Liz CA Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Sorry, I could not think of a decent title. Brain is fried. I want to approach our pastor if he would consider letting the congregation know of a need of a young woman who has been attending this church. The need is for in-patient treatment after a lifetime of se&ual abuse / being sold for s%& and the resulting PDST and dissociative disorders. Would you ask to make an appointment and sit down with the pastor? Bring brochures, letter from social worker at mental health facility? What do you think is the best approach? I do NOT want anyone to feel pressured but we are members of a large church and I am thinking some people may be willing to help out - after all we just sent our youth group to Brazil with $9000. Am I way out of line? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 In the most gentle voice I can use-- I think I would have to think of ways to empower her to approach him.Does she want help? Could you go with her? Do you have to--does she have to--divulge what her medical need is, specifically? Alternatively, could he just use his discretionary fund? Could he tell the congregation it is low? Could she find counseling on a sliding scale? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SorrelZG Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 We have a small church and our pastors are close friends so perhaps the dynamic is much different but we just talked casually but privately with our pastor after learning of a medical need another member had but did not have the funds for. We had similar thoughts - wanting to help and thinking/knowing others would also. Now, the details of the need weren't so sensitive. Also, our church budgets funds for such possibilities. I don't know .. So much depends upon the specific church and people and relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 I wouldn't make a big to do. I would just call the pastor and mention that you know a young lady that needs some financial help. Then just go from there. I don't think you would need to have any paper work. IF the pastor then feels the need to research it further then you can help where needed. BUT I also agree with the young lady should if she can approach the pastor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Would the young lady be OK with you asking the pastor? It seems like a sensitive thing--is she OK with the congregation knowing too? If she is OK with it, I don't see why you shouldn't. But do get her permission first. And find out how much she wants known. Good luck, and God Bless You for trying to help her! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 In the most gentle voice I can use-- I think I would have to think of ways to empower her to approach him.Does she want help? Could you go with her? Do you have to--does she have to--divulge what her medical need is, specifically? Alternatively, could he just use his discretionary fund? Could he tell the congregation it is low? Could she find counseling on a sliding scale? I wish it was that "easy." The girl is in the mental health facility after a failed suicide attempt. She will not be able to approach the pastor herself. If she was, I would definitely offer to accompany her. Her social worker has suggested to another family and us (we are the ones who visit her, no biological parents around) that this in-patient facility would be highly beneficial but they do not take Medicare, which is her insurance. She has seen a counselor at church prior to this "incident." I am totally unfamiliar with how things like this could be handled. All I wanted to happen is, get the word out that someone needs help and see what happens. If nobody responds, we have lost nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Would the young lady be OK with you asking the pastor? It seems like a sensitive thing--is she OK with the congregation knowing too? If she is OK with it, I don't see why you shouldn't. But do get her permission first. And find out how much she wants known. Good luck, and God Bless You for trying to help her! :) Yes, of course, she is aware of it. She has received help in the past (temporary housing with church members, etc.) but this is a bigger ticket item. I am not sure how much should be shared - or perhaps details should only be shared with those who express interest in helping her. The announcement to the congregation could be kept more general in tone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Asking for donations to a medical treatment "scholarship" doesn't require explaining the ins and outs, does it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 We have a small church and our pastors are close friends so perhaps the dynamic is much different but we just talked casually but privately with our pastor after learning of a medical need another member had but did not have the funds for. We had similar thoughts - wanting to help and thinking/knowing others would also. Now, the details of the need weren't so sensitive. Also, our church budgets funds for such possibilities. I don't know .. So much depends upon the specific church and people and relationships. I know. Oddly enough, it can be easier in a smaller church to approach people. I have no knowledge what kind of funds are earmarked for what purposes but dh said we should not be defeated before we start and let God work on it and give it a chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Asking for donations to a medical treatment "scholarship" doesn't require explaining the ins and outs, does it? I don't think she would mind if we shared with the pastor what the specifics are. I, personally, would not want the details announced to the entire assembly, but rather mention someone is in need. If anyone expresses interest to help, they could be given a few more details. I am typically privacy-minded and maybe people would ask for more info before they are willing to pitch in. When I hear of someone in need and collections are taken, I don't feel the need to know "everything" in order to donate...but again - this is a first for me in terms of initiating this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Would she be ok with the pastor visiting her? Don't most churches have clergy that visit people in times of crisis? It