How much does your social life factor into where you live?

[BlueTaelon]

We have no social life here, not many chances for work either (very rural area, long work commutes with low work hours). If I'm careful with the tax return we can exist here, bills will be paid but we have nothing in common with the locals, the kids have no IRL friends here (me either), other then the fact my parents live here we have nothing holding us here. We've been here 9 months and just are not happy here. I found a city (about 60k people) on the other side of the state that looks great, much lower cost of living, checks off all the boxes for things were looking for but we don't know anyone, and I would be leaving my job here. We have income that would pay the basics but I wouldn't have the safety net of my tax return anymore since it would get used up in the move. There are many, many, many positives to moving there.

 

Trying to figure out how to go check out the place ahead of time too, its 1000miles round trip, driving is cheapest but still it would not be cheap to drive down, get a hotel for several days to explore ect. I am a planner, I don't like surprises so just packing up a uhaul and going and hope we like it and find a rental quick is way outside of my comfort zone. Also worried about being able to find a place without having a job already there.

[Ottakee]

You can likely check out a lot of stuff on line--housing, churches, doctors, schools, homeschool opportunities, etc.  Also check their visitor guides for ideas on what is available through recreation departments, parks, etc.  You can check out rental listings and job opportunities through Craig's list. Local police departments can help with crime statistics and on line registries can list crimes, sex offenders, etc. in any areas you are looking to move. Then if it still looks promising, take a trip there.  Also check out property taxes, insurance rates, etc. to make sure it is affordable.

 

If you are not enjoying the rural life and don't have a great income then a more urban life might appeal to you.

[KrissiK]

we don't have a great social life, but we are able to live comfortably where we are at. what is really keeping us here, though, is family. We have deep roots in this area, all our family is here, parents are growing older, etc. etc. Otherwise, with this drought and California politics, we'd be out of here so fast....

[BlueTaelon]

You can likely check out a lot of stuff on line--housing, churches, doctors, schools, homeschool opportunities, etc.  Also check their visitor guides for ideas on what is available through recreation departments, parks, etc.  You can check out rental listings and job opportunities through Craig's list. Local police departments can help with crime statistics and on line registries can list crimes, sex offenders, etc. in any areas you are looking to move. Then if it still looks promising, take a trip there.  Also check out property taxes, insurance rates, etc. to make sure it is affordable.

 

If you are not enjoying the rural life and don't have a great income then a more urban life might appeal to you.

 

Done all that, my only real concern is the population is 50% LDS and I'm hearing its hard for the non LDS kids to make friends or join activities. I know the LDS folks will deny it but its what I'm hearing from the non LDS folks. Outside of the LDS issue it sounds like a really great place for us, I even found a Dr that has a lot of experience in dealing with a health issue we have and I can afford him! I've been looking for 3 years since we were dx'd and haven't found one local so thats a huge deal to me to be able to see a Dr when we need to.

[elegantlion]

Another issue to consider is not only the price of rental, but the price of utilities. I live in a rural town with limited opportunities. I know it would cost me more than I can afford to move closer to a real town. For now, ds and I have conceded that we're just going to have to drive to do things. Even the cost of gas, we're not going everyday, is cheaper than moving. 

 

I know is some areas the utilities can be much higher, not just the rent prices. 

 

I use city-data.com to research places and read reviews with a grain of salt. people can love and hate the same area. 

 

I would also ask if moving across the state is the best move. If you know no one, will you be okay without a safety net? 

 

For myself, I would run through all the worst case scenarios in my head to determine if I'm okay with "that" happening far away from everyone I know. 

[BlueTaelon]

Another issue to consider is not only the price of rental, but the price of utilities. I live in a rural town with limited opportunities. I know it would cost me more than I can afford to move closer to a real town. For now, ds and I have conceded that we're just going to have to drive to do things. Even the cost of gas, we're not going everyday, is cheaper than moving. 

 

I know is some areas the utilities can be much higher, not just the rent prices. 

 

I use city-data.com to research places and read reviews with a grain of salt. people can love and hate the same area. 

 

I would also ask if moving across the state is the best move. If you know no one, will you be okay without a safety net? 

 

For myself, I would run through all the worst case scenarios in my head to determine if I'm okay with "that" happening far away from everyone I know. 

 

yep, did that too. Utilities are actually half what they cost here. The lack of safety net scares the heck out of me.

