Rachel Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Okay my daughter was in a class, stretched and reached back and accidentally touched a boy's shirt with a permanent marker. When I picked up my daughter the teacher told me the mother came in and was furious that my daughter "scribbled" on her son's shirt and that she wants me to pay $50 for the shirt (its a NBA jersey). So without seeing the shirt I offered to pay for it..........one, thinking it was on purpose and two, that the shirt was ruined. So yesterday my daughter brings the shirt home to me and I'm telling you it took me almost 5 minutes to find the mark on the shirt......it is about 1/8 of an inch long and a very light blue........you would literally have to be standing 2 inches away to see it. So now I'm thinking I'm not paying for this...... The teacher and the principal both said the mother and son completely have overreacted and the teacher says she won't LET me pay for the shirt because its so ridiculous. So now I have this shirt at my house.........I tried spray & wash, bleach, goo gone...........what else can I try to get this out??? I've heard denatured alcohol and hair spray........what do you think? Would you pay for this shirt???? WIsh I could post a pic but I'm at work.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 What can this mother do? Sue you for the damages? Do you think she'd actually do that? She is totally over-reacting. Accidents happen and I'd explain that to her. It was an ACCIDENT! As for stain removers for permanent ink...is it in a white area? Can you use a bleach pen? Other than that...not sure. Glad the teacher is backing you on this one. Get her/him to stand with you and explain what REALLY happened. Give her back the shirt (stain or no stain if you can't remove it) and tell her it was an accident...you are NOT paying $50. People like that get my blood boiling! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I've heard denatured alcohol and hair spray........what do you think? . Hairspray, the cheapest pump kind. White Rain or Suave or something. Spray, let sit for 2 mins, then launder. Crazy people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.griff Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I would not pay for it, I would not launder it- I'd be weary of her claiming I further "damaged" the shirt by trying to remove the "stain". It is HER problem, it is HER responsibility to figure out how to launder her sons clothing, and if she is freaking out over a marker accident then by all means she should just keep her child at home where he's "safe" from all those marker weilding whacko kids in the world, :rolleyes: Sorry you're having to deal with this, as my DH says, " :rolleyes: Some peoples' kids!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted February 10, 2008 Author Share Posted February 10, 2008 how about "some kid's parents?".............LOL Thanks for the advice all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.griff Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 LOL, sorry- I shoulda been clear. My DH says that in regards to adults, not children LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey in TX Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Some people have serious audacity, with little common sense to boot. I have been on the opposite side of the scenerio. When an accident happens, it is MY fault for the stupidity of allowing my child to wear expensive clothing. When a deliberate act transpires, I expect an apology. Again, MY fault for buying clothes that we allow to become an issue. Return the jersey. Give a heartfelt apology, and then avoid this woman like the plague. She isn't worth it--and neither is a jersey. Don't worry about this and don't waste any more precious weekend for someone else's laundry. Unless you'd like to do mine :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gamom3 Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I would NOT do any more cleaning to the shirt, it could cause the ink to bleed and then you will have a bigger mess!! If the mother was smart she wouldn't have sent the boy to class with a $50 shirt on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted February 10, 2008 Author Share Posted February 10, 2008 that is precisely what I was thinking...........who in there right mind sends a kid to school in a $50 shirt??? Even the principal said as much...... Well I'm not going to waste anymore time or energy on it, just give it back with a note saying I tried its up to her if she wants to make it a bigger deal than that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogpond1 Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 nt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRILLIUM Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I'd pay. I might not like it. I might feel the mom was making too big of a deal out of a nearly unnoticable mark. Still we are responsible for damages even if they are accidental. A baseball that goes through a window. I car accident. A book that we spill grape juice on. I would try to model reponsible behavior with as much grace as I could muster. It was an accident. Such things happen. You're fortunate that your child is not intentionally destroying others property, because that would be really expensive. I imagine part of your reaction was due to what sounds like the other moms anger over the accident. Even if someone expects us to fix things which we accidentally break they should not be hostile about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in NC Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I might offer to pay for a dry cleaner to get the stain out but that is my limit. Parents must realize that kids will be kids and kid's clothes get stains. She is overreacting because deep down she knows she should not have let her son wear such a valuble (in her eyes) items to school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Makes me wonder what the boy is learning from his mother's behavior. This is craziness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 and that is IT!!! AND - you pick the dry cleaner/drop off the shirt and prepay - give the receipt to the other mom. You don't want any expensive bill from a dry cleaner, either. It is in part her fault for letting such a $$$ shirt go to school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 nt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I'm voting for the handing back of the shirt: as is. She's making a mountain out of a molehill. You tried, tell her what you used, how you did it, let your dd send a note of apology for being careless, perhaps, but that should be all. Maybe that woman was just having a really bad day. Or maybe the shirt was a gift from someone who will give her a hard time. Who knows? But don't buy a new one. That's over the top. Oh, and tell your dd to keep her arms at her sides, even when yawning. