natural consequences for sibling giving other sibling a haircut

[Frelle]

I am curious if you are in the camp who feels that since L (age 5 1/2 ) gave F (2 1/2) a pixie cut in the bathtub that she should also receive a pixie cut, or if you think that giving an identical haircut would be harsh and emotionally scarring to L.

 

If you are in the camp that says NO to the pixie cut, do you have any suggestions for a natural consequence for this?

 

L likes her handiwork, and shows little remorse.

 

 

Backstory:

I was at the store with G and J, and my husband was home with L and F. They were in the tub together (and of course, my husband was NOT in the bathroom with them. Not smart, but not on my watch either.)

 

We know from separate interrogations with L that:

1) There was intent to cut F' s hair before she even got in the bathtub with her (jealous of her long hair)

 

2) there was willfull disobedience in getting scissors she is not allowed to have.

By the way, we keep ALL scissors in my sewing kit unless we are using them for crafts, and even I have to stand on a chair to get the scissors, so we know that she found a pair somewhere and hid them to use later.

 

3) And there was willfull disobedience by cutting hair.

We have spoken to her about other things she has cut when given the opportunity to have scissors, and we have expressly told her that she is not allowed to cut her own hair or anyone else's hair, or her own or anyone else's property. Just paper or craft stuff, and just when adults are around.

 

3) there was crossing the personal boundaries of it not being her own hair to cut.

 

I need to address the fact that while it may be that she wants more attention, she has a habit of being mischeivous and destructive. She could have 4 hours of mommy time every day, and she would still find dental hygeine products to make experiments with, or use peanut butter to paint on the walls. She is bent in this direction. I keep her in my sight more than my 2 year old. L cooks with me at least once every day so that we give her an outlet for making experiments, and she gets lots of craft time, too.

 

It doesnt seem to be enough.

[nakitty]

I say the dh gets the haircut....since he was supposed to be watching them...:D

 

And, no, I would not give her the identical hair cut.... I think this is just a natural childhood thing.... it happend in my family as a child and in my family as the Mom... and it is annoying and she should be repimanded...but other than that...what is done is done. It is just hair, it will grow back.

[Joanne]

By definition, if you have to look for the consequence, it's not *natural*. Natural consequences just happen. Forget a coat? You get cold. Touch a hot stove, you get burnt. A natural consequence to cutting your siblings hair is that mom, dad and possibly sibling get very angry!

 

What you are looking for are *logical* or related consequences. Which I believe in as children approach school age.

 

The first is that she's chosen to return to a previous level of supervision. She's shown she can't be trusted with intermittent supervision, so she has to be in the room you are in, and possibly forfeit some stuff she's earned through her age.

 

We know from separate interrogations with L that:

1) There was intent to cut F' s hair before she even got in the bathtub with her (jealous of her long hair)

 

2) there was willfull disobedience in getting scissors she is not allowed to have.

By the way, we keep ALL scissors in my sewing kit unless we are using them for crafts, and even I have to stand on a chair to get the scissors, so we know that she found a pair somewhere and hid them to use later.

 

3) And there was willfull disobedience by cutting hair.

We have spoken to her about other things she has cut when given the opportunity to have scissors, and we have expressly told her that she is not allowed to cut her own hair or anyone else's hair, or her own or anyone else's property. Just paper or craft stuff, and just when adults are around.

 

3) there was crossing the personal boundaries of it not being her own hair to cut.

 

I need to address the fact that while it may be that she wants more attention, she has a habit of being mischeivous and destructive. She could have 4 hours of mommy time every day, and she would still find dental hygeine products to make experiments with, or use peanut butter to paint on the walls. She is bent in this direction. I keep her in my sight more than my 2 year old. L cooks with me at least once every day so that we give her an outlet for making experiments, and she gets lots of craft time, too.