 

I live in a densely populated city.  We don't really have a social life either.  I have not had much luck finding secular homeschoolers nearby.  The few I've met up with live far so getting together with them is difficult.  I feel like I have nothing in common with the people around me in large part because of the homeschooling thing.  A lot of stuff is connected to the schools.  Even finding extracurricular activities that are not part of the schools is difficult.  I'm not religious so I won't join a church.  Plus I do not have a regular sitter and I don't want to hire a stranger. 

 

I'm a major introvert so I think I could live anywhere and it would be the same. 

 

That said there is stuff to do here.  We have a theatre, opera house, somewhat of an art scene, museums, etc.  I take violin lessons.  I've taken some courses at the adult ed.  We have several CCs and unis around where I could take courses (when I have more time in the future) and many of them offer free special lectures, etc.  Those are the sorts of things I'm interested in so that suits me.  I don't feel the need to get together with a bunch of people to hang out.  I wouldn't mind finding people to play cards or board games with.  I don't meet a lot of people who seem to like that though.

 

Major introvert here too but it would be nice to have a friend to visit, the kids need a social life, dd7 is a total social butterfly and dd13 needs a friend. I'd personally like to go out on a date lol. There is NOTHING here unless you belong to the church or use the public school. The town only has about 250 people spread out over several miles and I can't afford to drive an hour to stuff plus the cost of the activity itself.

[regentrude]

We do not have the luxury to choose our location based on anything other than the location of DH's job.

I would never move somewhere without a job lined up first.

 

This said, within the area where work is, we have chosen to live in town and not in the country: we want a bike commute to work, and short distances to activities and friends. I still wish I had more friends, and I miss my family. But those can't be helped. Work is here, so this is where we need to live.

[Amira]

Done all that, my only real concern is the population is 50% LDS and I'm hearing its hard for the non LDS kids to make friends or join activities. I know the LDS folks will deny it but its what I'm hearing from the non LDS folks. Outside of the LDS issue it sounds like a really great place for us, I even found a Dr that has a lot of experience in dealing with a health issue we have and I can afford him! I've been looking for 3 years since we were dx'd and haven't found one local so thats a huge deal to me to be able to see a Dr when we need to.

I'm LDS and I won't won't deny it. I don't prefer to live in places that are majority LDS either. ;) Being a Mormon often sucks up a lot of my social life and it can dominate a place if there are lots of Mormons. Depending on your personality, it can be hard to feel comfortable in a place where you're a minority and it definitely can take a lot more time to find your place.

 

In your situation, I might wait a year to see how things are going. You could save this year's tax return and use next year's for the move, or you might find a job before you go. And it's not impossible that you'd feel a little more comfortable where you currently are by then and be willing to stay. But I'd want a little more time to prepare for the move, personally.

 

As for your original question, our social life is dependent on our neighborhood more than anything else.

[Upward Journey]

We do not have the luxury to choose our location based on anything other than the location of DH's job.

I would never move somewhere without a job lined up first.

 

This said, within the area where work is, we have chosen to live in town and not in the country: we want a bike commute to work, and short distances to activities and friends. I still wish I had more friends, and I miss my family. But those can't be helped. Work is here, so this is where we need to live.

This!

[catz]

We don't have a wondrous social life either. I feel like we're in a phase where our kids and many of our friends are running in all different directions. That said, we have many social connections and our kids are well connected to other kids. We are in a densely populated area that has a very nice secular homeschooling community and my kids have endless activity opportunities here. It's definitely helpful we live within about 10 miles of high quality museums, theaters, shopping, walking distance to parks, have some of the best bike trails in the country, etc etc

 

A big thing about having a social life is it is work no matter where you are though. It just doesn't fall in your lap. You need to engage people, ask them to do things, invite people to my messy homeschooling house, etc. When I'm feeling bad about my lack of social life at the moment, I need to remind myself the past couple years I haven't been tripping over myself engaging people socially either. There was a mom that posted a rant on a local homeschool board about how hard it was to engage people here. Well, I met her later and she was one of the most introverted people I've ever met. I think the opportunities have always been there to embrace. It's fine to chose not to do so, but you can blame it on the whole world.

 

I met a friend for lunch today. It was much needed and very fun. :)

[elfgivas]

could you start applying for jobs, and see what happens?  or could you make the trip, check out the area and apply for jobs while you are there? 

 

fwiw,

ann

[Susan C.]

