fairfarmhand Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 My dd is getting an opportunity to babysit a friend's kids during the day on a regular basis. My concern is the dad. He's kind of an unknown, but everything that I have heard about him is kind of negative. Not creeper negative, more of loser negative...not wanting to work, somewhat of a jerk, youngish, like 25 yo...Anyway, my dd is supposed to babysit the kids at their house. How do I say this without being offensive. "My dd is not allowed to be in the house alone with dad. " Honestly, my dh would understand the concern. He would not be offended at all if a parent said those exact words, but I don't know about these folks. So help me say this politely without intimating that my precious dd is in danger from a creepy guy. Basically it is for our family's protection and theirs as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilma Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 That's tricky, because the implication is definitely that he's a creeper. Or might be a creeper. But you're right to insist. Does it need to be said to them, or just be understood for your daughter? She can have an exit line prepared, "oh, great, you're home, I'll grab my things and head home now!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 So help me say this politely without intimating that my precious dd is in danger from a creepy guy. Basically it is for our family's protection and theirs as well. My first impression is that you will intimate that you don't trust him to be in the house with your DD no matter how politely you word it. ETA: I agree that making it a blanket policy and letting them know that's the case would make the implication sound less personal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KuniMom Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 "Our kids are not allowed to be alone with an unrelated male adult with no other adults present. So if your husband comes home at all, my daughter will have to come home. It has nothing to do with your husband, it's just a rule of ours. Do you think the babysitting job will still work out, because she's really looking forward to it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 We've considered pretty much making it a blanket policy. Perhaps I should go about it from that angle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyThreeSons Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Yes -- make it a blanket policy, and stick with it. Really, it's for her good, no matter who the guy is. Some people will think you're weird, but so be it. Years ago, I was training for a job. At the end of the week in the classroom, we were supposed to go out into the field in pairs in our cars. When I spoke up that I would need to be teamed with another woman, not a guy, because that was our family policy, people thought I was weird. I didn't care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 "Our kids are not allowed to be alone with an unrelated male adult with no other adults present. So if your husband comes home at all, my daughter will have to come home. It has nothing to do with your husband, it's just a rule of ours. Do you think the babysitting job will still work out, because she's really looking forward to it." yep, this is what we do/say as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 It sounds like a good opportunity for your daughter to make some extra money, but honestly, if I felt uncomfortable about a man being around my daughter for whatever reasons, then I think we'd turn the job down. I would feel really awkward telling a dad he can't ever be in his own home with his own children when my daughter is there, and it seems like a lot to ask of someone, too. It seems like it would make more sense to just not take the job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 It sounds like a good opportunity for your daughter to make some extra money, but honestly, if I felt uncomfortable about a man being around my daughter for whatever reasons, then I think we'd turn the job down. I would feel really awkward telling a dad he can't ever be in his own home with his own children when my daughter is there, and it seems like a lot to ask of someone, too. It seems like it would make more sense to just not take the job. I've thought of this. However, there are many opportunities for my dd to babysit and, while I might know the mom, I may not know the dad. That is equally awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I've thought of this. However, there are many opportunities for my dd to babysit and, while I might know the mom, I may not know the dad. That is equally awkward. True, but in this case you have reason. Someone has said something to you? You get an icky vibe from this guy? Those are red flags to pay attention to. No explanation needs to be given. Just turn down the job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2TheTeam Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I think it should a blanket policy...and is in our house even though our daughter is only 5. I have 5 boys. I understand this policy. My husband does too. It's for their protection. I think it's a good policy for girls and boys. It's just common sense. That said, if I had any reason not to trust any member of the family, I wouldn't want my child taking an on-going job with that family. I'd turn it down. It's a bummer though. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Nothing ever happened but I know as a teen girl I was not comfortable in the house, or esp. in the car when the dad would drive me home. One place it was really weird feeling when dad drove me home after I had found "adult" magazines in the bathroom drawer while I was looking for pony tail holders for the girls hair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 My dh never drove babysitters home for this reason (back when we didn't have babysitting age older kids), nor would he be in a house alone with one. He didn't want to make a teen girl feel uncomfortable and he never wanted to be in the position where someone could make an accusation against him. Sometimes I grumbled about it (I was driven home plenty by dads when I was a sitter) but honestly, I think it's a wise policy. I don't think it sounds strange or like you're calling him a creeper to institute it on your end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 My dh never drove babysitters home for this reason (back when we didn't have babysitting age older kids), nor would he be in a house alone with one. He didn't want to make a teen girl feel uncomfortable and he never wanted to be in the position where someone could make an accusation against him. Sometimes I grumbled about it (I was driven home plenty by dads when I was a sitter) but honestly, I think it's a wise policy. I don't think it sounds strange or like you're calling him a creeper to institute it on your end. For the dad's protection, many families in my area have this policy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I think a blanket policy is a good idea. It will help protect the dads in these situations, as well as be more comfortable for your daughter. I wouldn't think it would come up much, other than transportation issues. If dad is home there's no need for a babysitter, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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