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina in ME Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 You could try Gonzo, it works on lots of stains. I help every year with taking care of costumes for a professional ballet(Nutcracker). The lady in charge always has gonzo for stains. I'm not sure it works on permanent ink but, it works on grease, lipstick, sweat marks, blood and loads of other things. She told me she gets it at Wal-mart. Hope that helps. Tina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 So yesterday my daughter brings the shirt home to me Why does your daughter have the shirt? Did the boy/his mother want her to take it home to you? If so, why? So you could see it? So you could keep it (since they think you're paying for it)? Weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted February 10, 2008 Author Share Posted February 10, 2008 my daughter asked for the shirt so she could try to clean it......she made the offer without being asked. Well, lots of different reactions here......for me I will try the hairspray and then that's it. If she continues to make a big deal out of it then I'll offer the dry cleaning and then I'm done. I thought about the analogy of the baseball through the window and that we pay for accidents.I do agree, but a baseball through a window ruins the window for good, you can't use it....it is truly unusable. This shirt has less marks on it than 3/4 of my kids clothes and is not only wearable but is in perfectly usable condition minus a microscopic 1/8 inch blue mark. I tried to do the right thing by offering to pay right off the bat and without looking at the shirt. My error was assuming that a parent would not make a big deal unless the shirt was ruined.........my bad. The offer to pay was not passed onto the parent so she doesn't know I offered to pay....which is good since I no longer think it is a valid complaint. Thank you for everyone giving thought to this and coming up with some good ideas to remove the stain.........I'll let you know if it comes out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Are you saying that the boy went home from school without the shirt? Did the mom see it before he took it off? I'm trying to picture this. If the boy gave the shirt to your dd, is it possible that the mom who had the fit never saw the shirt? Maybe the boy just went home in his jacket and told his mom the shirt was ruined. Is that possible? I just can't picture how the boy showed the shirt to his mom, she had a fit, then the boy gave the shirt to your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 After school the son showed mom the shirt.....(he had another shirt under it as it is a sleeveless basketball jersey) came into the principals office, pitched a fit and gave the shirt to the principal. She gave it to the principal because he had already called my daughter out of class about it and that's when she told him that she would try to clean it.....so I'm sure that is why the principal took the shirt and then gave it to my daughter. But, yep........mom saw it and made the big fuss to the principal about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Well, if it was a Sharpie marker, Sharpies are rubbing-alcohol soluble. The only thing I would try would be rubbing alcohol, with lots of blotting. I think I agree with Trillium, I'd pay for the shirt just to teach my child that when we wrong someone, however slight and trivial such as in this instance, we must make amends. I think the mom is overreacting. I cannot fathom sending my child to school in a $50 shirt -- I'd never buy my child a $50 shirt in the first place -- but that's just silly. Sorry you had to go through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I think I agree with Trillium, I'd pay for the shirt just to teach my child that when we wrong someone, however slight and trivial such as in this instance, we must make amends.Well I wouldn't expect that my paying for the shirt would teach my child that lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Well I wouldn't expect that my paying for the shirt would teach my child that lesson. Well, please excuse me for not further elaborating, then. Of course I'd have my child pay, but he wouldn't have the money up front -- he would have to repay me. My fault for not being more explicit or just assuming anyone reading would just naturally assume that! Sorry. I just read your original post to my husband. I asked him his opinion. He stated the same: He'd pay. However, he then went into a rant about how stupid it was to buy a kid a $50shirt and then send them off to school in it, which I totally agree with. If I had been the mom of the kiddo with the shirt, I would not have said a word. Life happens, markers happen, I'd get over it. Maybe if she has some time to think it over, she'll get over it, too. And maybe she'll be smart enough to not let her child wear an expensive shirt to school in the future! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Just a brief word about the $50 shirt. I have to (sheepishly) admit that my son has owned not one, but two of these NFL jerseys. I see it as just a football jersey, not a major big deal, but lots of boys (and some girls) wear them. I wouldn't think twice about letting my son wear his to a class because it's just another shirt. The first one that he had was a gift from an aunt and the second one was purchased by me because he reallyreally wanted it and I got a good deal on it too. I didn't exactly pay $50. Still, that would be the "value" of the shirt. I just wanted to say that maybe we shouldn't judge the woman too harshly just because her kid has an expensive shirt. Oh, and before I get chided, I want to remind you that several pages ago I said that I thought she was overreacting and I wouldn't pay for the shirt if I were the OP. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Just a brief word about the $50 shirt. I have to (sheepishly) admit that my son has owned not one, but two of these NFL jerseys. I see it as just a football jersey, not a major big deal, but lots of boys (and some girls) wear them. I wouldn't think twice about letting my son wear his to a class because it's just another shirt. The first one that he had was a gift from an aunt and the second one was purchased by me because he reallyreally wanted it and I got a good deal on it too. I didn't exactly pay $50. Still, that would be the "value" of the shirt. I just wanted to say that maybe we shouldn't judge the woman too harshly just because her kid has an expensive shirt. Oh, and before I get chided, I want to remind you that several pages ago I said that I thought she was overreacting and I wouldn't pay for the shirt if I were the OP. :D You make a very good point. I should know better because my husband loves his Vikings shirts. My apologies. I just think that's an awful lot of money for someone to replace. I think if that had happened to your child, you'd be much more understanding and probably not insistent on having the shirt paid for. I'd be a little more than upset if I had to fork over $50, and then in turn have my child pay me back, for an accident. To me, it's just common sense that we don't wear our "good" clothes to school or classes or wherever it was because such things can happen. And as a parent, if something happened to, say, my son's good winter coat, which was $100, I'd chalk it up to kid stuff and leave it at that -- unless something was done deliberately. But in the end, if I were in the OP's shoes, I'd still offer to pay the money back because I do think it's the right thing to do. I'd be ticked off, but I'd do it. And my son would pay me back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRILLIUM Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 To me, it's just common sense that we don't wear our "good" clothes to school or classes or wherever it was because such things can happen. Is this really true? We homeschool, and so don't do clothes for school. But isn't school kind of the center of kids life---for those in school. When should they wear their clothes. They will grow out of them, so can't save them forever. The incident was described as a freak accident. I've never had someone sitting in front of me accidently write on be clothes. I said I would pay, because I think we try to make thing right when we harm others, even by accident. Would I make my child pay me back. Definitely if I thought the accident was in anyway a little less than an accident. If it was truely an accident, no horsing around with the permanent marker, then it would depend on the age and monetary resources of the child. What would it teach my child--well as I said before that we try to make things right when we harm others, even by accident and also that as a parent I am the adult and will stand behind my child. Having said I would pay I'd also say I can't imagine making a big deal out of it if my kid was the one with the marked shirt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in Orlando Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 What would it teach my child--well as I said before that we try to make things right when we harm others, even by accident and also that as a parent I am the adult and will stand behind my child. Having said I would pay I'd also say I can't imagine making a big deal out of it if my kid was the one with the marked shirt. I think the whole thing is nuts! Trillium, I have to disagree with you on this - I think your child, seeing you trying to clean a miniscule stain on a shirt is enough of trying to make it right. Having a young child "work off" a $50 shirt seems excessive to me in this particular instance. I would definitely take your stance in many other instances. And, I do agree with you that I cannot imagine carrying on the way this woman is about a t-shirt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuthouse Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 the cash or check. Since you have the original shirt, go out and buy an exact duplicate. Return both with a smile and a heart felt sorry. I think that the kid will live with the marker spot and is betting on getting enough cash out of you for a different new shirt. Make sure he has two of the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRILLIUM Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I think some of the weirdness in this situation comes from the fact that the incident happened between two kids. What age? Now there is a shirt that you're trying to figure out what to do about, but there has never been a face to face conversation between the two parents. At least my reading of the messages suggests this is true. The principal has been relaying messages. This is the sort of situation that leads to lots of misunderstandings. Each person makes their decisions based on their limited understanding of the situation. Edited to add--and here we are adding opinions on even less info:rolleyes: So actually I would try to talk directly to the mom, with the kids there so they can explain the circumstances surrounding the incident and the boy could add any info that might help explain the importance of the shirt to him. I would enter the conversation with that idea that I might be willing to pay for the shirt, or buy a new one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I don't have any answer...but the cost of the shirt is immaterial to the answer of what the OP should do. If you damage a $50,000 car, would you complain about the cost of the car because you would never buy a 50K car yourself? Just because you wouldn't spend <insert amount here> on <insert object here> doesn't mean you might not be responsible for the object if it was damaged. (I know the OP wasn't the one who said she wouldn't spend that much on a shirt.) unsinkable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 the kids involved are both 13yo. Yes, perhaps I should talk to the mom.....I guess