New trend? People showing up early to social event

[Matryoshka]

What kind of appetizers are people having? I'm just curious. If we show up to eat at a family member's house they might have nuts out or we know we could dig in the cupboards if we absolutely had to, but it might look rude because we're not usually super early. Appetizers just seems like extra work, like above and beyond for a casual family meal. But if you put out cheese and crackers or a veggie tray I suppose that isn't so much work. I really only remember stuff like that on a holiday where we're potentially visiting all morning before the main meal.

 

This thread made me think of Gilmore Girls. To me those family dinners are so formal. That's just not at all how our family is.

 

Our family dinners are NOT so formal.  At my brother's house, we usually eat with food on our laps, as their dining room table doesn't seat that many people.  That also happens for larger gatherings at my house.

 

Simplest appetizer, as has been stated before, is a jar of salsa next to a bag of chips.  That is zero work.  I do usually dump them into bowls, but that's optional.  Also hummus with pita chips or veggies.  I'm usually too lazy to cut the veggies, lol, so I tend towards the chips.  For a 'nicer' meal I sometimes do the crackers and cheese.  Buy cheese, buy crackers, put on plate with knife.  Maybe add grapes - rinse, plop on plate.  

 

My mom likes to go a bit more fancy on the appetizers.  She'll make dip herself and cut up veggies in addition to the things above, and often she'll put out shrimp and cocktail sauce (which honestly is also zero work - they sell them in the store with the shrimp already arranged and the cocktail sauce in the middle - you just take the lid off).

 

Also, TJ's has a ton of great frozen appetizers - when bringing something to someone else's house I'll often go with that (because inevitably someone else already brought the chips, salsa, and hummus and that would too much of a good thing). ;)

 

 

My mom likes to go a bit more fancy on the appetizers.  She'll make dip herself and cut up veggies in addition to the things above

[Bluegoat]

What kind of appetizers are people having? I'm just curious. If we show up to eat at a family member's house they might have nuts out or we know we could dig in the cupboards if we absolutely had to, but it might look rude because we're not usually super early. Appetizers just seems like extra work, like above and beyond for a casual family meal. But if you put out cheese and crackers or a veggie tray I suppose that isn't so much work. I really only remember stuff like that on a holiday where we're potentially visiting all morning before the main meal.

 

This thread made me think of Gilmore Girls. To me those family dinners are so formal. That's just not at all how our family is.

 

I'd say at things I go to, it really depends on the kind of event.

 

In my mom's extended family, they tend to have dinner later, and people visit while cooking is going on, so they will often have some fruit and cheese and crackers or baguette, or maybe nuts, etc.  People will have sherry or dubonette or wine, generally.

 

When I go to a bbq it is often more casual things like nachos and dip, pretzles, maybe a tray of cut up fruit or veg, and there will be beer or sangria or g&t.

 

But I also go to dinners where there is little or nothing - usually those are things where we eat fairly soon after arrival.  So, where we show up after an event and eat right away, or where we are joining people for a regular meal rather than a party.

[Bluegoat]

Something we do for big family gatherings is go to my uncles in the afternoon, and have nibbly things - they are really good at making all kinds of interesting ones - and then we go to my mom's or aunts' place for the meal (they are in walking distance.)  Sometimes we do the main course at my aunt's and dessert at my mom's.

[SquirrellyMama]

This might get me thrown out of here, but... Not only do we not do appetizers we also don't do courses. Everything is just put on the table at the beginning. Salad, soup, fruit, veggies, protein. We do have a separate dessert :)

 

We also only serve roast or pizza when we have people over. Sometimes we do grill. That is easier though. We only grill brats or burgers. All sides are made ahead of time.

 

After reading this thread I don't think I'm ever inviting people over again. That will make my dh happy.

 

Kelly

[Seasider]

Something we do for big family gatherings is go to my uncles in the afternoon, and have nibbly things - they are really good at making all kinds of interesting ones - and then we go to my mom's or aunts' place for the meal (they are in walking distance.)  Sometimes we do the main course at my aunt's and dessert at my mom's.

 

What a fun idea! I would so totally steal it if we lived within walking distance of one or two others who would co-host. If I were one of the hostesses in this case, I would do my best to get my part ready early so I could participate in each segment.

[hornblower]

There's a very old Vinyl Cafe story by Stuart McLean in which Morley is unexpectedly surprised by early dinner guests and she's naked in the kitchen with her hair still dripping wet from the shower.  Not knowing what to do, she dives into a pot cupboard and hides there....

I think it might be on the Odd Jobs cd.

[heartlikealion]

Having issues with quoting, but thank you for the responses.

 

LOL @ SquirrellyMama. We just put everything out at once, too, unless there isn't enough space. If there is dessert then that would come out last, though. My family tended to do salad last (the European way my dad would say) and main meal first, but with it all on the table at once when I grew up. 

