myfunnybunch Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 It has to do with my MIL, so it already bugs me from the get-go. I'm trying to figure out if I am being fair, or I'm irritated just because. At Easter dinner, my eldest dd's boyfriend said that when she graduates university, they will both move to whichever city she decides to go to for the next step in her education. The next day, my MIL was gushing excitedly. "Did you hear what they said? He'll go anywhere she goes. Isn't it wonderful! I'll bet they'll get married soon! They've talked about getting married." This is not the annoying part. Dh and I just smiled and nodded, because at this point it is clear to anyone with eyes that they are so well-matched and are clearly planning a life together that they'll move together and probably marry. This is a good thing. They are a wonderful pair. Here's what I am irked about, and a little hurt too: The day after that, MIL sent us both an email titled "(DD's name)'s Big News!!!!!" The email said that dd and her boyfriend had just left for boyfriend's house, and he was going to cook her a special salmon dinner! And they might stop by our house to tell us something! But she doesn't know if they're planning on stopping today or not! But I know nothing! (which is typically what she says when she *does* know something but doesn't want to be outed as the one who spilt the beans). UUUUGGGGHHHHH. I figure: A) Dd's boyfriend made her a salmon dinner. MIL really does know nothing. The email is just....I dunno. Something going on in MIL's head. B ) Dd's boyfriend proposed, and MIL just so needed to be the one "in the know" that she couldn't keep her mouth shut, or her keyboard, in this case. I feel a lot like I did the time the midwife slipped and said, "Another boy!" Sigh....I know, just typing this I know it's a silly little thing, but if there is a proposal in the works, I wish I didn't have even a hint. I'd like dd to be the one to share the news. Be nice to me (and to her), please. I try to be as patient as I can with MIL because she is helpful, and a wonderful grandmother, and a positive part of our lives. I just want to know if I am being completely unreasonable to be irritated, or not. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I really am trying to be kind. . . if I understand correctly. . . your mil doesn't understand that you want to be the first w/ your daughter's big news. Not the second. Am i right? And, yes, I think a mom deserves to be the first. I wouldn't want to hear from someone else "you daughters on her way to tell you something big. . ." But I've completely lost patience w/ my parents. So grain of salt. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 If your daughter shared news with her grandmother before you, yes. I would be hurt she did that (though it is her right) and annoyed that her grandmother had to rub it in. If grandmother fabricated this to feel important, that is even more annoying - though probably good to know daughter didn't actually share big news with someone before me. It's not a huge thing, but either scenario would bother me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I'd be surprised if your daughter shared news of her engagement with her grandmother first. If she did, that would annoy me. Actually it would annoy me how she worded that e-mail anyway. Clearly she is hinting something that either she knows or suspects or maybe wishes. She's being like a middle schooler saying in a sing-song voice "I know something you don't know." So, yeah, this would bug me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 If your daughter shared news with her grandmother before you, yes. I would be hurt she did that (though it is her right) Thanks! I should clarify...if my dd did share with her grandmother first, that wouldn't bother me. They live together. It's an ideal situation for both, as dd wanted some independence from living in her parents' house and mil was lonely. They are very close, and I would not be surprised or hurt if dd shared with mil first. :) I just don't think mil needs to spoil it for us. And....as I just now typed that, it occurred to me that mil may be feeling some measure of anxiety at the idea of being alone again. Possibly quite a lot, which might explain some of the weirdness, whether it's genuine news or just overexcitement in a teapot. Aw, man. Now I am not mad at her any more. Still disappointed, but not quite so irritated, anyway. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Thanks! I should clarify...if my dd did share with her grandmother first, that wouldn't bother me. They live together. It's an ideal situation for both, as dd wanted some independence from living in her parents' house and mil was lonely. They are very close, and I would not be surprised or hurt if dd shared with mil first. :) I just don't think mil needs to spoil it for us. And....as I just now typed that, it occurred to me that mil may be feeling some measure of anxiety at the idea of being alone again. Possibly quite a lot, which might explain some of the weirdness, whether it's genuine news or just overexcitement in a teapot. Aw, man. Now I am not mad at her any more. Still disappointed, but not quite so irritated, anyway. Cat Aw. I've been there. Mad or irritated at someone and then I figure out that she's acting nutty because she was just scared or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Clearly she is hinting something that either she knows or suspects or maybe wishes. She's being like a middle schooler saying in a sing-song voice "I know something you don't know." So, yeah, this would bug me. Yes, this. It's exactly how it came across to me. Sigh.... Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 how likely is it your dd would tell your mil she was engaged before she would tell her parents? (if so, you need to explain pecking order of information disemination to her.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 (((hugs))) Sometimes we are bothered by things that don't "make sense". Just have the feelings without judgment. It sounds like they have already mostly passed. I can imagine a well-meaning grandma getting caught up in the excitement and not thinking of how it might affect you and dh. I can also imagine being you and feeling hurt or irritated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Thanks! I should clarify...if my dd did share with her grandmother first, that wouldn't bother me. They live together. It's an ideal situation for both, as dd wanted some independence from living in her parents' house and mil was lonely. They are very close, and I would not be surprised or hurt if dd shared with mil first. :) I just don't think mil needs to spoil it for us. And....as I just now typed that, it occurred to me that mil may be feeling some measure of anxiety at the idea of being alone again. Possibly quite a lot, which might explain some of the weirdness, whether it's genuine news or just overexcitement in a teapot. Aw, man. Now I am not mad at her any more. Still disappointed, but not quite so irritated, anyway. Cat AWW. You are a sweet mom and DIL . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 how likely is it your dd would tell your mil she was engaged before she would tell her parents? (if so, you need to explain pecking order of information disemination to her.) Yeah, before there's an Eventual Grandchild on the way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 "OMG MIL! You mean he knows how to cook salmon?!? I never would have guessed it! That's the best news EVER!" (I would feel upset too.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Honestly, I would just think that MIL was very excited and wanted to make you a part of it, even though she had probably promised your dd that she wouldn't reveal the "big news." Maybe she felt a little weird about being told first and wanted to make sure you didn't get upset later that she hadn't told you what she knew. Unless she's always trying to one-up you, I would just figure she was too excited to keep everything to herself and needed to share her excitement with you because she wanted you to feel like you were included. If I was going to be annoyed with anyone, it would be with your dd for not telling you first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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