Cooperative Run Family Home, Anyone else?

[Χά�ων]

Just wondering.

 

We work together on almost everything. If there is something that is a more solo task like DS taking care of the manual labor for his business, he will ask that I keep him company and I do and vice versa. We enjoy spending time with each other and view the home as a communal responsibility. Chores are not assigned and never have been. We attack each thing together with our individual strengths allowing for one person to take to the lead on that part. Example, my son can organize anything, I mean anything. I am OK at organizing but what will take me 20 minutes he can have done in 3-5. This usually means he organizes while I work on something else.

 

We talk, we laugh and we listen to audio books and sometimes music while we work. It is really nice. Anyone else find their home is run like this?

[kbutton]

I'm shooting for that. I am not sure when it will actually happen. There are enough executive functioning challenges that people get overwhelmed easily with small tasks.

 

My family tended to do things in group project mode when I was growing up. One parent grew up in a large family, and the other grew up spending a lot of time in a boardinghouse that extended family owned. So, work was everybody's job to do.

[*Lulu*]

We tend to work together and have that work not be unpleasant (75% of the time I'd guess SN issues notwithstanding) but we absolutely have assigned responsibilities. Every day one child is assigned to help cook supper and one child is assigned to help me clean whatever room is on the list. Saturdays one child goes grocery shopping and to breakfast with DH*. Animal chores rotate so that one person doesn't get "stuck" with the job no one wants.

 

I don't know if that fits your definition of cooperative, since participation is expected/required.

 

It works for us though. Everyone lives here; everyone pitches in. We help each other because that is part of being family.

 

*all of this rotates so that everyone learns how to do things and everyone gets special time with dad

[SparklyUnicorn]

Somewhat.  I do need to give my kids encouragement in this direction, but either way I don't have a list nor do I bark out orders.  I try to make them feel a sense that we are helping each other.  I'm just easy going in general when it comes to stuff around the house.  I don't run a tight ship because I don't want to live on a tight ship.  Hehe

 

 

[Chris in VA]

Not exactly, but dd did tell me about a year ago that she prefers just to work on chores beside me, and not have a list that she has to do every day. She's very hard-working and helpful, so I don't see a need to give her "top down orders." It's rather nice.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The kids and I are.  Dh tries but ends up stressing all of us out because it ends up being run by him instead of cooperatively.  

[elegantlion]

It does now, since ex and I separated. I do assign a few chores, but I'm laid about it. I feel like ds is a roommate a lot of the time. I like that. We enjoy each other's company because we do things together, not because either of us is forced to be together. 

 

We'll see it works when I have to drive him to college this fall. It's only two days, but I hate running late and he's not a morning person. I may have to pull the mom card a few times. 

[Pawz4me]

Sort of.

 

We've never assigned chores.  We all know what needs doing to keep things neat, organized and running smoothly, and each of us does whatever is necessary at any given time.  So we rarely have anything big that requires a concerted communal effort.  I guess the closest we come is when we decorate (and then undecorate) for the holidays, and we usually have fun with that.

[Farrar]

I don't know. I haven't thought of it that way exactly.

 

Dh and I share responsibilities for the house, but it's not spelled out - the tasks have grown organically over the years. The kids don't have many assigned chores. They're just expected to pitch in. They're okay about doing things like tidying up schoolwork and clearing plates and so forth without being told, but usually I have to tell them, hey, time to clean up or start some laundry or whatever, so it does feel top down to me, though we don't really have much grumbling about it so it doesn't feel onerous. I'm certainly hoping that by the time they're teens, they're a little more on the ball with stuff and conscientious about it, though we'll see.

 

Dh or the kids will often keep me company when I cook, but otherwise, chore tasks are pretty solitary or we are all pitching in to clean one space together so it's more of a communal effort.

[Audrey]

I suppose that's similar to what we do, but I don't view it as any particular style of family dynamic.  It's about as egalitarian as it can be and we have no pre-set chores based on gender, but there are some things that one of us may do better than the others, and so that person will become the "lead" on that skill/chore/project.  For example, I'm useless for mechanical work, but I can help hand over tools, move things, prep things, etc. and that contributes to getting the job done.  We all tend to gravitate to the same farm chores, but any one of us can and will do any of the chores necessary. We all take care of the inside chores just the same as the farm chores.  There are things I'd rather do myself, but I don't pretend I'm the only one capable. I prefer to cook, but both dh and ds and competent at it and may sometimes even tell me they're cooking instead. The only thing I think that no one else has ever done but me is washing the windows.  That's okay with me, though. :)

[EndOfOrdinary]

We have a situation similar to Jean in Newcastle.  Dh has never had that sort of life, but Ds and I are 100 percent there.  We do everything together, laugh about it, talk about it, get frustrated at one another sometimes but it quickly blows over, completely cooperative.

 

Dh really likes the way this looks from the outside.  He is trying a bit more now that Ds is older.  I think for a while he assumed that the situation would diminish as Ds got closer to the teen years, only it has gotten stronger.  I now participate in various things that Ds does and interests he has.  Dh just sort of sucks at it!  It is such a paradigm shift from being practically an only child with a single mom who worked all hours for them to make it.  He grew up basically feral.  So trying to actively be engaged with others, consider and balance them, all while also having fun makes him very frazzled.  I must hand it to him, though, he's really trying.