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Sometimes I wonder if homeschooling is more about me or more about my children. Is is really better for my children.... or am I trying to conform them with how I want them to be? Is a desire for a close family good.... or is it just a need of mine to be around my children and not let them go? It is giving them the best options? Or fostering my love of reading and learning and I am trying to spread it to them? Do I just want to present happy family.... or do I really have their needs at heart? Can anyone speak to this? (I have Christian perspective but welcome all thoughts.)

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There is the part that I want them home-- I enjoy their company. I like protecting them from some REALLY bad school by us.

 

However, for us-- it is 99% about the kids. One kid is dyslexic-- there is no program here for him. One kid has CF-- he is healthier at home. The third kid? Just easier to keep him home. :D

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Those are really good questions to ask. We do that every year. We ask ourselves if it's working for her, working for the family, and frankly, working for the Teacher (Me). Home education, to our family, is about the whole family and what we want out of education, spiritual life, and the family dynamic. So no, it's not all about Mom or even MORE about Mom than others, but Mom of course is in the picture. If Mom hates what she's doing, she will not do it as effectively as if she is motivated to do it.

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Nope, I'm doing it for the kids. I have grown to enjoy parts of it and become passionate about it, but it is definitely for the benefit of my children.

 

FWIW, I am a reluctant, accidental homeschooler. Private school was the plan...until I had a kid for whom that plan did not work. As another poster stated, it's easier to keep the other two at home, and it is truly a lifestyle now.

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Nope, and on the bad days I can think of 100 other things I'd rather be doing. I am committed to giving the kids close family relationships and a quality education. I keep reminding myself this is just a season. Don't get me wrong, I do love homeschooling, but it isn't easy.

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my child benefits the most. I benefit because I don't have to worry about the horrible outside influences and the effect of staying in a classroom all day cooped up would have on my son. I get to teach him, something I thoroughly enjoy, and see him learn new things. I get to see every expression on his face and hear everything that comes out of his mouth. Those are treasures dear to my heart.

 

but ultimately he benefits the most. He has such a joy and freedom that kids that go to school don't have. At least those of his friends, that cry every day and declare they hate school.

 

 

If I sent him to school, it would be totally for me, to have a clean house, to have time to myself. I feel he would get little benefit from going to public schools where I live.

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ALL for them. While HSing was the plan from before they were born - I am MUCH better suited for other things.

 

And it might sound offensive to some and it's not my intent, but I would NEVER HS just to keep them at home "in the family" - I think it's a terrible reason to HS. While I value famly very much, a child's education doesn't have anything to do with that

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I'm having that same question run through my mind. My oldest ds needs to be home. They don't have a program to accommodate his auditory processing problems. My youngest ds does better at home because he is too advanced academically and to far behind emotionally/socially and just needs a few years to grow up a little (my oldest was that way when he was smaller too). My dd is the one that causes the problems. She's home, because it's easier for me if she's home. It's too hard to be involved in her school and homeschool the boys at the same time. She would do just fine in the ps school here though. The discussions are regularly being had between me and my dh as to whether she should be home or not. Thus far, we have stuck with homeschooling for her. It's working and so long as it's not unhealthy for her, it's probably what we'll do.

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I definitely have some selfish reasons for homeschooling, but at the end of the day it has to be what is right for my kids. I would not continue with it if it was not.

 

My kids have never expressed a desire to go to school. In fact they hate the idea of it. They don't know anything else though.

 

Also, IMO the reasons for homeschooling don't matter one lick in comparison to the outcome. I care mostly about the outcome. If my reasoning is that I don't send them to school because I can't stand the color of the local school building, so what so long as they are getting a quality education and having their needs met.

 

 

I agree with this. If it's not harmful, does it matter if it's due to a parent's preference? We don't question people who send their children to public school because that's their preference and it isn't a harmful environment.

 

It sounds like the OP's question isn't whether or not homeschooling is more about mom. It seems like the question is whether or not homeschooling is harmful to children in this family. And the answer to that question has nothing to do with whether or not anyone else on the board is choosing to homeschool because it's their preference.

