My child HATES school.

[TyraTooters]

I'm sure most of us can relate to this to some degree.  It's definitely not fun in any way. For me or for my child. No matter what I do or how I teach I can't get him to like any part of school. Some days he does the work just fine and we have no issues. Other days it's like pulling teeth and we eventually just have to close the books until later in the day, sometimes doing schoolwork at night after the rest of the family has gone to bed. Then there are days like today where he just as an attitude. It's not necessarily a bad one, but he just has that sour look on his face and will not get interested in whatever it is we are doing. I try to make it fun for him and he gets mad, then refuses to participate. So then it turns into a 'just close your mouth and get your work done' kind of day. 

 

He asked for me to make it hands on. I did. He still had the attitude. Have him go outside and ride his bike or jump on the trampoline. NO WAY! When he's like this there is nothing I can do to get him back to what we call the 'green zone.' Nothing. The only way he gets over it is to be left alone to do whatever he wants to all day...and obviously that can't happen. 

 

Anyone else have a child like this? What did you do? How do you deal?! 

[MotherGoose]

Does he give you this attitude with other things, or just school? How old is he? What has worked with my dd, is that I have told her she can waste her time if she wants to, but she's not going to waste my time. I give her one chance to complain, tell her that's the warning, and then I assign an extra worksheet for every episode. (Below grade level so she has no trouble with it). I have also sent her to her room removed all toys etc and told her she can't come out until she either does the work or is ready to work. I started cracking down when she was in 2nd grade, had more grace when she was younger. These are the most natural and logical consequences I can think of. I will not do schoolwork all day with her (with some exceptions of course). Complaining is anything more than a dramatic sigh or a polite, "I really do not enjoy cursive writing," but continuing to do the work. Moaning, yelling, flopping about, etc is a problem.

[alisoncooks]

My oldest is like this.  She's always been very independent and, quite frankly, a bit of a know-it-all.  She doesn't like being in the position of "the learner."  She also doesn't like it when things don't come naturally to her or she has to work for something (and unfortunately, she struggles mightily with reading, so she's always having to work hard for little gains).  Those things combined have made these past 3 years a struggle.

 

I will say that the attitude has improved as DD ages.  This year -- grade 3 -- she's fought me MUCH LESS than she did in first grade.  No more whining and crying over having to do work.  Just lots of heavy sighing and eye-rolling. :p  (Whatever!  At least the work gets done. :D)

 

ETA:  I also use "get 'er done" curricula.  No more long, drawn-out ways to get from A to B.  Open & close, she knows we have X number of pages to do in math, LA, reading.  Do and you're done.  That has helped a TON!

[mama mills]

My 7 year old 2nd grader is like this. So I am very interested in ways to help us make it through the rough days.

[TyraTooters]

He's 7.

 

Finishing up the second half of Abeka first grade, parent taught. I know that with Abeka the lessons are usually long but he's a quick learner and we don't spend much time on all their reviews if I know he's got it. It's pretty open and go the way I have adapted it to fit his learning style until we finish up with it and move on to something else. Very rarely do I make him do the worksheets. He does one side of the math and we do the other side together. When it comes to the phonics ones it's only one sheet from language and one from letters and sounds...and those are usually done orally or with the white board. So it's not a bunch of seat work. He just hates school. Or any form of work! 

 

[Embassy]

What is his learning style?  What does he enjoy doing in his free time?

 

Abeka seems very much like a school-at-home style. Maybe a more laid back topical approach (i.e. unit studies with projects) would work.

[creekmom]

I think one thing that works well to improve attitude is a "punch card" http://www.rainbowresource.com/product/Reward+Punch+Card+-+License+Plate/014084/16bbafb93daff4c4ec403475?subject=1&category=8985.

My kids get a punch every time they make an A on a quiz or test, finish a book, have a good attitude, put their school books up neatly at the end of the day, etc. Once their card fills up, they can exchange it for a treasure chest surprise (dollar store toys, candy, coupons for privileges like skip a chore, free dessert, etc.).

