Is homeschooling more about mom?

[ItoLina]

I asked myself this question a lot a couple of years ago when dh and I were discussing the possibility of homeschooling. I was having a lot of guilt because at the time, I was still in the beginning phases of processing the whole idea of homeschooling, and my main reason for wanting to homeschool was because I just didn't want to be apart from my kids. At the time, I felt like this wasn't a good enough reason to homeschool. Then, I was discussing this with dh's aunt who homeschooled her three kids through high school, and I reluctantly admitted this to her. Her immediate and cheerful response was "Wanting to be with your kids is a great reason to homeschool!"

 

It totally shifted my perspective. Since then I have thought up a lot of other good reasons why I homeschool, and they are all true. The schools where I live are not the type of academic or social environment I want to have my kids in, I want them to have more and better opportunities in life than what they would get in public school, I want their time spent in a more efficient way, etc, etc. But, my main reason, if I am honest, is still that I just want to be with my kids more, and I think that is ok.

 

So, I guess it is for me, but I wouldn't do t if I didn't also think it was the better option for them.

[msjones]

Thanks everyone for the perspective. For some background.... we live in the country and my kids were on the bus one hour both ways. That drove me crazy. But the school itself is fine... we know many of the children and teachers that attend. And not just know in a "city" sense.... but the small town sense where you're related to half the town and thus actually know the people because your husband had the same teachers. Also my kids would have classes of about 10-15 kids... and some cousins in classes so it is not the "outside" influences that are the problem. I just don't like being a slave to the school schedule. I like my kids to be able to ride horses with their dad and be a part of our farm and ranch. Thanks to whoever said that we can pick our choice and we can go by our preferences and that is OK. I had never thought of that! (That's why I like this board!!) I just am enjoying it so much that I think.... this might be selfish. It is so fun that there has to be something wrong right?? My kids seem so happy with lots of outdoor and dad time. They can literally play outside as much as they want. I just want to do right by my kids.... I'm sure most parents do. I also homeschooled so I could advance them at my pace or rather their pace... and so they wouldn't have to do worksheets all day. :) Sometimes I just see kids that seem homeschooled out of fear of the "outside" and I don't want to be that way. I don't want to homeschool out of fear of losing my kids to the world. I want to HS cause it is best for them. And I need to check my heart every so often.

 

 

Your kids are lucky.

 

I wouldn't change a thing if I were you.

 

Enjoy!

[warneral]

Sometimes i have these thoughts.who am i really doing this for? I definitely feel strongly that they are getting a better education with me, but is that everything? I don't know.sometimes i think there would be benefit in having more teachers, more classroom discussion with a variety of perspectives....and i know that i do feel strongly about homeschooling being the better choice, so i have to work hard to keep everything in perspective and stay open minded.

 

LOL I do worry that HS is making them out to be clones of myself (which is not the goal!)

[elegantlion]

I'd like to believe somewhere there are teachers that should be thankful ds will never be in their classrooms. :D He's just not cut out to learn in a regular K-12 classroom. He was in private school for prek and K, got in trouble for talking (trying to socialize!).

 

First and foremost it is about his education, no doubt. There are perks built in. No more getting up at the crack of dawn to get him out of the house by 7:20. No more fundraisers every other week. I did examine my motives before we started homeschooling. Education first, after that it's okay to have some "selfish" perks, like enjoying your time together, starting school on your timetable, going to the grocery at 11am with your kids, taking a vacation just because.

 

We have 3 years left, ds and I have a much better relationship than he would if he had to get up and to the bus stop by 6:50. He's learning subjects that would never be taught in our local schools (like Japanese) and he has free time to explore his interests. He's proud of individualism. Now I should go wake him up because we are doing school today.

[Miss Tick]

This is an issue I struggle with because I am in a really good school district (according to their reader board). They have lots of extras and academic success stories. They don't have individualized education plans though... and I enjoy the life-style over all. I don't want my kids to be overly peer-focused, even if they are "good" peers...

 

Usually we happily move along enjoying our groove, but once in a while my doubts assail me. Is it for me? Is it really best for them? So far, homeschooling wins. Even if it is my selfish avoidance of outside work for me or bully exposure for them it is still in their best interest.

