happymomofboys Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Deleted. Update in post #19. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace out muffins Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Oh, my. We'd be skipping Halloween and grounding, definitely. Maybe a month, then there's still 2-4 weeks to meet up with friends. Can he do chores for other people? Even his brother? I'd subtract from Christmas, too. They're old enough to start realizing some longer-term consequences. Not necessarily all the $, but like 1/3-1/2. Also... the lying (assuming he didn't tell you), cheating, stealing... That worries me. And free internet time would be gone until the New Year. Was it Dad's game? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Can you explain to FB that a child made the purchase and have the charge reversed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 1st - I have no children, so I don't have any practical experience. My first thought would be to stop usage of all electronics for a looooong time. Not just a week or two, probably more than a couple of months. I also like the thought of cutting back on Halloween/Christmas/Birthday, not totally, but enough to see the difference between the two children. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Your husband is in no way to blame. It is perfectly reasonable for an adult to leave their computer on, and have their browser open with their most recent web pages open. Please don't let your dh feel any burden of blame. For your son, I'd take away all non-school related computer usage for a couple of months. Money isn't really something he can raise much of at his age. I would never take away Christmas from a child as a punishment for ANYTHING... NEVER. That shows your child you have NO grace or mercy in your heart, which I would never want my child to think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymomofboys Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 Your husband is in no way to blame. It is perfectly reasonable for an adult to leave their computer on, and have their browser open with their most recent web pages open. Please don't let your dh feel any burden of blame. For your son, I'd take away all non-school related computer usage for a couple of months. Money isn't really something he can raise much of at his age. I would never take away Christmas from a child as a punishment for ANYTHING... NEVER. That shows your child you have NO grace or mercy in your heart, which I would never want my child to think. I don't blame dh at all. I was just sharing that he feels responsible and has taken measures with FB and the bank to deal with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymomofboys Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 Can you explain to FB that a child made the purchase and have the charge reversed? Already trying that, haven't received any information yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I don't blame dh at all. I was just sharing that he feels responsible and has taken measures with FB and the bank to deal with it. That is good to hear................ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymomofboys Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 Oh, my. We'd be skipping Halloween and grounding, definitely. Maybe a month, then there's still 2-4 weeks to meet up with friends. Can he do chores for other people? Even his brother? I'd subtract from Christmas, too. They're old enough to start realizing some longer-term consequences. Not necessarily all the $, but like 1/3-1/2. Also... the lying (assuming he didn't tell you), cheating, stealing... That worries me. And free internet time would be gone until the New Year. Was it Dad's game? It was a game on Dad's FB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I'm just wondering something... you have a lot of stressful stuff going on. A lot of uncertainty. Is your child feeling a need for attention? Negative attention can be better than none at all. Is he undergoing emotional upset because of your possible move and leaving his friends, etc? I know you said this isn't the first time this has happened, but I still wonder about his motivation. Kids who feel insecure can do some wild things. I don't mean insecure as in you are a dysfunctional family, but it just seems like there is a lot of uncertainty in your life right now, which can be weird for a kid and cause acting out. I have dealt with this a bit with one of mine when we have gone through some periods of uncertainty, and for us, it was really bad when we were preparing for a possible move - that never ended up happening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymomofboys Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 I think the natural consequence would be no access to computers for a long time (perhaps age 13, which is supposed to be the minimum for FB anyway). Most PCs are easy to password-protect and lock without having to shut down, so it's not much hassle for the adults. You could add locking or shutting down to your evening routine, and/or disconnecting from the internet. My husband already feels guilty for not locking down his computer before he went to bed. He forgot and ds took advantage of the opportunity. I don't blame my husband. It was an honest mistake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I would probably set something up where he worked for me to pay it off. If you are moving soon, there is probably lots to be done, packing, cleaning, etc. I'd set up a chart where different jobs were worth a certain amount of money and I'd track it. There would also be no free computer time for a looooong time. I wouldn't subtract it from holidays though. (Full disclosure, my oldest is 6 so this is all theoretical!