[TyraTooters]

What is his learning style? What does he enjoy doing in his free time?

 

Abeka seems very much like a school-at-home style. Maybe a more laid back topical approach (i.e. unit studies with projects) would work.

The best I can tell he's a hands on kind of guy. But he doesn't like jingles or songs of any kind or anything where he has to get up and 'perform.' He's a bit of a perfectionist. I can't tell if he hates to try/apply himself or if he struggles. He's a quick learner when he's on a roll.

 

We've scaled Abeka WAAAAY down and do most of it orally or I find hands on games/activities to do things differently. I use their guides and workbooks as a tool to guide us. The seat work that they have is never part of our work unless I feel he needs extra written practice.

[AimeeM]

Abeka would be the kiss of death for most kinesthetic learners.

 

I do have a child who doesn't like school. She doesn't really give much attitude about it, and I've had to come to the realization (she's 13) that not all children will always love learning. That's okay. She still doesn't get a choice in the matter (we still do school, regardless), but things became more pleasant when I stopped trying to make her love it - we were both less stressed out.

 

And then there are days like today, when I put myself in timeout, and we only finished math before I called it a day - because of my own attitude, lol.

[TyraTooters]

Abeka would be the kiss of death for most kinesthetic learners.

 

I do have a child who doesn't like school. She doesn't really give much attitude about it, and I've had to come to the realization (she's 13) that not all children will always love learning. That's okay. She still doesn't get a choice in the matter (we still do school, regardless), but things became more pleasant when I stopped trying to make her love it - we were both less stressed out.

 

And then there are days like today, when I put myself in timeout, and we only finished math before I called it a day - because of my own attitude, lol.

I agree! Which is why it's heavily modified until I can make my mind up on what to replace it with. I'm thinking we'll finish it up, since we have it and he's learning & retaining well. We're on lesson 100 in math and 93 in phonics. I think there are 170? But we tend to skip the tests for both and skip many of the strictly review days unless he needs it. It's def not taught in Abeka fashion!! Today we spelled our words with alphabet stones/gems, we did phonics on the white board and orally, writing was journaling about the weekend and with math we used Legos and a real clock. All hands on. The worksheet was on his clipboard but we did 90% of it orally. He enjoys that.

[sbgrace]

He's 7.

 

Finishing up the second half of Abeka first grade, parent taught. I know that with Abeka the lessons are usually long but he's a quick learner and we don't spend much time on all their reviews if I know he's got it. It's pretty open and go the way I have adapted it to fit his learning style until we finish up with it and move on to something else. Very rarely do I make him do the worksheets. He does one side of the math and we do the other side together. When it comes to the phonics ones it's only one sheet from language and one from letters and sounds...and those are usually done orally or with the white board. So it's not a bunch of seat work. He just hates school. Or any form of work! 

 

You mentioned green zone....are there any special needs involved (just asking because we use that in working with emotional regulation here with my special needs child).

 

Some kids just aren't enthused types.

 

That said, I think 7 is awfully young to be experiencing school in a predominantly negative way. The biggest school goal for me in those early grades was to make school a positive experience. This is is so much more important than anything he's learning at 7 imo.

 

What I would do, recognizing the same things don't work for all kids or parents of course--

I'd clunk the Abeka. Just do something else while you find material that fits him better. Take a break and plan nature hikes, field trips, magic school bus video and science experiment days, reading rainbow videos, finger paints, and that sort of thing for a while. Plan fun stuff and make sure you call it school.

 

When you are ready to try some academics again, use c-rods and education unboxed videos, kitchen table math, math games and similar and call that stuff math. If he still needs letter sounds, see if your library has leapfrog videos. If he has those, consider Progressive Phonics--just learn the phonogram introduced in the new book (write it in salt and shaving cream, or go outside and use sidewalk chalk or paint with water on the sidewalk) and then read together with it.  In other words, make it as engaging as possible.

 

Do all you can to make it positive. For example, end the lesson on a high note before he's disengaged (that might be 7 minutes!). If you lose him, end and it and pretend that was your intention...don't do it later at night...just keep it for another time.

