Contentment - big family, not so big home

[Pamela H in Texas]

Can those of you with bigger families in average to low square footage spaces talk to me about learning contentment?  And how do you not want to hang each other up by the toenails?  

 

We are fine right now but have a family situation which may mean taking in three children (ages 1-7). Now, we've had that many kids before, but we really did feel like we were on top of one another.  And I worry about that again.  

 

Part of me wants to find another place, but we'd be looking at increasing our rent by $600-800 monthly (because we just pay our current landlord's mortgage, not a rental rate, plus what rates here are like).  The other issue with that is that there simply are very few homes with enough bedroom space.

 

I don't know.  I was watching the Duggars and they had 18 people in a 3 bedroom home.  I'm only trying to fit 11 (and we have four bedrooms plus an office we use as a bedroom).  So it *is* possible to be more simple.  

 

I really need to learn some contentment.  Maybe if I can figure out how to make the space we have work for us.

 

 

[JustEm]

5 bedrooms for 11 people sounds very reasonable. I would invest in bunk beds and put 4 kids to a room even more if they can fit. Make bedrooms a place to sleep and dress not a place to find personal space. Encourage going outside if they need personal space or designate an area the house for that.

 

Right now I have 3 kids in one room. 18 month old is in the crib and my 4 and 5 year old share a twin sized bed. We have a bunk bed that will get put up in a week or so and then my 5 year old will be there. Once our fourth comes in feb the baby will sleep in our room until it sleeps through the night. Then it will be in the crib and our 18 month old will share the bottom bunk with the 4 year old. By the time the infant is out of a crib we'll have 2 sets of bunk beds in that room for all 4.

 

This arrangement leaves us an extra bedroom in the house to do what we want with. It is the office/homeschooling room/ kid play area/ where we keep our books and boardgames

[BlsdMama]

We have four bedrooms currently (13 people) and we have lived in a house less than half this size when we had nine people.

 

Do you have a lot of stuff? Do you have a lot to maintain?

 

We kept bedrooms fir sleeping and clothing only in the other house. And we minimized our "stuff" in main areas. Double bonus: Less to maintain.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Contentment is cultivated on the inside :)

 

That said, I would be ready to hang people by their toenails too. When we lived in a single wide trailer with only 5 of us, it still seemed entirely too small.

 

Is there a way to reduce clutter and rearrange to make the space feel bigger?

[fairfarmhand]

Just a few random questions for your considerations...

 

Are there any unused spaces or duplicate spaces in your home...like a breakfast room and a dining room or a family room and a living room or 2 closets in a master bedroom? Can these spaces be repurposed for other things, even storage or pantry space with cabinets and bookcases?

 

Can you add an extra clothing rod halfway down in the closets or a set of shelves underneath the short hanging clothes to make closets more efficient?

 

How many pairs of shoes does each child have? Do they really need it? I only have 2 for my 6 yr old son and WOW! it sure does simplify things.

 

Can half the toys be rotated to the attic?

 

Dig out everything from the kitchen cupboards and junk anything that is broken, doesn't have a lid, or has been unused for 6 months. Use that space for new baby sippies and bottles. Switch to low profile dishes like corelle to fit more things in the cupboards. Dump the souvenir coffee cups and keep the 4-6 that are used most often.

 

Start scouring thrift stores for storage cupboards and armoirs, Just closing a door on a bookcase clutter (art supplies are hard to keep neat and visually appealing) helps improve the appearance of a room.

 

If you have a child who NEEDs an alone space can you use a bookcase set in the middle of the room to create the illusion of privacy for him/her? Sometimes those introverts can drive you crazy if they can't get away.

 

Can you find some large mirrors to create the illusion of space?

 

Do you have dark paneling or paint? Lighter colors make rooms seem bigger.

 

 

 

 

[ElizabethB]

Our friends with seven had bunk beds with curtains around each bed to make a private area for each child. They had a girl room and a boy room.

[TammyS]

5 bedrooms for 11 people sounds very reasonable. I would invest in bunk beds and put 4 kids to a room even more if they can fit. Make bedrooms a place to sleep and dress not a place to find personal space. Encourage going outside if they need personal space or designate an area the house for that.

 

 

 

I don't have a large family, but loads of my friends are.  What you said is how every person I know became content with their space, regardless of how little.  Bedrooms are for beds and dressers, not for personal entertainment spaces.  If people want to be alone they need to go outside.

 

In our home our two boys share a room, even though they are 12 years apart and we have a 3rd bedroom that we could utilize so they'd each have their own room (instead it's an office/workout/project room).  We do not cultivate the idea that kids should spend much time in their rooms besides sleeping, so they don't need a lot of space in the room.