 

Some of that seems awfully heavy words. I'm not a fan of the "willful disobedient" label for kids. I think a more accurate and kind and gracefilled perspective is that they couple immaturity with lack of impulse control. In short, they act like kids. ;) Cutting a siblings' or your own hair is a common behavior. It's curiosity grown out of control. Kids who cut like the sensory experience of cutting things; they like the sound and the effect. You already know she's bent this way. It's not likely you could have given her "enough" attention to not be 5! ;)

 

If you are sure of #1 on your list, have you coached her on the feelings and energy that jealousy makes in her body and how to *appropriately* channel that energy?

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't think a 5 year old is really old enough to have understood the consequences of her actions. I wouldn't cut her hair as punishment.

 

I'm not sure how cutting her hair would be a "natural" consequence.

 

If I've told my child not to take cups in the living room and he/she does so and spills the drink then the *natural* consequence is that the drink is spilled, I am upset, maybe the rug is stained. The *logical* consequence would be to have the child clean up the mess. You cannot impose natural consequences, those are the things that naturally follow.

 

eta: I see Joanne posted something similar. I agree with her that a higher level of supervision is the logical consequence.

[Alana in Canada]

Cut her hair.

 

You reap what you sow.

 

And I would suspend her from other priviledges too. She can't be trusted. So, for example, if she's helping you with dinner, keep her by you, but don't let her do what she normally does. Tell her, "You took something you knew you shouldn't have. Therefore, I can't trust you to do x."

 

For her crafts--you (or Dad) will do all the cutting for as long as it takes--she isn't allowed to use the scissors. Period. For as long as it takes.

 

There are obviously other issues here--I have an extremely willful daughter and I am as blunt as I can be with her.

 

hth.

[Susan in TX]

I say the dh gets the haircut....since he was supposed to be watching them...:D

 

And, no, I would not give her the identical hair cut.... I think this is just a natural childhood thing.... it happend in my family as a child and in my family as the Mom... and it is annoying and she should be repimanded...but other than that...what is done is done. It is just hair, it will grow back.

 

:iagree:

 

This is just normal childishness. Some kids are just more "trouble" than others and will require closer supervision. The only discipline I would consider for such an offense is a spanking for playing with the scissors. (BTW, I had one who was a hair cutter...she cut her sister's hair and her own. She's 15 now and she still cuts hair, but she's much better at it now:-)

 

Susan in TX

[Laura K (NC)]

You said she "likes her handiwork." She therefore shouldn't mind something similar on herself.

 

I like nakitty's response too... dh should definitely get the pixie cut himself. In fact, he should drive dds both to the beauty parlor.

 

When my kids deliberately gets into stuff they shouldn't, and willfully disobey, I take away liberties. For your daughter who likes crafts, maybe preschool scissors might be the way to go for a while since they aren't dangerous (iow, they don't cut!) at least until she shows you somehow that she can be trusted again.

 

I say this as a girl who cut her own sister's hair when I was about the same age and my sister was 3. I was pretty jealous of my sister, too, who had curly, thick hair and dimples. She still has great hair. :glare:.... :D

[abbeyej]

I don't think cutting *her* hair is a particularly natural consequence. But then, I'm not sure what the best natural consequence would be. My first thought was that she should lose all access to scissors, but it sounds like you've already tried that.

 

It sounds to me like there are a couple of issues. 1) She defied you and got out something she knew she was absolutely forbidden to have. 2) She cut her sister's hair (you believe out of jealousy). 3) She shows no remorse.

 

For the scissors issue, since taking them away hasn't worked, perhaps she could have a rather overwhelming lot of cutting to do. She has shown that she wants to use the scissors, so perhaps she should get to. Print up 50 sheets of paper with 10 parallel lines printed on each and have her cut every one into perfect strips. (Save them and let the other kids use them for a papier-mache project, perhaps?) She'll miss out on other activities, but she'll get the chance to use the scissors she defied you to get.

