Spinoff from the homebirth thread - did you become increasingly anxious w/each birth?

[Amy in Orlando]

I ask because I know I did. I've only had c-sections (2 were scheduled, but I went into labor early with those) - different reasons each time. By the time I had my fourth son, I was a wreck when I went into labor. Logically, it seems that each experience if it went reasonably well would make you calmer. That's not how it worked for me. Even typing this, I can feel my heart beating faster :tongue_smilie:.

 

Is it a c-section thing or do other people experience increasing anxiety with each pregnancy? Is it something to do with getting older and more aware of what CAN go wrong (I think this is my problem) or something else?

[BusyMum]

I was much calmer and happier approaching my third c-section than my second. The countdown to my first birth was easy as I kept my rose-tinted glasses on right to the last minute and refused to consider that it could be anything but a little perspiration, a push and then a happy smile! :)

[Kate CA]

I know what you mean. Right away after finding out I was pregnant with our fifth I immediately thought - oh no, I have to give birth!!! LOL It did not paralyze me, but I was certainly not looking forward to it. And really (poetic justice maybe?) I was a full two weeks late with her and *I* had to induce with castor oil!

 

Did I miss an announcement or were you just chatting about birth? ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

The birth of my first born was a nightmare. They induced me after my water broke and nothing happened. My body's reaction to the pitocin was to go into one long contraction - the nurses were yelling for the IV to be turned off! I was in labor for 72 hours, I threw up for the last 14 hours (to the point where I was throwing up little shredded bits of my stomach by the end). Sorry - maybe TMI? They were giving me the kind of anti-nausea medicine that they give cancer patients. My OB/GYN with 25 years experience told me later that she was scared during it. My labor nurse told me the same. They weren't able to do a C-section (although they wanted to) because there had been an earthquake and record numbers of ladies went into labor and the operating rooms were backed up. Anyway - the experience was bad enough that dh was dead-set against ever having another child. It took me 4 years to talk him into it! (His defense was that he was awake for all of it - I was drifting in and out of consciousness by the end).

 

We were scared for #2 but it was SOOOOO much better! I started labor and then stopped cold when I was 8 cm dilated. They wanted to induce me but after my reaction to the pitocin the first time we said, "no way!" So I walked. I think dh and I hiked at least 5 miles up and down those hospital corridors before labor started again. And then I'm sure they were wondering if they should call psych because I was laughing because I was so happy but crying with the pain - all at the same time! Once labor started back for real, I was in labor for only 13 min. until she came out! (Which was freaky in and of itself because she had the cord wrapped around her neck). I've never seen nurses yell, "Dr. X get in here stat!" outside of an episode of ER before. He came flying into the room, grabbed the baby, cut the cord in one swipe and they rushed dd away to a corner to work on her. Thank God, she was fine.

[Vida Winter]

Absolutely. My first birth was such a painful nightmare that for years afterward I would cry to just think about it. It wasn't a c-section but I was two weeks overdue and had a pitocin induction which lasted forever; I was "stuck" and not dilating at all for hours and hours. Afterward I looked and felt like I had been in a train wreck.

 

My next two deliveries went much better even though they both involved pitocin to some extent. But the anxiety leading up to them was bad, since I had something so real to fear.

[newlifemom]

Yeah, but I too have only had c-sections so I wonder if it has to do with increasing risks. I mean I have always sailed through them fine but I still privately freak out before each one.

[abbeyej]

No. I was more anxious about miscarriage or premature labor the second time. But while I think my thoughts about birth were more realistic -- less "rosy" -- I wasn't really more anxious about the birth itself. At this point, I'd be really excited! lol... But that's another issue, isn't it? ;)

[Amy in Orlando]

Did I miss an announcement or were you just chatting about birth? ;)

 

:lol: No announcement, just chatting. :lol:

[Tap]

Calmer here. Ds was an emergency c-sec after a last minute discovery of a bazaar breech position during induction at 2 week overdue. We knew I was going to have dd by c-sec, so we scheduled dds c-sec, to the date, about 4 mths before she was due. I knew both the date and time within 30minute for months :0) and it didn't matter what kind of contortionist she was!

[keptwoman]

First baby I was scared because I didn't know what it would be like.

Second baby I was even more scared because I DID know what it would be like.

Third baby, I wouldn't say I was looking forward to it, but I knew I'd managed to squeeze a large object out of a very small hole twice with no issue and I'd manage to do it again. So no fear really.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Yes! Each birth was faster and harder than the last. When it came time to go through those doors the third time, I was petrified. I didn't want to play anymore. I wanted to put my hands and feet against the door jamb, like a little kid, saying, "no, no, No, No, NO, NO, NO!" :willy_nilly:

 

I went on in, and (sure enough) it was faster and more furious than the last. It was quite traumatic, actually, even though I had a midwife (who was wonderful) and I had everything just the way I wanted it. I went from 1cm to 10 in five minutes, then -- oh, never mind. It hurt, and the baby came, and she was (is) beautiful, and I'm 45 now, and I'm done.