[ElizabethB]

It is crazy hot right now, but most of the rest of the year the outside should be nice. Do you have fun things to do in the yard? If you have a big enough backyard, that might be a worthwhile investment. A small shed could be a mild weather kid playhouse, or you could get a swing set and/or trampoline, or a lot of fun small outdoor games and bubbles depending on the size of the backyard and interests and safety concerns. Then, kick them outside for a bit every day.

[speedmom4]

I constantly have to work on contentment. I googled blogs about contentment, especially in the housing department. It really helped. I wrote down many quotes that encouraged me and refer to them when I need it.

 

I also came to the realization that if I didn't learn to be content it wouldn't matter what material possessions I had (whether large or small) but I would constantly need more.

 

(((Hugs)))

 

Elise in NC

[JustEm]

I will add that we will likely have more than 4 children and still be living in this 3 bedroom house.  If it ever came down to it dh and I would move into one of the smaller bedrooms and have the kids be in our bedroom.  At least 3 sets of bunk beds could fit in there with enough closet space for clothes. We'd likely have to add actual shelving to the closets or shove dressers in them but it could easily work.  I'd much rather have a smaller bedroom than have to give up that 3rd bedroom as our everything else room

[Pamela H in Texas]

Thanks y'all.

 

Just to justify myself a tad :)  First, you might notice that I have two adult children.  They each have their own rooms.  So that leaves two children bedrooms currently.  We can have 3 children in each bedroom per foster care rules. The baby is in our room currently.   

 

Of the seven minor children, two are girls, five are boys.  This being the situation if the children come.  

 

I spoke to someone about changing the dining room (which is in a dumb place and has never been used as a dining room) into another bedroom.  But then that is taking away one of our main areas. Right now, that has the bookcases, art stuff, a desk, a table, an easel.  I have no idea where that stuff will go if I put a couple boys in there.  

 

We have one livingroom (pretty small), an eat in kitchen, a small backyard.  The kids spend a LOT of time outside (front and back).  We have a climbing dome and a balance beam as well as tons of balls and a GSD :).  We don't typically use bedroom space for much more than sleeping.  We have limited, but adequate, toys.  We have extra rods in each closet to separate clothing.  The girls have the best closet which makes little sense considering there is currently one, may be two of them.  We use a hall closet for another closet for boy stuff.  We do pretty well at keeping the amount of daily clothing down.  We are BAD about dress clothing though!

 

Ideal would be another bedroom and another living area.  

I think we MAY still have too much stuff though we have gotten rid of sooooooooo much.  Additionally, we were able to put some of our landlord's stuff in storage until he can come get it (eventually).  

 

I think better storage in the house could be helpful.  Organization isn't really my strong suit.  How great it would be if someone could come and help with that!  Fairfarmhand, shoes.  Oy.  We have way too many!  I tried to store them differently, but they all keep appearing.  We have a laundry basket and a small cube system by the front door.  Both are full.  Over full.  If my daughters would keep their shoes in their rooms/closets, that would be a HUGE help.  The boys have 4 main pair each (dress, tennis, crocs, boots).  Dishes/cups are pretty paired down.  They are also color coded so that we don't use 40 per day.  Everyone has ONE cup daily.  

 

Anyone in N Texas want to help with minimizing and organizing?  Right now, I have a respite baby on top of my crew and worrying about the new three.  

[wintermom]

You could find some contentment in the fact that you don't have as many windows to wash, floors to mop, carpets to vacuum, surfaces to dust, etc. ;)  You have a lot of built-in cleaning helpers, too! 

 

You also don't have to heat or cool as much space. Your home is probably a lot cheaper to live in than a larger one, so you could take those "savings" and do something special to celebrate and have fun. Not to mention that you are using all your living space to the max - teaching your family economy of space and being environmentally friendly (there may even be other cool "buzz words" if that tickles your fancy.)

 

Your dc will also be very skilled in sleeping in a variety of conditions, and transitioning to a dorm or room-mate will probably be pretty easy for them.

 

 

 

 

[mommymilkies]

Our place now is twice the size as our last: 1600 square feet now for 7 of us.  Not a "huge" family, but big for the area.  That said, I hate it.  I want a smaller house.  My house was so clean when it was smaller.  Everything had a place, no excuses for family to dump off garage sale finds on us, no long accumulations hidden in nooks and crannies...I would happily trade a much smaller house with a big yard for my normal sized house with a normal yard. I was just thinking earlier about how fast I used to be able to clean the house!

[Catwoman]

Pamela, are you sure your own children won't be resentful about having to share their own private spaces?

 

I would put their needs first, before deciding to take in more children.