 

For her sister... Well, it's her responsibility now to help repair the damage as much as possible. To me, that would mean paying for a reparative hair cut (if necessary) and buying her sister some cute hair clips or headbands. Since she's five, I assume she has no money of her own, and will need to earn it through a series of rather unpleasant household tasks. And then when she has earned the money, she can go with her sister and let her sister pick out some new barrettes or clippies, while she gets nothing.

[Mrs Mungo]

You said she "likes her handiwork." She therefore shouldn't mind something similar on herself.

 

I like nakitty's response too... dh should definitely get the pixie cut himself. In fact, he should drive dds both to the beauty parlor.

 

I think nakitty meant the husband should be the one sporting the pixie cut for failing to supervise his children rather than punishing a 5 year old for childlike behavior. :lol:

[dragons in the flower bed]

A natural consequence would be to hide all of the scissors. If L is the oldest child in the house, get a box for such things, and lock it.

 

A logical consequence -- one that looks at the source of the problem, and cuts it off there -- would be to do some exercises in empathy and impulse control. Howeverm those are pretty typical problems for five-year-olds, so it's likely that she will outgrow such things without any extra special help learning them, so long as you continue to demonstrate impulse control and empathy, yourself.

 

She sounds a lot like my five-year-old. He likes to paint in the sink with the toothpaste. Once he cracked all the eggs in the fridge (in case there were dinosaur babies in any of them). I recently caught him on the roof.

 

He's artsy and a risk-taker, and nothing makes him feel more loved than when he pushes at my buttons and I don't snap. We've seen a lot of improvement in the past year, using principles from Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, and The Science of Parenting. Basically, ROCROS told me what not to do -- react when he misbehaves -- and TSOP told me what I should do -- activities to help him feel okay not doing those things, like combing skin contact and gross motor activity, or asking intellectual questions of him when he's angry.

[nakitty]

 

I like nakitty's response too... dh should definitely get the pixie cut himself. In fact, he should drive dds both to the beauty parlor.

 

 

 

 

Ummm...I was being a brat....I meant that dh should be the one to have his hair cut into a pixie-do. :glare::lol:

[stephanie]

I did the same thing to my next door neighbor...Her name was Heather. Her hair was beautiful, blonde, and down to her butt! She came out with a whack job!!! I didn't remember getting in trouble much, except that I never got to play with her again...hmmmmm...imagine that? I do remember my sister playing "hair shop" with me, where she washed my hair in the toilet. She would flush it for a rinse. My mom freaked out about it! But I thought it was fun. One day you will look back and laugh. I think at her age that is kinda normal! I know that stinks! I don't think a haircut would be the best idea...what if she ends up loving her cut? It's too bad we don't have a haircut police that could come and talk to her. Sorry I'm no help!

[nakitty]

Also....from my understanding of "natural consequences"....the only NATURAL consequences in this circumstance would come from her feeling guilt over cutting her little sisters hair. Since that is NOT the case...clearly the consequences will have to be manufactured.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Also....from my understanding of "natural consequences"....the only NATURAL consequences in this circumstance would come from her feeling guilt over cutting her little sisters hair.

 

 

Um, maybe, yes.

 

Is the 2yo upset by it?

[Kathleen in VA]

I don't think cutting *her* hair is a particularly natural consequence. But then, I'm not sure what the best natural consequence would be. My first thought was that she should lose all access to scissors, but it sounds like you've already tried that.

 

It sounds to me like there are a couple of issues. 1) She defied you and got out something she knew she was absolutely forbidden to have. 2) She cut her sister's hair (you believe out of jealousy). 3) She shows no remorse.

 

For the scissors issue, since taking them away hasn't worked, perhaps she could have a rather overwhelming lot of cutting to do. She has shown that she wants to use the scissors, so perhaps she should get to. Print up 50 sheets of paper with 10 parallel lines printed on each and have her cut every one into perfect strips. (Save them and let the other kids use them for a papier-mache project, perhaps?) She'll miss out on other activities, but she'll get the chance to use the scissors she defied you to get.