Draw a circle 500 miles away in all directions to open up your options! We have moved twice to a new job in a place where we know nobody. It was stressful, a lot went wrong, and it remains to be said that it is great..... we have made the best of it and it could be a lot worse. Not sure I would do it again without more secure options on the other end.

[J-rap]

Can you begin the job search process online?  If the city is big enough, does it have a temporary job agency that could hire you until you find a permanent job?  It doesn't sound like you are very happy where you are, and if you have no family, no ties, etc. where you are, then I'd pursue a move.  But, I'd try and learn about the job situation first.  When you google job opportunities, does it seem like much is available?  Can you call the local newspaper and have them send you a couple weekend issues so that you can look at the employment section?

 

A lot of towns have a work force center.  Maybe the city you are looking at has one, and you can give them a call.  They might be able to help steer you.

 

Also, I do want to add that it takes awhile to feel part of the community in a small town.  We live in a small town too (but not as small as yours!) . It took several years before it started feeling like "our" town.

 

[KungFuPanda]

I grew up in the sticks. I can see the appeal for adults, but it's hard on teens. I would have been miserable without school. Now I live in the suburbs. I LOVE how close everything is. This afternoon I was expecting friends. Twenty minutes before they arrived I ran to the grocery store, Chinese place, and liquor store and was home by the time they arrived. It's EASY to do spur of the moment things . . . meet friends at the coffee shop . . . let kids walk to friends' houses. There is ALWAYS something to do within a 5-10 minute car ride.

 

The drawback is that many of these opportunities come with a fee. You can go broke fast if you take EVERY class or field trip that interests you. You've got to pace yourself. It makes a huge difference in our lives that we've always had access to great homeschooling support groups and co-ops. With several groups to choose from, it's easier to find a nice fit.

[Camelfeet]

I'm another that wouldn't move without a job and source of income lined up, regardless of my friend situation.   If you've got that lined up and you aren't happy where you are, then move.  

[Aelwydd]

Is there a reason why you are only considering this one community and not other options as well? We live in a large metropolis, and besides having a higher income, we have a plethora of opportunities for everything from extracurricular activities to entertainment to medical care. The country is nice to visit, but I find it too isolating. In your shoes, I would definitely want to move, and I wouldn't limit my options to just one place. I'd find a couple of places I'd like, line up some job opportunities, weigh any offers and go from there.

 

Good luck!

[BlueTaelon]

Is there a reason why you are only considering this one community and not other options as well? We live in a large metropolis, and besides having a higher income, we have a plethora of opportunities for everything from extracurricular activities to entertainment to medical care. The country is nice to visit, but I find it too isolating. In your shoes, I would definitely want to move, and I wouldn't limit my options to just one place. I'd find a couple of places I'd like, line up some job opportunities, weigh any offers and go from there.

 

Good luck!

 

I am looking at other options, I'm just thinking out loud here and want others peoples thoughts. Believe me, I have a lot of different ideas going though my head from moving to various cities to how we could survive here if we stayed. My ex's dd is moving there this summer to attend the Uni in the fall and he's asked me to really consider moving there (I had brought it up first before he told me she got into the Uni there) since he can't move due to his job and he doesn't want her living that far away with no one around if something goes wrong. She's lived a pretty sheltered life so being on her own is going to be a huge shock to her. It could actually work out to the benefit of both of us. So I guess I would know 1 person but I assume she will be busy with school, I haven't thought to hard about that angle TBH. I still think of her as a little kid, its hard to believe she's 17 now. She would be a good influence on my dd13 who looks up to her though. She's one of those dream kids who are easy, rarely get into trouble, are compliant and A+ students. lol, everything my dd is not:) 

[DianeW88]

I'm LDS.  Your family won't be intentionally left out of things, but we are VERY busy with church activities, and the majority of our time is taken up with them.  By default, we don't often have much time to socialize with those who aren't in our ward, and it appears exclusionary.

 

Having said that, we do have neighborhood block parties in the summer, and we do meet our non LDS neighbors simply by being out and about.  Your kids shouldn't have any trouble, as long as they're allowed to play freely outside and meet other children.  Your kids are always welcome at any LDS social gathering, but non LDS folks aren't always comfortable with that.

 

As for the answer to your original question...no.  My social life does not dictate where I live.  Because I'm LDS, I have instant friends wherever I go through my ward, so I never worry about social opportunities and moving.