I've been reluctant because of the way it was presented to me by the principal and the teacher and I didn't want to get angry with her myself. Also, I was really hoping we would get the shirt clean and it would become a non-issue. On the subject of the shirt.........if I were to buy a new shirt, would I give back the original or keep it since its "ruined" and unwearable...... I guess I'm just thinking skeptically here that someone is getting me to just hand over $50 which I would never do........I would buy an exact replica of the shirt (which I found on Amazon for $35 by the way) but I would even consider keeping the original shirt since their claim is that it is unwearable..... I don't mean to start controversy here, and I really didn't think this thread would get people so riled up so I apologize if I've caused any discord.....I really am just questioning what the right thing to do is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRILLIUM Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 If you buy a new shirt you can keep the ruined one. Before I bought the new shirt I'd talk to the other mom. Let her know that that you have tried removing the stain and that you have located what appears to be the identical shirt on Amazon.com. Just like you want not to be taken advantage of she may have taken a stance to make sure she is not taken advantage of. I think its fine to tell her that you were surprised to see how small the mark was and that your kids would wear clothes with that much damage. Something that would be nice to know is what this shirt really meant to the kid. What if the kid had earned the money to buy the shirt and this was his first time to wear it. Maybe the kid would wear the shirt, but wants some indication that his lose is appreciated. I can imagine a kid taking back a shirt with a mark and 10.00 to compensate for the depreciation of the shirt. In this case the money is less about actually replacing the value of the object but saying to the kid that his feelings about his possessions are okay. I think I'm ready to write a short story. The marker and the shirt where I tell the story from all sorts of views. The chararacters are all good people--just seeing parts of the story from different viewpoints. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I wouldn't pay. I would only send my kids to school in clothes that may or may not be ruined by various school activities (think art class). If someone accidentally marked an expensive shirt, that would be my fault for sending my kid in an expensive shirt. And it doesn't sound like the shirt is really "ruined" in any case. She should get over it. However, if *you* do decide to pay, I'd buy a new shirt for her and keep the old one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabeth in IL Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 If you buy a new shirt for the boy, keep the other one. I'm sure there is someone in your family or close aquaintences who would be happy to wear it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 Well let me know if you DO write a story so I can post it on my blog......LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.griff Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I agree, if you "pay" you either pay for repair of the shirt, or for replacement of the shirt (in which case you keep the damaged one, because you had to "buy" it, kwim?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaMere Academy Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I think the mom was wrong to even mention it to the principal or you at all. this happened to me, brand new gap pants for my son when he was 11, he wore them for the first time to VBS and another boy, his age, who has behavior issues leaned over during craft time and painted black, permenant paint on his pants. I could never get the stain out and the paint mark was thick and about 6 inches or more long. Then of course you wonder why they're using permenant paint at VBS!!! It was just the older kids, but still!! Boy, was I really upset and I knew his mom too. I WANTED to say something, but I knew it probably would cause hurt feelings in the end. $45 pants or a $50 shirt, whatever...suck it up and deal with it because clothes can be replaced. Things happen, life goes on. That mom was wrong IMO to even ask you to pay. However, if I were asked to pay for something my child ruined, even accidentally, I think to smooth things out, I would pay and then make sure to tell my child to be very careful with the markers and don't reach or touch anyone and maybe keep her distance from this child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaMere Academy Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 the kids involved are both 13yo. Yes, perhaps I should talk to the mom.....I guess I've been reluctant because of the way it was presented to me by the principal and the teacher and I didn't want to get angry with her myself. Also, I was really hoping we would get the shirt clean and it would become a non-issue. On the subject of the shirt.........if I were to buy a new shirt, would I give back the original or keep it since its "ruined" and unwearable...... I guess I'm just thinking skeptically here that someone is getting me to just hand over $50 which I would never do........I would buy an exact replica of the shirt (which I found on Amazon for $35 by the way) but I would even consider keeping the original shirt since their claim is that it is unwearable..... I don't mean to start controversy here, and I really didn't think this thread would get people so riled up so I apologize if I've caused any discord.....I really am just questioning what the right thing to do is. Ok if you found the SAME shirt, I'd buy it, same size, and hand it to her. You can keep the ruined jersey, you paid to replace it, after all :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 First off, it is just wrong to send a kid to school in a shirt that is so expensive that you'd have a fit if it gets marked up and $50 is way to much to make you pay. I'd offer half and give her another $25 worth of advice...keep the expensive shirts in the closet for special occasions. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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