 

For her sister... Well, it's her responsibility now to help repair the damage as much as possible. To me, that would mean paying for a reparative hair cut (if necessary) and buying her sister some cute hair clips or headbands. Since she's five, I assume she has no money of her own, and will need to earn it through a series of rather unpleasant household tasks. And then when she has earned the money, she can go with her sister and let her sister pick out some new barrettes or clippies, while she gets nothing.

 

:iagree: The having to cut with the scissors a LOT reminds me of a teacher I heard of who punished a student for spitting in class by having him stand over the trash can and spit in it until the bell rang. He never spit again. :D Same teacher punished a student for throwing a paper airplane out the window by having him throw it, retrieve it, throw it, retrieve it, etc. for an entire class period. He never threw another airplane.:D

 

I also like the idea of having 5yo spend hard earned money on beautifying her sister.

 

Both of those ideas are extremely logical, imo.

[Danestress]

Is the only consequence I can think of. "L, I am angry that you cut F's hair. You aren't allowed to use scissors. Now she's lost her hair, but you have lost something even more important - trust. I will trust you again in time, but you will have to earn it through showing me that you follow the rules and demonstrating love to your sister."

 

I'd leave DH out of it.

 

I am not wild about the idea of leaving a 5 year old to tend to a 2 year old in the tub, but I definitely can see leaving kids this age long enough for me to use the toilet or take a quick shower. I wouldn't do it while they were in the tub, but I wouldn't make this the focus of my anger. He already knows (now!) that he should have checked on them or not even left them. But I wouldn't appreciate that reminder from my husband and doubt he wants to hear it from you.

[Laura K (NC)]

He should definitely feel some of the consequences!

[NevadaRabbit]

I am curious if you are in the camp who feels that since L (age 5 1/2 ) gave F (2 1/2) a pixie cut in the bathtub that she should also receive a pixie cut, or if you think that giving an identical haircut would be harsh and emotionally scarring to L.

 

If you are in the camp that says NO to the pixie cut, do you have any suggestions for a natural consequence for this?

 

Curious how F feels about her new 'do. ?

 

I agree with Joanne that L has chosen to return herself to a higher level of supervision than before the haircut. I also agree that some form of imposed consequence is in order, but not cutting L's hair off too. That just seems like a tit-for-tat reaction, and not instructive. I like the idea of working for some money with which to buy hair clips for F, but that will take some time and L might not connect all the dots. What about L helping F get pretty each day - with supervision - L needs to help F get dressed, or comb her new hairdo, something like that? Some kind of service for her sister's good. This seems more in the vein of fostering love for one another, rather than imposing something with an intent of making L feel bad.

[nakitty]

BTW....here is the result of an older sibling giving my youngest a haircut...

 

Yes, yes that is a very short mullet....:glare:

 

This is less than a year later.....and all's well that ends well...:tongue_smilie:

 

[Melissa in Australia]

I do remember my sister playing "hair shop" with me, where she washed my hair in the toilet. She would flush it for a rinse. My mom freaked out about it! !

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Melissa in Australia]

She sounds a lot like my five-year-old. . Once he cracked all the eggs in the fridge (in case there were dinosaur babies in any of them). .

 

.

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

I had a five year old who cracked one dozen eggs into a mud pie. when asked why, he said ' cakes have eggs in them"

[jenn-]

DD has had her scissor priviledges taken away way to many times. First time she snipped the middle out of her bangs (all the way up) 2 days before she was to be a flower girl. We can laugh now, but were totally stressed at the time. Second time she took a good couple snips out of her 3yo brother's hair. She apparently had a pair of scissors in her room from when I pulled her from public school (she hadn't regained that privilege in the 3 yrs that had passed). She was extremely lucky her brother's already sported buzz cuts so I just had to cut his a little shorter and it grew out in a couple of weeks. Unfortunately she passed her habit on to the brother she chopped, he has done it to himself a couple of times since. Hair is hair, it grows back. I'm pretty sure the most punishment she got at the time was a severe scolding, a timeout, and loss of scissor priviledges. Even as an 8yo she is not to have them in her room, I just can't trust her with them.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

If the younger is particularly upset about the situation, have the offender do some nice things for her to show she is sorry.