could be discussed then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 We call it taking a "love offering." If the injury/need is generally know, the pastor would announce to the effect that we all know so and so has suffered a great injury/is hospitalized/whatever and has very few resources. We would then pass the plate and take a love offering and would made it let known that if anyone wants to help out at a later date they can make a further donation earmarked for that purpose. If the issue is a private one, pastor might just say that someone in our congregation is suffering a financial hardship and is in need of a major medical treatment and again, take up a love offering at that time or ask for donations to be made on behalf of the person. My primary caution would be in disclosure. Some folks don't mind telling pastor or key parishioners what is going on with them, others do mind. I have some folks who don't make prayer requests and don't want a prayer request distributed on their behalf when they are ill or having surgery others who do. So it is a very individual issue. Some people would only want the pastor to know their need and would not even want someone who was willing to contribute to know that they were the person in need. This is something that needs to be cleared with the person first, or the request needs to be made to the pastor only with as few details as possible and left very vague for the general congregation, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 One thought on the disclosure of details--while the young lady might not say she minds now, she might find down the road that she does mind. A lot. In this situation, absolute discretion is the best policy until the victim has reached a point of maturity and healing. Whether now or at that point down the road, the victim is absolutely the ONLY one who shares her story unless you have her explicit, specific permission to do so. With that in mind, go ahead and approach the pastor, specifically asking him to keep the details absolutely private. Explain specifically that those details are not to be shared generally among the leadership because of the sensitive nature of the issue. As a pastor he should know this, but say it out loud, clearly and unequivocally setting that boundary anyway. All too often good people mess up in this regard, and that is not fair to the victim. I like Rosie's suggestion that the terms be kept to the idea of a general medical scholarship. All that needs to be known is that it is a medical treatment for a non-life-threatening condition not covered by insurance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 If they truly feel led to give, they don't NEED to know the reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Sorry, I could not think of a decent title. Brain is fried. I want to approach our pastor if he would consider letting the congregation know of a need of a young woman who has been attending this church. The need is for in-patient treatment after a lifetime of se&ual abuse / being sold for s%& and the resulting PDST and dissociative disorders. Would you ask to make an appointment and sit down with the pastor? Bring brochures, letter from social worker at mental health facility? What do you think is the best approach? I do NOT want anyone to feel pressured but we are members of a large church and I am thinking some people may be willing to help out - after all we just sent our youth group to Brazil with $9000. Am I way out of line? Not out of line at all. However, this is a VERY sensitive matter, and you really shouldn't violate the young lady's confidence by sharing without permission. Ideally, you should help her feel strong enough to approach and most certainly go with her. Our church has a Deacon/Deaconess benevolence fund, and it's very generous. This decision would be made privately after being presented by the pastor, discussed, and the pertinent information disbursed to those making the decision. We have a 16 member board who are sworn to secrecy. 8 men (deacons) and 8 women (deaconesses) so this would never be discussed within the framework of the church body. It's very important that you NOT approach this if the church has a policy in which there is never a large expenditure like this that can be made without vote of the church body. There are many congregations like this, and it would be devastating for this young woman to have such private information talked about openly. So, if your church has the ability to contribute in large dollars to worthy cause through a board which will limit the number of individuals who know details about what has happened to her, then try to help the young lady go talk to the pastor. But, don't go on her behalf without her knowledge because that may feel like a violation for a dear soul who has been violated more than our imaginations can conjure. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 I don't think she would mind if we shared with the pastor what the specifics are. I, personally, would not want the details announced to the entire assembly, but rather mention someone is in need. If anyone expresses interest to help, they could be given a few more details. I am typically privacy-minded and maybe people would ask for more info before they are willing to pitch in. When I hear of someone in need and collections are taken, I don't feel the need to know "everything" in order to donate...but again - this is a first for me in terms of initiating this. please don't assume this. The request can be made without divulging details of what is happening. Personally, people who want all the dirty details before helping annoy me. If a Christian brother or sister in our congregation obviously needs help I can give without having to know exactly what's going on. In fact, I prefer to NOT know the sordid details of people's health situations, both mental and physical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyThreeSons Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Out of respect for the pastor's time, I would call and make an appointment to talk with him. Popping in when he's trying to wrap his writing of Sundsy's sermon would not be good. Then, I would speak with him in very general terms, not disclosing her name or too many specifics of the underlying