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I admit that it has to be all or nothing for me. I won't keep one home and send one. I just can't imagine making that work.

 

 

I would have preferred to homeschool all of my children. My "philosophy", however, always has been to believe in "whatever educational method/provider is best suited to the individual child." Had to put my money where my mouth was when a special needs child was so emotionally unstable that outside schooling in a specialized school emerged as the lifesaver (in pertinent ways) for that child. I struggled a lot emotionally, but gradually accepted that his needs, for that span of years, best were served by outside schooling. He resumed homeschooling for his senior year of high school, and now is sailing through college with superior outcomes (both academically and socially). The rest of my children, older and younger than that son, continued (or is continuing) as homeschoolers.

 

My corollary belief that curricula should be individualized for the child's greatest learning potential has resulted, unfortunately, in heavy financial costs.

 

As to whether or not to homeschool, basically our core belief is what likely is best for our family as a whole.

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Sometimes i have these thoughts.who am i really doing this for? I definitely feel strongly that they are getting a better education with me, but is that everything? I don't know.sometimes i think there would be benefit in having more teachers, more classroom discussion with a variety of perspectives....and i know that i do feel strongly about homeschooling being the better choice, so i have to work hard to keep everything in perspective and stay open minded.

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I've had to accept that, if I were to keep DS home another year, it would be for my own selfish reasons. I love teaching him at home. I'd love to do it long term. I think I can provide a superior education, more free time, and more focused attention to what DS needs on any given day. But DS has other ideas. He's ridiculously excited to be starting 1st at the local PS next year. I hope he's happy/healthy there, but if he's not I'll cheerfully bring him home!

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I can't imagine homeschooling for *my* benefit. If we weren't of the what's-best-for-the-child perspective, I'd have the older three in school, #4 in a full-time preschool and #5 in a several-mornings-a-week preschool. And I could read, eat bon-bons, and play on the computer all day (when I wasn't picking up the house, helping my mother Out Of Town, or actually making a chiro appt).

 

I agree with Orothodox6 that we have a "one child & one year at a time" perspective to homeschooling. I'm open to the idea that there might be a kid who it benefits to go to school (not the closest brick & mortar, but the one about 20-25 min away). I would have to "make do" for that time with one in and the rest out.

 

Holly adds a blushing face. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm lazy and would love quiet days. I love my kids too much to let myself be that lazy momma. So, we homeschool.

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After my student teaching experience, I swore our kids would never attend a ps. I fundamentally disagree with how children are taught in ps. Homeschooling is far too much work, from my perspective, for this to be about me!! I also have kids that I know would have been labeled when they were little and that the stigma of the label would have completely hidden their incredible strengths and gifts. I do not even like to contemplate what would have happened to them educationally.

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Nope, I'm doing it for the kids. I have grown to enjoy parts of it and become passionate about it, but it is definitely for the benefit of my children.

 

FWIW, I am a reluctant, accidental homeschooler. Private school was the plan...until I had a kid for whom that plan did not work. As another poster stated, it's easier to keep the other two at home, and it is truly a lifestyle now.

 

Same here. I never dreamed I'd home school. Yet, it's what works for my children best. Although I have my days when I'm not the best teacher. That's when I out extra flavor into my coffee.

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I homeschool for my kids. If we had a school that would meet my requirements, they'd attend school. They did attend public elementary school here and it was good. We had a good relationship as a family and were close, even with public school. It just was not working academically, and also socially, anymore.

It is not about me, not at all. I work, and homeschooling takes time and effort and organization. I do it because it is best for them.

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It is a bit of both for me, but if I thought my kids would be better off somewhere else, I would not let the "me" part stand in the way. As I sit right now, it doesn't matter. The local schools are abysmal both academically and socially. I don't have to wonder if they would be better served elsewhere.

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I would be knitting and biking :D

 

I am doing it b/c I feel it is best for them

 

My sister made a point to me today that I hadn't thought of. I seem most sure of my purpose in life now than I ever had before. I've done the work with baby in daycare, then work at home with two littles, then sending them to school and working while They were at school. That hat I wear now has been more fulfilling than my other hats.