[Liz CA]

For me, a lot depends on organization. When I lived in crammed quarters, we tried to install a lot of shelving, use every nook and cranny for something - even if it was only enough space for a candle...is there an IKEA nearby? They have fabulous cubbies and corner shelves, etc. They are known for squeezing a lot of room out of a little space.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Catwoman :)

 

The first time I read your post, I thought about how my kids would have us be the foster-adopt Duggars if they had the choice.  Seriously, they have such big hearts and love the idea of older and younger siblings.  I will stop adding to our family *well* before they would think is necessary.  Honestly, my heart just is much bigger than my sanity can handle.  I know I have limits.

 

"Bringing in more children" was in the plans, but I had said not a sibling group of three again for a number of reasons.  Really, I thought we'd foster one child at a time (so Squishy is accounted for) while looking for a 3-12yo girl (maybe two) to finish out our family. Again, I know I have limits.

However, this situation at hand is important.  Unless I was simply incapable, *not* accepting these children really isn't a choice.  Family does for family.  And this particular situation has an extra factor; I would have to be absolutely *unable* to turn them down.  We most certainly can and *will* accept them into our family for as long as need be (whether that is 3 months or 3 years or forever). 

 

But when I read your post the second time, I was slightly offended.  I'm positive you didn't mean it this way; but surely you know that under no circumstances would I neglect the needs of a single one of my children.  

 

IF one of their needs was that we needed more space in order for everyone to be happy and healthy, then we would get a bigger home.  Period.  And that may be the case.  We just may need another living area to make it work.  I definitely want everyone to be able to spread out if they need to.  

 

But I am going to have to try to figure out how to make this work at least temporarily (and wouldn't forever be nice?).  And I'd like to do it with a good attitude :)  

 

I think the difference between my kids and me regarding this is that they are social butterflies and I just am NOT.  I like *quiet.*  A LOT of quiet.  It is definitely *me* that needs more space. :)

 

Anyway, the lady across the street came from a very small home.  Now that her older kids went back to school, I might see if she can come help me minimalize and organize my house quite a bit over a couple days.  And I'll just keep my eye out for a six bedroom home with two living rooms...just in case :) 

[fairfarmhand]

I'd focus on cleaning out the dining room to create another bedroom. I'd purge the kids' closets and store things in there.

 

Can you hang everyone in the family's dress clothing in one or 2 closets, or even in the Laundry room to free up your storage space?

 

I'd also lay out all the dress clothes and simplify. My son has like 3 pr of good pants for church and 4-5 shirts. These can be mixed and matched.

 

I know it's harder for pretty girls' clothes, but most of the time, my girls ALWAYS have WAY more nice clothing than they need. In fact, they tend to wear the same several outfits over the course of a month. I could probably clean out half of their clothes and they'd never miss them.

 

Perhaps since your bigger kids have their own rooms they can give up a tiny bit of their space for you to stick a bookcase, storage cupboard or desk in their rooms?

 

You may be the go to lady for hand me downs because you have "all those kids." I've gotten pretty ruthless about hand me downs. I go through them without the kids around and bag up everything to donate if it's not something that we need. Each of my girls have their own "styles" and if there's something that will fit that child and I know it's not her style, I go ahead and donate it. It's stupid to hang onto something that will be unworn. I'd rather pass it on to someone who will LOVE it.

[Ripley]

I am from a large family.

 

We girls out numbered the boys, so we took the master.

The boys, our parents, and our grandparents had secondary rooms.

We didn't have bunk beds. We doubled up in full sized beds.

Bedrooms were for sleeping or reading - all there was room to do.

 

In your situation I'd move the three boys into the master.

That closet becomes the family closet, holding clothes for all or most young kids.

That bathroom becomes the central bathing station for all or most young kids.

Your adult children stay in their rooms.

You, your husband and the baby take the fourth bedroom (or usurp an adult child's if it's better!)

The two girls take the converted office. Add a trundle bed for the fourth boy.

The fifth boy sleeps with an adult child.

 

These last two boys SLEEP in one room but their BEDROOM is the master; this is where their belongings are and where they retreat to during the day. I'd probably put in a daybed, trundle and a full size bed (maybe a second twin trundle under the full size bed). Trundle beds free up floor space during the day, and with those stowed the master truly feels like (all of) the BOYS' room for daytime activity. If the boys aren't particular, any boy can take any bed during the day for naps or reading. If the boys ARE particular, throw some bean bags in for daytime rest or reading.

 

Or if people's personalities are better suited to it, two boys and a girl take the office, and the second girl sleeps with an adult child.

 

But all of this is assuming I read correctly, and that you're using the foster system to accept kids from your family.

Because if not, it's way easier and you stick all five boys in the master, the two girls in the office, and the adult kids keep their own spaces :).