 

Have a lot of talks about honesty, safety, trust, all things which were breached with this situation. Tell how unsafe it was for her to do something like that. Lots of talks. Losing privileges of being away from you (unsupervised) more since the lack of trust.

 

I kind of like the extra cutting activities. Even though the scissors will be kept away, give her more supervised time to use that which she obviously likes to use. Lots of cutting. Then lock those things up!

 

I would not tie this to anything punitive. That gives the message that eye for an eye is acceptable (which is not in our house). We need to learn from our mistakes. Learn why what we did was wrong and how to make up and re-earn the trust again. She has lack of control with impulses. Most do. I do sometimes myself, truth be told!

[Frelle]

I only have a sec. I have a good friend in another state who has a child, now 8, who has always reminded us of L. She and I had a long talk about L. today, and about her daughter. Her daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication. My friend told me that she has heard and read about enough similarities between our two children that she is encouraging me to have L tested. I nearly fell over when she told me about having her daughter tested and medicated, as this is totally NOT a person who in a million years would ahv ever admitted to, let alone agreed to have her child tested for ADHD. So her experience and advice carries a lot of weight for me. She talked to me about the lack of reality check that her daughter would have.. doing outlandish things like this haircut, making experiments out of dental hygiene supplies, squirreling food away.... really odd similarities.. and we've had several people mention that they think L is bent in that direction. So having my friend explain to me that maybe this really ISNT willfull disobedience, just a very clear example of lacking that moral compass check due to ADHD really gives me pause.

 

Am I making sense to anyone?

 

L has sensory issues, not serious enough for therapy, but I know that ADHD often accompanies sensory issues. My oldest, G, is in therapy for sensory issues and hers are stronger and opposite of L's. Ive elarned a LOT about L in reading sensory books for the purpose of helping Grace. So Im going to read up on ADHD and see if any bells start going off.

 

 

RE: the issue at hand about the hair:

So Im still thinking about the consequence. Likely its going to be specific chores to work off the cost of the haircut, and closer supervision.

 

F doesnt seem to notice that it is any different whatsoever. Its really crazy. How do you not notice 10 inches of hair being gone??

[RoughCollie]

And, no, I would not give her the identical hair cut.... I think this is just a natural childhood thing.... it happend in my family as a child and in my family as the Mom... and it is annoying and she should be repimanded...but other than that...what is done is done. It is just hair, it will grow back.

 

 

:iagree:

[melmac]

:iagree:She's still really young and it's more dad's fault than hers.

 

 

 

I say the dh gets the haircut....since he was supposed to be watching them...:D

 

And, no, I would not give her the identical hair cut.... I think this is just a natural childhood thing.... it happend in my family as a child and in my family as the Mom... and it is annoying and she should be repimanded...but other than that...what is done is done. It is just hair, it will grow back.

[Carol in Cal.]

To me the most serious thing about all of this is that the children were left unsupervised in the bath. Kids can drown in 20 seconds, and a 5 year old is not old enough to be responsible for a 2 year old. Especially a 5 year old with impulse control issues. If this happened in my house, I would be beyond furious with my DH. Beyond. Inexpressibly. Haircut or not.

 

Anyway, to me the logical consequence would be that the older one would have to serve the younger one in some meaningful way, and would have to help you feel better as well. I would walk her through it verbally so that she could think through what to do to accomplish that. I would stress sadness rather than anger, and I would also supervise her more for sure, as Joanne said.

[StephanieZ]

I think giving your child an ugly hair cut is a bad idea on a lot of levels.