 

But in the end we are doing it for them :). I am really wanting to train for a century bike ride this year. I wouldn't mind having 4-5 hour blocks for riding while someone else educates them. At the same time, I wake up happy to spend my day with them each day.

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Thanks everyone for the perspective. For some background.... we live in the country and my kids were on the bus one hour both ways. That drove me crazy. But the school itself is fine... we know many of the children and teachers that attend. And not just know in a "city" sense.... but the small town sense where you're related to half the town and thus actually know the people because your husband had the same teachers. Also my kids would have classes of about 10-15 kids... and some cousins in classes so it is not the "outside" influences that are the problem. I just don't like being a slave to the school schedule. I like my kids to be able to ride horses with their dad and be a part of our farm and ranch. Thanks to whoever said that we can pick our choice and we can go by our preferences and that is OK. I had never thought of that! (That's why I like this board!!) I just am enjoying it so much that I think.... this might be selfish. It is so fun that there has to be something wrong right?? My kids seem so happy with lots of outdoor and dad time. They can literally play outside as much as they want. I just want to do right by my kids.... I'm sure most parents do. I also homeschooled so I could advance them at my pace or rather their pace... and so they wouldn't have to do worksheets all day. :) Sometimes I just see kids that seem homeschooled out of fear of the "outside" and I don't want to be that way. I don't want to homeschool out of fear of losing my kids to the world. I want to HS cause it is best for them. And I need to check my heart every so often.

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Ok, robot...get a friggin life!

 

Ha ha ha - really!! I am seeing a lot of these today. They must like Evolution threads too cuz I think they posted in all of the ones we've been having lately.

 

Do the pictures show up for you? I don't actually see any pictures - just broken links.

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Ha ha ha - really!! I am seeing a lot of these today. They must like Evolution threads too cuz I think they posted in all of the ones we've been having lately.

 

Do the pictures show up for you? I don't actually see any pictures - just broken links.

 

They set off my antivirus/spam/spyware stuff.

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Oh, it's all about me. :D

 

I mean, like Wendy said, I wouldn't do it if I thought it was bad for the kids. I do think it's better. But I also think it's at least as much about my need to do things my way. I mean, I have a need to swim against the stream sometimes. Also, it's about how completely crazy school would drive me if my own children had to go. I mean, public schools nearly drove me nuts teaching there and none of those were my own kids.

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my child benefits the most. I benefit because I don't have to worry about the horrible outside influences and the effect of staying in a classroom all day cooped up would have on my son. I get to teach him, something I thoroughly enjoy, and see him learn new things. I get to see every expression on his face and hear everything that comes out of his mouth. Those are treasures dear to my heart.

 

but ultimately he benefits the most. He has such a joy and freedom that kids that go to school don't have. At least those of his friends, that cry every day and declare they hate school.

 

 

If I sent him to school, it would be totally for me, to have a clean house, to have time to myself. I feel he would get little benefit from going to public schools where I live.

 

:iagree: This...I could have written this same post...

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After my student teaching experience, I swore our kids would never attend a ps. I fundamentally disagree with how children are taught in ps. Homeschooling is far too much work, from my perspective, for this to be about me!! I also have kids that I know would have been labeled when they were little and that the stigma of the label would have completely hidden their incredible strengths and gifts. I do not even like to contemplate what would have happened to them educationally.

 

I could have written what is in bold too...

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Sometimes I wonder if homeschooling is more about me or more about my children. Is is really better for my children.... or am I trying to conform them with how I want them to be? Is a desire for a close family good.... or is it just a need of mine to be around my children and not let them go? It is giving them the best options? Or fostering my love of reading and learning and I am trying to spread it to them? Do I just want to present happy family.... or do I really have their needs at heart? Can anyone speak to this? (I have Christian perspective but welcome all thoughts.)