[Desert Strawberry]

Ime 7 yos are not eager students. They just have other things they would rather do. I agree that an open and close, get it done curriculum is the way to go. Just get through this year. 

I will warn you that 8 yos need a ridiculous amount of hand holding, but it's better than the attitude at 7. By 4th grade, they can read and follow instructions well enough to be more self motivated.

[Mrs. Y]

The best advice I ever got about this matter when I asked the same question nearly 18 years ago with my oldest: no lunch til your school work is done. Worked like a charm.

 

He never did become estatically enthusiastic about school, by the way. He put in time until he finally aged out of my control. lol.

[Alice]

Both my boys have hated school at 7. My second son is still 7, almost 8, and he's still in this phase. His 10 year old, almost 11 year old, brother now likes school which I think is partially personality, partially that we are doing stuff he likes and partially that he now has the maturity to understand that he has to do it so he might as well have a better attitude. I have a lot of friends with 7 year olds in various school settings and many of them have told me they have the same issues. I think for my son it's mostly that he just wants to be doing other stuff. He recognizes that, he'll say that he just wants to play. 

 

I don't have any magic pill advice other than to hang in there. With my oldest it worked. With my current 7 year old, who knows. I have a feeling that his personality is such that he might always just want to be doing his own thing. 

 

What I've done with both:

*Have a conversation NOT during school hours about the attitude. I've just been straight-forward but not angry or visibly upset. I tell them that the attitude of acting like they hate school makes for a hard and unpleasant day. I lay it out that they have to go to school. They can do school at home, they can go somewhere else to school. But they have to do it. (You might not give that option if it's not true for your family, for us it is.) I tell them they have a choice whether to do it pleasantly or not pleasantly. Being pleasant means that I'm less grouchy, we get it done faster and our day is nicer. Being unpleasant means that I'm grumpy, it takes longer and we all have a bad day. I've used the example of a dark cloud covering the sky and that their attitude is like a dark cloud. 

 

*At the same time I try and find ways to make it more enjoyable. I'm not sure it all can be fun, and for my guys sometime they just want to get it done rather than do a fun activity. Figuring out which subjects need to be streamlined and which ones need to be made more fun is part of the solution. For example, spelling was the bane of our existence with my oldest. I finally just dropped formal spelling and his attitude improved a huge amount. My second son hates math but likes it better when I add in math games. 

 

*Find things they do like and make them a priority. My 7 year old loves art so on Wednesdays when my husband teaches that is the first priority of the day. He knows that whatever else, he will get to do art first on Wed. 

 

*Try and not take it so hard. It's hard to be homeschooling and putting so much of your own time and effort into it and have someone who hates it. I'm still working on this one. :)

 

*When we have really been struggling and butting heads, I make it a point to take them out for a special outing. Nothing fancy, something like riding bikes to get ice-cream or going out for pizza just the two of us. We don't talk about school or attitudes or problems...we talk about what they want to. Which usually means some obscure Lego or Minecraft thing that I don't understand. But it's a chance to reconnect and to remind both of us what we really like about each other. I almost always find that attitudes improve hugely after those outings even without specifically addressing the issue. 

[skueppers]

My son didn't like school last year when he was 6 1/2 - 7 1/2, which was first grade. Getting him to do seatwork was often agonizing. 

 

We're in our third week of second grade now, and it's like night and day. 

 

The challenges with my daughter were different her first couple of years of school, but they also improved radically over time. 

[PeterPan]

Tyra, my kids are almost 10 years apart, as you can tell from my sig.  My dd never liked school, though she liked elements of it.  But just to like it, no.  Ds LOVES school.  There can be personality, and I don't want to make this sound like there's some sort of magical formula or you're doing something wrong.  I will say though that, having been around and done it one way the first time, we're REALLY different this time.  We're doing a lot more with pleasure-driven, a lot more with content.  