issues. "I have become aware of a need within the church family. What resources might be available to help this person?" He can take it from there. Or, depending on how your church leadership is set up, there may actually be someone other than the lead pastor who would handle something like this. In either case, they likely know of someone within the congregation who has let them know that he is willing to help with such special needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 I wish it was that "easy." The girl is in the mental health facility after a failed suicide attempt. She will not be able to approach the pastor herself. If she was, I would definitely offer to accompany her. Her social worker has suggested to another family and us (we are the ones who visit her, no biological parents around) that this in-patient facility would be highly beneficial but they do not take Medicare, which is her insurance. She has seen a counselor at church prior to this "incident." I am totally unfamiliar with how things like this could be handled. All I wanted to happen is, get the word out that someone needs help and see what happens. If nobody responds, we have lost nothing. In this case it is probably general knowledge that she in in a facility and has issues that need medical attention. Just approach the pastor and tell him you'd like to organize a benefit (supper, concert, carnival, etc) for her current medical expenses. While you are there let him know there is a need for a second collection for the next XX weeks to help with her continued expenses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 First, I commend you for trying to help her! I have a dear friend whose family was nearly destroyed by a mental health issue that could have been prevented with inpatient treatment. There is just NOT enough help in our country for that. Saying this gently, but I am not sure asking a congregation for monetary help would be the best way to go about this. Is there a set amount and number of inpatient days that are recommended that she needs? If so, then this might be easier. From a health professional perspective (although psych is not my specialty), inpatient treatment is so expensive. What if you did collect money but it ended up being a drop in the bucket with final bills? Or she drops out because not enough funds? (I hate that the help she needs is so limited due to insurance issues, ugh!). If you have concrete info (exact cost, number of days, etc.) then I would possible approach the pastor with her permission only. There is also a chance others would find out. If the pastor has to run this by elders or a committee, then it's possible her name will not remain confidential. Our church has love offerings all the time, but they are usually filled with very specific details about the need. IMO (and you can ignore if you'd like), you should start with making phone calls for her (without revealing her identity of course). Call social workers, Catholic Charities, Lutheran Family Services, any kind of organization that helps with medical need funding. Just start making phone calls, and asking people to direct you to others if they can't help. I would think a social worker would be able to help, or your state department of public health. Good luck and I hope you can figure out a way to help her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 First, I commend you for trying to help her! I have a dear friend whose family was nearly destroyed by a mental health issue that could have been prevented with inpatient treatment. There is just NOT enough help in our country for that. Saying this gently, but I am not sure asking a congregation for monetary help would be the best way to go about this. Is there a set amount and number of inpatient days that are recommended that she needs? If so, then this might be easier. From a health professional perspective (although psych is not my specialty), inpatient treatment is so expensive. What if you did collect money but it ended up being a drop in the bucket with final bills? Or she drops out because not enough funds? (I hate that the help she needs is so limited due to insurance issues, ugh!). If you have concrete info (exact cost, number of days, etc.) then I would possible approach the pastor with her permission only. There is also a chance others would find out. If the pastor has to run this by elders or a committee, then it's possible her name will not remain confidential. Our church has love offerings all the time, but they are usually filled with very specific details about the need. IMO (and you can ignore if you'd like), you should start with making phone calls for her (without revealing her identity of course). Call social workers, Catholic Charities, Lutheran Family Services, any kind of organization that helps with medical need funding. Just start making phone calls, and asking people to direct you to others if they can't help. I would think a social worker would be able to help, or your state department of public health. Good luck and I hope you can figure out a way to help her! Yes, her fantastic social worker has been in touch with the treatment facility and we have a definite dollar amount for approximately 2 weeks. Should, miraculously, more money be provided and she could stay longer, she likely would. Right now, we are hoping to finance 2 weeks of in-patient treatment. Thank you for all your suggestions. I need all the input I can get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 With the girl's permission, I would have the pastor & social worker talk to each other, and also let them know that you & the other family are willing to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Also, I disagree about making all kinds of calls on your own. Her social worker has all the information, connections and resources. I have tried that kind if thing before and it never leads anywhere because I had no real standing to ask, and for these agencies a call out of the Blue is not as effective as a SW they've worked with before. Let the professionals handle it, but the helpful connection you can make is getting the SW and pastor to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Sorry dp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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