 

I always find it interesting when someone thinks that homeschooling is somehow selfish or self-centered. I love my kids, and I enjoy being with them, but homeschooling is work! If I didn't believe it was best for them, I wouldn't be doing it.

 

RE conforming them with how you want them to be...I'm not sure what you mean here. A lot of parenting is about discipleship and socialization (the good kind!)--teaching kids how to get along with others and in society. Yes, it's conforming them...but for their good. I'd think of that as character training. If you mean trying to mold them into some kind of pre-conceived notion with regard to personality or career choice...well, that will probably backfire! But that's not what I want at all. I want my kids to be the best THEM they can be. They are not "mini-me's" at all--they are their own person. I view homeschooling as a journey that I walk alongside my children.

 

Re desire for a close family...truly, more children need to come from close families. I don't see how having a family life where there is lots of distance, aloofness, or conflict benefits children at all--whether we're talking toddlers or teens. So many people grow up and have pains that take years...sometimes a lifetime...to overcome.

 

Regarding letting them go...I don't see where God ever gave children to schools or villages to raise. He placed them in families. Now, sometimes there are legitimate reasons to put kids in school, but that moms sometimes feel *guilty* for NOT doing so, as if it is somehow selfish to take care of the children God put in their care...that just stymies me. Especially in the 12 & under years, I really can't see that there should be guilt along those lines. My teens WANT to homeschool. They enjoy it. If they wanted to go to school, we'd prayerfully consider it. I guess there is such a thing as smothering a child, and it's good to be on the lookout for that. But again, I see homeschooling as a journey where we walk along the road together. They have lots of choices in what they will study, and as they get older, I become more facilitator and less teacher--I want to be here to help and enable them to meet their goals. I ask them to pray over what to study, and we have open discussions on this--discussions that started even in early elementary years, but that have grown as they have over the years.

 

Is it giving them the best options--do I have their needs at heart--I do think so in our case. We talk about their goals and the options for meeting them with our kids.

 

"Or fostering my love of reading and learning and I am trying to spread it to them?" Personally, I think this IS offering our children a great option. Even among PS kids, the parent's love of learning and involvement in the child's education makes a huge difference. If the parents don't have a love of reading and don't have books in the home, it puts that child at a definite disadvantage. So...no matter how one schools, I don't see how trying to spread a love of reading to children is a bad thing. I think it's a great reason to homeschool. We've read aloud for years, and my kids and I still enjoy that time together. I had struggling readers in the early years, and I'm glad we were home to spend that time together, to create an atmosphere where books are loved yet without pressure on kids who were working hard on reading. They love reading now, and they test sky-high in vocabulary. I'm glad I passed these things on to my kids.

 

HTH some! Merry :-)

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It is most definitely not for or about me. I homeschool because I know it is best for my kids, trust me with their issues it would be much much easier for me to put them into school, there is no benefit in it for me to homeschool them.

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I just am enjoying it so much that I think.... this might be selfish. It is so fun that there has to be something wrong right??

 

Where is it written that a woman's life must be something she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy, or she's not doing it properly?

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I like my kids to be able to ride horses with their dad and be a part of our farm and ranch. Thanks to whoever said that we can pick our choice and we can go by our preferences and that is OK. I had never thought of that! (That's why I like this board!!) I just am enjoying it so much that I think.... this might be selfish. It is so fun that there has to be something wrong right?? My kids seem so happy with lots of outdoor and dad time. They can literally play outside as much as they want. I just want to do right by my kids.... I'm sure most parents do. I also homeschooled so I could advance them at my pace or rather their pace... and so they wouldn't have to do worksheets all day. :) Sometimes I just see kids that seem homeschooled out of fear of the "outside" and I don't want to be that way. I don't want to homeschool out of fear of losing my kids to the world. I want to HS cause it is best for them. And I need to check my heart every so often.

 

All of the bolded are excellent reasons to homeschool and not selfish at all. So many kids don't get enough Dad time (and with some careers it's just not possible to change this--what a blessing that it's possible for your kids!)--I think it's extremely important. You can't get back the time they could have had with Dad, or the time they have with you, or the time they were young and could play outside... so enjoy it while you have it, and don't let false guilt steal your joy. What opportunity or classroom could possibly be better? Even if the academics in your local school were superior, would it be worth these losses?

