Has anyone ever adopted after several bio kids?

[Meadowlark]

My husband and I recently decided that we are done having biological kids. We have 5 and they're all very close in age.

But..I have this feeling deep down that there is another child meant for us. Or maybe I'm just grieving this period of life and all of the finality it brings. Being "done" makes me very, very sad.

If, and it's a big if, we were to consider adopting in a few years, where would I start? I know many countries won't allow families with 5 children to adopt. Of course, there's foster care and local adoptions, which we would most likely do. But, I'm not sure how that works either. Then, I thought about how a child would feel growing up with 5 brothers and sisters who are all related, but he/she isn't. Is that a recipe for disaster?

Just wondering if anyone here has actually adopted after having your own children, and what that looks like.

[three4me]

Subbing because I'm interested to hear responses. Our third is due this summer, and while I feel I'm ready to be done having babies, DH and I are considering eventually adding to our family in the future through adoption

[Gil]

Funny that you should ask. My 2 boys are having a BIG fight right now that started on Sunday and just this morning Buddy has threatened to put his brother up for rejection at the circus (I think he meant adoption). They are making me so crazy I'm contemplating giving them both up for adoption....sigh...Its April now, so does that mean March Madness is over?

 

 

[RebeccaS]

We had three bio children and said we were done.  Then, we became foster to adopt parents and adopted ds2 almost 5 years ago.  When we adopted him, though, we said we wanted to adopt at least two children both because we do love having the children and because we didn't want him to be the only black child in our white family.  We are about to finalize on our second adoption of ds3 at the end of this month.  Ds2 didn't seem to mind being the only one, per se, but, I see a huge difference in how he bonded with ds3 and he was very happy when ds3 was placed with us.  "Now, we have two kids with brown skin!" he told me. In our case, though, it is very evident that we adopted.  We have friends who've adopted 3 children, but since all the children are the same race, you really can't tell which ones of the 8 are adopted unless you know them.  

 

If you do choose the foster care system, you could consider a sibling group (which can mean just two children or more if you want).  Keeping siblings together can be tricky as many times families only want one child (usually a little one) and if a home can't be found willing to take both children, they get split up.  Just a thought...  Feel free to PM if you want more detailed in for foster care and how we did it.  :)

[HS Mom in NC]

Never assume anything about international adoption.  It changes all the time.  There are orientation classes for international and foster adoption.  Do your homework before you decide which route to take.  Not every form of adoption is available to everyone and not every form of adoption is for everyone.

My older two are bio and my youngest is adopted from S. Korea.  She came here when she was 7 months old.  It's perfectly normal to her that there are bio siblings to each other and she's adopted.  She knows I have 3 older brothers that are all my brothers.  She knows one is bio and the other two are step and raised with me from the time I was 3. We also know lots of adoptive families with every variation on every theme you can think of.  Some are all adopted.   Some are adopted siblings.  Some are bio siblings and a few adopted siblings from different countries. That's normal around her neck of the woods.

[Lucy]

We have three bio dds and 1 adopted dd.

It's awesome! 

 

After I had dd #3, I knew I was done being pregnant, but not done having kids.  We got dd#4 from China.  She is "different" in two ways: she is Chinese in a white family, and she is missing most of her left hand.  She is 6 now, and being the only "different" one doesn't bother her, at least not yet.  I seriously don't think she thinks about it.  Im sure it will come up sometime in the future, but for now she is happy, bonded, and content.  She is my most affectionate child and initiates 'I love you' more than the other three put together.  At her birthday party, we have a tradition of going around the circle of aunts and uncles and gparents and saying one thing we love about the birthday girl.  When it was done, she sighed and said, "I always wanted a family... I'm glad I have one now."  We were all crying!

 

I know you have a lot of kids already, but there are some countries that say "NO" on their requirement sheet, but will in fact let you adopt from the special needs list.  We are currently going through the foster care system and they don't seem to care at all about how many kids you have. 

 

Adoption is a great thing - a wonderful thing indeed!  But it is not always a smooth road.  We have had two adoptions not happen (one local, one international) and it can be heartbreaking.  As you research this, you will hear happily every after stories, and scary ones.  Learn, but don't let it affect you too much!  Just follow your heart, because it's worth it!  dd#4 is worth more to me than the world!