 

Some sort of consequence would be reasonable. Perhaps taking away her fun money (or $ you would ordinarily spend on her fun stuff -- something favored but short term) and using it to pay for a professional redo of the child with the scary cut and maybe a stash of cute ribbons and hats for her. . . Giving the "damaged" child a lot of attention for a while -- with new hairbows, hats, etc every few days for a few weeks. . . that will probably make a big impression on the guilty party.

 

I think whatever the consequence, it should be felt for a few hours or a few days, not months. This is still a really young child and really it was not an evil act, just a naughty one.

 

Hair cutting of self or sibling seems a very natural and normal childhood thing to do. It is ugly and I try hard to discourage it, but each of my dc has done it exactly once and we didn't have to use any draconian punishments to prevent recurrence.

 

I'd swallow your anger and be kind.

[Lovedtodeath]

Some of that seems awfully heavy words. I'm not a fan of the "willful disobedient" label for kids. I think a more accurate and kind and gracefilled perspective is that they couple immaturity with lack of impulse control. In short, they act like kids. ;) Cutting a siblings' or your own hair is a common behavior. It's curiosity grown out of control. Kids who cut like the sensory experience of cutting things; they like the sound and the effect. You already know she's bent this way. It's not likely you could have given her "enough" attention to not be 5! ;)

 

If you are sure of #1 on your list, have you coached her on the feelings and energy that jealousy makes in her body and how to *appropriately* channel that energy?

 

Good reminders. Do you have more specific helps in the area of appropriately channeling the negative energy?

 

eta: I see Joanne posted something similar. I agree with her that a higher level of supervision is the logical consequence.

That just makes more work for Mom.

 

Cut her hair.

 

You reap what you sow.

 

And I would suspend her from other priviledges too. She can't be trusted. So, for example, if she's helping you with dinner, keep her by you, but don't let her do what she normally does. Tell her, "You took something you knew you shouldn't have. Therefore, I can't trust you to do x."

 

For her crafts--you (or Dad) will do all the cutting for as long as it takes--she isn't allowed to use the scissors. Period. For as long as it takes.

 

There are obviously other issues here--I have an extremely willful daughter and I am as blunt as I can be with her.

 

hth.

 

All of the above would be way over the top. It would cause a child to feel guilty all of the time. Someone who feels this way feels that they do not deserve love, they do not deserve God, and basically give up on trying to please anyone. Please do not be this harsh with your daughter. Be firm, but loving. Now, ONE of the above sounds like a good plan, but not all of it.

 

I don't think cutting *her* hair is a particularly natural consequence. But then, I'm not sure what the best natural consequence would be. My first thought was that she should lose all access to scissors, but it sounds like you've already tried that.

 

It sounds to me like there are a couple of issues. 1) She defied you and got out something she knew she was absolutely forbidden to have. 2) She cut her sister's hair (you believe out of jealousy). 3) She shows no remorse.

 

For the scissors issue, since taking them away hasn't worked, perhaps she could have a rather overwhelming lot of cutting to do. She has shown that she wants to use the scissors, so perhaps she should get to. Print up 50 sheets of paper with 10 parallel lines printed on each and have her cut every one into perfect strips. (Save them and let the other kids use them for a papier-mache project, perhaps?) She'll miss out on other activities, but she'll get the chance to use the scissors she defied you to get.

 

For her sister... Well, it's her responsibility now to help repair the damage as much as possible. To me, that would mean paying for a reparative hair cut (if necessary) and buying her sister some cute hair clips or headbands. Since she's five, I assume she has no money of her own, and will need to earn it through a series of rather unpleasant household tasks. And then when she has earned the money, she can go with her sister and let her sister pick out some new barrettes or clippies, while she gets nothing.

 

This is the best plan I have seen so far! It makes perfect sense and sounds like something that would come out of a parenting book. I am going to watch you for more advice abbeyej.

[Amy in Orlando]

As an older sister who once cut her sister's beautiful curly platinum locks and had her own hair chopped off as a result, this IS NOT a good punishment. Really. I promise.