 

My ds is a kinesthetic learner.  Today he watched a bunch of the dvds from this          Building Big: Bridges/Domes/Skyscrapers/Dams/Tunnels       and built things he was learning about with his wedgits and play dough.  (I was very tired from our trip yesterday, so this was a down day for both of us.)  He's literally exploring the concept kinesthetically.  You've figured out how to use manipulatives with your current curriculum, but I'm finding there's another step, the *kinesthetic exploration of the topic* step.  

 

You know what's helpful to me?  When I pause and look back and ask how I would do the previous years in hind site, knowing what I know now, sometimes things become more obvious to me that I haven't admitted or verbalized.  Sometimes there's something I've been *afraid* to do that intrigued me but I didn't know if it was good enough or would work or would be practical.  I try to spend time thinking through that hind site and then going OK, how do I live the dream going forward?  What would be his DREAM SCHOOL.  Seriously, when you figure that out, you'll probably get your peace.

 

Btw, you mentioned zones and someone asked about SN.  If you have any EF (executive function) or self-regulation issues going on, he might benefit from visible structure, things like checklists or the tasks on cards in a pocket chart and sliding them from one side to the other.  I think they also need some spicy things to keep life exciting, especially if they're really bright.  That's the major thing that changed for me in the past 10 years.  I used to walk by cool things and think "I wish I knew how to use those. I wish I had an excuse to use those."  Now I don't !  Now I BUY the things and I figure it out!  I've spent a lot more on him, with honestly sort of luxurious or spoiling levels of some things.  But he's SUPER bright and we have SO much fun with our things.  Was it extravagant to spend $32 so he could watch those building videos?  Of course.  Is he enjoying them IMMENSELY?  Absolutely.  And he watches the Bio 101 dvds with my dd and gets audiobooks on a kindle and playmobil and all these enriching, amazing things that we can only afford because we're NOT putting him in a school that costs money.  I just got him new map placemats at Target.  Have you seen them?  They're based on the Dino maps (with animals and stuff) and super cool!  Buy knex and call it school.  I just got him more of the Knex science kits to use with him.  They're SO cool and so perfect for a kinesthetic learner. 

 

Instead of putting him through phonics drudgery, how about taking his sounds or whatever for the day and making a little booklet using his favorite topic? Then let him read the sentences and illustrate.  That way if he's into snakes or whatever, it's all custom to him.  And let him learn to type and explore and try nice things.  If you don't have money to buy all the things you can dream up, your local community college might have a teacher's resource lab where homeschoolers are allowed to check things out.  Use that to expand your options!  Or borrow from a friend and return.  Or try Timberdoodle for cool things.  Then put those things on a card in your daily schedule pocket so he sees that school is all this OTHER stuff too.  

 

My ds has a speech disability btw and still gets aggressive therapy.  We work on reading, but he's just barely able to hear rhymes, just starting to hear individual sounds in words.  I'm still working on how to teach him to read, sigh.  I'm *very* cognizant that with his SN he could end up hating school in a FLASH, with one wrong turn.  So as long as I can keep it positive, I'm going to.  We're living our dream.  We read science field guides and watch videos and enjoy picture books.  We do hands-on math with no written.  We do small amounts of writing.  We do art, love art.  (Djeco kits!!)  

 

I really don't know absolutely for certain why he and dd are so different with their take on school.  It could just be personality.  IF it's because of something I'm doing, those are the things that seem different to me.  I'm much more chilled, more willing to use context, more willing to have fun and call it school.  

 

Good luck to you.  :)

[AdventuresinHomeschooling]

I have found that my son's attitude about school is mostly about writing.  A Beka also does require a lot of busywork writing.  We just started third grade this week, and his attitude about writing has been much better as he is getting older so some of it is just plain maturity.  My middle son, OTOH, loves workbooks and isn't into jingles as much either.  I wonder if maybe he finds the work just too easy and thus boring or just truly boring.  Is he a good reader?  If so, maybe find a curriculum where he can do a lot of reading to learn in content subjects like history and science.  My son would read science books all day if I let him, but a boring science textbook with a bunch of writing would kill his love for science quickly.  

