texasmama Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 She likes to ask my opinion about things for which no right or wrong answer exists. Tonight, it was, "My friends want to go to a movie at 3:30 tomorrow, but I think I would rather go another day. Should I ask them to change the date?" I have to answer because if I don't, I am being rude. So I answer. She argues. I tell her that it doesn't really matter what she does. Either choice is okay. She gets defensive. Ahhhhhhhh..... I am tired. My brain has shut off. I don't care if she ever has a friend or goes to a movie or asks my opinion about anything ever again. Really. This is a JAWM post. Tomorrow is another day. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyco Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Yep, mine does this too...a no-win situation! Why even ask my opinion if you are going to argue with me?? I've taken to just answering, "Whatever you decide will be fine." Or somesuch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Answer a question with a question. "Hmm, good question, which do you think would be better?" And keep doing it. Drives them crazy. I am totally tired of my teen's contrariness, and he isn't a teen for 3 more weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 Thanks for the hug and suggestions. I like them. :) Linders, it reminds me of a time when I was dead dog tired a few years ago and my teen was using a lot if words to tell a story. I will admit my mind drifted. Then she asked what I thought, and I was so lost so I said, "I don't know. What do you think?" It worked pretty well, actually so I probably need to use that response to everything from now on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 She likes to ask my opinion about things for which no right or wrong answer exists. Tonight, it was, "My friends want to go to a movie at 3:30 tomorrow, but I think I would rather go another day. Should I ask them to change the date?" I have to answer because if I don't, I am being rude. So I answer. She argues. I tell her that it doesn't really matter what she does. Either choice is okay. She gets defensive. Ahhhhhhhh..... I am tired. My brain has shut off. I don't care if she ever has a friend or goes to a movie or asks my opinion about anything ever again. Really. This is a JAWM post. Tomorrow is another day. Thank you. Ah. See, I learned a little trick, because my stepdaughter tends to do stuff like this to me, too. (As if it matters to me what day you do to a movie with your friends?! Why would you even ask me?! That's what my brain is yelling. However...) What I would do is turn it around and answer her question with a question. So going with your example, I would have replied with, "Well dd, would you rather that they change the date they go see the movie, or do you want to go today?" And then when she answers "Well, I really want to go tomorrow because blah blah blah", you can all 'Mmm hmm, yeah, oh, ok, well, that sounds like a good idea then to ask them to change the day". So basically, you're just agreeing with them that whatever (rather unimportant, neither right nor wrong) decision they want to make, it's the right one. Worth a shot at least. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I think you've got my daughter. Sometimes you just can't win. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 The transition of owning ones own decisions can be difficult. Such problems they have, what day to see a movie. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 My dd15 is a bit like this. For her, it is because she is indecisive. She uses me as a sounding board. If I suggest one idea and she has an argument for it, it generally means that is the decision she is leaning towards and is mostly arguing with herself. I hope she finds a better way to make decisions in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 She likes to ask my opinion about things for which no right or wrong answer exists. Tonight, it was, "My friends want to go to a movie at 3:30 tomorrow, but I think I would rather go another day. Should I ask them to change the date?" I have to answer because if I don't, I am being rude. So I answer. She argues. I tell her that it doesn't really matter what she does. Either choice is okay. She gets defensive. Ahhhhhhhh..... I am tired. My brain has shut off. I don't care if she ever has a friend or goes to a movie or asks my opinion about anything ever again. Really. This is a JAWM post. Tomorrow is another day. Thank you. I have a teen. An aspie one at that. I think he does this stuff just to practice arguing, so he's in shape for the big arguments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Maybe help her think outotu loud? I have given the speech "Don't ask me if you don't want to consider my answer" MANY times.... Sometimes I think the child is just thinking out loud and I was within hearing distance... To help her think through it: Find out if there is a reason the group picked a particular day. With Diamond's friends, it is almost always due to THEIR OWN work schedules. For SweetChild, it is more likely due to PARENT's schedules or driver availability. Occasionally, the whole group got an idea to do something and picked the first day that sounded good, and the day/time is flexible. So knowing why a date was chosen can be helpful. then, the REALLY HARD part: Telling her to get it straightened out, and let you know when she needs a ride. then just back away slowly, LOL! :grouphug: p.s. here's some popcorn for the movie. :lurk5: There- I saved you $zillion$. :coolgleamA: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 Maybe help her think outotu loud? I have given the speech "Don't ask me if you don't want to consider my answer" MANY times.... Sometimes I think the child is just thinking out loud and I was within hearing distance... To help her think through it: Find out if there is a reason the group picked a particular day. With Diamond's friends, it is almost always due to THEIR OWN work schedules. For SweetChild, it is more likely due to PARENT's schedules or driver availability. Occasionally, the whole group got an idea to do something and picked the first day that sounded good, and the day/time is flexible. So knowing why a date was chosen can be helpful. then, the REALLY HARD part: Telling her to get it straightened out, and let you know when she needs a ride. then just back away slowly, LOL! :grouphug: p.s. here's some popcorn for the movie. :lurk5: There- I saved you $zillion$. :coolgleamA: That last part is funny!She drives now and has her own car so that's good, anyway. :D She didn't go to the movie. She is taking her siblings to a movie instead. Go figure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 OK, so coming to the defense of the teens a bit. They may not be doing it to be contrary. I'm over the 50 mark, and dh frequently reminds me that many times there is no better or best choice, just two different choices that have different pros and cons. Seriously, some of us are wired to think that there must be a "best" choice, and if we beleaguer the choice enough, we'll figure out which one is best. I think that this is particularly true for teens who don't have the experience yet to understand that life doesn't come with an encyclopedic Owners' Manual. One of my kids was hard-wired to list the day's To Do list, pick it off, and demand to know the schedule for the day. (Very Aspie-like, but she wasn't.) When she'd come to me with The Big Dilemma, it not that she wanted my instruction or opinion, it was that she needed a chance to role play the factors leading to a choice. It wore me out the first few times until I realized what she needed. Sixteen was a very difficult year, such that even she remembers it, and recently issued a blanket apology. ; ) Best wishes, OP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 Oh, I don't attribute any malice to her doing this, at all, and I'm sure I was similar at this stage. It is just making.me.nuts. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 OK, so coming to the defense of the teens a bit. They may not be doing it to be contrary. I'm over the 50 mark, and dh frequently reminds me that many times there is no better or best choice, just two different choices that have different pros and cons. Seriously, some of us are wired to think that there must be a "best" choice, and if we beleaguer the choice enough, we'll figure out which one is best. I think that this is particularly true for teens who don't have the experience yet to understand that life doesn't come with an encyclopedic Owners' Manual. One of my kids was hard-wired to list the day's To Do list, pick it off, and demand to know the schedule for the day. (Very Aspie-like, but she wasn't.) When she'd come to me with The Big Dilemma, it not that she wanted my instruction or opinion, it was that she needed a chance to role play the factors leading to a choice. It wore me out the first few times until I realized what she needed. Sixteen was a very difficult year, such that even she remembers it, and recently issued a blanket apology. ; ) Best wishes, OP! Your post is insightful, and gives me hope! I am learning to not say the first thing that comes to mind. I am expecting (encouraging?) my 16yo to think before speaking, and find I need to be better at this myself. Doggone, it's hard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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