[I.Dup.]

I believe strongly in homeschooling, that it is best for my children (and many children, if they have at least one available parent dedicated to teach them!)

 

I do not homeschool mainly for academic reasons, although I do believe in the long run they will be getting a much better education at home (taught one-on-one for most subjects) than they ever would in a classroom setting. As important as academics are, they are not the most important thing in the world.

 

I homeschool because I feel it's best for them to be here with their family, learning how to relate, love, react, apologize and be apologized to, be protected, keep their innocence as long as possible, be nurtured, kept healthy, be comforted, be encouraged, get adequate rest, and all of the other things that would be much more compromised if they were off at school. I also feel strongly against putting children in school for a variety of reasons (artificial environment, unhealthy socialization, etc). They will learn throughout their entire lives, but they have only one childhood and I truly believe that how they live out their childhood and what happens to them affects them greatly, and I want to give them the best start I can until they are off on their own for the rest of their lives. :)

 

So yes, I do feel strongly that *I* believe homeschooling is best, but I'm doing it because I believe it's best for THEM.

[Tarreymere]

If I were thinking of me, I'd pop them on the school bus and enjoy quiet, peaceful days and a clean house. :blush: It's very tempting some days.

 

Oh, heck yeah!

 

I've had kids in a variety of school settings. Public and even private school did not provide my kids the kind of education that I can give them at home. It isn't that I'm such a great teacher, but it is more that my kids thrive in an environment that allows them time to read widely and think deeply, while limiting busywork and interruptions. My kids get to read real books, even for history and science, instead of garish textbooks with a superficial treatment of bits of information and too much fluff and junk. My kids tend to need extra time with math, which they are able to get at home. They do NOT get to use a calculator. They do get to learn Latin (not even on the radar at public school) and are formally taught critical thinking and logic (again, not taught in pubic school).

 

I question whether sitting isolated at a desk for hours every day is good for anybody, adults included. Further, I don't think anything beats 1:1 interaction for teaching.

 

At least one of my kids was seriously damaged by the negative aspects of tween-teen social interaction as well. I even see a significant difference in attitude between kids who attend public school with all of the pressures of homework and social demands and my kids at home who get a lot more rest.and less stress. My younger kids have never been in a classroom setting, and they do behave differently as they have only had adults to model social behaviors for them. They are a lot easier to get along with than my older kids were, since the older ones did attend both public and private school before being homeschooled and they had picked up some unpleasant ideas about appropriate behavior along the way.

 

It would be a whole lot easier to put them on the bus in the morning and let the school take responsibility for educating them. I would have a lot more time for my own work and my own projects. I've thought about it. I just know my kids would not do as well there as they are doing at home.

[fairfarmhand]

interesting discussion. I will give this some thought!

[wellread]

For me, everything I'm doing with my kids is in response to being called. (Not that I always succeed, but I try.)

 

I quit a high paying job where I got to play with a computer all day (and wasn't disturbed much) and now we're (happily) broke and I'm constantly interrupted by Mr. Million-Questions who also can't stop bugging his sister ... or the dogs... or the cat... And I'm (uncomfortably) way outside my area of expertise and doing stuff I haven't had years to perfect.

 

Home schooling is definately for them. I wasn't planning on quitting my job. But, as is usually true when someone sacrificially does stuff for people other than self (especially when 'called' to do so), I may be benefiting more than my kids (who definately are benefiting).

[Hedgehogs4]

Sometimes I wonder if homeschooling is more about me or more about my children. Is is really better for my children.... or am I trying to conform them with how I want them to be? Is a desire for a close family good.... or is it just a need of mine to be around my children and not let them go? It is giving them the best options? Or fostering my love of reading and learning and I am trying to spread it to them? Do I just want to present happy family.... or do I really have their needs at heart? Can anyone speak to this? (I have Christian perspective but welcome all thoughts.)

 

 

Both of my kids nursed until they were old enough to talk. One was 2.5 and the other 3.5 years old when they weaned. It used to drive me crazy when people would suggest that mothers only nurse their children past a year because they couldn't let go. It is stupid reasoning. Of course they wean, of course you don't want to nurse forever...stupid.