 

I won't do it again. Ever. Period.

 

I don't have to, and I won't.

 

And, no one can make me! Nah, nah, Nah, NAH! :001_tt2:

[BamaTanya]

And it doesn't really make sense, does it? I wanted babies SO much and was SO happy when I was pg . . . I just had to keep shutting up the voice inside that whispered "it has to come OUT eventually"!

 

I was induced for the last 2, and I couldn't sleep at all the night before. And, with the last one, I admit, I was writing letters to my 4 other dc in case something happened . . .

 

More anxious, yes. Maybe because I had so many little ones depending on me?

[BamaTanya]

Yes! Each birth was faster and harder than the last. When it came time to go through those doors the third time, I was petrified. I didn't want to play anymore. I wanted to put my hands and feet against the door jamb, like a little kid, saying, "no, no, No, No, NO, NO, NO!" :willy_nilly:

 

I went on in, and (sure enough) it was faster and more furious than the last. It was quite traumatic, actually, even though I had a midwife (who was wonderful) and I had everything just the way I wanted it. I went from 1cm to 10 in five minutes, then -- oh, never mind. It hurt, and the baby came, and she was (is) beautiful, and I'm 45 now, and I'm done.

 

I won't do it again. Ever. Period.

 

I don't have to, and I won't.

 

And, no one can make me! Nah, nah, Nah, NAH! :001_tt2:

 

I can SO understand!

[Quiver0f10]

I did end up getting an epi with my 6th (7th and 8th) because my 5th's birth was so traumatic that I was literally sick with fear from the moment I found out I was pregnant with # 6. Then when we decided to home birth with our 9th that fear came back and I think the fear had something to do with my bodies refusal to go into labor, although I don't think I was ready when they tried to evict her. When I got pregnany with my last, another planned hb, that fear was there and I prayed daily for peace. By the time he was born, at home, I had a peace about the pain and actually had a very easy labor and delivery.

[Frelle]

no, I was more scared about what might go wrong during pregnancy than I was about giving birth. I was dreading the pushing each time, but not labor.

 

I had my first in the hospital, 18 hr unmedicated labor, coped using bradley method techniques. Second was at home, 3 1/2 hr labor (my favorite birthing experience so far), third was an unplanned unassisted homebirth lasting 1 hr 15 minutes start to finish so that was too fast and way too painful. Fourth was a 5 hr 45 minute homebirth and the nicest labor at 5 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds.. but longest pushing ever at 1 hr 15 minutes.. he was a linebacker!

[LlamaMama]

My anxiety has increased about the car ride to the hospital. With my three girls, I have given birth at a hospital with a midwife. I seriously considered birthing at home this last time so I could avoid the uncomfortable car ride, but my husband had anxiety about that option! Fortunately, we live close enough to several hospitals that the ride is less than 15 minutes long, but since my last labor lasted only a couple of hours, it is an intense time.

[Tammy]

I had all easy births....With my first, I barely made it to the hospital in time, LOL!

[She]

My first I was very niave about birth even though we'd been to childbirth classes. Labor started 5 minutes apart and I freaked. 24 hours of labor, 2 of that pushing, epidural the last 3 hours.

 

Second wasn't scared in the least, got my epidural at 4 cm. 8 hours of labor, emergency c-section for frog-sitting breech. :tongue_smilie:(that ones not in the books!)

 

Third, vbac, wasn't scared in the least. That's the one I should have been scared of. 3 hours of labor, 3 pushes. Natural, felt everything.

 

Fourth, SCARED TO DEATH! I know that this all has to do with having a baby after 8 years, a tubal ligation, a tubal reversal, 4 years worth of miscarriages, bleeding through the first 8 weeks. First boy, acrobat! Planned an all natural birth with dr. catching his head and dh catching the rest. Yes, well, little boy wouldn't lie still. Dr. put the ultrasound on for a second when we came in to make sure he was head down. Yes, great. Several hours later when contractions still weren't accomplishing anything dr. brought the ultrasound in again and he was footling breech. Another csection, by then he was some kinda sideways. If we'd have just waited he probably would have flipped back. And all this with no water.

 

So much for ever having a natural birth again. Dr. said he wouldn't reccomend one, and dh took that as a no way. Pooh!