[Annie G]

Dd had two biological daughters then they adopted their son through a domestic agency. He was a newborn, and a mixed race child. She is now pregnant again, and they also plan to adopt at least once more. 

[Dory]

I wish like crazy we could adopt, but because I have PTSD and completely lost it 5 years ago, I don't think we would be allowed to now. I never wanted to stop at 3. My doctor STRONGLY advised against me having anymore though. I've started avoided baby showers and friends babies. I always end up crying when I get back home and that's ridiculous. Eventually I am hoping I'll just move on.

[DawnM]

We had two and adopted our third.

 

China's requirements for numbers of kids changes if you are willing to adopt a special needs child (often something simple).

 

When we adopted they did require $10K in income per person in your family, including the newly adopted child, so for you that would be $80K in salary min.  I don't know if this is still a requirement or not.

 

Dawn

[magic]

I have not but both my sister and brother have.  My sister and her husband have three bio kids- now 17, 16, and 14.  They adopted a newborn boy four years ago.  My brother and his wife have 5 bio kids- now (almost) 13, 11, 9, 7, and 5.  They adopted a little girl from Liberia when she was 2.5.  She will be 7 on Thursday.  Both kids have been a real blessing to the family and are treated like their siblings.

[smudge]

My cousin. She had 4 kids. Then adopted two more. They are all very happy.

[Miss Peregrine]

We had four and foster-adopted our fifth.

[mom@shiloh]

We had five bio children, quite close in age; waited ten years and then adopted five more from China.  So, yeah, btdt.  I know several other families who have done it. It has been hard at times, but good.  It is true that adoption requirements change all the time, so you really have to do research to know what the current requirements are.  

[Changed]

My dad (and step mom) had three adult children and then began foster care. They adopted a 2yo they had fostered since age 2 weeks. My dad is now 70 with a 7 year old--I'm his youngest bio kid age 35. So anything can work. :-)

[NoseInABook]

I had 4 biological kids in less than 4 years. Our fifth is our foster son who I dearly would love to adopt though it's not looking likely. We hope to adopt two children from the foster care system.

[LMV]

In a word, yes. We have nine children:

-My 28 YO step godson/Foster son who lived with the family until he was accepted into the state police academy. His father was one of my DH's best friends from his own eagle scout days. Their boys grew up together in scouting and he came to live with our family after his father's death. He had a rather tumultuous adolescence and my husband certainly earned his fatherhood stripes. Adoption didn't feel right in his teens but his young son now calls my husband grandpa and that feels right for everyone. 

​-My 27 YO stepson (DH's first wife died when he was four---I met them about a year after that and honestly fell in love with him at the same time I was falling in love with his dad. He has never called me mom (unless he was referring to me in the third person with one of his little sisters) but he has often acknowledged how much he appreciates all I have done for him and for us that works.
-Our 18 YO daughter (Our oldest biological daughter)
-Our second biological daughter who would be 15 now but passed away years ago. 
-Our 14 YO daughter who came to us as a foster child a little more than four years ago. We finally managed to adopt her this last summer.  
-Our  9 YO daughter who originally came to us as a medical respite child over two years ago. She was abandoned at our house after a respite stay in November 2012 and we've had her ever since. Our plan is to adopt her and her younger sister but there is a bit of flux surrounding that at the moment
-Our 5 YO daughter who came to us as a foster child in February 2013 to reunite her with her full sister. We're working towards adoption. 
-Our 4 YO daughter (Our third biological daughter)
-Our 1 YO daughter (Our youngest (and we think final) biological daughter)

 

Although they came into our family in different ways; they are all our children and we love them as the unique and special people they are. Our kids are all very close and have also found their own special connections to all of  their siblings.  

[bethben]

We have 3 bio and our last one is adopted from China. She was a special needs adoption which meant that she had a cleft lip/ palate. It's been a little rocky just because she has a very strong personality, but so far the different race is not too big a deal. She does wish she could have my color skin at times though. I wish I could have her skin---we're mutually jealous of each other. I'm not sure how that will play out later. I do wish she could have a Chinese sister, but we're emotionally maxed out with children.

Beth