Kassia Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 We are attending my son's longtime girlfriend's graduation in a few weeks. After the ceremony, we are going out for lunch with her parents and sister (meeting them for the first time), my son, and his girlfriend. Normally, if we go out with my son and his girlfriend we pay for the meal. But, I assume that her parents will want to pay for their own daughter. I don't know if it would be awkward for us to pay for our son, but they pay for their daughter. Or if every couple would just pay for themselves so my son and his girlfriend would be a separate check (he's 25 and financially independent, she's graduating with her master's). It feels very awkward to me and I don't want to pay for everyone and don't want her parents paying for our meal either. Any suggestions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Because you are attending an event to honor their daughter, they might offer to pay for everyone's meal, so be prepared with a response to that, whether it is to graciously accept or offer to pay your own way. Why don't you just talk it over with your son? He and his girlfriend can discuss it and let you know how they plan to pay. If he can't or won't do that, I would let him know that you and your husband plan to ask for a separate check, and he should be prepared to pay his own way. If you still don't know the plan by the beginning of the meal, I would just ask the server for a separate check for you and your husband. This gives the other family the chance to say, "Oh, it's our treat," if they desire, and it also allows your son to act as an adult and pay for himself. Whether he pays for his girlfriend, or whether her family does, or whether her family pays for your son is all up to them, not you, so I'd not worry. Just plan to pay for yourself and let them work the rest of it out. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 When the waitress asks, just say you'll split the check, pointing out your DH and son. Alternatively, you could ask your DS beforehand if he wants to pay for his girlfriend's meal, then the check would be split three ways. Its a conversation we have whenever we're out with friends and family. I don't think its awkward at all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Normally, whoever invited everyone else is the default for who should pay. It is OK if they pay; you will invite them and reciprocate at some point. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Thanks. In this case, there was no invitation. The ceremony ends at noon and my son just asked if we were staying to have lunch after graduation is over (we live three hours away and I'll have two kids staying at home). I teased him about paying for us since he mentioned it, but I didn't mean it (there will be seven people). Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I'd bring cash in $20 increments, and I'd try/offer to pay enough to cover my family's bill, rounded up. If the parents of the gf insist, then I'd let them pay the entire bill. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sun Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I guess I don't really understand why this would be awkward. Why not just put down your credit card when the gf's parents put theirs down and split the check down the middle? That is by far the most common way I see checks split. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) I guess I don't really understand why this would be awkward. Why not just put down your credit card when the gf's parents put theirs down and split the check down the middle? That is by far the most common way I see checks split. That is a good idea. I hadn't thought of that. I guess it feels awkward because we've never met them before. The only problem I see with splitting the check is that they have one more person in their party than we do and it's likely that they will have drinks and we won't. But, that is pretty minor overall - splitting seems the easiest solution. Thanks for all of your responses! This forum has been such a big help to me! :) Erica Edited April 19, 2016 by ebh87 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Technically there was an invitation. It was your son's. He proposed it & so it counts as an invite in my books. That said, I'd ask him - Son, what do you want done with checks at the lunch? It could be that girlfriend's parents have already communicated to them "oh lovely, we'd love to treat all of you to the lunch." I think you have to be prepared for the possibility that the girlfriend's parents will assume they've been invited to a lunch so there's a chance you may have to pay for the whole group. Honestly, this is an issue your son should be sorting out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I agree, if your adult son invited then he pays. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I would just tell the waiter/waitress, when they take your order, that they can put your and your husband's and your son's meal on the same check. Then I would just keep talking about whatever we were talking about and not speak anymore of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I guess I don't really understand why this would be awkward. Why not just put down your credit card when the gf's parents put theirs down and split the check down the middle? That is by far the most common way I see checks split. I'd do this too. I wouldn't worry about the extra cost of splitting an extra plate and a drink with people who may be your son's in laws. Maybe your son will try to throw his card in the mix too. Try not to worry about this. Splitting checks is always a dance, but it's not a big deal at all. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) I'd do this too. I wouldn't worry about the extra cost of splitting an extra plate and a drink with people who may be your son's in laws. Maybe your son will try to throw his card in the mix too. Try not to worry about this. Splitting checks is always a dance, but it's not a big deal at all. :) I think splitting the total is the easiest way to handle it. I didn't even think about that option. They have been good to our son (and we've been generous with their daughter as well) and will most likely be his in-laws in the future. You're right that the extra cost shouldn't be an issue. Thank you again to all of you for your replies. They are very much appreciated. Erica Edited April 19, 2016 by ebh87 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I would see the invite as either coming from your son or his girlfriend's parents. Kind of like asking your son if his parents would like to stay around and join in for lunch. I'll ask your son how he wants to handle it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 I would see the invite as either coming from your son or his girlfriend's parents. Kind of like asking your son if his parents would like to stay around and join in for lunch. I'll ask your son how he wants to handle it. I didn't really feel that it was an invite. It was more like he was checking to see what our plans were for after the ceremony - whether we'd be staying for lunch or driving back home. Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Normally, whoever invited everyone else is the default for who should pay. It is OK if they pay; you will invite them and reciprocate at some point. :iagree: That's been my experience as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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