umarider Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 A good friend is having elective outpatient surgery today, so I offered to have her dd stay overnight. Her dd is same age and pretty good friends w/ dd9. In the past, when this guest girl(gg) has visited, there've been problems with a particular set of dolls because things get broken/lost. My dds have tried in the past to put away their favorite dolls/accessories and only play w/ part of the collection, but gg apparently goes and finds the put away items and insists on playing w/ them, too. (And things get lost/broken). This morning both dds asked for my support if they decided to not get these dolls out at all. Since they've tried in the past to make the situation workable and there are plenty of other dolls/activities, I agreed. Cut to this afternoon when gg is pouting & sulking (seriously) because she wants to play w/ these particular dolls. Dd9 has tried to suggest several other fun activities, but gg doesn't relent. Then gg started to follow me around sulking and looking pouty as I did chores. I turned to her and said "When I see a face like that it usually means a: someone needs a nap, or something to eat, or b: someone wants something and is hoping I'll help them get it." I then asked if the reason for the face was ___ dolls. "Yes", gg wanted to play w/ them and dd9 said "no". I told gg that while I understood her wanting to play w/ those dolls, I was sure she would feel the same way in dd9's place if her toys weren't being treated w/ respect. I reminded her that dds had asked her in the past to be careful w/ their things, and that she hadn't respected their requests, so I was going to respect their request to keep those toys put away this time. Gg continued pouting so I pointed out that her looking sad was not going to change my mind and that she had the choice of choosing to do some other fun thing, or taking a little alone time until she felt better. (She opted for doing some other fun activity) Question is, did I overstep my bounds? I'd considered whether gg was reacting to her mom being outpatient today, but then realized I'd seen this pouty behavior plenty of other times w/out stress being present. Personally, I have no patience for kids who pout/sulk to get their way. I think dd was surprised at how nicely I did handle it, because judging from dd's face, I think she was amazed at her friend's audacity to follow me around pouting. (Dd was probably thinking "oh man! you do NOT want to do that!"). How would you handle this situation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Your house, your rules. :-) You set clear boundaries, about the dolls AND about behavior, in a respectful way. You gave her some options to redirect her behavior. Good for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in Orlando Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I think you handled the situation very well. My youngest son has a similar friend - by now he knows pouting and/or tantrums will not sway me. He doesn't even try it anymore. I bet gg gets it too, now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Other people's parents are far more intimidating to children than their own; and those same words delivered coldly or angrily would be, IMO, too much. A shorter method might be to just say that those toys are not available today and leave it at that, with a quick change of subject to another activity or just another topic of conversation. Most kids would not have the nerve to argue beyond that point, even though they might want to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autumndivona Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I would do EXACTLY what you did. My son has a collection of action figures whose arms are easily pulled off; this only happens when my nephews are present. Hence, when my nephews would visit, I would hide the toys they most enjoyed destroying in my own bedroom closet. I don't think my sister appreciated it, but it isn't my fault that her children are destructive. I am responsible only for my child's happiness. I think you did the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 You handled it perfectly. I would have done the same thing. (Less patiently, to be sure, but the result would be the same.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I have a friends child who is similarly sulky and pouty at the drop of a hat. I deal with it pretty much as you did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I think you handled the situation just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 No, you did not overstep your bounds at all. I think it was completely appropriate and respectful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSMP Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 You did a great job handling this situation. Been there so many times....:glare: With my daughter, she would pack everything she didn't want broken and I would put it away in my room. The same with my boys.....my nephew broke/breaks everything he thinks they like when he comes to visit. I told them to put them away in my room. When asked for them by the visiting children I simply explain the reason for them being put away and that the items will not be brought out unless other children are prepared to pay for the items they break. I did at one point ask one parent to replace a toy that had been a cherished gift for my daughter. Surprisingly it went over well...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makita Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I completely agree - you were within your rights (your house, your rules) and handled it very well. Kudos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I'm impressed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 You handled the situation very well, and were probably nicer than I would have been. One of my BIG peeves is children who come to my home and feel entitled to my children's belongings simply because they are a "guest". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I think you handled the situation very well! You allowed your girls to set boundaries, and you supported them. You offered her options and she chose one. Good job! ETA: When you have a child in your house without their parents, you have the right to parent them, IMO. I don't mean spanking (if that's something you do) etc. but maintaining boundaries and not letting them push you around - absolutely. You're the adult in charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umarider Posted August 7, 2008 Author Share Posted August 7, 2008 Thanks for the feedback. My friend called a short while ago to say that she is doing okay. She spoke w/ her dd, so if there was any stress on those grounds, it should be settled now. Meanwhile, both girls are playing PS2... not my favorite thing for kids to do on a nice, sunny day, but no toys are getting broken and they are getting along, so I guess it's okay. And besides, they're playing "Barbie Horse Rescue", so how can a horse-loving mom really have a problem w/ that?:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 You were fabulous!:thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 ETA: When you have a child in your house without their parents, you have the right to parent them, IMO. I don't mean spanking (if that's something you do) etc. but maintaining boundaries and not letting them push you around - absolutely. You're the adult in charge. I agree. I have taught my children that "house rules" can vary and need to be respected even if they differ from ours. I also expect that when I put my child in another person's care they will enforce rules and boundries if necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 You handled it a lot better than I would have. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Oh please, don't worry, you were very diplomatic. Good job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I probably would have taken a little more of the blame saying, "No, I decided to put those dolls away since they got broken last time." so my dd didn't look like the bad guy. But, it sounds like your dd was OK with that, which is good. I think you handled it great and I would have done exactly the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenschooler Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I think you handled it very well. I don't see how that could be overstepping your bounds, at all. From what you described, you showed a lot of patience. I would have just said we're not playing with them, and that's the end of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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