 

(Not to mention the hour on the bus each way...ugh!)

 

It doesn't sound to me like you homeschool out of fear at all. You may have occasional fears--I think most of us probably do. But they are not first and foremost in your mind, and they don't seem to be guiding your decision process.

 

Ecclesiastes says it's a gift from the Lord to be able to enjoy our work. Kids & I just finished reading it together! So, when the thought comes that "It is so fun that there has to be something wrong," tell that thought it's a lie and counter it with scripture!

 

Merry :-)

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What? I have chronic illness. It definitely is harder having my kids home all day everyday. I work my tail off to educate these kids. And it isn't just for their academic benefit. I work my tail off to provide social opportunities for them as well. When my kids were much younger, then it didn't seem as much work. But now? It is a lot of work and takes a lot of dedication and planning and commitment on my part. And while I get frustrated with them sometimes, it definitely is for the benefit of my children. I benefit by having children who are well educated and well socialized to my standards.

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I think I make the decisions for what works for me as a mother. If it really wasn't working for my kids, I'd reconsider, but the default is what works well for our family, which basically means me.

 

Although I'm more or less alone on this thread :)

 

I think they're doing better than they would in school. But holding all things equal, I think I'd keep them home. I like this. Also I save on private school tuition.

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I definitely have some selfish reasons for homeschooling, but at the end of the day it has to be what is right for my kids. I would not continue with it if it was not.

My kids have never expressed a desire to go to school. In fact they hate the idea of it. They don't know anything else though.

Also, IMO the reasons for homeschooling don't matter one lick in comparison to the outcome. I care mostly about the outcome. If my reasoning is that I don't send them to school because I can't stand the color of the local school building, so what so long as they are getting a quality education and having their needs met.

Oh, it's all about me. :D

I mean, like Wendy said, I wouldn't do it if I thought it was bad for the kids. I do think it's better. But I also think it's at least as much about my need to do things my way. I mean, I have a need to swim against the stream sometimes. Also, it's about how completely crazy school would drive me if my own children had to go. I mean, public schools nearly drove me nuts teaching there and none of those were my own kids.

 

Yes. I agree with Farrar and Wendy.

 

I'm in first year and it is very hard. I question whether it was the right decision sometimes because I'm not sure he's learning more than he was in ps kindy. It's hard, yes. But I feel a sense of purpose I never felt before, a mental engagement and challenge that I'm now addicted to, and a sense that this is going to be so good once we figure it out. I get more control over how i want to raise my family and I get to know my kids at a deeper level than i did when i was working. Ds is significantly less stressed and much more pleasant to be around now. For all these reasons, I desperately hope that the kids enjoy it and things work out. All of this is about me and honestly, i dread the day they graduate and i have to go back to work.

 

Fortunately, these things that are "all about me" can be potentially great for my kids as well. The key word is potentially. I agree, it absolutely has to benefit us all. If it's not working, the school DS went to before would be a good option and I'm sure he would still get a pretty good education. I knew right off the bat, that I had to be more committed to my kids' success than anything else (even to homeschooling), so wherever that leads us is where I will go.

 

In the end, it doesn't have to be considered "selfish" just because there are significant benefits to me.

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I had a "friend" tell me once that the only reason I homeschooled was so that I did not have to go back to work. :cursing:

 

 

 

...because homeschooling isn't work!? Has she seen anything you've written about science? Maybe she thinks homeschoolers loaf on the couch all day watching soap operas & eating bon-bons while the kids watch educational movies in the next room. :huh:

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We looked at everything before we began homeschooling - what would be best for my eldest daughter as far as education was concerned was the thought though that brought this up. Then we looked at socialisation, finances, what would happen to our second daughter if my eldest went to school or stayed at home. What did I want and what could I manage - what would happen to me if they went to school, was also part of the discussions. But the homeschooling decision is not set in stone, we take it as it comes and keep reevaluating - what are our options this coming year? What has worked so far, what hasn't worked. Yes, it is partly about me, but its also partly about my husband and also about my children - we need to find what works for all of us.