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymomofboys Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 I'm just wondering something... you have a lot of stressful stuff going on. A lot of uncertainty. Is your child feeling a need for attention? Negative attention can be better than none at all. Is he undergoing emotional upset because of your possible move and leaving his friends, etc? I know you said this isn't the first time this has happened, but I still wonder about his motivation. Kids who feel insecure can do some wild things. I don't mean insecure as in you are a dysfunctional family, but it just seems like there is a lot of uncertainty in your life right now, which can be weird for a kid and cause acting out. I have dealt with this a bit with one of mine when we have gone through some periods of uncertainty, and for us, it was really bad when we were preparing for a possible move - that never ended up happening. This is possible, and I've been doing my best to shelter both of the kids from a lot of the difficult things going on, but some of it is unavoidable. He doesn't get an allowance right now, but he has been allowed to turn in cans for money. I have still purchased little surprises for him over the last year when I find deals so that he wouldn't feel like he was being deprived. I've tried to make his life remain as normal as possible for as long as possible, but some things like if we have to move, we're not going to have a choice about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I agree with removing electronics. He has shown he isn't responsible enough for them, so remove them. Computer, tv, etc for whatever length of time. I wouldn't effect Christmas or such...that is a time of feasting and joy, not misery. Not EVER...in my book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 No electronics (none) for a couple months. Do spend extra time bonding and connecting with him, though. Play cards or the Ungame. Take walks. Do whatever it takes to foster greater connection right now. (Not that you aren't bonded or a loving family, but this behavior coupled with the stressful upheaval indicates a need for more connection and more bonding.) I would not ground him. Do not isolate him either from the family or from (healthy) friendships right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Please don't quote, will delete. One of my children went sneaking onto Dad's computer after bedtime and bought over $200 in credits on facebook for a game he was playing. My husband is accepting responsibility for leaving the computer running and FB logged in with payment info on file, and he's cancelling his card and requesting a new one. The question is what to do about my son. This is the third time in 5 years he's done something like this, so it's not like he didn't know what he was doing when he did it. I'm not sure what to do. He has no way to pay us back since he's not been receiving an allowance while dh has been unemployed for the past year. I've thought about extra chores, but we're packing for a possible move in the next 6-8 weeks, so extra chores are a given already. If I ground him.. how long is appropriate? His friends are about to go back to school and once we move, if we move, he likely won't ever see them again. The natural consequence is not having that money to spend on him for Halloween/Christmas/Birthday, but I'm not sure if that's too harsh and/or too far into the future to be effective. We're really under so much stress when it comes to the other stuff going on that coming up with a creative solution to this discipline problem is proving difficult, so I thought I'd ask the Hive. I agree with the others that your DH should not be held responsible for not logging out; DS is old enough to know better. That being said, I see A LOT of stressful events in your post. A ton of unhappy things that effect your DS but he has no control over whatsoever. Your DS just may not be emotionally equipped to handle them and so is acting out to relieve anxiety and stress. I think you should give him some kind if consequence, say, removal of electronics for a period of time. (UNLESS it negatively impacts the friendships he is about to lose anyway - then let him keep those relationships as long as he can). Then, I think you and DH should give him a lot of TIME IN. Kind of tomato staking, maybe not as strict, but just spend a lot of time with him and have him help you guys do chores and whatever. Take that time to build the relationship and see if that will get him talking about what he is thinking and feeling. Soon he is going to hit adolescence and that is hard enough on its own without whatever issues he is already dealing with . Love your boy and build his trust, build the bond with you, and build his character. Don't drive him off with a harsh punishment (not that you said you would) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymomofboys Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 Thanks everyone for your advice. I really appreciate the outside perspective. We've decided he'll be grounded from electronics, but not from spending time with his friends, and that he will have to repay us by doing extra chores and giving up his can money for awhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I glad you came up with a solution -- it sounds very reasonable to me. :) (I still hope you're able to get a refund, though!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymomofboys Posted August 22, 2013 Author Share Posted August 22, 2013 I glad you came up with a solution -- it sounds very reasonable to me. :) (I still hope you're able to get a refund, though!) Looks like we will be getting a refund, so that's a relief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 Looks like we will be getting a refund, so that's a relief. That's great news! :hurray: It was a lot of money!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.