 

I say that because I think we have a tendency to be pressured by the world to send our children off to be artificially socialized at a point that is most likely (in the social grand scheme of things) too early. I have seen only good in my children for having them stay at home. When I watch their behavior, their intellect, their overall sense of security, I believe I am doing something that is very good for them. This is not to say that they would not be well-behaved, smart or secure if the went to school, since everything is going well, what could be wrong with it? I really believe that when they have a need to be more independent and peer-focused, they will express those needs in a variety of ways. I have never seen homeschooled kids stay at home past the point of what is healthy and live with their parents until their 30s because they were homeschooled, any more than I have seen a kid not go to college because they hadn't weaned yet.

 

Homeschooling is not about me alone, but I believe that God uses it to work on my character and spiritual walk more than any other thing I have ever done. To be faced with this daunting task day and day out, to be tested to the limits of my patience, fears, anger management, loving service, self-sacrifice, diligence and perseverance is something that I know God is using to refine me and to lovingly parent me as I parent my own children that he has entrusted to me. You know this is not for the faint of heart. In this regard, it is way more about the mom. Setting the spiritual example for my kids is about my relationship with God and my husband first, then about them. They will follow if they are well-shepherded.

 

Unless you can see damage to your children that has occurred as a direct result of your keeping them at home, then why are you worried?

[SeaConquest]

I really appreciated this discussion. My son is 4, and we have been seriously considering homeschooling, but spending all day with my child seems daunting. I find myself enjoying the "me" time when he is in school. If anything, I feel like sending a kid to school is more about the parents than homeschooling, and that homeschooling takes so much more thought, dedication, sacrifice and commitment. I know that's not what the op asked about, but I thought I'd mention it as an afterschooler.

[mommyto4QT]

I think about how clean, quiet, and peaceful my days would be if I had 3 going to school from 8 a.m. to 4:20 p.m. each day. I could get all my Pinterest projects done, volunteer part time, run errands at my leisure, etc.

[lewelma]

I had a "friend" tell me once that the only reason I homeschooled was so that I did not have to go back to work. :cursing:

Well it's only a tad insulting because she is suggesting homeschooling is not work. But otherwise, I don't see the big deal with this statement. I would not mind working, but truth be told I did not want to go back to the job I left to stay home with my first son. I really hated that job.

 

Oh, she made it clear that she thought I would sacrifice my children for my own gain.

[LMD]

I homeschool for a lot of reasons, that may change on any given day. I think that the lifestyle you describe 1000HillsRanch sounds like bliss, what a wonderful childhood your children are having!

 

I agree with WendyK & Farrar. Yep it's partly that DH & I prefer homeschooling, the homeschooling lifestyle, swimming against the tide, having control. All those things. Yes, I like this better than my previous outside job. I also think that my children are getting an excellent education AND childhood.

 

If it's working for my children and our family, then I don't see the harm in choosing my preference. I don't feel guilty.

[NASDAQ]

I really appreciated this discussion. My son is 4, and we have been seriously considering homeschooling, but spending all day with my child seems daunting. I find myself enjoying the "me" time when he is in school. If anything, I feel like sending a kid to school is more about the parents than homeschooling, and that homeschooling takes so much more thought, dedication, sacrifice and commitment. I know that's not what the op asked about, but I thought I'd mention it as an afterschooler.

 

I used to worry about this a lot when my oldest was preschool aged. It turns out that five-year-olds are nearly human, and six-year-olds are real people. Having a six-year-old home all day is nowhere near as difficult as being with a four-year-old. The schools take them just when they turn into human beings!

[I.Dup.]

Oh, she made it clear that she thought I would sacrifice my children for my own gain.

 

That's unbelievably ridiculous and judgmental. My mom and one of my sisters just cannot possibly understand why we would choose to have so many children. I recall comments around the same lines, that I'm just doing this so I don't have to do anything else.

 

Yes, because being pregnant over and over, having tons of children around, and homeschooling them (being with them all day) is so luxurious and easy. Whatever. They certainly aren't involved in our daily lives (my sister hasn't even seen my last 4 children) so I shouldn't care at all what they think.