[Remudamom]

I was a bit worried about having a section for the last pregnancy, which was the triplets. The first two I had without any pain meds, not by choice, it was just a small hospital and that was the way they did things. First labor was about 12 hours and the second was two. With the trips I was in the hospital for three months, waiting, and had enough time to be nervous about a section. When the moment finally came, there was no time for an epidural, so they just knocked me out.

[CactusPair]

I was calmer. My 1st was so bad I knew the 2nd couldn't be any worse.

[Tammyla]

My first was a c-section and with a toddler in the house, my anxiety was another recovery and keeping up with her. We ended up with just the two, so I'm not a good case study.

[Mama Lynx]

That's an interesting question.

 

Not really ... my first birth was what I would call a nightmare, but the second was awesome. I was very nervous with the third, but not nearly as nervous with the fourth. My third birth was really odd. It was our first planned homebirth, but almost from the beginning I could not visualize birthing at home, and felt that I would end up in a hospital. And I did. But the fourth was born at home, and it was an easy, uncomplicated birth.

 

However, almost as soon as that fourth one was born, I knew I never, ever wanted to do it again. Now, when I think about becoming pregnant again, the idea terrifies me. I think I would be a nervous wreck through the pregnancy, the birth, and the immediate babyhood of the child.

[percytruffle]

Yes. There is a reason we stopped at two.

 

My first, dd, had shoulder distotia. Her shoulders were almost too large to pass through the birth canal. I had a three hundred pound male nurse practically standing on my abdomen. We came within five minutes of either breaking dd's shoulder or my pelvis. I was too far into the delivery for a c-section. Luckily she emerged just in time, uninjured.

 

Then, with ds, it was Christmas eve, he was a much larger baby than the doc wanted to admit before birth (10lbs 1.5oz). So, nobody really cared what I was doing during labor. The doc kept coming and going from a church service up the street and barely made it back in time. The nurses decided they were having too much trouble trying to find a vein in my arm for an iv, so they left it out. Basically, they were all sure I would be a c-section and that I wasn't trying. They even told me that directly in so many words. As soon as the doc left for the last time I said in my head, "Not trying? Not a big baby?! Scr*w you!" I had that over 10 lb kid pushed out in 15 minutes. He pooped all over the doc's shoes (he barely made it there in time to catch him). Unfortunately, I just about bled to death on the table afterwards as they frantically got that iv hooked up. Yeah, fun times, all without any meds.

 

The final nail in the coffin was the fact that they were so big. My grandmother had 10 kids and her youngest was 13 lbs. I could see the writing on the wall and I wasn't going there! I still panic at the thought of getting pregnant at 45. The women in my family are fertile into their 50's.

 

It totally gives me the creeps to hear about homebirths. I am such a birth chicken now.

[LisaKinVA]

Yes and No.

 

The actual "giving birth" doesn't scare me. In a strange way, I look forward to that (I really don't like being pregnant though:confused:).

 

I have silent labors... and throughout every one of them I've been told (new mw each time), that it will feel different. Trust my body, etc. But I honestly can. not. tell the difference between a braxton hicks and a "real" contraction.... until the baby is almost here.

 

Except for #1 (where my water broke) and #4 (when I thought my water broke), I had no clue. With #3 I slept through labor (no drugs either) and had a total of THREE contractions when I felt the "ring of fire" and my son was flying out (almost literally).

 

Even with #4, the mw kept saying things like, "doesn't this feel different than before?" I'd say "no." They'd say, "are you SURE you're in labor? You're not feeling ANY pain?" Nope. Until about 30 min. before the baby delivered...

 

So, I worry about NOT recognizing I'm in labor and giving birth in a store... or in the car on the highway... or the mw not being able to get to my home because of horrid traffic on I-95, or ice... snow... being alone with my 4 kids and having to "deliver on my own."

 

Things like that. But worrying about the birth process? Nope.

[Amy in NH]

I was quite anxious with my first. Even though I had done a lot of reading and attended childbirth classes, I knew I wanted to go natural, and I was unsure of myself not really knowing what to expect. I thought I had a low pain tolerance, but I surprised myself.

 

I was much more confident and eager with each birth after that, so that I was actually looking forward to the labor with my 4th/last.

[Philothea]

Well with the first c-section, I labored for like 18 hours, so you really could have done ANYTHING to me, and I would not have been afraid.

 

With the second one, I was well-rested and totally coherent to be terrified. I shook like a leaf on the operating table before the epidural. I was really worried about it for weeks.

 

This one, I am just so stressed out, because I never want another c-section again. I feel so much pressure from myself and DH to have this baby the regular way. I'm also terrified of having another c-section, not so much of the labor pains this time.

 

ugh, thinking about it makes me feel a little sick!