 

You've received some good advice here. I hope you follow it. I URGE you not to punish your daughter by cutting her hair.

 

NaKitty, your daughter is adorable - with her goofy haircut and without!

[Mom to Aly]

I did the same thing to my next door neighbor...Her name was Heather. Her hair was beautiful, blonde, and down to her butt! She came out with a whack job!!! I didn't remember getting in trouble much, except that I never got to play with her again...hmmmmm...imagine that? I do remember my sister playing "hair shop" with me, where she washed my hair in the toilet. She would flush it for a rinse. My mom freaked out about it! But I thought it was fun. One day you will look back and laugh. I think at her age that is kinda normal! I know that stinks! I don't think a haircut would be the best idea...what if she ends up loving her cut? It's too bad we don't have a haircut police that could come and talk to her. Sorry I'm no help!

:lol::lol::lol: The hair in the toilet is too good!!! And I agree, she might love it, and that won't teach her anything.

 

The main points to me here are 1) Dad wasn't watching when he should have been, not just because of scissors. 2) She got dangerous scissors when she shouldn't have. Those are not her fault. If those weren't available, this wouldn't have been possible. The cutting is normal, IMO. I went through a stage where I cut everything, my bangs, until there was nothing but little pieces sticking out (right before school picture day), my dolls' hair, my sisters' dolls' hair, anything I could get my hands on--it happens. Luckily her sister isn't old enough to be traumatized.

 

But I would have other consequences--I would make sure she understood that she was being watched much more carefully because of it. That she could not use scissors at all for a while. That she couldn't take a bath or be alone with sister for a while (maybe). Things like that. And I would never mention the washing of the hair in the toilet--that could be dangerous ;).

[NevadaRabbit]

That just makes more work for Mom.

 

Yes. So?

 

Training up a child generally involves a lot of work by Mom till said child is what...25? 30? :001_smile:

[Lovedtodeath]

Yes. So?

 

Training up a child generally involves a lot of work by Mom till said child is what...25? 30? :001_smile:

 

:lol: I think 30 is probably right... but then it is time to help with grandkids. :lol:

[Melinda]

I haven't read all the responses, but as far as consequences...If that happened here and there was no remorse, etc, I would probably take the 2 1/2 year old to the salon to fix it and do some special things while out with that child (let her get her nails painted, maybe go out for ice cream). When we got home, I wouldn't say anything about our special activities to the offender. The kids would probably talk and when the offending child came to ask if all the sibling said is true, I would confirm it. If pressed, I would explain a little more. Good luck with figuring out what to do!

[Susan in TX]

I only have a sec. I have a good friend in another state who has a child, now 8, who has always reminded us of L. She and I had a long talk about L. today, and about her daughter. Her daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication. My friend told me that she has heard and read about enough similarities between our two children that she is encouraging me to have L tested. I nearly fell over when she told me about having her daughter tested and medicated, as this is totally NOT a person who in a million years would ahv ever admitted to, let alone agreed to have her child tested for ADHD. So her experience and advice carries a lot of weight for me. She talked to me about the lack of reality check that her daughter would have.. doing outlandish things like this haircut, making experiments out of dental hygiene supplies, squirreling food away.... really odd similarities.. and we've had several people mention that they think L is bent in that direction. So having my friend explain to me that maybe this really ISNT willfull disobedience, just a very clear example of lacking that moral compass check due to ADHD really gives me pause.

 

The behaviors that you mention like cutting hair and making experiments with dental hygiene supplies are normal child behaviors (I'm not sure about hiding food...that might be normal too esp if you are very restrictive about what/when the child can eat). Not all kids will do things like this...I had one hair cutter and one mad scientist...but it is NORMAL. Also, it is normal for a 5yo to be disobedient. Now, I don't know if there is more going on with your daughter, but based on just this your daughter sounds perfectly normal to me. I think it's sad that we feel the need to medicate children for being children.

 

Susan in TX