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Hmm...I think if you're asking yourself these questions, you need to step back and try to look at the whole picture. What do you want for your children? Who do you want them to be? Do you love them unconditionally? How is your family life preparing them for an independent life?

 

 

I know in my heart homeschooling is not about me. I don't want my child to conform - I want him to achieve more. I don't want him to get a substandard education - I want to be able to pick from the best for him. It's not about a happy family, but making sure he's on the right path with how to plan/achieve goals, learning to use the knowledge he has, and desiring to have more. I want that *for him*. I want him to want it. I never wanted him to get lost in the shuffle or have serious gaps in logic due to poor material presentation.

 

Where do you stand?

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I had a "friend" tell me once that the only reason I homeschooled was so that I did not have to go back to work. :cursing:

 

 

What????! I'm stunned that someone would have the perception that homeschooling is so easy and delightful that it's a way to hide from work. Or that avoiding a (challenging, rewarding) career would be a motivator for spending day after day educating children.

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I think in my family hs is better for all of us not just the dc. We are closer because we hs. They are receiving an education designed specifically to meet their needs in a loving safe environment. I also love to teach and wouldn't want to miss this time with them. In my family we chose to hs after dd was mistreated by a teacher. So, I know hs is better than the alternative. I also just watched the movie Bully. Many kids have a horrible experience a ps.Sometimes I feel it would be easier to sent them to ps. Hs is a huge comitement and a lot of work but my dc are worth it. I have days when I feel like I am being too overprotective but as a parent it is our job to protect and teach our children.

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I started homeschooling, because my youngest son was miserable. As we got into it, I became too child centered, and I don't think that was good for the family as a whole, or fair to me.

 

I think the DECISION to homeschool should mostly be for the child's benefit, but once that decision has been made, I think the role of teacher needs to be honored. Now that homeschooling is the mom's career, she deserves to have a life too. There needs to be a balance of all family members having a fulfilling life.

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I admit that it has to be all or nothing for me. I won't keep one home and send one. I just can't imagine making that work.

 

 

Here either....although I have thought of it. In hindsight, I should have sent one of my children to public school....homeschooling has literally ruined any chance of relationship with this child and he is now completely estranged from our family....or at least his dad and I. It breaks my heart.....but, maybe his heart will change when he realizes we did the best we could and always made decisions based on our love for him.....but, he felt smothered. Maybe he would have felt that way anyway? Maybe it is just his personality. Who knows what the outcome would have been if I had sent him to PS, but...I don't think I would feel this great burden of responsibility......sigh.....

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I had a "friend" tell me once that the only reason I homeschooled was so that I did not have to go back to work. :cursing:

 

So it must be about me.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

 

Well, I didn't want to go back to work! I never want to go back to work!!! So, what happens? Dh starts a business and all of a sudden...BOOM! I am a working Mom! Did I mention how much I hate it and feel the time I would have spent WITH my kids....especially my youngers has been stolen from me??? Yep! I did not homeschool because I didn't want to go back to work, nor did I have a big family so I COULD leave them and attend to other stuff. I homeschool completely differently now....and I still believe it is best for my kids....and for me.

 

It is NOT a sin to be happy. it is NOT a sin to be content being a mom and a wife....and a sister...and a daughter! It is ME who does the care taking and elder care. It is ME who is a steady force around here. Making a living has become my burden as well...and I am pissed about that as it was NOT our original deal, but life happens!

 

So, even if you do homeschool to BE home with your kids and NOT re-enter the workforce....whose business is that?? And really, it is NOT wrong to want to live out your calling as a wife and mother.

 

 

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This is really interesting to me. I think some of us are saying the same things yet have a completely different take on their meaning.

 

For some people, there's a selfishness in needing to do it our own way. For others, because we believe our way is best for someone else - our children - it's basically selfless.

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