 

I suspect that (even with your modifications) maybe your curriculum is not connecting well with him.  I would especially switch in the content subjects like history and science.  Your only goal with those subjects is to spark a love of learning and peak their interest at this age.  Just get some good library books for those until you know what you want to do that cover the topics you want to cover.  

[TyraTooters]

You all have been SO VERY helpful. I'd love to sit here and reply to each and every one of you but I have GOT to get in bed, but I WILL be back to reply individually! I can't even begin to describe just how much I love this group here. I know I can come here and get the encouragement I need. I've been tempted to do a form of unschooling but I'm so afraid that if we do he won't learn much with the way we go about the days. I know some kids thrive on that but I just don't know that it will work with our family. Honestly, I tend to get lazy and my kids love legos and electronics too much to focus on anything else. I don't mind the legos at all, actually trying to find ways to incorporate those into our studies.

[mohop]

I'm sorry the OP and others are having issues in this arena, but can I just admit that this is all reassuring to read?  When people talk about homeschooling, so often it's described as being all grand and rosy, and then you do it yourself with your own kids and wonder what the heck is wrong with you that your very smart, capable child acts like she has 0 desire to learn from you.  I get especially frustrated b/c my DD actually likes school and asks me to do school work, and then complains about the things I ask her to do (she just wants to do the "fun" stuff, not "boring" things like copywork and math).  And what makes it doubly-especially frustrating is knowing that if she was in a school setting with someone else as her teacher, she would do the work without complaining! 

 

For what it's worth, my usual way to handle it is to dangle a carrot and tell her she doesn't get to the "fun" stuff until the other things are done.  In my weaker moments, I fall into emotional blackmail territory and threaten put her in school if she doesn't improve her attitude b/c she obviously doesn't like learning from me. (No, I'm not proud of these moments.)

[Guest esmefuzh]

I am very interested in ways to help us make it through the rough days.

[....]

I have a couple of thoughts:

 

1.  One of mine could not do formal schoolwork until she was 8.  She just couldn't do it.  She did learn to read before that time, but we didn't do anything formal and we pretty much just did what she wanted to do.  She's going to be 10 this winter and she's completely different.  She loves to learn things.  If I tell her that I'm giving her the day off from schoolwork (because we have doctor's appointment or something), she's disappointed.  I think she actually spends more time on school than her older brother. 

 

2.  My oldest two are kinesthetic learners (and one is very right-brained) and they are IMO the most difficult kids to teach.  Even I'm thinking about letting them unschool high school.  Unless the SAT involves building a multi-tank filtration system or taking apart an engine, I do not know how they are going to get through it.  The most successful approach with them so far has been unit studies.  They seem to like those.  Also, they do well with any project-based learning.

 

3.  And, yeah, sometimes I just have to tell them, "You need to do your writing.  Quit complaining."   :glare:

[....]

I agree! Which is why it's heavily modified until I can make my mind up on what to replace it with. I'm thinking we'll finish it up, since we have it and he's learning & retaining well. We're on lesson 100 in math and 93 in phonics. I think there are 170? But we tend to skip the tests for both and skip many of the strictly review days unless he needs it. It's def not taught in Abeka fashion!! Today we spelled our words with alphabet stones/gems, we did phonics on the white board and orally, writing was journaling about the weekend and with math we used Legos and a real clock. All hands on. The worksheet was on his clipboard but we did 90% of it orally. He enjoys that.

 

Those are good ideas!  One of my homeschooling friends (who had boys) would do things like write answers to math problems on sticky notes, stick them to the wall and then the boys had to shoot the correct answer from their positions with Nerf guns.  LOL.  

[LLMom]

Most of my children never liked school and especially my boys.  It took me many years to come to grips with that.  I wanted them to love to learn, I felt like I was failing because it is really touted in the homeschool world that one of the advantages of homeschooling is they keep that love of learning.  I tried every approach known to man and to make school fun but no luck.  They just wanted to get through it and move on to whatever they enjoyed.