The Girls' Mom Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I hope so. Actually, my dh has a decent relationship with his parents, even though they drive him crazy sometimes. He especially enjoys doing things with his dad. Boundaries have been important. I have a good relationship with my 19 year old, but she still lives at home and is very easy to get along with. I think it'll be ok with the younger two as well, if we survive the next year or so..lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 My father is wonderful. Unfortunately, he comes with my mother. She was abused as a child and carries a lot of hurt, anger, bitterness, and borderline personality traits. I am trying with my kids. My 18 year old and I are learning to respect each other and I am learning to understand him better. He has Asperger's and some other issues that can be challenging, but we get along better now than we even did 2 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UCF612 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I don't have adult children but I have a good relationship with my parents. My sister, husband and his brother plus all their spouses all have good relationships. It is definitely possible! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 My dad passed away when I was 16 but I have a wonderful relationship with my 86 year old mom. We talk on on the phone everyday but live 75 mins apart so I don't see her as much as I'd like to. I think DH and I have a great open relationship with our 3 children who are almost 12 and 13. I always want them to feel like they can talk to us about anything. We all get along really good with each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I think good relationships between adult children and their parents can happen, but it may depend on effort/maturity on both sides. For myself and my parents ... we didn't have the best relationship until we renegotiated the relationship from "parent/child" to "parent/adult child." It wasn't painless, but the effort was well-worth it. When my mom overstepped her bounds when trying to bribe me to send my kids to school, I stood up to her, reminding her that dh and I are the parents, that we thoroughly investigated our options and were confident in our decision. If we couldn't discuss the situation with mutual respect, then we couldn't discuss it. My mom hung up on me. But several months later (without apologizing because that wasn't her style), she called and invited me to join her in something I would enjoy. She did a complete 180 and was very excited about homeschooling. She figured out how to express her opinions without undermining me and I figured out how not to get offended. Toward the end, she relied on my help quite a bit to navigate her health concerns and I did my best to treat her with respect. As much as I miss her, I feel at peace about our relationship. About my kids, I vowed to treat my kids with the respect they deserve as fellow human beings. That doesn't mean that I never imposed limits, but I laid out clear expectations. I apologize when I behave badly and expect that from them. For two of my kids, we have a very positive relationship. I've worked very hard to reel in my strong desire to hang on and maintain control, letting them live their lives. With my 19yo, who is struggling with gender identity and mental illness, the relationship is rockier. But, I keep reminding them, that we are on the same team and that I will work hard to help them achieve their goals. We actually had somewhat of a breakthrough yesterday. Praying for that trust to be maintained on both sides. Hope this rambling makes sense. Pain meds have me dozing in the middle of typing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I have a great relationship with both my parents and my in laws; they are supportive and non-interfering. Good mental health makes a world of difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I feel like I have a great relationship with DS21. He will come to me an talk about his life and he helps me with dd9 by being her one-with-one at daycare. DD17 and I are extremely close. Like others have said, treat them as an adult, not a child. I was the baby of 9 kids and am 6 years younger than the youngest. I have always been treated like my opinions don't matter and am a tag-a-long little sister. Get interested in your teens lives. I don't care if it is music or video games, card games, rodeos, street cars, etc. Find some way to talk about the things that interest them. Spend time with them, enjoying those things and learning about them. It is much harder to connect as adults if you weren't there in the teen years. Then, get re-interested in their adult lives.....without holding the teen years against them. I have seen that play out so many times in my friends lives with their parents. The parents have a hard time letting go of the hurt caused by a rebellious teen....and the now-grown-up-teen has a hard time forgiving parents for being imperfect parents. Let them have an opinion/life style that is different than yours. Even if you know their plan isn't going to work, or if you really don't support their life choices, at least listen and ask questions. Be involved and offer guidance, but don't shut down their dreams/life style based on your own ignorance or insecurities. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 (edited) I have a terrible relationship with my mom, and I think what the above poster said about seeing your children as true adults versus "adult children" is exactly right. For example, whenever I disagree with Mom (which is often), she says I "still think like a teenager." *sigh* I am neurotypical, have a BA and and an MA degree, and teach at two different colleges, but whatever. That said, I have a great relationship with all of my kids, including my 20-year-old Navy guy. In fact, it's funny that I saw this thread today. Just this afternoon, he posted this on my FB page: "Hey Mom! I just wanted to tell you you're the best mom in the world, and I love you! —feeling blessed." I made a decision a long time ago that I would NOT parent like my mother. And given her constant annoyance with me (sadly, my younger two kids and I have to live with her right now), and my great relationships with my kids, I'd say I'm doing something right. :D Edited February 20, 2016 by DragonFaerie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Yes with my parents and yes with my adult children. Not so much with mil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Brooks Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I have two adult children. They call me more than once a week. Both have made some bad choices, but they're OK. I am always there for them and give what I can financially. They have not come back at DH and I to blame up for some of the choices they've made. They come at us for advice because we try to give them reasoned advice. We explain our thinking and they can take the advice or leave it. We are very open with them as adults. I have no expectations of them other than their being happy. I like to talk to them so I know they are alive and well. My dad and I had a great relationship always. My mom's relationship to me is very complicated for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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