Xahm Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Edited to protect the privacy of others, even those who drive me crazy from time to time. This was a vent about being exhausted and stressed out by busy family, car troubles, unintentionally insensitive relative, and bureaucracy. Thank you all for your support. I'll take good care of myself. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Aww, that sounds really rough! Can you hire a babysitter for a couple hours? You could fill out visa paperwork, or take a nap in your car. It is surprisingly refreshing. ((Hugs)) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Is it possible to hire a mother's helper for 3-4 hours a week to watch the kids while you take a break or run errands, etc.? At least for a little while? If you get too burned out, the whole family will suffer. And I would be polite but very clear and firm with the girl. Easier said than done, I understand, but tell her as politely but clearly as possible that you absolutely will not be able to haul all of those boxes to the post office. If she can't do it herself, she can hire someone. If you hedge at all, she will probably just expect you to do it. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I'm sorry. That all sounds rough. :hug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigomama Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Sorry, life gets tough sometimes. You don't sound whiney, you just sound understandably tired. Could you make a definite time relative has to get boxes out of the house, " Hey, Pam, we are getting ready for our trip coming up, I won't be able to mail those boxes for you, you can pick them up Wednesday at 10, before nap time and take them to the PO. I'll even help you load them in your car." Similarly, could you ask her to babysit for an afternoon, while you go to the mechanics and whatever other errands you have? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Wow, is there any way your husband can change his work situation to where he's working a more reasonable amount? That sounds unhealthy for him and for the family and of course you. Of course you're stressed! It's hard to do everything alone. For people who are "sweetly oblivious" I find it's necessary to be very explicit and firm about what I will do and what is acceptable. There's no way I would allow that to happen four days in a row. Speak up for yourself, it really is ok. "Hey if you plan to come over tomorrow, we'll be free to hang out from X to Y and then the kids really need to get their naps in because they missed today." There are polite ways to set boundaries. :grouphug: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xahm Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Thanks for the support. My husband's schedule is in process of changing now. Should be much more reasonable in the next few months. I probably should get a baby sitter sometime soon. We have some who would be very willing, especially now that my little boy is moving out of the "separation freakout" stage. Maybe midweek next week my car will be fixed and I can go clothes shopping or something. That's been put off for a very long time for myself. There's no way I'm taking those boxes to the post office. They can sit in our basement until she takes care of them. If it isn't when she comes back through in a couple of weeks, they'll stay there. I should have set up firmer boundaries in the very beginning. She lived with my Grandparents prior, and they warned me, but they love her, too, and so their warnings were very gentle and I didn't understand until I was already feeling resentful. Not happening again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Wow, is there any way your husband can change his work situation to where he's working a more reasonable amount? That sounds unhealthy for him and for the family and of course you. Of course you're stressed! It's hard to do everything alone. For people who are "sweetly oblivious" I find it's necessary to be very explicit and firm about what I will do and what is acceptable. There's no way I would allow that to happen four days in a row. Speak up for yourself, it really is ok. "Hey if you plan to come over tomorrow, we'll be free to hang out from X to Y and then the kids really need to get their naps in because they missed today." There are polite ways to set boundaries. :grouphug: I agree with this! I'm sorry you're going through so much stress right now, with cars breaking down on top of everything else! I would get some help (a relative, a babysitter) and set some boundaries. If the young relative doesn't have children herself, she may not have any idea how much work it is for you! Is she someone who would help you with babysitting, housework, or errands, if you explained to her how stressed you are right now? {{{HUGS}}} 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 You get sympathy and :grouphug: from me. My older two are 18 months apart, and I remember the first year or so as a blur of diapers and very little sleep. A special time, but a difficult time. Then when you add the extra stresses you're dealing with - yikes! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xahm Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 I agree with this! I'm sorry you're going through so much stress right now, with cars breaking down on top of everything else! I would get some help (a relative, a babysitter) and set some boundaries. If the young relative doesn't have children herself, she may not have any idea how much work it is for you! Is she someone who would help you with babysitting, housework, or errands, if you explained to her how stressed you are right now? {{{HUGS}}} Yeah, she has no clue. At all. And she is a very nice girl. Just oblivious and doesn't pick up on things until they are said very firmly. And my family isn't big on saying things firmly, which is a problem I'm working on getting over. She would babysit if I out and out asked, but she's moving far away now. We have other relatives pretty near, and they do help out a lot, whenever I ask. I just have to remind myself that my kids really are a joy for their grandparents to be with and that I'm not burdening them by asking for babysitting a few hours a few times a month. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xahm Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Aww, that sounds really rough! Can you hire a babysitter for a couple hours? You could fill out visa paperwork, or take a nap in your car. It is surprisingly refreshing. ((Hugs)) Yeah, in my broken down car. Boo hoo hoo. Poor me. (That was the first thought that went through my head when I read your post, and it made me laugh and feel better, so I wanted to share) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Yeah, she has no clue. At all. And she is a very nice girl. Just oblivious and doesn't pick up on things until they are said very firmly. And my family isn't big on saying things firmly, which is a problem I'm working on getting over. She would babysit if I out and out asked, but she's moving far away now. We have other relatives pretty near, and they do help out a lot, whenever I ask. I just have to remind myself that my kids really are a joy for their grandparents to be with and that I'm not burdening them by asking for babysitting a few hours a few times a month. Oh gosh..I am so looking forward to us being grandparents and my kids already know I will babysit when the time comes! Yes, call those grandparents! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Sending hugs your way!!! :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 ((hugs)) That is a lot! Gently - You sound as if you have a hard time telling others what you need. "DH, I need you to bring the car in right now" (ignore his well deserved sighs) "Relative, it is nap time. Lets pick 2 more boxes to load on your way out" (ignore sincere insistence that she can "be very quiet") "Grandma, I am exhausted. Could you take the kids Thursday evening?" Time to practice setting a good example for those kids! Be assertive, take care of yourself, and set healthy boundaries. Call Grandma tonight! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hkpiano Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Yes, ask for help!!! And (((hugs))). Even when overall life is wonderful, there are just some times when circumstances conspire to make you feel like crap for a week or two.... No need to feel bad about venting! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 You sound overwhelmed. I agree with getting a babysitter so you can get everything done. I don't know your situation, but I think you should consider a paid one so you have no obligation outside money. Asking the girl to babysit is going to result in her expecting dinner or something. Re: the boxes. If you have TaskRabbit in your area, tell her she can contact them to take her boxes to the shipping place and if she does, you'll move them to the porch for pickup. Don't touch the boxes otherwise. That relative is going to grow up, have kids, and then cringe at what she asked you to do when she didn't realize what it's like to have two toddlers and husband who's away so much. Ask me how I know. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Speaking as a grandparent, I'm telling you, Girl - call those grandparents!!!! If they're anything like me, they would LOVE to help out!!! Anne 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xahm Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 The grandparents are helping out tomorrow. And helping us figure out the cars and mechanic situation Monday. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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