, and never got any algebra till 11th grade. So this daughter goes to a CC at grade 11 to get algebra, and the only reason her mom let her go to a CC because Cornell requires her to get three or four credits of highschool math (she got offer from Cornell based on sport scholarship). So right now, she's doing the 13th grade (the catch up grade) and is due to come Cornell next year. Granted, there's been a lot of going on in the family. A divorce, then mom got spinal injuries and virtually got no income (she got some help from family who luckily live nearby + community) for a year. HS suffers as a result. In this situation, she should get help from other HS family or get a self-study program or let her daughter go to CC so that the kids education doesn't suffer. I know why she doesn't want the children to go to ps. But as a consequences, a HS parent should do whatever it could to do the best for the child's education and not to suffer because of HS.

[imeverywoman]

I can't tell you how many times I hear that I'm a "beacon of motherhood". I just want to say SHUT UP! If you spent 10 minutes in my home you would have no doubt that I'm not a beacon of anything and rarely does the day pass that I don't screw something up royally. BUT I still am confident that it's best for my kids and for me at this time. They are funny and sweet (for the most part) and I enjoy the time I spend with them (most of the time).

 

This is true for me, as well.

[Rosy]

"Well, it's not for everyone. We enjoy it, though. Would you like some bean dip?"

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

...Granted, there's been a lot of going on in the family. A divorce, then mom got spinal injuries and virtually got no income (she got some help from family who luckily live nearby + community) for a year. HS suffers as a result. In this situation, she should get help from other HS family or get a self-study program or let her daughter go to CC so that the kids education doesn't suffer. I know why she doesn't want the children to go to ps. But as a consequences, a HS parent should do whatever it could to do the best for the child's education and not to suffer because of HS.

 

I have seen situations happen like this locally. There have been times when people were sick or had other issues and I have offered to take their kids for a week or two and supervise schoolwork for a bit so mom could have some time. But the cries from the rest of the homeschool community of "it doesn't matter" and "they'll catch up" and "anything is more than public school". I know my friends in other communities have groups that are more supportive, so I am not lumping all into this category. I just think on the whole, there could be a lot more support and we all (me included) could do more to help families out.

[keptwoman]

Honestly?

 

I tell them I used to think/say the same things. Then I shrug and say we figured it out in about six weeks. If they want to know, I'll tell them the epiphany moment we had about six weeks into our adventure. If not, I move along.

 

Most of all, homeschooling is the unknown. The uncharted wilderness. Most people don't have a clue what we do all day. Sadly, I think there are a lot of people out there who haven't 'learned' anything new since they left school.

Me too. For point two I just say it's amazing what a mother can do when the welfare of their children is in jeopardy.

That's if they are interested, otherwise I just say it works for us.

[laughing lioness]

I think #3 is a hoot! My kids siblings provide all the competition they need and then some!! Maybe we just have a competitive gene?

I do think that stay at home moms are really underrated in our society. Homeschool moms take that up a notch further. From an "outsiders" perspective we are doing something that is difficult or else more people would be doing it, right?

[Hot Lava Mama]

"Yes. You are correct. I AM an amazing, incredibly patient, unbelievable person. Don't try this yourself, my dear...YOU would never succeed."

 

Perhaps then they would shut up?

 

Hot Lava Mama

[keptwoman]

"Yes. You are correct. I AM an amazing, incredibly patient, unbelievable person. Don't try this yourself, my dear...YOU would never succeed."

 

Perhaps then they would shut up?

 

Hot Lava Mama

 

:lol: Boy oh boy would that be satisfying sometimes!

[Vida Winter]

Nothing. I'd say absolutely nothing to them other than a polite acknowledgment. It's not my job to convince anyone of the pros and cons of homeschooling.

 

~D

[Carol in Cal.]

"Well, it works great for our family, but it's not the best thing for everyone. To each his own! Please pass the bean dip."

 

I usually also mention that homeschooling is MUCH easier than helping with homework. At the end of the day kids are tired and not usually at their best, learning-wise. Whereas I can teach DD at the time of the day when it is really easiest for her to learn, and that goes much better. I think that most traditional schoolers have never really thought about that.

[Amber in SJ]

When people give me lists of reasons of why they could never homeschool I think they are just feeling like they have to justify their choices. I try to assure them that I don't think their educational choices are wrong for them, just not right for our family.

 

The patience one is my favorite. I hear that all the time and it makes me laugh because I do not consider myself to be patient at all. I am of the opinion that if you pray for patience, the Lord doesn't open up a wellspring of patience in your heart, instead you find yourself in situations where you must practice patience over and over and over.....sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am not. Homeschooling does not mean you are patient. It means you have opportunities to practice patience.

 

Amber in SJ

[Katrina]

I actually had a conversation very similiar to this. I explained that I didn't think I could do it, so even though I was very interested it it, I did put them in regular school at first. I explained that I wished I had the faith in myself to have homeschooled from the beginning. I also told her that I was sure she would be perfectly able to homeschool her children as well, but if she didn't want to homeschool and sent her kids to school then she was making a valid choice for her and her family. I just explained I'd rather see poeple make the choice based not in fear or self doubt but just what worked best for their own family.

 

Of course, reading this over it sounds rather preachy, but this was a friendly two way conversation. I think once she realized that I felt that my choice to homeschool was just as acceptable as her choice not to then she stopped being so defensive, even though I don't think she realized she was.

[Katrina]

 

2. I have seen right here on this board many instances of parents talking about kids who won't listen. I have seen firsthand parents put kids back in school because they wouldn't work for mom, but they do great once they get to school. I think most people I know (me included) would say their child behaves differently for other teachers.

 

 

Academy, I don't think it was one of MY posts because my kids are perfect little angels and every day of homeschooling is like a little piece of heaven on earth!

 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Edited October 8, 2008 by Katrina

[Amber in SJ]

Or you could say what I always say;

"I believe that children are our future,

teach them well and let them lead the way."

 

I always get this look :001_huh:

 

Sorry, I just can't help myself

 

Amber in SJ