 

If I ever decide to do appetizers I guess it wouldn't be that much work. Lately I've been eating hummus and naan bread (heated up bread) which I think would also work as an appetizer in lei if the chips or veggies with the dip.

[QueenCat]

Even just between families we have drinks and appetizers if people are coming over. Partly to give a buffer of time in case someone does show up late (with a legitimate reason, i'm sure). Also, the snacks are out so you aren't drinking wine on an empty stomach. Not everyone has the snacks. I often don't. My husband always does. Not everyone has an alcoholic beverage, I almost never do. the kids have crackers as they fly by, then run outside to play. 

 

 

Same here, even if it's not a "party" but just 2-3 families, there are cocktails/beverages and some kind of munchy to go with it.

[QueenCat]

So the message I am getting from this thread is that if a guest does something differently than the host/hostess expects (even if those expectations are not clearly communicated in a lot of detail) the guest is automatically "rude" even if their own upbringing/culture is different and they are trying to do what they understand to be the right thing?

 

No, I don't think so...... but I do think it's important to learn quickly the customs when you move to a new area (apparently, even within the same country). I try very hard to do this when we move to new places but I've rarely been treated like I was rude when I made a mistake and hope I haven't treated others like they are rude.

[QueenCat]

I've only ever seen this done in family or extended family situations.  My Nana wold say dinner at 5 and it really was at 5.  Family usually showed up around 4:30.  But we all knew that they always ate at 5.

 

If she's been inviting strangers and said that, she would likely have been out of luck as they would have not been in the know. 

 

Difference is that she said "dinner at 5", Not an invitation to come at 5

[QueenCat]

What kind of appetizers are people having? I'm just curious. If we show up to eat at a family member's house they might have nuts out or we know we could dig in the cupboards if we absolutely had to, but it might look rude because we're not usually super early. Appetizers just seems like extra work, like above and beyond for a casual family meal. But if you put out cheese and crackers or a veggie tray I suppose that isn't so much work. I really only remember stuff like that on a holiday where we're potentially visiting all morning before the main meal.

 

This thread made me think of Gilmore Girls. To me those family dinners are so formal. That's just not at all how our family is.

 

It varies from simple cheese and crackers, vegie tray, chips & dip type things to more elaborate things. It's the first course.... Usually for about an hour before the main meal. Family meals are usually simpler unless it's a holiday.

[marbel]

No, I don't think so...... but I do think it's important to learn quickly the customs when you move to a new area (apparently, even within the same country). I try very hard to do this when we move to new places but I've rarely been treated like I was rude when I made a mistake and hope I haven't treated others like they are rude.

 

I agree.

 

Or when socializing with people from a different culture with (potentially) different customs.

 

I have sometimes asked, if I am not sure what to do.  For ex., once we arrived on time (by American standards) to a party given by people from the middle east.  We were way early compared to the other guests.  They were gracious, but after that I would ask "what time do you really want to come over?"  After a few times, I knew to arrive 30 - 60 minutes after the invitation time.   No one was going hungry at their parties, though, as there was food and drink in abundance even before dinner. 

 

I doubt any of the ladies at the shower I hosted last week noticed that I was flustered by their early arrivals.  I tried very hard not to show it and I certainly wasn't angry at anyone, just puzzled (which was the impetus for this thread).

 

 

[8circles]

This.

 

 

Etiquette is NOT supposed to be making it about you. It's not about shaming you. It supposed to be about the other person. About making the other person feel comfortable.

 

There is no way showing up more than 5 minutes before the designated arrival time is about making the other person comfortable. Many people on this thread have said they arrive early because of their anxiety. So, about them. You're supposed to be thinking about the other person. Yes, this can go wrong as well, because The Golden Rule is imperfect - sometimes what you would like is the opposite of what others would like. But really, even if you like getting your house all ready an hour before your guests are supposed to arrive, do you really expect everyone else is the same? And if you like getting the house ready so early so you can relax before guests arrive, even for you if guests arrived early it would rob you of that time you set aside.

Ummm, what? Are you meaning to quote me? I assure you that I don't think this is about *me*. Ive never arrived early to a party like described in the op. I do my best to be *on time* meaning the time I was told to arrive.

 

I'm seriously confused. When I am a guest and when am a host I assume it *isnt* about me.

[alisoncooks]

I went to a wedding once where they called up the first people that responded to the wedding invites up to the dance floor and basically laughed at them. I always got an invite and returned them immediately, so of course, I was called up there. Absolutely mortified. I still don't understand why they did that, but I never send my responses back immediately anymore!

 

 

:scared:  :scared:  :scared:

 

I'm spiteful...  I'd walk myself right over to the gift table and grab my present and leave, LOL.*

 

*not really, but I'd want to.

 

Why would anyone DO THAT?